35. Sienna
Chapter 35
Sienna
True love doesn’t come without sacrifice, and sometimes, that could seem more like a betrayal than anything else. When I took that bullet, I took it to protect my husband, but because I had to leave him in the dark, I betrayed him.
I betrayed his trust, and now I hesitated to wake up and deal with the consequences of my actions as justified as they felt.
The pain I saw in his eyes that night broke me in more ways than one. I deserved his wrath and whatever punishment lay in my wake. I deserved the repercussions for failing my test when I didn’t have to.
I could have killed Jameson, but instead, I chose not to.
Instead, I chose to play along and hand him over to the LVSF.
“I know you’re awake…” My husband’s gentle but stern voice cut across the room, and I peered through narrowed eyes to see him standing at the far end of our bedroom, leaning his back against the dresser.
His eyes darkened as he glared at me, and I knew nothing I could say would change his mind—he was done with me.
And yet, why was I tucked into our bed, clean of any blood, my wound covered with a fresh bandage, and wearing one of his white T-shirts?
Was I imagining things?
You didn’t care for the person who wronged you; my husband would be the last to care about anyone who betrayed him.
I rubbed my eyes with my knuckles before opening them fully, focusing on Colby and his hardened appearance.
“I—”
“Why?” He demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.
“I didn’t—”
“You didn’t think to tell me about your involvement with the LVSF? How they hijacked your test, and you fucking let them?” His voice was unnervingly calm—almost lethal.
One wrong word, and he would rip me to shreds.
“I did it to protect you,” I whispered, my voice trembling with anger and fear.
I did this for him; I did everything for him.
“For fuck sake, Sienna. Do I look like the kind of man that needs protecting?” He barked, stepping towards the bed and flexing his hands in and out of fists. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me?” His eyes burned into mine with feral rage.
“We had just—I couldn’t—and I wasn’t…” Stammering, I couldn’t find the words I was searching for—a valid excuse for my deceit. There was no good excuse for what I had done, and he knew it.
He slammed his fists into the mattress and I scurried up against the headboard, hissing from the sharp pain in my chest as I curled into a ball, my arms wrapped around my legs.
Colby released a long sigh and laughed softly to himself.
“Fuck, love. I’m not going to hurt you…” He ran a shaky hand through his hair before turning to sit on the edge of the bed. “Do you have any idea how hard the last thirty-six hours have been for me?” Thirty-six? What time was it?
I looked over towards the blackout curtains; a tiny crack of light bled through the edge of the fabric along the wall.
“I’ve been asleep for a day and a half?” I asked, pulling the sheets up to my chest as the cold air bit at my legs, causing me to tremble.
“I almost thought you wouldn’t wake and that whatever the medic had given you didn’t work or was administered too late…” His voice trailed off as he hung his head in thought.
The medic . I remember seeing the medic kneeling beside me before I buried my face in my husband’s shirt and was urgently carried away from the casino floor as Nick escorted us out the back entrance into the parking garage.
Everything went black once Colby had set me down in the passenger seat, my initial adrenaline wearing off.
“There’s a glass of water on the nightstand.” He sighed, falling back on the bed to stare up at the ceiling.
I looked to my left and leaned over to pick up the glass, taking a long sip, which turned into finishing over half of the contents as I avoided speaking.
What was there to say? I’m sorry? As if those two words would be enough to justify my actions?
“If you’re thinking the worst, don’t.” He continued at my silence. “There are a million things you could do that would upset me, but none of them would ever stop me from loving you the way I do.” Colby angled his head to look up at me. “But don’t you dare go behind my fucking back again, love.” He rolled onto his chest before crawling up the mattress to where I sat, his warm hands cupping my cheeks as his blue eyes searched mine.
“Believe me or not, but I had no choice. Landon would have killed me and anyone else who got in his way.” He was a piece of shit with nothing to lose and everything to gain from our transaction. “This was the only alternative to protect you and me from the LVSF. They were ready to gun down anyone who interfered with their plans to extract Jameson unharmed.”
“Did you even consider the consequences for failing your test? What the Men Under Revue would have me do to you?” There was panic lacing his words and in his eyes.
I vaguely remembered Tessa speaking about a woman who failed her test…
“There is a reason why so few of the men are married, love; if a wife fails her test, we are responsible for ending her life, and unfortunately, the risk outweighs the reward.”
“But—that’s monstrous.” I gasped, covering my mouth with my hand. To kill your wife for her inability to murder someone in cold blood?
