23. Love You
Love You
Camila had seen Chris with a gun before.She had seen him drive through an ambush like fear didn’t exist.She had watched him fight men twice his size.She had touched the bullet wounds on his body and wondered what kind of life could put scars like those on a man.
None of that prepared her for watching Chris Walker become an FBI agent.Really become one. Putting on his bullet proof vest. Bullet proof. His gun. The Letters FBI across his chest. His badge.
The secure operations floor had erupted into controlled chaos around them.Agents moved through the corridor carrying equipment.Radios crackled.Someone called out vehicle assignments.Another agent carried a stack of tactical helmets toward the elevators.
A large monitor on the wall showed live surveillance from the warehouse.Trucks.Men.
Wrapped packages.Diego.And Mateo.Her brother.Camila stared at the image.Mateo stood beside a white cargo van, speaking to three men as black duffel bags were loaded inside.
She felt sick.Not physically.Not yet.Just—hollow.She’d spent years knowing there were things Mateo didn’t tell her.Years knowing that certain questions were better left unasked.
She’d known her brother wasn’t simply a businessman.Of course she had.But knowing something in the abstract was different from seeing hundreds of packages filling a warehouse while federal agents prepared to storm it.Mateo had spent her entire life telling her he was protecting her.Apparently protecting her had also meant keeping her ignorant.
“Camila?”She turned.And forgot Mateo for one second.Chris stood twenty feet away.
Black tactical pants.Dark long-sleeved shirt.His FBI credentials clipped at his waist.
The bulletproof vest was open in his hands.Large yellow letters were printed across the front.FBI.Camila couldn’t stop staring.Chris Walker.The Guns on him.That was him.This was him.The man who had been underneath Roman every single day.Logan stood beside him checking equipment.Chris slid one arm into the vest.Then the other.Pulled it into place.
Secured the sides.Camila watched every movement.Efficient.Practiced.Familiar.He wasn’t thinking about any of it.That somehow hurt the most.All those times she’d asked him where he’d learned to move like that.Where he’d learned to drive.Why he knew weapons.Why he could identify threats before everyone else.She had been watching this man all along.She just hadn’t known what to call him.Chris checked the fit of the vest.
Then reached for his holster.Camila’s stomach tightened.Gun.Magazine.A second magazine.Radio.Everything had a place.Everything was checked twice.He wasn’t showing off.He wasn’t trying to look dangerous.He was preparing to walk into danger.For real.
Mercer approached him.“Walker.”Chris looked over.“Yeah.”
“Teams are staging.”
“Warehouse still active?”
“Very.”
“Mateo?”
“Still inside.”
“Diego?”
“Inside.”Chris nodded.“Good.”Camila stared.Good?Her brother was inside a warehouse the FBI was about to raid, and Chris said good because that’s where he needed him.How was she supposed to reconcile these worlds?Mercer handed Chris a radio.“Five minutes.”
Chris took it.Then looked across the room.At Camila.Everything in his face changed.
Agent Walker disappeared for a second.There he was.Her Chris.He crossed the room.
Camila couldn’t move.He stopped in front of her.Neither spoke.People moved around them.Radios.Boots.Phones.Orders.But somehow the space between them became completely quiet.Chris looked down at her.“Hey.”Camila almost laughed.“Hey?”
“It’s what I’ve got.”Her eyes burned.She looked at his vest.“You’re really going.”
“Yeah.”
“To arrest my brother.”Chris swallowed.“Yes.”She looked away.He didn’t touch her.
Not yet.“Camila.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.”
“You don’t have to know.”
“I love Mateo.”
“I know.”
“He’s my brother.”
“I know.”
“And what he did…”Her voice broke.Chris waited.Camila wiped at her cheek angrily.“I don’t even know him.”Chris’s eyes softened.“Maybe you know the part of him he wanted you to know.”
“That doesn’t make this easier.”
“No.”She looked at him.“And you.”Chris’s jaw tightened.“Yeah.”
“You lied to me.”
“I did.”
“You’re the reason they’re going in there.”
“Part of it.”
“You’re going to help arrest him.”
“Yes.”
“And I’m standing here terrified that something is going to happen to you.”Chris closed his eyes briefly.Camila laughed through her tears.“How fucked up is that?”
“Pretty fucked up.”That made her laugh.Barely.Chris smiled.There was Roman’s humor.
No.Not Roman’s.Chris’s.She understood that now.“Come here.”Chris opened his arms.
Camila went into them.Immediately.He held her carefully against the vest.
It was hard beneath her cheek.Cold in places.Nothing like his chest when she slept against him.Camila closed her eyes.Chris buried his face against her hair.“I am so sorry.”
