Chapter 15
15
4:19 p.m. Friday, November 1
N ick helped extricate Mrs. Penny from the back seat of the Jeep. Her cane smacked him smartly in the jaw as she landed on the garage floor with a burp.
“Ow,” he said dryly, wondering if he was destined to forever regret making the elderly woman his business partner.
“It looks like Fred got to work on his to-do list,” Riley observed as they exited the garage and headed for the house. The mudroom window had been boarded up with plywood and spray-painted with a rudimentary drawing of a window lest they forget what had been there before.
“Let’s hope Lily started dialing contractors today. The sooner we can get rid of the geriatric circus, the better,” Nick said, admiring the way Riley’s jeans accentuated her ass as they traipsed across the leaf-strewn driveway toward the house.
Maybe he’d have enough cash left over after paying bills and buying Riley that engagement ring to hire a lawn service.
Mrs. Penny snorted. “It’s no picnic for us either. I’m sharing a room with Lily, who talks in her sleep about all the erotic dreams she’s having.”
“I didn’t need to know that,” Nick said.
“Hmm. It’s eerily quiet,” Riley noted. “And it doesn’t smell like anything is burning.”
“Everyone is out on surveillance today. I called it off after my prime rib snack,” Mrs. Penny said. “The mean one said she and her nerdy hubby would round everyone up.”
As if on cue, Brian’s van made the turn into the driveway and pulled up to the front of the house. The side door slid open, and senior citizens in a variety of disguises clambered out. Mr. Willicott was dressed like what Nick could only assume was a 1920s paperboy with a newsboy cap and tweed shorts that came to his knees. He had a huge film camera hanging from his neck. The muscular Fred had donned his “sporty” toupee and was wearing embarrassingly short shorts and running shoes. Lily had clearly misunderstood the assignment and emerged in a lumpy taffeta bridesmaid’s dress.
They were all eating candy bars.
Gabe and Burt bounded down the van’s ramp. Gabe wore a T-shirt with handwritten letters that spelled out Dog Walker . He was munching on hummus and pretzel chips.
Burt gamboled over to Riley to show off the new chew bone clamped between his teeth.
“Look at you with a special doggy treat and not people food. Good job, buddy,” Riley said, giving the dog a series of enthusiastic pats.
Josie stomped out of the van, looking pissed off despite the fact that she had a bag of chips, a protein chocolate milk, and four candy bars in her arms. Brian appeared last and wheeled his way across the driveway to them.
“They all wanted snacks,” he said. “Do you know how hard it is to get them all out of a convenience store at the same time?”
“I’m having second thoughts about this whole parenting thing,” Josie grumbled.
“Babies are way easier than wrangling the elderly,” Nick assured them. “Babies can’t move. You put them down, and they stay there. These guys are all on the move, and each one has a different agenda. Just don’t have five toddlers at the same time and you’ll be fine.”
“I need a nap,” Josie grumbled.
“You can sleep during Nicky’s debriefing,” Brian promised.
Nick cupped his hands and yelled, “Everybody in the living room for a meeting.”
Fred was just unlocking the front door with a key Nick didn’t remember giving him when a white panel van whipped into the driveway. It came to a halt behind Brian’s van, Guns N’ Roses tunes pouring through the open windows.
“Who is that?” Riley asked as the driver’s door opened.
“My cousin the asshole,” Nick said.
“Also known as Carlo the plumber,” Brian explained.
Carlo strutted around the van like a five-feet five-inch-tall rooster. He wore cowboy boots, jeans, and a hoodie that read Carlo’s Plumbing: I’ll plug your leak . He hooked his thumbs in the belt loops of his jeans and glared at Nick. “Nice digs for an asshole.”
“Does your cousin hate you?” Riley asked.
“Yeah. It probably has something to do with me arresting him a few years back,” Nick said to her before facing his cousin. “Carlo, always nice to see you this side of the prison bars.”
“Fuck you. Where’s the leak?”
“It’s a leak and a clog,” Lily trilled, shoving Nick out of the way. “I’d be happy to personally show you all my plumbing problems.”
“Lead the way, pretty lady,” Carlo said.
