Chapter 43
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
She couldn’t even begin to understand what was transpiring between them. She hardly knew him. Just last night she found him to be oppressive and unbearable. This morning, he was doting on her, caring for her . . . pleasing her.
Her mind had been whirling from Callum’s words.
A purpose in the pain, he had said. She thought of Agatha, Aaron, the threat that had clearly found them. Those bloodred eyes glaring at her from a distance, feeding off her dread. The confirmation that no one was coming for her. All of it shrouded her mind like falling rain.
Theo calmed that storm. With his unfeigned words, his strong embrace, he had made her believe she wasn’t a burden. Yes, it was clear she was a weapon to him, a means to an end. But from his recent admissions . . . perhaps she was more?
Home. He had called Elkron her home.
When he had pulled her close to his chest and said those words, she had to remind herself this wasn’t a dream. This was real, she was wanted.
The numbness she had grown accustomed to gradually crept away.
Theo made her feel. Up until now, he had mostly elicited great anger and loathing from her. Now, as his broad jaw nuzzled her cheek, she felt a rush of adrenaline combined with need and nerves. She felt alive in his arms. She didn’t want the flood of emotions to stop.
What he was doing with his mouth and hands erased all forms of modesty she harbored.
She had never felt this. The heat his body created felt in tune with her skin.
She sank back into the warmth of him. As she let her body settle onto his, they somehow fit flawlessly.
Her body filled all the correct places along his hard, chiseled form.
But below his waist . . . She had seen him naked before, but feeling his fully erect size was entirely different. She imagined how imposing he would be if he was allowed inside her.
“That’s my good girl.”
She watched his eyes turn hungry as he delivered his praise, as his grip hardened under her chin. Her heart fluttered instinctively; she wanted more.
In this room, his words weren’t savage, he was not a captain, she was not a recruit. He was claiming and seductive here, and she couldn’t get enough of his voice in her ear.
“Do you know I haven’t slept since you’ve arrived?
That since I found out you existed, my mind has been a cataclysmic cyclone?
The only time it calms is when I’m touching you.
” He kept one hand on her face, forcing her gaze upon him as he brushed the other on the delicate insides of her thighs.
She squirmed in his hold, wishing his hand would migrate higher.
“I have lived thousands of the same repeated years, and suddenly, now that you’re here .
. . it’s like I’ve been reborn, like I’ve been reawakened.
That’s what you do to me, Hel. You breathed new life into a stagnant existence. ”
His hand drifted higher, giving her exactly what she wanted.
It lasted for a single breath before he began tracking down again toward her knees.
These touches were torturous, and he knew it.
Before she could release another husky moan, he stopped.
She was so full of need, and his hand had left her again.
“Please don’t stop again.” Her voice was breathless as she begged.
“Not until you tell me what’s going through that head of yours.
I laid myself bare to you.” He gripped her waist and turned her around so she was looking right at him.
She let out a small yelp from the unexpected movement.
The only barrier between them was her thin cotton undergarments. “It’s your turn.”
He had started to drain the warm water, leaving her open to the chilled air.
She didn’t feel the cold, not while his hands gripped her hips, pinning her to his front.
She closed her eyes, allowing her center to feel that impressive length nestled beneath her.
She whimpered as his slight movement created the right amount of friction, forcing a tensing deep in her core.
“Tell me what you feel when you look at me,” he whispered, his thumb pads stroking the line where her thighs met her center.
She closed her eyes, trying to think of an honest answer. He was making it so difficult with those addictive motions below her waist. “I hated you for bringing me here. I thought you were harsh and ill-tempered . . .”
She felt the flexing in his hands when she opened her eyes. He was not fond of her initial response. She ran her fingers through the lengths of his dark hair, inspecting him. He allowed her to do so, pausing his own exploration so she could perform hers.
“But I was withering away out there. I doubted there was anything or anyone that could make me move forward . . . until you. You ripped me from that cold, dead place I was in. It didn’t feel good—nothing you said or did felt good until tonight.
I’m not . . . right still . . . I know that, but I feel like here .
. . with you, I can get better. I don’t want to stay motionless anymore. ”
She placed her hands atop his collarbones.
He inhaled deeply, almost in relief. She had been so wholly numb since Krysta, since Adriel.
She wasn’t sure she could feel anything at all the rest of her days.
Then he came and made her feel. Forced her out, forced her to live. Everyone else had let her rot.
“I was stuck and you made me move. I don’t know whether to call it gratitude . . . or hope, but when I look at you, there is . . . the possibility for something better.”
He scanned her face, letting the back of his hand drape under her hair, making it fall down her back. His deep sigh was something of fulfillment.
“There.” She let a coy smile loose across her face. “I gave you what you asked for. Now, what else can you do with those hands?” One of her brows rose in challenge.
His jaw flexed and his stare intensified. She retreated a bit in his grasp, her bravado wavering.
“Let me show you.”
He lifted her up, allowing her legs to wrap around his thick torso. Still dripping wet, he brought her to his bed and placed her down as he draped his body atop hers.
She felt his length graze against her inner thigh, and in this position, she wondered if this could actually work, if she could achieve pleasure from the way he was built. Damn it, she wanted to try with him.
“Say the words, Helaina. Tell me I can have you.”
She licked her lips. “Yes.”
“Say it,” he growled.
