Chapter 4
‘Aloe vera gel. Rosehip seed oil. Organic coconut oil. Lotus flower extract. No, there must be something in here. This makes no sense.’ I groaned, reading the label on the back of the diffuser oil bottle with wide eyes, feeling my fingers tighten around the sturdy brown plastic in frustration.
As soon as I’d gotten back from work I’d dug into the box and found the oil and the small reed diffuser buried deep inside, moving my attention between the bottle in my hand and the instructions.
“Diffuse the Blooming Lotus essential blend and listen to a guided meditation for deep rest and renewal.”
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
Memories of Mats so close to me made my stomach fizz and my head light, as my hands felt like someone else’s as I set up the diffuser on the living room table.
I stood briefly and made sure to draw the curtains close before reading the topmost line of instructions and dribbling a small amount of diffuser oil into the bottom of the glass.
Now was the time to place the earphones on my head and slip the CD marked with a sensually curving number one inside.
By the time I closed the lid with a small click my nostrils were already filling with the scent of the Blooming Lotus essential blend – which smelt the same yet somehow different from the Lotus Awakening Oil which excited me so much – the text of the instruction leaflet (for the evening half of the home programme) telling me to inhale deeply and press play on the Walkman.
‘Oh!’ I said after taking a deep breath, letting out a cough. The inhalation was like a shot of adrenaline mixed with a strong relaxant. ‘Wha- what the furr…’
In fractured snapshots I remember swaying from side to side, my whole body feeling as if I had looked down from a great height, but my cock already rigid and a large wet patch appearing on the crotch of my trousers as I slipped into my own mind, barely aware of the outside world or the aroma now drifting gently through the house.
“Your body knows what it needs… let your masculine edges melt away…”
The soft female voice made me smile without knowing why, and I took several more deep breaths, each one making my cock pulse and my nerves jolt under my smooth skin.
I nodded that yes, I did know what my body needed.
Of course I did. Cathy had left me alone because of a filthy male habit, because I had brutishly pleasured myself.
I had to change, had to let those rough edges melt away as I was instructed to do.
“Stroke yourself lightly, slowly, while listening… but never to full climax.”
As if on auto-pilot I did as I was told, shimmying my trousers and boxers to my knees, sitting back on my heels as I silently wrapped a hand around my shaft and let out a hiss.
I nearly came right there, running my hand down and then back up, my fingers getting soaked, repeating the instruction in my mind.
Pain mixed with pleasure while the instructions went on, my eyes closed as images of Cathy smiling down at me moved through my inner eye, a hand reaching out to run through my long hair.
“That’s so much better,” she said with a tone of pure happiness, “you’re such a good husband.”
The other female voice continued in the background, “feel your breasts becoming fuller… your hips rounding… your pleasure shifting deeper.”
M-my breasts? But I didn’t have b-
‘Fuck,’ I grunted as a jolt of pleasure ran through me, my breathing becoming heavier, my teeth gritting to hold back from cumming.
I am opening… I am softening… I am blooming.
How long I was knelt there I can’t say. All I know is that I woke up the next morning in my bed; my knees hurt, my thighs annoyingly wet with precum, but what irritated me the most was the constant phantom sensation of arousal that would just not leave.
Dried saliva that had somehow made its way onto my chin was wiped away with the back of a hand, and with a groan I sat up and turned to dangle my legs over the side of the bed.
‘Right then, time for the Morning Lotus Awakening.’ I yawned, rolling my shoulders and going to find the pump bottle.