Chapter 30
30
4:58 p.m. Sunday, November 3
R iley walked into Nick’s office with Burt on her heels. She found her boyfriend irritably rearranging suspect photos on his whiteboard. “I told you. He’s a raving narcissist who’s built an entire interior world where other people don’t matter. He’s not trying to piss you off. He just legitimately doesn’t realize you exist as anything other than a servant,” she said, continuing the conversation they’d begun upstairs after the latest attempt on Griffin’s life.
“None of that makes me feel any less murdery,” Nick complained, glaring at the small bandage on her forehead. Burt snuffled over to the trash can and stuck his head inside.
“Yeah, well, I’m not too happy about it either,” she promised, securing an earring to her lobe.
“How’s your head?”
She shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m just feeling lucky that Bella’s nails didn’t go lower. I could have lost an eye.”
“Listen, Thorn. I’ve put a lot of thought into this. How about I just murder him?” he said.
Riley put her hands on her hips. “Then we won’t get paid.”
“But maybe the first murderer will pay us for doing their job for them?”
“I’m not sure that’s the way this works,” she said.
The desk phone rang shrilly. Burt popped his head up with a sticky note stuck to his muzzle and gave a woof .
Nick lifted the receiver, slammed it down, unplugged the phone, and threw it in a drawer. Since the live broadcast, their house and office phones had been ringing off the hook with media and relatives wanting exclusive interviews.
“We don’t have to take the girls out,” Riley reminded him as he yanked a blank piece of paper out of the printer tray. “They’d be just as happy here with almond butter sandwiches and extra screen time.”
On the word sandwiches, Burt bolted out of the room and headed in the direction of the kitchen.
“No way,” Nick said, scrawling a circle on the paper. “Your nieces already like Gabe better than me. Tonight’s my chance to win back some ground.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but shouldn’t we be keeping a close eye on Griffin?”
“Josie has him, Bella, and the dog in a safe house. Weber checked in on them, and Josie’s already demanded a raise twice. They’re fine. We’re going out,” he said, slapping the paper to the top of the whiteboard.
“Is that a stick figure?” she asked peering at the drawing.
“No, it’s a suspect.”
He didn’t sound very open to artistic criticism, so Riley wisely changed tactics. “Who is it?”
“Facial Hair Guy.” He pointed to the jagged squiggle in the middle of the circle.
“Who?”
Nick sighed and reached for her. “You know what? Gentry has stolen enough time from us. We have the next few hours to be a normal hot couple.”
“Well, you do look good in those jeans you found on the floor,” Riley mused, looping her arms around his neck.
“And you look good in those clothes I’m going to take off you at the first possible opportunity.”
The brush of his lips against her neck had her shivering in anticipation. “I like that you like taking clothes off me.”
“I’m really good at it. Fast too. Maybe the girls will be late and I can lick?—”
On cue, the doorbell rang, echoing through the house. Burt woofed a greeting.
“Hold that thought,” Riley said, nipping Nick’s lower lip before dancing out of his arms.
River, Rain, and Janet were carbon copies of their mother in progressively smaller sizes. They all shared the same dewy brown skin, the same thick natural hair, the same upturned button nose of Wander’s biological dad.
The oldest, River, was most like Wander in character. She was calm and patient and, at eight, was already showing signs of her Basil psychic gifts.
Rain, six, had been a furniture-scaling, clothing-rejecting toddler hellion. Montessori school had helped channel some of the energy into an aggressive T-ball career.
Janet, four, was currently teaching herself to read and demanded scientific explanations for all life’s mysteries. Her interrogation of the adults around the summer solstice table had successfully ruined Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy in one conversation.
“Ladies,” Nick said, ushering them inside.
“Hi, Aunt Riley! I like your earrings,” River chirped.
“Hi, Aunt Riley. Uncle Nick, can we go to that indoor skydiving place?” Rain demanded as she stormed inside in rain boots.
“Uhhh,” Riley said.
“We’ll see if we have time after,” Nick said smoothly.
“After what?” Janet wanted to know.
Riley was curious herself.
“You’ll see,” he said with a conspiratorial wink that Riley wasn’t sure she trusted.
