chapter 30
Gus
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.
This was nothing like my dream. Dream me could never have fully envisioned the feel of her skin under my fingertips, firm and satin smooth, cool after traipsing into the rainstorm, trembling from the warmth of my touch.
Dream me could never have imagined how perfectly her lips matched mine. Nor the gentle desperation behind her kiss. She was eager, but holding back.
Oh, my Crow, hold nothing back with me. I won’t let you down anymore.
And that dream hadn’t accounted for my own feelings. The tug of war inside my head was gasoline on an already raging fire.
There was heartbreak for my father. There was lust for the delights of her flesh and a yearning for the holiness of our union of souls. And at the way back, there were still those little demons that whispered into my ear, reminding me that my past sins would come back to haunt this bed. The conflict raged. I fought back my instinct to throw Decca onto the bed and shove myself into her like a hormonal teenager who didn’t know how to please a woman.
And Decca deserved pleasing. I just hoped I could make this last.
She deserved slow kisses trailing over her body, she deserved vanilla sex, or bondage, or edge play or whatever she loved. I’d do anything. Whatever it took to make her as happy as she’d made me on our wedding day.
“Wh—what can I do?” I begged. “I don’t know how...”
“That’s not the rumor I’ve heard.” Her hoarse laugh made me automatically reach for her throat, not to choke or pull her down to me, but to… feel her there. Her weakness, her vulnerability.
Oh, fuck. I’d forgotten how to do everything. She was probably expecting Sex God Gus and here I’d spent the better part of the last decade unlearning everything that had always come so intuitively before.
Her eyes closed as she let out a soft sigh, dropping her head back and rolling it on her shoulders until her eyes were on me again.
Talk, Gus. Talk. You were good at this before.
She bent down to kiss me. “I want that Gus tonight,” she whispered against my lips.
I groaned. “That Gus doesn’t exist anymore.” It wasn’t exactly true. That Gus was a wild animal that had been caged for too long. So long, he’d been paralyzed with fear—that once he let it out, he wouldn’t be able to get it back into the kennel.
The time for denial had ended.
“What do you need, Gus?“ She was still in front of me, standing between my knees as though my body were a fortress. But she was the one offering protection.
I laughed. “I think...” I looked into her olive eyes. They were darker now. Almost black in the setting sun. Being in the dark with her made me jittery like it was my first time. I didn’t trust myself with her. I’d fuck it all up irrevocably. I’d lose the priesthood, lose her...
I shook my head, hoping it would jar me out of this line of myself. “I don’t know if this is okay to ask—”
“Everything’s okay to ask. I just want us to be honest for once.”
“Tell me what to do?”
She drew back slightly. “Like dominance? I don’t—”
“No, not like that. Well, maybe like that. But not now. I just—this sounds so childish. I’m afraid. To touch you. I’m afraid the things I want to do to you will send you running. I want you so much, and I don’t even know how to do this.”
My arms were at my sides, hands flaccid on the bed, reflecting my weakness and inability to act. Her own dropped off my shoulders as she took a step back. She was calculating, determined, carefully weighing her odds.
Then I watched something else ghost across her face. I couldn’t place it, until…
“Stand up.”
I did as she instructed and stood from the bed, my back to her, so she couldn’t see my grin.
“Come here.”
Slowly, I turned, ready to see her in this glorious new role she’d assumed. “I hope you’re going to tell me to sink to my knees next. That’s where I belong with you. At your feet.”
“That’s good, for a start.” She smirked. She liked this role so far.
I knelt. Not the way I did for prayer, in supplication, and worship. I didn’t intend to worship Decca. I intended for our bodies to worship together, to get lost in time and space together, joined so perfectly, we could never be torn apart. We’d always be in communion after this. We’d be one.
Suddenly, something clicked inside my head. The good guy in me turned off. The priest vacated my brain.
The hard floor pressed into my knees, but I leaned into the discomfort. There was something about the physical pain that gave this a whiff of punishment. Maybe if I made this less perfect, I’d be more worthy.
