CHAPTER EIGHT
The hotel had several pools. This one was for staff. It was slightly larger than what might be in a suburban backyard. Swimming short laps didn’t lessen Angela’s frustration. She’d planned to swim laps until Jared was ready to talk about infiltrating Pham’s network, but her mind had other plans. Paul took center stage as soon as she sliced through the water.
He called her frigid. That bothered her more than the marriage proposal. A marriage proposal could be expected after more than a decade together. But frigid? The accusation was a cheap shot at the very least and, in the worst case, something he believed.
Angela reached the end of the pool and kicked underwater to turn. Maybe she thought he was frigid. Paul didn’t flirt. He never said sexy things. He didn’t make a move. Their intimacy, however stilted it might have been, progressed appropriately initially. Dates. Kisses. A weekend away. An overnight meant sex. They had sex. There had never been an overwhelming desire. They weren’t a tear-your-clothes-off-and-screw-against-the-wall kind of couple. Angela wasn’t even sure that existed outside of movies.
The pool water rumbled behind her as someone jumped in. She hoped they would stay out of her way. Angela threw every ounce of her power into her stroke. Her biceps burned. Every kick hit harder than the last. Her breaths came with every other stroke, not nearly giving her enough oxygen for what she needed.
The other swimmer fell in line beside her. They were too close, and she would have panicked if she hadn’t realized who was by her side. Sawyer.
She faltered, pushing her head up with a gasping breath. He stood easily and held out his arm. She grabbed hold of him, still trying to catch her breath as he walked them toward the shallower end of the pool.
Angela pulled back her goggles and wiped her face. “What are you doing here?”
His blond hair was dark against his forehead. Sawyer raked the tousled strands back and took a few steps toward the shallower water. “You look like you’re trying to kick the pool’s ass.”
Her feet found purchase on the pool floor. The water bobbed at her chin. Angela half stood there, half treaded water. “More or less. It’s far more legal than strangling my ex.”
They moved to the side of the pool. “I thought you might be waiting out Jared,” Sawyer said.
“That too.” She hooked her elbow over the concrete edge and rested her head on her tired arm. The water came midway up his chest, lapping against well-cut muscles. Rivulets fell down his shoulders, gliding on their mad dash to the pool. Sawyer extended his arms so that his hands skimmed over the top of the water. He made small waves, back and forth, as he studied her.
“Do you think Jared will come around?” she asked.
Sawyer’s jaw tensed before he drew in a chest-expanding breath and let it out as though unconvinced of what to say. “I think he’ll weigh the risks and make the right decision.”
She pushed off the wall and half floated, half walked to deeper water.
“So the ex is on your mind.” His eyebrows rose. “The breakup is a good thing, right?” Sawyer asked as if he knew there was more to the marriage-proposal breakup.
Embarrassment curled down the length of her spine. Sawyer would never call a woman frigid. However, she couldn’t imagine any woman who received his intense attention would be able to resist. There was more to him than six-packs and sex appeal. He had the most easy-going, trusting demeanor she’d ever met for someone who jumped out of helicopters or ambushed enemy tangos for a living.
“It’s a very good thing,” she agreed.
Sawyer sank under the water and swam a wide circle around her. When he surfaced, water dribbled down his face. “Do you want me to find Jane? Chelsea or Amanda or someone?”
“Why?”
His shoulders bunched. “Girl talk or something?”
Angela laughed and splashed water at him. “I don’t want to stress them out and make this a big deal.”
“You want me to go and let you finish your pool massacre?”
She laughed again and shook her head. “I can’t believe he expected me to go along with this stunt. I mean, can you imagine proposing to someone? That’s wild to begin with.”
His face skewed.
“But suggesting marriage like that? It’s essentially a business proposal. Could you imagine me saying, ‘Yeah, this is a great idea’?”
“Absolutely not.”
She flicked the water and glared. Paul had called her frigid. Humiliation took the gusto out of her anger. In a softened voice, she asked, “That’s insane, right?”
His eyes narrowed. “But that’s not what’s bothering you, is it?”
She hid her embarrassment and splashed him once more instead of answering.
