Chapter 35
35
9:07 p.m. Monday, November 4
R iley was happily buzzed on cocktails and steak. She had her dog’s head in her lap, a gorgeous diamond ring on her finger, and some of her favorite people gathered around the dining room table with her. It was amazing the difference a few hours, a good meal, and an engagement could make in a woman’s outlook.
Mrs. Penny pushed her chair back with an earsplitting screech and stood up. “Imma make a toast,” she slurred, raising her glass. “To fifty Gs.” The woman had mixed celebratory drinks strong enough to intoxicate an entire platoon on shore leave…or lay waste to a private investigation practice.
“Hear, hear!” Nick said, squeezing Riley’s hand. “And to Mrs. Penny for being a diabolical genius and getting us paid.”
“To Nick and Riley on their engagement,” Gabe toasted as he listed hard into Weber.
“To me being a bridesmaid,” added Lily.
“To getting older but not wiser,” Fred said.
“To taking another criminal off the street,” Weber said, doing his best to remain upright under Gabe’s weight. Due to his recent hangover from hell, the detective had wisely decided to stick with water.
“You’re so law-abiding it’s annoying,” Nick complained.
Mr. Willicott stood on shaky legs and raised his glass. “Anyone seen my Old Spice?”
“I don’t think he knows how this toast thing works,” Fred whispered at full volume.
All eyes came to Riley. She sighed and raised her glass. “To us. I won’t say it was a pleasure going through the last few days with all of you, but I will say that it means a lot to me that you were all there to suffer with. I love you guys.”
There was a chorus of “aw.”
“Oh, and thank you for helping me take back some of my ex-husband’s money, because that was really satisfying,” she added.
“Woo-hoo!” Lily cheered.
“We’re the coolest,” Fred hooted.
“I stabbed a guy today,” Josie said.
“Okay, Nicky. Story time. How did you make the connection from Griffin to some cosmetic surgeon in Colombia?” Brian demanded as he pushed his empty plate away.
“Wait. He didn’t let you in on it either?” Riley asked.
Brian shook his head. “He wanted to impress you. Although I doubt getting a bunch of semi-innocent people maimed or murdered would have had the desired effect.”
“That wasn’t my fault. Weber was supposed to get the asshole as he was breaking in,” Nick pointed out. “You think I would have invited the nice suspects if I’d thought there’d be trouble?”
“I don’t know. Maybe? It depends on your mood,” Josie said.
“How about you just tell us how smart you are?” Riley suggested.
“Easy,” Nick said. “We knew the shooters had worked in Colombia prior to this job since they were being extradited back to face murder charges. And when I went through Griffin’s shit to steal back the cuff links?—”
“I should not be listening to this,” Weber complained.
“I found his passport with a stamp from Colombia. That trip lined up with Chupacabra’s cousin’s accident at the airport and Griffin’s suspicious medical leave. And why does the little shrimp leave the country?”
“To get cheaper cosmetic surgery,” Riley said, shooting her handsome fiancé an approving look. He was going to get so lucky later.
“Okay. But how did you figure out it was Dr. Dil…er, Dilbert? Colombia has to have thousands of plastic surgeons,” Brian pressed.
Nick smirked over his glass. “But only one that offers calf and hamstring extension surgery. Everyone kept saying the little troll looked taller. I connected the dots. And every cop in the tristate area followed the story of Dilbert’s disappearance, so I recognized his headshot when I saw his website.”
“I seriously can’t believe that’s a surgery you can get,” Josie said.
“Oh, it is,” Nick assured her. “And for the bargain price of $250,000, a shithead like Griffin Gentry can gain up to an inch in height.”
“A quarter of a million? For an inch ?” Weber repeated.
Mrs. Penny shook her head. “And not even on the penis. What a waste.”
“How did you know the doctor would show up to finish the job himself?” Riley asked.
“I figured if we used Gentry as bait, we’d either catch another hit man who might talk or we’d get the big boss himself. Unfortunately, the cops were supposed to nab him in the yard before he started shooting the place up.”
“Definitely my bad,” Weber said, putting a hand over his heart. “We don’t have the budget for wires that work one hundred percent of the time.”
“Look at us. A coupla diabolical geniuses.” Mrs. Penny gestured with her glass and sloshed liquor all over herself and the table.
“And Thorn almost stepped on my big reveal with her perfectly timed vision.” Nick pressed a kiss to her temple.