Lily’s eyes went wide behind her thick lenses, and she began to emit a high-pitched squealing noise. Whimpering, Burt took his chew bone and ran into the yard.
Carlo jogged up the porch steps and came nose to sternum with Nick. “This makes us even, Nicky.”
“Yeah, yeah. Go snake a drain,” Nick agreed.
Carlo spun on the balls of his feet and gave Riley the eyes. “You the girlfriend?” he asked.
“I am.”
He gave her a once-over. “You’re hot.”
Nick slapped Carlo upside the head. “Stop hitting on my girl.”
Carlo slapped him back. “Fish’s gotta swim.”
“Go swim your ass through my pipes.”
“You ever get tired of this guy, you give ol’ Carlo a call,” Nick’s cousin said to Riley.
“I’ll be sure to do that,” Riley promised.
Carlo swaggered his way through the front door after Lily, who was still squealing.
“So you arrested your cousin, and he still owes you a favor?” Riley asked.
Nick shrugged. “I told his mom he was in Guatemala digging wells for orphans for six months while he was in prison.”
“Isn’t it nice that our families are equally weird?” she said as their elderly roommates filed past them into the house.
“I need booze,” Mrs. Penny barked.
While Carlo swore at the pipes in the kitchen, Nick found himself in the sunroom, which had been converted into Mr. Willicott’s bedroom and a makeshift bar. At some point, his new roommates had managed to confiscate furniture from all over the house to create a mismatched lounge of sorts.
Mrs. Penny was mixing drinks behind the bar while Frank Sinatra sang about doing things his way from a Bluetooth speaker. Josie was sound asleep on a small wicker couch next to the wall of windows. Mr. Willicott and Fred were playing a game of chess. Nick was ninety percent sure neither of them knew what they were doing.
Riley, with a fresh gin and tonic in hand, was in conversation with Brian, Gabe, and Lily at Nick’s poker table.
“Now, this is how you do a meeting,” Mrs. Penny said with satisfaction as she topped off her bourbon.
“This isn’t a meeting. This is a happy hour,” Nick complained.
“Quit your whining and drink up. We’re celebrating,” Mrs. Penny insisted.
Burt appeared on the patio and pressed his nose against the glass. Nick crossed the tile floor and let the dog in.
“Come on, coz. Give us all the gory details,” Brian encouraged.
Josie woke with a start. “Someone say gory ?” she asked woozily.
“Yeah, spill the beans. I was getting some good intel on my mark,” Lily said.
“Me too. What’s the deal?” Fred asked, looking up from the game. “That ChooChoo Cabernet Jones hit a PR on the bench press at the gym. I love a fit lady.”
“Horseface guy to napkin,” Mr. Willicott said and moved his knight to Fred’s cocktail napkin.
“Good news. You’re all retired again.” Nick took the seat next to Riley, who was solicitously holding Burt’s bone for him while he chewed it.
“But I already had tomorrow’s outfit picked out. I was going to be Scarlett O’Hara,” Lily complained.
“Just talking to these people gives me a migraine,” Nick complained to Riley as he scrubbed his hands over his face.
She took pity on him. “While Mrs. Penny was guarding Griffin, a man we believe to be the stalker cut the power to Griffin’s house and may have electrocuted himself,” she said.
“Who was it?” Lily asked.
“We weren’t there for the official identification,” Riley hedged, her gaze flicking to Nick. Their cohorts weren’t exactly known for their ability to keep their mouths shut.
“He was Gentry’s sexually harassing, money-embezzling asshat of a next-door neighbor,” he announced.
A collective Ooooooh! rose up from the room’s occupants.
“Why’d he do it?” Josie asked before biting into both Twix bars at the same time.
“He was pissed and sleep-deprived because Channel 50 was shooting the morning show at Gentry’s house.”
“That’s a dumb reason,” Josie said with her mouth full.
“People have attempted dumber murders for dumber reasons,” Nick pointed out.
“Does this mean I will no longer have to spend my time ensuring the safety of unnecessarily annoying people?” Gabe asked hopefully.
Mrs. Penny attempted to prop her sneakered feet on a small occasional table. Instead, she managed to kick it over, sending a dusty vase that had survived the roof collapse next door crashing to the floor. “Oops.”