“It’s necessary to keep the Men Under Revue a secret from the public eye. We can’t have wives running around and gossiping to their friends about who their husbands are and what they truly do.”
“Wait… So that means—” I swallowed the bile that burned the back of my throat from what I had just realized—that my husband was going to have to kill me.
“No—” He gripped my hands tightly in his. “No. I’ve already spoken with Nick. We have a meeting with Dustin Slate at the mansion this evening. I’m going to fix this, Sienna, trust me.” His eyes bore into mine, begging for me to trust his words.
“Colby, I—”
“I will take care of you, love.” He spoke softly, tucking a stray hair behind my ear before caressing the side of my face. “I won’t let anything happen to you, not if I can help it.” His eyes softened with his promise. “I’ve already lost you once…”
Tears welled in my eyes as I stared into his bright blues and squeezed his hands, grasping the magnitude of just how badly I fucked everything up for us.
There was a moment of silence between us before I finally found the courage to speak.
“Before I opened my Pilates studio, I worked as an informant and undercover officer for the LVSF,” I spoke, breathing through my sobs as I felt my world crumbling around me.
“After the first year, one of the officers I had a close relationship with crossed far too many lines. He was abusive—physically. Although he put his hands on me several times, he never left marks that anyone could see. If they did, they always turned a blind eye in his favor, and I could no longer continue working in that kind of environment. So I quit, but not without ramifications.” I didn’t want to share the details surrounding Officer Travis—to relive the nightmare that he was. But I wanted to give him the truth behind my involvement with the LVSF and why it was so easy for them to sway into sabotaging my test for them.
Colby released my hands, wrapping his arms around my trembling body, and pulled me into his lap. He held me close, running a hand through my hair for comfort, and I continued my story, not wanting to stop for fear of shattering completely in his embrace.
“For three years, they left me alone, and I thought they had forgotten about me completely until three weeks ago when Landon came into my studio looking for me.”
Special Forces had access to and knew everything about the city and its people, so it was no surprise that he had found me so easily.
“He saw my ring and immediately knew who you were and about my upcoming test, stating that he needed me to play the bait so they could take Jameson alive but never disclosed the reasoning behind it.”
It was an oversight, and I should have grilled him for more information while I had all the chips in my hand.
“When a compromise was made, we signed a contract that promised for the LVSF, him, and Travis to leave me alone—for good and to never come near me again.”
I looked over to my gym bag, tucked in the far corner of the room, where I knew the contract was signed and waiting to be placed somewhere safe.
“I had no other choice. It was either be shot and have a chance at surviving from their plan or be shot and nothing more than collateral damage to their mission.” I looked up at my husband as the words sank into me like sharp claws.
I had no choice; I’ve never had a fucking choice.
Sadness and pain were being overshadowed by anger and rage. How is it that everyone in my fucking life always seemed to find a way to control me? Fuck!
My breathing turned erratic as my thoughts began spiraling out of control. Memories of my parents and childhood, glimpses of the first few days of our relationship—our marriage, and now this.
My husband squeezed his arms tightly around my body as a means to slow my breathing and ground me with him.
He pressed his lips against my ear and murmured as I shut my eyes.
“Breathe, Sienna… Breathe, love.”
I broke—shattered, my eyes turning red and swollen with tears as they flowed in streams down my cheeks, my sobs hysterical and uncontrollable. I was losing the one thing I fought so hard to finally have—control.
Unable to help myself, I did the one thing I knew would take my mind away from the current situation—the one thing that, as of recently, was all I felt I needed.
With one hand fisting into his white T-shirt, I wrapped my other hand around the back of my husband’s neck before crashing my mouth onto his—my lifeline when cast out to sea by a raging hurricane.
He returned the passionate kiss, his warm hand holding the side of my face while the other remained wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly against his hard body.
I didn’t care that I was crying into his mouth because the more he let me in, the easier I could breathe and the calmer I felt as I slowly melted into him—my person. The man that I once couldn’t stand and wanted to get away from, the man that was now my everything.
“What happens now?” I sniffed, pulling back to stare into his eyes, my voice cracking from the strain my crying had caused.
“What happens now is you will lay with me and sleep until we need to leave for the mansion. You let me worry about handling Dustin.”
“But I—”
“It doesn’t fucking matter what you did. What matters is that you are in my arms and breathing. That’s all that fucking matters to me right now.”
I nodded in response as he pulled me down to the mattress, not letting go as if I would disappear if he released me from his grasp.
His warm body curled around mine, holding me close as my breathing finally returned to normal, and both physical and mental exhaustion pulled me under.
My husband would save me from my colossal mistake…