With a shrug, Janet marched into the foyer after her sisters.
“What are you two up to on your date night?” Riley asked Wander and Gabe.
The happy couple shared a glowy look.
“We’re going to the Bibsom Pharmaceuticals open house at their new headquarters,” Wander explained.
“Really?” Riley asked. That seemed out of character for her excessively granola sister.
“We will be protesting their corporate practices in front of the building,” Gabe explained, beaming proudly as he unrolled a bedsheet with the words Stop Animal Testing Now painted on it. “And then we are going for dessert.”
“I want dessert,” Rain announced from the foyer table she was standing on.
“All part of the plan,” Nick promised, plucking her off the marble top.
“About this plan…” Riley ventured.
“I thought I smelled whippersnappers,” Mrs. Penny said, exiting the kitchen with a bucket of fried chicken.
“That tofu smells funny,” Janet said, frowning at the chicken.
“You know the rules,” Wander said firmly to her girls.
“We eat when we’re hungry and what we’re hungry for, even if it’s not something we usually eat at home,” the girls chorused.
“Good. And?”
“We try to make the best choices possible, prioritizing health, safety, and fun,” they responded.
“Your sister is a way cooler parent than my sister,” Nick pointed out.
“We’ll drop them off at your place in a few hours. After texting first, of course,” Riley said with a smug look in Gabe’s direction.
Wander’s grin was almost sly. “That would be very much appreciated.”
“Okay, ladies or however you choose to identify,” Nick began.
River held up a finger and conferred with her sisters. There was a lot of whispering and nodding.
Rain stepped forward. “We have chosen to be identified as unicorn chipmunk skunks.”
“I like skunks,” Janet announced.
“Nice choice. Now we’ve got eight minutes to forage for supplies,” he said, leading the way into the kitchen.
“What are you doing with the girls?” Wander asked, swapping minivan keys for SUV keys with Riley.
Riley shrugged. “I have no idea. Nick planned the whole evening.”
“I can’t wait to find out. We’ll see you later.” Wander linked her arm through Gabe’s.
“Have fun chanting rhymes at Big Pharma,” Riley said as she walked them to the door and opened it.
“Oh, it’s you,” said the woman on the front porch.
Nick’s sister, Carmela, stood on the welcome mat, looking none too thrilled that Riley had answered the door. On the other hand, her husband, Andy—Riley’s old college boyfriend—looked delighted.
“Hey, Riley! Great to see you again. You look good,” Andy said. “Really good.”
Carmela swiveled on her husband. “Excuse me. I worked my literal ass off to fit into a cocktail dress that cost as much as my first semester of college, and all you said was ‘You look nice.’”
“You do look nice,” Andy insisted, either unaware of the thin ice bearing his weight or not particularly concerned with it. “How’s the psychic investigation thing going?” he asked, turning back to Riley.
“Uh, it’s going well.” Minus the whole working for her ex-husband and reminding herself what a terrible human being he was. “Is Nick expecting you?”
It was Andy’s turn to swivel on his wife. “You didn’t call your brother?”
“It slipped my mind. Excuse me for being busy running a commercial real estate empire and raising your child.”
Carmela was a pretty, prickly cactus of a woman who was constantly on the lookout for something to be offended by.
Esmeralda, Nick’s ten-year-old niece, appeared in the doorway. Her glasses were slipping down her nose, and she hugged a thick hardback to her chest like it was a teddy bear.
“So what was the plan? You were just going to throw Esmeralda out of the car and yell as you drove by?” Andy teased his wife.
“No, I was going to tell Nicky that it’s his turn to do something for the family for once?—”
“What are you guys doing here?” Nick demanded, leading Riley’s three nieces out of the kitchen. Each had child-size tumblers with bendy straws and a personalized baggie of snacks.
“You’re watching your niece tonight,” Carmela announced, giving Esmeralda a gentle push across the threshold. “We have a thing with Mom and Dad.”
Esmeralda looked up, up, up at Gabe as he looked down at her. He smiled and gave a finger-wiggling wave. She gave him a shy smile back and pushed her glasses up her nose.
“Please excuse my wife. She forgot her manners in her other nice cocktail dress,” Andy said.
