Chapter 17 #2
“Not at first because your grandfather arranged the marriage, but I grew to love him, and I sorrowed greatly when he died. But I must confess that I was never in love with him as I am with Will.” Her tired eyes lit up and she looked almost young again.
“Oh, what a scandal we caused! It was our own fault, and we shouldn’t have been so hasty nor so bold, but we were young and love overcame reason.
I saw so much honesty in Will, and I loved him as well as he did me.
He rescued me from the bondage of my life at Hever—you remember what it was like—and I was so glad to be free of it. I could not say him nay.”
“I can understand it,” Kate sympathized, thinking that she had heard this story before, and realizing how precious these memories were to her mother. “I saw for myself how unhappy you were, and how unkind Grandfather was.”
“He had such a low opinion of me,” Mother said bitterly.
“I was living all the time in the shadow of my successful sister, who also thought me of little account. Do you blame me for seizing my chance of happiness? I had grown sick of my family treating me as a disgrace to them. I thought I might as well give them cause!” She sounded more spirited than at any time since Kate had arrived.
“But I was loved for myself, and that meant more to me than anything,” she went on wistfully.
“Will was younger than me, but he fell in love with me before I did with him. Being so loved gave me the courage to defy those who had treated me so miserably and expected me to do their bidding.”
She smiled, and her face was transformed.
“We met at my sister’s coronation, and the attraction was instant.
I seized my chance to enjoy a little dalliance, and I went on enjoying it whenever I could escape my father’s vigilance.
It lent spice to our love; it was the excitement of forbidden fruit.
Of course, it was much more than that. We knew almost from the start that what we had was precious. ”
Kate found it easy to imagine how simple it would have been, in the chaotic world of the court, to indulge in clandestine meetings.
“It needed only two witnesses and a helpful priest to make us one,” Mother said, a hint of mischief in her voice.
“The sense of liberation was heady. Many thought I erred in marrying, but I’ve never regretted it.
The world had set little store by me, and Will set so much that I knew I could do no better than to marry him and live a poor, honest life with him. ”
“Did you realize how angry everyone would be?” Kate asked.
Mother shifted a little in the bed, wincing.
“I should have, but I didn’t think and I didn’t care.
And I’m sure that what really rankled with Anne was that while I might have had a man of higher birth, I could never have had one who loved me so well—whereas she…
Well, she was not happily married to the King.
That was what ate at her, I have no doubt. There was always jealousy between us.”
Kate could well believe it. There had clearly been jealousy on both sides.
“She persuaded the King that I was not to be forgiven. I wrote to Master Cromwell, begging for his help in bringing about a reconciliation, but to no avail. By then, we were really poor, for my father had cut me off, so we went to Calais. Will had to go back, for he was serving in the garrison, and I decided I’d be happy being a simple soldier’s wife.
And I was. Honestly, Kate, I would rather have begged for my bread with Will than be the greatest queen in Christendom.
And I told Cromwell so. I hope he told Anne! ”
She slumped back on the pillows, clearly exhausted by the effort of talking. “I’m glad you know all about it now, and why I married Will, who has been the best of husbands.”
“I know that,” Kate said, thinking how sad it was that all this had happened just nine years ago, and that neither Mother nor Will could have anticipated that their time in blissful wedlock would have been so short.
The bony fingers clutched at her hand. “There is more to tell,” Mother murmured, “for I would unburden my conscience. But now I must sleep. Come back this afternoon.”
Kate kissed her forehead, then closed the door quietly behind her.
She went to her room to rest but feared that sleep would elude her.
She was fretting about what her mother wanted to say to her and why she needed to unburden her conscience.
Was she about to find out why she had long felt that there was some secret in her past—or her mother’s past?
And did she really want to know what it was?
—
At dinner, she told Will what Mother had said. “Do you know what it could be?” she asked.
He clearly did, for he looked uncomfortable. “I think you should wait for her to tell you.”
“You’re worrying me now,” she told him.
“I didn’t mean to,” he replied. It wasn’t the reassuring answer she had wanted.