Riley grimaced. “I thought I was saving you from embarrassing yourself and blaming Theodoric.”
“I was trying to get a rise out of Ingram so the cops would have a reason to search him.”
“Why?” Josie asked.
“A few years back, he was quietly arrested for assault with a deadly weapon and isn’t allowed to own or carry any firearms,” Nick said.
“Such a shame when the Harrisburg PD finds a weapon in an ankle holster on such an upstanding member of the community.” Weber sounded not at all sorry. “We had to send a squad car to his house and confiscate every weapon he had.”
“That is sarcasm,” Gabe announced, pleased with himself.
“You’re damn right it is, buddy,” Nick said.
“So when are you two getting married?” Lily asked Riley. “And how many times do you plan to have sex on the honeymoon?”
“On that note, I’m leaving,” Weber said, throwing his napkin on the table.
The doorbell rang, and Nick dropped his napkin on the table. “Let’s go, Thorn.”
“Me? I don’t think I can handle another surprise.”
“How many surprises didn’t you like today?” he asked, drawing her to her feet and pulling her out of the room.
“Just the one with the murdery surgeon pointing a gun at the guy I’m going to marry,” Riley admitted.
“This is better than a murdery surgeon,” Nick promised as he led her to the foyer.
He threw open the door, and Riley’s best friend barreled inside.
“You’re getting married!” Jasmine threw herself at Riley and folded her into a very aggressive hug.
“I know. I FaceTimed you about thirty seconds after it happened,” Riley wheezed.
“Well, I know your mom is planning a vegan celebration dinner?—”
Riley groaned.
“But I wanted to give you your engagement present now,” Jasmine said. She reached into her stylish tote and pulled out a folder. “This is for you from me.”
Nick snatched the folder away. “Don’t steal my thunder, Patel.”
“Don’t ask for free legal work, Santiago.”
“I believe I was promised a present,” Riley said.
Nick handed over the folder. “I meant what I said.”
“About what? Killing Griffin now that he paid up?” she asked, pulling out the documents inside.
“About being partners.”
She skimmed the papers until her eyes got too misty to see the words. “This is a partnership agreement.”
“That’s right, Thorn. I’m giving you half my shares in the business.”
“Nick. This is…amazing. And not necessary.”
“I want us to be all in together on everything. Marriage, business, keeping Mrs. Penny out of prison,” he said earnestly.
“That’s very sweet of you, but?—”
“No but s. If I had done this from the start, we wouldn’t have been broke enough to take the job from Gentry. I’m not making that mistake again. So we’re both in this with equal say. If you see me being a dumbass in our personal lives or our business lives, you get to call me on it.”
“Really?” Riley asked, hugging the papers to her chest.
“Oh. It’s you,” Weber said, sauntering into the foyer.
Jasmine flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Ugh. Why are you in front of me again?”
“Why are all my friends so mean to each other?” Riley asked.
“I know you’re my fiancée and all, but ever think that maybe you’re the common denominator?” Nick suggested to her.
“I was the one invited to dinner. You’re the party crasher,” Weber said to Jasmine.
“I was invited, Detective Dick. But I was too busy drawing up these legal documents for my friends here,” Jasmine countered. “They probably only invited you out of pity.”
“Why don’t you two take your foreplay outside?” Nick suggested, ushering Jasmine and Weber toward the door. “I need to call a partners meeting and then have sex with my fiancée.”
“I’ll come by tomorrow after work with all the bridal magazines I can find. We can start comparing venues and dress shops,” Jasmine said to Riley over Nick’s shoulder.
“I love you,” Riley called after her.
“Congratulations again, you guys,” Weber said before following Jasmine out onto the porch.
“I can’t tell if they’re going to fight to the death or start making out,” Riley said.
Mrs. Penny jogged into the foyer, her fresh drink splattering all over the marble floor. “Somebody say partners meeting ?”
“Yeah. Penny, meet our new partner,” Nick said, gesturing toward Riley.
Mrs. Penny gave a brisk nod and took a slurp of her drink. “’Bout time you brought on someone responsible.”
“First order of business. We’re not getting $50,000 from Gentry.”
Mrs. Penny took another deliberate sip, then sprayed a fine mist of liquor into Nick’s face. “What? Why? You didn’t have enough time to gamble it away yet.”