She tightened her arms around him.“I know.”
“I should’ve told you.”
“You couldn’t.”
“No.”His voice dropped.“But I wanted to.”
“When?”Chris laughed quietly.“About a hundred times.”
“The bathtub?”He pulled back enough to look at her.“Especially the bathtub.”She smiled through her tears.“I knew.”
“You did not.”
“I knew something.”
“That I’ll give you.”She touched his face.His expression became serious.“If anything happens—”
“No.”
“Camila.”
“No.”
“Listen to me.”
“I don’t want the speech.”
“What speech?”
“The one where you tell me if something happens to you—”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”She stared.Chris touched her cheek.“If anything happens, you stay here.”She exhaled.“Chris.”
“With Sloan.”Her eyes narrowed.“You trust her?”
“With my life.”Camila glanced toward Sloan.
Sloan was across the room speaking with another agent.Camila looked back at Chris.
“That sounded very dramatic.”
“It’s literally true.”
“Right. FBI.”
“Still getting used to it?”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Absolutely.”Chris smiled.Camila’s fingers moved across the front of his vest.FBI.
She shook her head.“Chris Walker.”
“That’s me.”
“Special Agent Chris Walker.”
“Unfortunately.”
“You’re never going to stop making jokes, are you?”
“Probably not.”
“Good.”His smile disappeared.She’d said it too softly.Chris leaned closer.
“Camila.”She kissed him.Not because she had forgiven him.Not because everything between them had magically been repaired.Not because she’d figured out how she felt about Mateo.She kissed him because in five minutes Chris was going to walk into a warehouse full of armed men.
Wanting Chris dead. And suddenly every unresolved thing could wait.Chris kissed her back.
One hand went behind her neck.The other pulled her against him.The kiss carried everything neither had time to say.Fear.Anger.Betrayal.Need.Love.Camila’s fingers curled into the fabric at his shoulders.Chris’s forehead rested against hers when they finally separated.Both breathed harder.He kissed her again.Softer.Then once more. “Chris.”
“Yeah?”
“I need to tell you something.”Mercer’s voice came from behind them.“Walker.”
Chris didn’t look away from her.“One minute.”Mercer hesitated.Then walked away.
Camila almost smiled.“You just ordered your boss to wait.”
“Apparently.”
“You really are an asshole everywhere.”
“So I’ve been told.”Her smile trembled.Then disappeared.She looked into his eyes.
“I love you.”Chris stopped breathing.Camila had thought she’d said it before.
Maybe with her body.Maybe with every night she sneaked into his room.
Maybe every time she’d handed him coffee or stolen his sunglasses or trusted him enough to sleep beside a gun beneath his pillow.But never the words.Not like this.
“I love you, Chris.”His eyes closed.Pain crossed his face.Not because he didn’t want it.
Because he wanted it too much.He opened his eyes.
“I love you too.”Camila’s mouth trembled.Chris touched his forehead to hers.
“I love you.”Again.No cover.No script.No operation.No Roman.One of the only things he’d ever told her that contained absolutely no lie.Camila kissed him once more. “Then come back to me.”
“I will.”
“You can’t promise that.”Chris smiled faintly.“You know me.”Her eyes filled.“Yeah.”
She did now.At least she knew his name.Mercer approached again.This time his expression said there would be no extra minute.“It’s time.”Chris looked at him.Then back at Camila.His hand slowly left her face.Camila caught it.Held on.“Chris.”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t be a hero.”He smiled.“No promises.”
“Asshole.”
“Love you too.”He released her.One step.Then another.Camila watched him turn away.
And watched the transformation happen again.Shoulders straightening.Eyes sharpening.
Radio checked.Weapon secured.He joined Logan and the tactical team.Mercer spoke.
Chris nodded.Then they headed toward the secure elevators.At the doors, Chris looked back.Camila was still standing where he’d left her.He held her eyes.Then the elevator doors closed.Chris disappeared.And Camila’s knees almost gave out.Sloan reached her before she hit the chair.“Sit.”
“I am sitting.”
“You’re halfway there.”Camila dropped into it.Her hands were shaking.“I hate this.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t.”Sloan sat beside her.Camila immediately looked guilty.“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.”
“I don’t know whether I’m terrified for my brother or terrified for Chris.”
“You can be both.”Camila stared at the floor.“My brother might be arrested tonight.”
Sloan said nothing.“And Chris might get shot.”Still nothing.“That’s a horrible thing to say out loud.”
“It doesn’t make it less true.”Camila looked at her.“How do you do this?”