Nick ruffled Esmeralda’s hair. “Hey, kid. Long time since we’ve hung out. Looks like it’s ice cream for dinner for us again.”
Carmela shoved a giant tote bag into Nick’s hands. “There will be no ice cream for dinner. No learning to play poker. Dinner will consist of a lean protein and two vegetables. Esmeralda needs to practice the violin for thirty minutes, and you need to quiz her on her vocabulary words for Wednesday’s test. We will be home at precisely nine p.m. You will meet us there, and our daughter will be intact and ready for bed without a stomachache or a sugar rush. I expect proof of life photos every thirty minutes.”
“See? Buzzkill,” Nick said to Wander and Gabe.
“I don’t know if you two have met my sister, Wander, and my friend Gabe,” Riley said, trying to recall if Carmela and Andy had shown up at Nick’s surprise accidental-orgy birthday party.
“It’s great to meet you,” Andy said, enthusiastically shaking their hands. “I’m Andy, Riley’s college boyfriend, and this is my wife, Carmela. She’s Nick’s grumpy sister.”
“I don’t know why I should expect a childless hobbyist to understand the importance of rules, boundaries, and schedules,” Carmela said acidly, ignoring everyone.
Nick grinned. “Yet here you are, Carm. Begging a childless hobbyist to take care of your kid.” He turned to Esmeralda. “No offense, kid. You know I’m pumped to hang with you. I just like giving your mom shit.”
Esmeralda didn’t quite manage to hide her tiny smile.
“I’m already regretting this,” Carmela complained.
“Riley is great with kids. She’s supersmart and funny,” Andy began.
“Hey, man. You snooze, you lose,” Nick warned him.
Carmela had had enough. “Ugh. Fine. Just keep my daughter alive.”
Riley had a funny feeling tickling the pit of her stomach. “Where are you guys going?” she asked.
“My firm facilitated the build of the new Bibsom Pharmaceuticals. Mom is one of their guests of honor tonight for her work on Oblituspan.”
“It’s a new dermal filler that lasts longer than Botox but causes memory problems in sixty percent of the people who use it,” Andy added helpfully.
“Didn’t there used to be an after-school program for underprivileged kids there before you built a five-story office building and parking lot?” Nick asked his sister.
“What a coincidence! That’s where we’re going,” Wander said. “Would you like to ride with us?”
Carmela skimmed Riley’s sister from braids to recycled-tire sneakers. Then she looked at Gabe in his head-to-toe, body-hugging black. “Absolutely not.”
“Then we’ll see you there,” Wander said with a smile.
“You really do look great, Ry,” Andy said earnestly.
Nick slammed the door in his brother-in-law’s face and tossed Esmeralda’s tote bag to the floor. A violin case fell out.
The girls giggled.
Nick clapped his hands. “Okay, unicorn chipmunk skunks, this is my niece, Esmeralda. She’s cool and smart. Es, this is River, Rain, and Janet. They’re also cool and smart. And we’re about to have the best night ever.”
It turned out that the best night ever started at Pretty Paula’s Nails, a small nail salon crammed into a strip mall between a pet store—their next stop to soothe the sting of not allowing Burt to accompany them—and a tax preparer.
They entered to the strum of a harp and took in the storefront. The interior reminded Riley of a 1980s neon Trapper Keeper.
“Nicky Santiago.” The woman Riley presumed was Paula got up from behind the turquoise-tiled desk and opened her arms. Best guess put her in her late fifties. She was tall, even without the platform wedges, and all soft curves and big hair. She wore jewelry like she was a display case, and her nails were talons that looked like they’d render activities like basic hygiene impossible. “Long time no see.”
“Heard you went straight. Had to see for myself,” Nick said as he returned her hug.
“You kids know this guy?” Paula asked, chewing aggressively on her gum.
All four nieces nodded.
“He’s one of the good ones, even if he did try to send me to jail.”
“Paula, this is my girlfriend, Riley.”
“Girlfriend?” Paula fluttered mile-long lashes and clapped a hand to her impressive chest. “Is Nicky Santiago settling down?”
“They live together too,” Esmeralda piped up.