Sawyer played with the water in front of him, reaching out and running his hands just under the surface. “Was he surprised when you said no?”
“Defensive.”
“Huh.” He crossed his arms. “Why?”
Warmth curled up her neck, and ashamed, she looked at the empty pool deck. She didn’t want to share Paul’s accusation. If Sawyer knew how long it had been since she and Paul were intimate, he might agree and would probably judge. Not because Sawyer was anything like Paul, but what kind of person stayed in a dead relationship and did nothing about it?
Sawyer floated closer. The water rippled between them. He brushed wet strands of hair off her cheek. “What is it, Ange?”
The warm touch on her cold cheeks made a shiver run down her back. Angry, humiliated tears burned in her eyes. “I’m embarrassed.” She couldn’t look at Sawyer and turned toward the wall. “Damn, the chlorine is starting to bother my eyes.”
His hands rested on her shoulders, and slowly, he pulled her toward him. Her tears fell, burning hot on her pool-dampened cheeks.
Sawyer squeezed her shoulders then turned her around with a half-cocked smile. “You want me to go beat him up or something?”
She laughed. “Of course not.”
Then he saw the tears. That made them fall faster. “Breakups suck. Even ones that you want.”
She swiped her cheeks. “God, this is so embarrassing.”
“They sure as hell are nothing to be embarrassed over.” He wiped a tear from her cheek and left a trail of pool water where the tears had been. “Don’t let a little prick like that bother you, all right? You can do so much better.”
“It’s more than that.”
He waited, as still as a mountain in the center of the empty pool room. Water lapped. Silence hung heavy until she had to break the quiet.
“Paul said that he thought we had a pragmatic relationship, not a romantic one.”
Sawyer’s eyebrows drew together. “Why would he think that?”
Her chin dropped, and Angela stared into the pool water. “We never acted very much like a couple.” She flushed, and a scorching blush ran down her neck. “We haven’t been together in a long time.”
She could’ve sworn he would have jumped away, but the water between them remained still. Sawyer didn’t say anything. What was there to say? Her long-term relationship had been based on the hope of establishing a political dynasty.
Sawyer touched his index finger to her chin and lifted her face. “You have had a lot going on. Nothing is embarrassing about that, Ange.”
The back of her throat burned. “We haven’t—” She corrected herself. “I haven’t been with him in a romantic sense since before I was abducted.”
Sawyer’s lips parted. Pity darkened his eyes, but he rolled his lips together and steadied. She bent her knees until the water lapped below her bottom lip. If only she could disappear into the bottom of the pool and resurface after he left. But Sawyer didn’t move. Her dark hair floated around her shoulders. “Kind of pathetic, huh?”
The silence said so much.
“Yeah,” she continued, breaking the silence. “Pathetic. I get what you’re thinking, but you have to understand—”
“Why the hell would I think that?” He dropped his head back and stared at the rafters before taking a deep breath. “Trust me, Angela, you have no idea what I’m thinking.”
She hated the pity. If only Sawyer would get out of the pool, they could forget that she’d said anything.
“I want to understand. He asks you to marry him. You don’t have a physical—or really, any relationship. It ends. You’re upset.” He cocked his head to the side. “But there’s something more that I’m missing. Why are you so mad?”
“I think he’s been with other women.”
His eyes narrowed. “There’s more. That’s not why you’re upset.”
She tried to sink underwater.
Sawyer caught her. “Am I wrong?”
He wasn’t going to let it go. She could walk away, but he’d wonder. She’d eventually tell him, and all of the buildup would multiply her embarrassment. No, it was better to mimic her mother’s style of awkward news delivery and just rip off the Band-Aid. “Paul said I was frigid.”
Sawyer’s forehead furrowed as if he didn’t understand what she had just said or what Paul had meant.
She backed away from him, cheeks hot and eyes burning. “I was with him for years. It didn’t bother me because I didn’t want to see him. But not having sex? That wasn’t my problem. I never thought, ‘Oh, gee. I wish I could have sex with my boyfriend.’ So maybe there is something wrong with me.” She rubbed her eyes. “You know what? Maybe I’m just angry because he might be right.”