I bent low, prostrate to the ground, my hands gripping the tops of her bare feet. Satin smooth skin overtop high arches and sinew. I kissed her, right above her toes, relishing my place down here as she stood over me, a detached image of strength and resilience and beauty. Like the Godbearer herself. I could stay at her feet like a dog forever.
Moving my hands up her legs, I savored the hardness of her calves, the way her knees buckled with a self-conscious laugh when I traced along the backs of her thighs.
Her ass was small, but plump. It filled my hands with perfect abundance. Her scent was delicate, but made me wild when I pressed her forward into my face. My wife. My gift. Finally, I would partake of her and she of me. I wouldn’t hold back anymore.
Her fingers wove through my hair, and I heard myself moaning when her talon-like nails raked over my scalp. The tingling traveled down my spine and across my shoulders, making me shudder.
“Your robe.”
“You like it.”
“I do.” Her eyes flashed as she smiled, pulling me closer with a finger in my high collar. “I like you wearing that you”re while kneeling at my feet,” her lips quirked in an almost smile, but it wasn’t teasing or knowing. Just open.
My heart was exploding inside my chest. My pulse rocked my body, pressed against my eyes until I saw only shapes and colors. I prayed ceaselessly—for help, for strength—as my fingers skated over the bare silk of her legs. God, let me be an uncracked vessel for her to pour herself into. Let me keep her safe.
Her finger was still in my collar as she tilted my face up, bending at the waist to meet me halfway. “But I’d like it better if you were wearing that while licking my pussy.”
Fuck. My fingers fumbled to unsnap the bottom of her bodysuit, lifting the sheer fabric that teased the view. “Do what you need, Crow. Use me.”
She hesitated a few seconds, then pushed my face into the soft, dark brown curls at the apex of her thighs. And when I licked that first streak, pushing my tongue into her slit, feeling the intense heat, tasting the juices already glistening on her lips, I was struck. It was a physical sensation, like a jolt to the chest, urging me on, telling me how right this was. How pure. This was the way God intended.
“Oh, Gus.” Her head whipped back as she arched into me.
I needed more. Deeper.
I lifted her leg and draped it over my shoulder, gripping her ass, spreading her cheeks and caressing inside as I feasted on her perfect cunt, licking every inch, finding all the nuanced places on her labia, around her clit, using my tongue to circle her opening, until I found the places that made her breath catch.
A moan escaped when I sucked her hardened clit between my lips.
“Yes, like that.” She rocked against my face, pushing the back of my head into her.
“You like it when I suck your clit?”
She giggled.
“Answer me, Crow,” I said, only taking my mouth off her pussy for a split second before diving back in. My beard was soaked. I’d dove in alright. There was no way I could hold back now that I’d had a taste of her. Our eyes connected as I sucked and tasted her, drinking her down like a man dying of thirst in the desert.
There was nothing better. I was fully immersed in her pleasure, watching her writhing on my mouth. My knees ached. My dick was rock hard and pulsating, about to come in my pants.
But I was used to those sensations. On my knees on marble and stone floors in prayer. For years I’d been celibate, which didn’t mean I didn’t come. It meant I came in my dreams. In my hand. In the shower. My body needed to release and if I didn’t do it, the pressure of my sheets would do it for me.
And all those nights dreaming of doing this to Decca. To my raven-haired Crow.
Her voice broke, dry and hoarse from panting. Her breaths synchronized with her rocking. She was ready. She needed to come. Her clit was so hard. I sucked again, more gently this time, since it would only need the slightest touch to send her screaming toward orgasm. I needed those screams more than I needed my own release right now.
Come, Crow. Rise up and come, my fair one.
I gripped the backs of her thighs harder, supporting her when I felt her pussy quiver. Dear God, this was the sweetest moment of my life.
