CHAPTER TEN
Angela still shivered, though she hadn’t been cold in hours. Sawyer had left her to sit in the sauna. After she was sure he’d left the pool area, Angela relocated to her suite, where she soaked in her tub. The entire time, she’d been thinking—and shivering. Emotionally, she was tapped out. Physically, her goose bumps were like a low-humming adrenaline jitter that she couldn’t shake. But she wasn’t sure if her inner trembling came from the drama with Paul and her mother or from baring her secrets to Sawyer.
If she was any less screwed up in the head, Angela might confuse the closeness she had with Sawyer with romance. They had a solid friendship in which she could reveal her ugliest embarrassments, and he would tell her she was awesome. That kind of connection was rare.
A knock sounded at her door, and a fresh round of shivers rolled down her spine. No one other than Sawyer would stop by that late at night, but Tran Pham’s band of merry assassins had taught her to double-check assumptions. She picked up her phone. Sawyer hadn’t reached out.
Is that you?
A moment later, three little dots danced on her screen. It was taking him longer than necessary to type, “Yup.” Finally, he confirmed he was at the door with a “yeah.” What had he been writing?
She glanced down at her favorite pajamas. She’d chosen them tonight to feel beautiful and happy, to remind herself that she didn’t need toxic relationships and wasn’t newly single; she’d been single for years without realizing it. The pajamas lay over her skin like a soft whisper. Although she usually loved silky pants and frilly tops, they suddenly felt too thin.
Angela made a quick pit stop at her bedroom closet, found the matching robe, and tied the sash around her waist as she walked to the door. Her shivers hadn’t stopped. The pajamas were too thin. Her heart slammed in her chest. She paused at the door and checked for Sawyer through the peephole. He leaned against the wall, and the fisheye lens made him seem even farther away.
She rested her forehead on the door but couldn’t stop her racing heart. Today had been too much for her to handle. After a long breath, she opened the door and smiled. “Howdy, stranger.”
He stood at an arm’s length from the threshold to her room, his own arms crossed, with a serious look. “You okay?”
The spastic, hiccupping pace of her heart stuttered. “Of course.” She cocked her head. “Is that why you stopped by?”
“It took you a while to answer.”
“It took you a while to say that had been you knocking.”
Sawyer rolled his lips together and nodded, not explaining. “You weren’t asleep.”
“You knew I wouldn’t be.”
He raised his chin. “Night owl.”
This conversation didn’t feel right. His body language screamed that he would rather be in a million other places. She wasn’t sure why he didn’t stride in—or, for that matter, why she remained shivering against the door jamb, not letting him inside. “Do you want to come in?”
The corners of his lips tightened. “Sure.”
She backed against the door and let him in. “I haven’t heard from Boss Man. You?”
He shook his head as he walked past her. Their apartments were hotel suites. Hers had two main sections. The living area had a small kitchenette, desk, couch, and television. The bedroom and bathroom were through a door she’d left propped open.
Sawyer seemed larger than normal. He appeared to take up more space in the room than he had the last time he’d been in her suite, and he sucked up more of the oxygen too. He moved to the dark window and stared.
“You didn’t have to check on me.” Angela perched on the edge of the couch farthest from him. “Today was a lot.” She crossed her arms and rubbed the silky fabric against her skin. “But I’ve been through worse.” She half laughed. “Yesterday was quite the doozy.”
He turned from the window, and his eyes narrowed. “Are you cold?”
“No. I have a shiver I can’t get rid of.”
He nodded as though he understood and paced before the large window—the backdrop of city lights illuminated around him. Sawyer stopped and opened his mouth as though to say something, but he shut it without a word. He paced again.
Did he want to talk about Paul? The breakup? That horrible word Paul had called her? Had Sawyer ever encountered a woman he’d been with who didn’t make his world spin? “Have all of your relationships had a spark?”
He stopped cold. “Yeah, sure.” Sawyer caught himself and shrugged. “More or less.” He ran a hand into his hair and let the thick blond locks thread through his fingers. “I don’t know, Ange.”
What was normal? Why didn’t she notice a massive red flag in her relationship with Paul, which was already draped with them? “Are sparks all the same? They can’t be, right?”