He used the hem of his T-shirt to mop his face. “I didn’t gamble it away. I shared it. Or I plan to if my partners are open to it. I figured we weren’t the only ones inconvenienced by his existence. So Peabody the jeweler, Tyra and Betty, and Chupacabra’s cousin are all getting a piece of the action. And maybe, if I’m feeling generous, I’ll buy a wire that actually works and donate it to the police department.”
“That’s very sweet of you,” Riley said. The man was definitely getting laid tonight.
Mrs. Penny rolled her eyes. “All right. Fine. But don’t make it a habit of thinking with your squishy feelings. We’re running a business here, not a charity foundation.”
“Agreed,” Nick said.
“It almost makes me not want to give you your engagement present,” she grumbled.
“Another present? I like this engagement thing,” Riley said.
Mrs. Penny reached behind her and produced a remote control from her pants. “Here,” she said, handing it to Nick.
“What’s this?”
“It’s a remote, dummy. It’s for the new TV I had installed in your room. I also cornered that tall lesbian suspect who works for the contractor. She’s sending a crew out tomorrow to give us a quote on the roof next door. They only employ women, so Lily won’t be as aggressive with her sexual harassment.”
Nick launched himself at the elderly woman and wrapped her in a bear hug. “I’m sorry for every mean thing I’ve ever said about you.”
Mrs. Penny reluctantly patted him on the back. “No, you’re not.”
“I’m really not. But this is nice,” he whispered into her purple hair.
“You’re weirding me out, and I need another drink.” Mrs. Penny gave Riley a high five and left them alone.
Riley glanced at the remote in Nick’s hand. “You’re going to?—”
“Sanitize this? Absolutely.” He drew her in.
She looped her arms around his neck. “Good. Maybe we should go upstairs and?—”
The doorbell rang again.
On several four-letter words, Nick yanked it open. “I thought I told you two to?—”
But it wasn’t Weber and Jasmine. It was Bella Goodshine and her dog, dressed in coordinating sweats. Burt bounded over and eagerly sniffed his canine friend.
“If you’ve come to beg for your boyfriend’s money back, no givesies backsies,” Nick warned.
“Actually, I got you two an engagement present,” Bella said, handing over a small envelope.
“How did you know we were getting engaged?” Riley asked.
Bella let out a silvery peal of laughter that Riley found charming despite her best efforts. “I’ve been proposed to eight times. Believe me, I know when a man is thinking about popping the question.”
“Well, uh, thank you,” Riley said awkwardly.
“Don’t be silly, Riley. It’s the least I can do for encouraging your husband to cheat on you with me!”
Nick leaned in. “I say this with absolute sincerity. You and Griffin are perfect together.”
“Aw! Thank you! That’s so sweet of you to say.”
“Hang on. You called me Riley,” Riley said, blinking in surprise.
Bella batted her fringe of lashes. “That’s your name, isn’t it, silly?”
“It is. But you don’t ever recognize me.”
“That was before that nice doctor housekeeper lady adjusted my medication dose.”
“Is she talking about my mother?” Nick wondered.
“Now I can have no wrinkles and recognize female faces. Anyway, La La and I have to go. Somebody needs her special wecial hair treatment, doesn’t she?” she crooned to the dog. With a toss of glorious blond locks and a wave of La La’s paw, Bella departed.
“I have no idea which one of them was getting the special wecial hair treatment,” Nick confessed.
“I’m telling your mom the weather girl still thinks she’s a housekeeper,” Riley said, opening the envelope. “Wow. It’s a gift card to the Hershey Spa.”
Nick snatched it out of her hands. “I’m calling Hector! We’re gonna get massages and pedicures and plan the coolest wedding ever while we wear those weird bathrobes and drink hot cocoa by the gallon.”
“That sounds…blissfully normal,” Riley admitted.
“Trust me, Thorn. Our days of gunfights and bad guys are behind us. From here on out, it’s nothing but run-of-the-mill cases and high-paying, low-stakes clients,” Nick insisted, slinging an arm around her shoulders and guiding her toward the stairs.
Riley’s nose twitched definitively, and she tensed. There was something waiting for her in those pastel clouds.
“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t see that,” Nick said.
“I’m good with pretending I didn’t feel it. Besides, you know what today is, don’t you?” she asked.
“Monday?”
“Naked Tuesday Eve.”