Her one knee tried to give out, but I caught her. Silently, she came on my lips and my tongue, jerking until she was boneless and needed to collapse onto something before she melted onto the hard floor.
”That was it?”
”What do you mean?” she asked, breathlessly.
”You didn”t even make me work for it.” I smiled as I stood, ignoring my own aching knees as I dipped my head toward her mouth. Decca kissed me with a bruising force, not caring that I was painting her chin with her own juices from my dripping beard.
“Gus, I need you. I need you inside me. Fill me. Use me. Whatever you want. I want everything with you.”
She wrapped her legs around me. We both groaned when her pussy pressed against the head of my hard cock, even firmly encased under layers of clerical garb. The non-priestly part of me enjoyed knowing her bare pussy was rubbing against my robe, marking it with my wife’s essence. A secret we’d share no matter how many times it was dry cleaned. The mark of our first time.
I put her down on the bed and knelt on the edge between her legs.
“Take off your clothes, Gus. I want to see you.”
“You first.”
She peeled the snakes off her body, roughing up her wavy hair in a way that was so adorable it hurt to look at her. Then she lay back on her elbows, letting me look my fill.
I could barely register how beautiful she was as my eyes skated over her efficient, gamine body. Slender arms that had draped themselves so elegantly across my shoulders earlier, long neck I couldn’t wait to get my hands around again. Those small breasts she always downplayed… God, even the memory of her always-hard nipples would get me off faster than anything in the shower. They were so hard now, as she lay on her back with her body splayed out for me. Those dark tawny peaks were so fucking suckable, actual tears formed in my eyes.
I couldn’t pry myself away from looking. Not to touch her. Not even to fuck her. My cock ached. I flattened my hand against it. I couldn’t help but stroke it through the layers of gabardine and wool and cotton, not that it offered much relief.
“That’s mine now,” Decca sat up. “You don’t have to do that anymore. I don’t care how often you get hard, I only want you coming inside me. Or on me. We’ve both gone long enough without each other.”
I grunted. “You don’t know how often you make me hard.”
“You don’t know how often you make me wet.” She stood and reached out, tracing over the hard bulge in my robe. “I want to take all of you. All the time. Fuck me every hour, every minute… every way.”
She beckoned me to lean over her and she slowly undid the buttons at my neck before reaching around my waist to untie the sides. I shucked off the garment and let it fall to the floor. Frantically, she reached for my belt. “I’m not going anywhere. You don’t need to rush. We have all night.”
“You’re wrong, Gus. We have the rest of our lives, and it still won’t be enough time.”
It didn’t sound like she even realized what she’d said until she looked up at me, stilled her hands. Her shoulders dropped in uncertainty.
I held her face in my large hands. The sight brought out some fierce sense of protectiveness in me, but also that hint of danger that I craved with her. It was a strange dichotomy of wanting to bruise her while needing to keep her safe.
“Listen to me.” I looked into her sex-crazed eyes that were so dark from dilated pupils. It fed more blood to my already painful cock. I was so hard I was sure the arteries and veins were about to burst. I’d have bruises after this. “Never feel self-conscious for your honesty. Not with me. I want your rawness. Your realness. Give me everything, even if it’s messy or you think I won’t understand. I may not, but I’ll never stop striving to lift you up. You’re my wife. I may not have shown you how much that means to me before, but I’m going to start proving it to you now.”
Tears had formed in those wild eyes, spilling out when our mouths met again. I kissed away the salty drops on her cheeks. They were mine. Tears shed for my mistake, my insecurities, the things I hadn’t been able to let myself feel until now.
She sniffed and shook her head while her fingers nimbly worked on the buttons of my shirt. We didn’t say anything more as she undressed me, though I let her look at me just as I had looked at her.
“Gus, I’m aching for you.”
“Shh, baby. Not yet. It’s been so long, I’m going to come too soon. I need to take care of you first.”
She groaned. “You already have.”
“Oh, Crow. That first time was nowhere near enough. I need to see how many more you can give me.”