She dropped the subject, knowing there was no point in pressing him further.
—
In the afternoon, she wrote to Elizabeth, telling her that she was in Kent.
Soon, she thought, they would share the common bond that comes through losing your mother.
At that, she left the letter unfinished, lay down on her bed, and wept.
And then she felt it, the tiniest flutter deep in her belly.
She had experienced it before. It was the child stirring.
New life. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
And, as Mother herself used to say, when He closes one door, He opens another.
She slid to her knees, thankful for this timely sign. It was as if a hand were reaching out to her in her deep need for comfort. “Blessed be the name of the Lord,” she whispered, folding her hands in prayer.
—
Mother spoke of her childhood in Norfolk as they sat together, and Kate began to wonder if her mind had been wandering earlier, but then the sick woman took her hand.
“There is something I have to tell you. I wish I had told you earlier, but I feared that you would despise me, just as the rest of our family have despised me.”
“Why?” Kate asked. “I would never do that. You are my mother and I honor you. I always will.”
Mother looked pained. “You may not when you hear what I have to say.” She took a deep breath. “I will be blunt. The King is your real father.”
Kate’s jaw dropped. She could not believe what she was hearing. Her instinctive response was denial. “No! Not that monster! He cannot be!”
Mother regarded her nervously, tears welling in her eyes. “It is the truth.”
Kate was rigid with horror. She suddenly felt faint and the room spun around her.
“Kate?” Mother cried. And Kate could not answer, for she was frightened that she was going to die, so strange did she feel. Mother called with all her strength for Will. He must have been waiting nearby, for he was there in an instant.
“I’ve told her. She looks as if she might pass out,” Mother sobbed.
“Lean forward, Kate,” Will said, gently yet firmly pressing Kate’s head toward her knees. “Deep breaths. Calm down. Think of the babe.”
Kate obeyed, and gradually the world began to right itself. “Say it isn’t true,” she cried weakly, sitting up.
“I fear it is,” he said. “Tell her about it, Mary. She deserves to know the truth.”
Mother took her hand again. “Three years after I married your father, Kate, the King showed an interest in me. He was younger then, and very handsome, but I did not want to compromise my honor or my marriage by giving in to his demands. You see…Oh, this is difficult. Will, leave us, please. You know it all anyway.”
Will nodded and left. Mother gave a loud sigh.
“When I was very young, I was a maid-of-honor at the court of France. I went there in the train of the King’s sister when she went to marry King Louis.
I was fifteen. When Louis died and she returned to England, King Francois that now is came to the throne and I transferred to the service of his Queen, Claude.
But the King was a lecherous man and forced me to be his mistress. ”
Kate was appalled. Poor Mother, poor, poor Mother…What a dreadful thing had been done to her.
“Kate, don’t look so shocked and don’t hold it against me,” Mother cried.
“I had no choice. I was young and innocent, and he was the King. He would not take no for an answer. He seduced me, used me, and then lost interest. And I lost my reputation. People called me horrible names. Your grandfather heard about it for he was abroad on an embassy for King Henry. He took me away from that court and banished me to the country. Five years later, when the scandal had died down, he arranged for me to marry your father.”
She squeezed Kate’s hand. Kate squeezed back.
She was finding it almost impossible to take all this in, still warding off the terrible knowledge that she had been sired by that devil; yet she knew she could not blame her poor mother.
“It was not your fault,” she said firmly.
“The sin was the French King’s. He took advantage of you, and that’s despicable. ”
“Oh, I am so glad you understand,” Mother cried. “And now you can see why I was loath to succumb to King Henry’s advances, even though they were made in a far more courtly fashion. But there was nothing courtly about the way he too forced himself on me.”
Kate could well believe it. She would have believed anything of that horror, and she would not, could not, think of him as her father. “You were raped by him, too?”
“I suppose I was. But Kate, here is the thing I feel dreadful about. I was reluctant, but he was so handsome and virile that I enjoyed it. And I let him take me again and again after that.” Her cheeks had flushed scarlet.
“Did my father know?”