“But they don’t have to get married if they don’t want to,” Rain announced from where she was spinning circles in the chair behind the desk.
“My mom says I can’t get married until after my master’s degree,” Esmeralda said.
“I’m sure there’s room for negotiation.” Riley patted her sympathetically on the head.
“What are we doing here, Uncle Nick?” River asked, eyeing the bottles of polish with interest.
Nick gestured with a flourish toward a row of leather chairs, each with fancy-looking drinks already in the cupholders and stacks of kid-friendly magazines. “We’re getting pedicures.”
The gasps were genuine, making Riley grin.
“Are you getting a pedicure too, Uncle Nick?” Esmeralda asked hopefully.
“He sure is,” Paula said, clamping her hands on Nick’s shoulders, making several pieces of jewelry jingle. She steered him toward the chair in the middle that had a beer in the cupholder.
This news pleased the nieces even more than the initial pedicure announcement. “Yay, Uncle Nick!” all four girls chorused.
“Not cool, Paula. Not cool,” Nick muttered under his breath.
“Paybacks, Nicky.”
Riley grinned and helped the girls choose their chairs.
“I saw you two on the news today,” Paula said. “Everyone’s talking about the couch tackle. You’re Harrisburg famous…again.”
Riley winced. “Thanks?”
Paula clapped her hands, and several nail technicians in bright pink smocks appeared. “Who’s ready to pick their color?”
Four little hands shot into the air.
“This isn’t so bad,” Nick said half an hour later as his nail technician applied a second coat of Pixie Dusty Pink to his toenails. The color had won in a unanimous female vote. Nick had his feet propped up on the rim of the tub and his chair massage heads going full speed.
Janet, next to him, did too. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh,” she said as the chair vibrated her little body against the leather. Her tiny toes were a garish dark purple. Nick told her it looked like she had cute goblin feet, and Janet took that as a compliment.
Esmeralda had gone with a classic French pedicure while River had gone with Call Girl Red—a name Riley had decided not to explain. Rain had gotten a different color on each nail.
“The giggling during the exfoliation was definitely worth it,” Riley agreed.
It turned out that Nick Santiago had very ticklish feet, news that had entertained their nieces to no end as he had screeched and cackled every time his nail tech reached for his feet.
“Manly guys can still be ticklish,” he insisted, taking a slurp of beer through the purple bendy straw.
“This was really nice of you, Nick,” she told him, nodding at their four nieces, who were carrying on several conversations at once.
“Damn right it is,” he said, looking at the girls fondly.
The image of the dimpled bad boy holding the cherubic baby on his hip popped into her brain again. Was Ticklish Nick really fatherhood material?
“I think the unicorn chipmunk skunks are having a good time,” she observed.
“I am too. I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on stuff like massages and pedicures,” he said as the massager kicked into high gear. “No wonder you and Jasmine do this all the time.”
“You’re welcome to come along next time,” Riley offered. “You don’t actually have to get color on your nails if you don’t want to.”
“It probably wouldn’t be the worst thing ever to do this with you once in a while. Especially if we pay Hector a visit too,” he mused.
Riley admired her own toes. River had insisted she go for Arctic Snowflake Sparkle. Its diamond flecks of glitter reminded Riley of her recent sparkly visions. But if jeweler Wilfred Peabody wasn’t the bad guy, what were her spirit guides trying to tell her?
“Any new leads from Brian and Kellen’s background checks?” she asked, lowering her voice.
Nick shook his head. “The deeper we dig, the guiltier everyone looks. I might have to do something drastic.”
“How drastic?”
His phone vibrated. He glanced at the screen, smirking before showing it to her.
Mom : Why is your girlfriend’s sister protesting at my award night?
Riley groaned. “Your mother is never going to run out of reasons to hate me.”
“It’s what she does,” he said, thumbs flying over the screen.
“What are you saying to her?”
“That you’re sorry you couldn’t be there with your own sign and you want to know how many beagle puppies her business built its empire on the back of.”
“Nick!”
“I’m just kidding.”
“Aunt Riley?” Janet piped up from Riley’s elbow. “I’m hungry.”
“Perfect timing, unicorn chipmunk skunks. Time for dinner,” Nick said.