“Do what?”
“Sit here when they’re out there?”Sloan looked toward the operations monitor.
“I don’t know.”For some reason that helped.Ten minutes later, the operations room was much quieter.Most of the raid personnel were gone.A smaller command staff remained.
Camila had been moved into a protected conference room away from the active operational screens.An agent named Owen had been assigned to stay nearby.
Thirty-something.Kind.Too talkative when nervous.Camila barely heard him.She sat on the sofa, staring at nothing.Mateo.Chris.Drugs.FBI.I love you.I love you too.Her stomach rolled.Camila put one hand against it.Owen looked over.“You okay?”
“Yeah.”The room suddenly felt hot.Too hot.Camila tugged at her shirt.“Actually…”
She stood.Too fast.The room tilted slightly.Owen immediately stood.“Ms. Vargas?”
“Bathroom.”
“Right through there.”Camila hurried across the room.She barely closed the door before nausea surged.“Oh God.”She dropped in front of the toilet.And threw up.Her entire body shook.Again.Nothing much came up the second time.Camila sat back against the wall.
Sweating.Pale.Her heart pounding.Adrenaline.Had to be.She hadn’t eaten much.She’d barely slept.Her entire life had fallen apart in approximately forty-eight hours.Of course she was sick.A knock came at the door.“Ms. Vargas?”
“I’m fine.”Silence.Then Owen:“Do you need water?”
“Yes.”
“Anything else?”
“No.”Another wave of nausea hit.Camila closed her eyes.When it passed, she stood slowly.
Turned toward the sink.Ran cold water.Splashed her face.She looked into the mirror.
And froze.Pale.Flushed at the same time.Dark circles beneath her eyes.But that wasn’t what had stopped her.A thought had.Small.Impossible.Terrifying.She counted backward.
Once.Then again.Her hand slowly lowered from her face.“No.”Camila stared at herself.
She’d been tired.More tired than usual.Her breasts had been sore.She’d blamed stress.
The nausea—Stress.Everything had an explanation.Except—Her period.Camila’s eyes widened.“Oh, shit.”Another knock.“Ms. Vargas?”She opened the door.Owen stood there holding a bottle of water.He looked concerned.“You okay?”Camila took it.“Maybe.”
“Do you need a medic?”
“No.”
“We have one here.”
“No.”She looked back into the bathroom mirror.Then at Owen.Actually—“Yes.”
He straightened.“A medic?”
“No.”Camila swallowed.“I need something.”
“Anything.”She hesitated.“A test.”Owen frowned.“What kind of test?”Camila stared at him.He stared back.Two seconds.Three.Then realization slowly crossed his face.“Oh.”
Camila closed her eyes.Owen’s eyes widened.“Oh, shit.”
“Yeah.”
“Like a…”He lowered his voice.“Pregnancy test?”Camila opened her eyes.“Yes.”
Owen looked toward the secured hallway as though an FBI field office might magically contain one.“Right.”Camila almost laughed.He rubbed the back of his neck.“I can get one.”
“Please.”
“Yeah.”He nodded too many times.“Absolutely. Sure.”Then he stopped.“Does Walker know?”Camila stared at him.“Know what?”
“That you might be—”
“No.”Owen immediately shut his mouth.“No. Right. Obviously.”Camila pressed both hands against the counter.“Don’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t.”
“I mean it.”
“Agent confidentiality.”
“You’re not my agent.”
“Good point.”Despite everything, Camila laughed.One tiny laugh.Then the nausea returned and she covered her mouth.Owen pointed toward the bathroom.“I’ll get the test.”
“Thank you.”He turned.Camila stopped him.“Owen?”He looked back.“Get two.”His expression changed.“Two.”
“Just in case.”He nodded.Then left.Camila closed the bathroom door.Locked it.Turned toward the mirror.For several seconds she simply stared at herself.Her brother was about to be arrested.The man she loved was walking into a cartel warehouse wearing an FBI vest.
She had discovered his real identity less than forty-eight hours ago.And now—Camila slowly put a hand over her stomach.“No way.”But even as she whispered it, she knew.
There was a way.Several ways, actually.She shut her eyes.Images hit her.Chris’s guesthouse.His apartment.The hotel.His arms around her.His voice:I love you too.
Camila opened her eyes.“Oh my God.”Somewhere across the city, Chris Walker was risking his life to bring down Mateo Vargas.And inside an FBI bathroom, Camila was suddenly terrified she might be carrying something neither of them had ever planned for.
A future.Their future.She looked at herself in the mirror.Then whispered:“Chris, you better come back.”Because now—he might have more than one reason to.