“I haven’t thought about it before…” He shrugged. “But I guess not.”
Relationships were confusing. They were a type of friendship but more . However, more didn’t always come with a friendship. “I think I’m…confused.” She rolled her eyes. “Or maybe I’m programmed wrong.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Ange. Paul’s an idiot.”
She moved onto a couch cushion, pulled her feet up, and wrapped her arms around her shins. “Both things can be true.”
“Maybe so, but not in this case.”
She ducked her head between her knees, trying to parse out what she wanted to say. “Have you always had a spark in a relationship?”
“You mean, have I ever kissed a girl that didn’t get my blood rushing?” He shrugged sheepishly. “Yeah, probably. But not that I can remember.”
He’d probably kissed more than his fair share. A spark for everyone seemed too much. “What about that you’ve slept with?”
His eyebrows arched, and Sawyer laughed. “I don’t know.” A blush colored his cheeks. “There may’ve been times I thought there was a spark, but really, there was booze.”
She laughed in return. “You’re adorable when you blush, you know that?”
He gave her a funny look. “I don’t know that anyone’s ever called me that.”
She couldn’t decipher his expression. “I didn’t mean to insult you.”
“Didn’t say you had, sweetheart.”
Still unable to get a read on him, she moved on. “Fine. I still have questions.”
He laughed again, shaking his head. “I don’t know if I have answers for you.”
Angela ignored him. “There have got to be levels. Like, no spark would be a zero. Maybe a smidge of a spark is a one. Lots of sparks, a six?”
He stared blankly.
“Or maybe a five-point scale would be better.”
“Give me a break, Ange. I’ve never ranked anyone. I haven’t quantified how they made me feel.”
“Never?”
He shook his head.
“Maybe not with a scale,” she said. “But I bet you have. If you were to marry someone, she would probably set off your sparks alarm meter. You just don’t know it yet.”
He put up his hand and waved the idea away. “I can’t—that’s so—” He shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that.”
“It might. Maybe sparks are on an innate spectrum of interest. I’m sure there have been some women who made you smile, but they are different than women who you couldn’t wait to get in bed.”
“ Angela . You make me sound like the kind of guy with a new woman on my arm constantly.”
“No, sorry, that’s not what I meant.” Angela squeezed her legs and stared out the big window. The lights glittered. She loved this city. If Pham hadn’t taken her, she wouldn’t be able to sit on her cute yellow couch and let the lights dazzle her. “Earlier tonight, I was thinking about my parents. Their relationship is very much like mine with Paul. Business. Small talk. Maybe I’m a product of my environment.” She refocused on Sawyer, who was posted against the window, surrounded by the lights. “Then I thought about Liam and Chelsea, Chance and Jane, Hagan and Amanda.”
“If you want to look at winning couples, you can’t go wrong with them.”
“They have deep connections and sparks.” They weren’t just couples. They were families.
He rolled his bottom lip into his mouth and nodded. “That sounds like the winning formula.”
“Have you ever had both?” she asked.
He faltered and then crossed his arms over his chest. “I came by to check on you. Not talk about me.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” She walked to the window and stood by his side. “It’s been a weird day.”
They watched the Abu Dhabi skyline side by side. His arm brushed hers. Angela leaned against him and rested her head on his bicep. The night sparkled. She shivered again.
“I think…” he whispered in a low rumble. The bright lights glittered. It was as though time paused and an eternity passed. He inched back. “That you should get a good night’s sleep.”
The floor seemed to tilt. Angela’s throat ached. Sawyer draped his arm over her shoulder and ran his hand along her arm. Finally, the shivers she’d been unable to shake subsided. She could breathe, even if she couldn’t catch her breath. Angela squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m grateful you’re in my life.”
His hold tightened. “Same.” Sawyer placed a chaste kiss on her head and lingered against her hair. “It wouldn’t be the same if you left.”
She wasn’t going anywhere.
Finally, he said, “You should get some sleep.”
Angela didn’t move. So much more was left to say, but she came up completely blank when she tried to think about it. Sawyer let her go and walked away, leaving Angela again to shiver.