I splayed her out on the bed, opening her legs so I could see her anatomy. I loved her hairy pussy. It was exactly what I would have expected from her. Her prominent lips were made to be sucked.
I stroked her, feeling all the textures of her slick cunt. I watched her bite her lips when I slipped across her clit. I almost couldn’t take her throaty moans when I slowly pushed into her vagina with one finger. My knees all but crumpled.
“Hands and knees.” I told her. She scrambled to comply. I loved her enthusiasm.
She looked over her shoulder, biting her lip. I trailed my fingers over the ridges of her spine. From this angle, her vertebrae stuck out. I leaned over her body to kiss each bone. When I got to her lower back, I kissed my way down her ass cheeks, kneading them in my hands, thanking God this was mine to kiss.
Balancing on the balls of my feet, I lowered myself to bury my face once more in her pussy. I ran my nose through her folds as I listened to her heavy breaths. I sucked her clit. I rimmed her tight asshole. I licked and licked every inch of her until she was rocking back against me, gasping and moaning. I needed her body melting and boneless before I could take her. My cock was thick. As cute as it was that she thought this would be easy, we needed to take our time.
I flipped her over again, and she let out a squeak. I slid my finger inside her vagina. Slick, so slick. But tight. “Gus,” she called out. She was somewhere far away. I doubt if she knew what she sounded like. “Not yet, baby. You’re not ready.”
“I am.”
I chuckled and added another finger while lazily sucking her clit. She shuddered and whipped her head to the quilt, biting down on the timeworn fabric. Her pussy milking my hand, bringing tears of anticipatory joy to my eyes. This woman had turned me into a blubbering fool.
She came even more quickly that time. Fuck, her body was so responsive.
A year ago, I would have given anything to bring Decca to orgasm. Just one time. Now that it was happening, I wanted our first time to be endless. Time was nothing in this room. I could have been licking her and fucking her with my hand for hours or it could have been minutes, I didn’t know. I just knew it transcended... everything.
What would she feel like on my cock?
I needed to feel it. I needed her body wrung out from pleasure. When I finally slid inside her, she’d be so wet and warm and gaspingly full. Her deep moans wrapping me in their music while I stroked her from within until she came again. With me.
Her panting increased. “I can’t take anymore. It’s too much.”
“You will, though.” I leaned over her, still filling her with my fingers, but stilling their frenzy. “One more time. Give me one more.” I said it between little kisses placed on her body, down her belly, the top of her thigh. Back up again. Pulling her nipple into my mouth, rolling it on my tongue and sucking.
Her pussy was so wet, her fluid dripped off my hand onto the quilt, leaving a dark spot on the flowers.
Her fists gripped the quilt as her head jerked back on a silent scream. Her vagina clenched around my fingers as I stroked her through her orgasm, slowly, feeling the flutters of her pleasure.
“That’s it, Crow. That was so perfect.”
Her legs shook. Her body was wracked with tearless sobs as she rode her high. I loved watching her abandon herself to lust.
I leaned over her, brushing strands of hair back from her face. I traced the sheen of sweat between her breasts with my finger. “You are perfect, baby. Thank you.” I kissed her sternum. “Thank you.” Thank you, God, for creating this woman.
“Kiss me.” She wrapped both hands around my neck and tugged me up so she could reach my lips. Her lips were eager. An onslaught of torturous want. “I need you, Gus. Inside me.”
Gently, I flattened my chest to hers. Her skin was warm against mine, her breaths still labored, bringing us closer together on every pant.
Her thighs widened and my cock dipped lower, hitting her clit. Her eyes rolled back, and she hissed. “Still a thirsty little crow after all that?” I laughed.
Decca pressed her lips together in a determined line. Her eyes dark with power. Her hand reached between us, flattening her palm between my cock and my belly, pressing it down against her pussy.
I took the hint.
I drew my hips back, my eyes fluttering closed. Slowly, achingly, I fucked her slit as she pushed my cock against her clit, greedy for more like she hadn’t just come three times.