“I wouldn’t say you’re completely off the hook in that area,” Riley said to Gabe.
“What this means is payday comes tomorrow,” Nick announced.
“Damn it. I should have gotten a Payday at the gas station,” Josie grumbled, looking down at the remains of her candy bars.
“Babe, I’ve got you,” Brian said and produced a Payday from his pocket.
“You’ve never been sexier to me. Let’s make more babies,” she said.
“Let’s celebrate with more alcohol.” Mrs. Penny headed for the bar again, crunching over the remains of the vase.
“I believe I shall send a text message to Wander since I am now free for the evening,” Gabe said with the kind of glow only a man with imminent plans of getting naked would have.
Nick gave Riley’s thigh a squeeze. “I’m gonna go hang a TV so we can have naked movie night.” He could see it now—some energetic, celebratory sex followed by naked cuddle time while basking in the eighty-five-inch 4K glow.
“You’ve never been sexier to me,” Riley teased, fluttering her lashes.
He gave her his best smolder. “Just wait until tonight.” Burt chose that moment to give Nick’s hand an affectionate slurp. “After I shower off the dog slobber.”
She smiled, but it didn’t quite go all the way to those brown eyes he was so fond of.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded.
“I’m not sure. Probably nothing,” she said. “Ignore me. Everything’s fine.”
“Riley,” he prompted.
She winced. “I just get a sense that this Griffin thing isn’t over yet.”
Fuck. “What do the spirit guides have to say?” he asked.
“I haven’t had a chance to ask them.”
“Maybe it’ll feel over when we have the check in hand?” he suggested.
“Maybe. Mrs. Penny! Don’t climb on the furniture!”
Their lavender-haired roommate was balanced precariously on a footstool, trying to reach the highest shelf behind the bar. “How the hell else am I supposed to get to the top-shelf bourbon?”
Riley rolled her eyes at Nick.
“Gabe!” they yelled in unison.
Whistling, Nick headed into the kitchen, where his cousin was still swearing colorfully from under the sink. He grabbed his tool bag from the pantry and a beer from the fridge, then returned to the foyer and came to an abrupt halt.
The TV box was missing.
“Where the hell…?” He performed a quick search of Riley’s office, his office, and the living room. The powder room under the stairs was also TV-less.
“Where’s my TV?” His bellow echoed around the two-story foyer.
“What TV?” Mrs. Penny yelled back as she, Fred, and Riley marched out of the bar.
“The TV I had delivered today!” Nick snarled.
“Oh. That TV. I had Gabe install it in my room for my gaming,” Mrs. Penny said, wiggling her thumbs like she was holding a controller.
“You…what…? Why?” Nick couldn’t quite form a sentence. “That was my TV.”
“I apologize,” Gabe said, looking chagrined. “Mrs. Penny told me it belonged to her.”
“What do you want me to do? A gamer’s gotta game. It keeps me sharp.”
Nick clenched his hands into fists at his sides so he wouldn’t be tempted to strangle Mrs. Penny. “Sharp? You’re duller than a plastic butter knife.”
She hefted her elastic waistband pants. “Need I remind you that I’m the one who brought in the Gentry money?”
“I don’t care! You stole my TV!”
“I didn’t steal it. I borrowed it.”
“Then unborrow it.”
Mrs. Penny waved a dismissive hand in his direction. “Trust me. You don’t want it back. We knocked out a few hundred pixels when it fell off the wall onto Lily’s erotic fireplace poker collection.”
“Thorn?” Nick breathed. If his nostrils flared any wider, he was afraid they would split open.
“Yep. On it,” Riley said, gripping the back of his shirt. “Mrs. Penny, order Nick a new TV.”
“And a full-motion bracket,” he added.
“And whatever a full-motion bracket is,” she repeated.
“Fine. Sheesh. Everybody’s so damn sensitive about their damn electronics,” Mrs. Penny muttered as she stomped back to the happy hour.
Riley released Nick’s shirt and patted his chest. “Are you ready for more good news?”
He growled.
“My mom just texted. We’re invited to dinner at my parents’ house. She says she has something exciting to show us.”
“It better not be more nude self-portrait pottery,” he said.
“I think she’s done with that class until spring.”