“You can have me.”
At that, he let his full lips crash into hers, a powerful groan vibrating from his throat as he fully claimed her mouth. She was certain her lips would bruise from the force. She had never had a kiss like this. She could only think of one other to compare.
No, not him.
She wouldn’t let the memory of him ruin this.
Their tongues explored each other. She reached for his pectorals and allowed her fingertips to languidly drift down his flanks.
“Fuck,” he cursed while his body shivered above her. “No one has touched me like this, ever.”
She gathered the hidden meaning in his words. More.
She gave him what he desired.
He plunged back down on her mouth as she traced patterns along each and every sculpted divot. The veins on his arms bulged, and his muscles tightened. His throat rumbled as he too explored her every curve.
He firmly gripped the sides of the furs as his muscles stiffened. He was holding back, restraining himself.
Did he not want this? This time, she was the one to break away.
“Am I . . . doing something wrong?” Her cheeks flushed as uncertainty flooded her head. He was ancient; certainly the lovers he had acquired were more experienced than she.
He laughed, which only inflamed her rosy cheeks more.
“The opposite.” He nipped at her chin while releasing a low sigh. “The flavor of your lips, the smell of your skin . . . Having you beneath me is like being offered my favorite meal.”
His head hung a bit as his hair brushed her collarbone. “I just . . . don’t want to hurt you. Every fiber of my being is screaming to take you—completely—but I can’t hurt you, not any more than I already have.”
“What do you mean?” His desire had made her feel so powerful, but now she felt fragile again.
“You haven’t been with another?”
She shook her head. “How could you possibly know that? Can you . . . smell it on me?” Embarrassment burned within her; nausea crept in next. This conversation triggered a memory she wished she could erase. No, she had not given her virginity away, but she had offered it once.
“Of course not. I just assumed, with your title . . . it would make sense. Am I wrong?”
This was mortifying. “No . . . I mean . . .”
Just breathe.
He dipped his head again, kissing her neck. “I only want to bring you pleasure, not pain.”
She swallowed her humiliation and put on a seductive mask, willing her mind to stop thinking of the past. “What if I want it to hurt? Maybe I’ll like it.”
His eyes flashed like a hungry animal. His intrigue was short-lived as he visibly shook off the temptation. “You don’t know what you’re asking. You couldn’t possibly want that.”
“Oh, and you’re such an expert on what I want?” She tried to shuffle upward.
He followed, prowling above her with a confused expression. “I only meant—”
“This is crazy. You barely know me, this shouldn’t . . . it can’t happen.”
It was clear he was surprised by how abruptly her mood had shifted.
She could see a spark of that temper flaring in his eyes.
Maybe she was overreacting, but it was his fault.
He was just like everyone else, controlling, acting like he knew what was best for her.
Her blood heated and not in the pleasurable sense.
“I just wanted—”
“This was a mistake.” She tried to push him away. He didn’t budge. Her eyes narrowed into slits. “Get your hands off me.”
There was a flash of hurt on his face that was quickly replaced with something more savage. “You said you didn’t want to run anymore.”
She bared her teeth. “I’m a cunning liar, remember? Now move!” She shoved at his chest once more, but it was like he was made of solid stone.
“No.”
“Move!” The slightest wave of shadow threw Theo upward, sending him back, stumbling to his feet.
He roared a sound of feral frustration as he regained his balance. “You can lie to yourself all you like—but you can’t lie to me. I’ve tasted it on you, your desire for me. It’s real. Even your clever little masks can’t disguise it.”
She scoffed, covering herself as best she could with her hands. “Desire? Is that what you thought this was? My mind was completely fractured from last night. You’re just a skilled predator who sensed my weakness and took advantage. I was blind not to see it.”
His breathing became impossibly still, his expression entirely violent.
“You’re a monster masquerading as something harmless. You’re no different than . . .” Her words died as the room went eerily quiet.
Theo’s eyes were fading into blackness, the demon nightmare inside him erupting.
His dark horns emerged. Razor-sharp fangs dipped down as claws extended from his fingertips. In one massive motion his eagle wings spread behind his back, fluttering alive. The furniture shook, small rocks came crumbling down from the ceiling, the whole realm quaked as he bellowed.
Helaina screamed, stumbling backward, the flurries of dust sticking to her wet hair.
She tried to remind her primal fear his powers couldn’t hurt her, he had said it himself.
No, not his powers, but that massive demon body.
Her lungs burned at the memory of how he’d pinned her to the wall by the throat, his fingers squeezing within an inch of suffocation.
Run.
She bolted for the door, ripped it open, then darted into the hallway.
She heard another roar as she clung to the wall, making her way to her room, feeling too exposed.
Inside, she slammed the door, knowing he could barge through it effortlessly.
She lowered her bare body to the ground, shaking, keeping her back flush to the wood, and waited.
Waited as the shaking in the ground began to still.
She listened to footsteps in the hall. Voices calling for their captain.
She stumbled to her dresser and donned an oversized tunic. Then she crawled into bed, curled up, and closed her eyes tight, trying to convince herself nothing had happened. That she hadn’t wanted him. That she wasn’t the type of person to offer a silver-tongued beast her virtue. Not again.
Nothing happened. Nothing happened. Nothing happened.
She repeated the phrase until sleep finally claimed her.