She gasped. Her inhale flared out her ribs, pushing her tits up. I wanted her nipple on my tongue, but I needed to take this slowly. I needed to come deep inside her, and I needed control to do it.
It’d been so long since my dick had felt the warmth of a woman. I’d forgotten how otherworldly it was.
I pulled back again. This time, Decca moved her hand. She gripped my cock, stroking it once, twice before guiding the head through her folds, moistening it with her juice, and lining it up with her opening.
Entering her would damn well kill me.
I rolled onto my back. She let out a shocked laugh as I brought her with me, wrapping her thighs around my waist so she was straddling me. She’d have better control of how much she could take if she was on top.
“Take it, Crow. Slowly. So we can see.”
Her lips parted wide as she let out a hot breath and her eyes closed. Then she raised herself onto her knees and positioned my cock at the right place between her legs.
Slowly, she sank down, letting out a low wail. My hands jerked to her hips, holding her in place, impaled on just the tip of my cock. It was too much. My chest was about to burst. Pressure built behind my eyes, and I swallowed down a lump in my throat.
“Decca,” I said, not knowing why. Not knowing what to say after. Just needing her name on my lips. “Dec.” She lowered herself down another inch, blowing out a long breath as she adjusted to my girth.
“You’re so beautiful. Look, Decca. Watch yourself.”
Her looking down at her vagina swallowing my cock, inch by fucking inch, a sexy smile on her entranced face, was enough that I needed to grip her hips again to keep her sinking any lower.
“Don’t fucking move, or it’ll be too much. I won’t be able to hold back.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“Is that how you like to take it? You want my cock pounding into you, fucking you into the bed? Or do you like the slow glide, the subtle pressure of me filling you, moving so slowly you can’t take it?” She whimpered, her brows drawing together and mouth parting in a look of agony. I watched the rise and fall of her quick breaths as I moved slowly, shallowly inside her. “Touch yourself, Crow.”
“What?”
“Circle your clit. Whatever it takes. I want to watch your beautiful fingers play with your pussy as you take me.”
“You do like a show, don’t you?”
“Only when it’s you.”
She licked her lips in concentration. It was clear she felt uncomfortable, but we were past the stage of discomfort. I’d seen her pawing and writhing, spasming and shaking from need and orgasm already. What was this shyness now?
“Look at me. Or look at us,” I told her.
Her eyes locked on mine as she parted her labia, holding herself open with two fingers while she circled her clit sideways with the pad of her middle finger.
The sun had gone down and in the light of the single lamp in the room, her torso was as smooth and lithe as a magnolia petal. Her dark nipples stood out like sentries. Her pink lips formed into an O.
She did give a good show. “Lower, Dec. I can feel you stretching around me. Take more.”
“Uhn,” came an unintelligible sound from her throat as she sank lower. I replaced her hand with my thumb, continuing her pattern. Her vagina looked stunning wrapped around my dick. She dropped lower and I let out a hiss. Ohh, God, she was so warm. So tight. My cock glistened as it slid out of her slick cunt.
The feel of her was indescribable. Torturous. Bliss. Too much. Not enough.
Never enough.
When I was nearly halfway in, her vagina was somehow squeezing the top of my head. It had been a very long time since I’d been inside a woman, but I didn’t remember it driving me out of my mind like Decca was doing to me now. I was going to come too fast like this.
“More?” she asked, sweetly. Oh God, did she even know what that voice did to me?
“Yeah, baby, you can take more. Watch yourself take me. Deeper, Deeper, oh, God, stop.” I breathed. “Stop. I need…a minute.” I groaned as she ignored me, wiggling her way down my shaft until she was fully seated. Her ass firm and hot on my thighs.
“Gus.” She said conversationally. As if she wasn’t seated on my dick just now. As if I hadn’t just died from being inside her. “I don’t know what I was thinking. You’re fucking huge.”
“Mmhmm. And I’m going to make you come again. So fucking hard.”
“Oh, God,” she complained. But she rocked herself back and forth. “Mmm,” she pinched her lips together and winced.
“You feel so good, Crow.” I flipped her onto her back and pushed in again, not all the way, just enough to reach that place inside her that squeezed my head and milked my cock until my eyes rolled back. “You’re... Fuck, what are you doing to me?”
“Keep talking, Gus. Don’t stop. I love the way to talk to me.”
It was like I couldn’t get close enough to her. I needed to breathe her in. Consume her.
I lifted her leg, kneading her thigh in my hand. She moaned when I sank even deeper inside her, rubbing her clit with my pubic bone. With every move, she let out a squeal. “You like it when I’m deep inside you? When I... open you up to me?”
“Yes. Oh God, yes.”
“I love watching you like this. Bare. Stripped of everything except what’s mine.” I gritted my teeth, plunging deeper on the last word. Mine. She was mine.
I moved faster, matching her rhythm as she unconsciously rocked her hips to meet mine. It was like she was in a trance, and she was taking me with her. “You’re mine, Crow.”
“Yes.” She rocked deeper, her back arching off the bed.
“Tell me you’re mine.”
“I’m yours.”
My hand fitted itself around her delicate neck, gently hugging the sides and pushing her into the mattress. I grunted, I moaned. I was long past caring how I sounded. She didn’t care either. Her mewls and moans and hoarse pants were wild, and she was making me feral along with her. “My wife.”
“Yesss,” she droned on a long note. She was coming. Hard. Screaming. Talons breaking my skin. I could feel her muscles pulsing around my cock. Finally, blessedly, I could let go.
Release floated through me. My back jerked as I emptied deep inside her. My eyes went dark as my final thrusts pumped into her, giving her everything. Every. Fucking. Drop. Of my cum.
Nothing. Nothing had ever felt like this.
I fell onto her, giving her almost my full weight as my cock slowly softened inside her. I knew she needed to get up and pee, but I was reluctant to let her leave my sight, even for a couple of minutes.
“That was...” she started.
“Yeah. It was,” I agreed.
“I’ve gotta...”
“Yeah. Okay.” I slipped out of her, leaving a milky puddle to drip down between her legs and between her ass cheeks. And fuck if the sight of my cum leaking from her wasn’t already making me hard again.
“Oh, God, I can’t walk,” she laughed. She stumbled as she tried to get up, drunk on orgasms.
I rolled off the bed and scooped her up in my arms. “Come on, Crow.”
She crashed into my chest, still laughing while I placed her gently on the toilet.
“Go,” I crossed my arms.
“Not with you in here.”
“I’m the reason you’re in here.”
“I’m shy.”
“Not in bed you weren’t.”
“That’s different.”
I sighed. “I’ll be right outside.” I kissed the top of her head. Grabbing a washcloth from the linen closet that smelled like old lady soap, I stood outside the door. As soon as I heard the toilet flush, I came in.
“Oh, my God, Gus. Hold on.”
I turned on the tap to let the water run warm. With the cloth wet, I knelt behind her at her feet. Decca watched me, a smile playing at her lips.
“Spread your legs.”
With gentle strokes, I attended to my precious wife. The woman worth more than rubies. She’d taken a lot tonight. Not just my dick, but the orgasms, the instructions, the talking. It was a big change in our relationship. I didn’t know if she’d regret it tomorrow. If she regretted it already.
My cock still felt the echoes of her pussy. My brain still drowsy and loopy from the thrill of being inside her.
She said nothing as I cleaned her, but to me, she was in her element, leaning against the sink basin with legs spread wide, hands resting on the porcelain edge.
There was no room to hide herself. No shame. Not in her, the way she studied my face with the smirk of a queen. Not in me supplicating myself before her, kneeling on the hard tiles of the bathroom floor and looking adoringly into her eyes in the mirror.