Chapter 16 Elsie
Elsie
My good mood lasted all day, even though Nelly and I didn’t get much sleep before our night shifts because we’d been so busy.
‘You left the book with Barbara?’ Nelly asked as we walked to work later. There was no sign of Jackson, for once, and I was glad.
‘I did. She was going to take it to her ward because she thought some of her patients might like to write about this war compared with the last one.’
‘God, poor buggers, living through this twice,’ Nelly said.
‘At least they’re old enough not to fight this time round.
One of the surgeons was telling me yesterday that his brother was at Amiens, when he was only fifteen, and he’s joined up again this time.
He said his mother is beside herself with worry. ’
‘Crikey. The poor woman.’
Nelly put her arm through mine. ‘I know. It made me think of my mammy, you know? I get annoyed with her fussing, but it’s only because she cares.’
‘That’s what I keep telling you.’
She smiled at me. ‘Maybe I should read her letters?’
‘You should.’
‘I’m staying here, mind you.’
‘Glad to hear it.’
As we walked into the hospital, Frank was there chatting to the girl who worked on reception.
‘How are you still here?’ I said. ‘You have to go home, Frank.’
‘I’m heading out now,’ he said with a grin. ‘Don’t you worry about me.’
I laughed and he gave me a nudge. ‘Everyone’s talking about you.’
‘Are they?’ I gave Nelly a slightly questioning glance and she shrugged. ‘Why?’
‘Not you personally, it’s your book they’re talking about,’ he said. ‘Every ward I go in, people are chatting about it. Everyone wants to write in it.’
‘Where is it?’ I said. ‘Do you know?’
‘Last I heard one of the Red Cross nurses had taken it.’
‘In the huts?’ I frowned. ‘I thought all the airmen had written in it already.’
Frank shrugged. ‘That’s what I heard.’
‘I’ll go and find it.’
Frank gave me a little mock salute and wandered off. I turned to Nelly. ‘Coming?’
‘I would,’ she said. ‘But Percy should just be finishing his shift so I thought I’d see if I could say a quick hello.’
‘My book and I can’t compete with the charms of Dr Barnet,’ I teased.
Nelly kissed me on the cheek.
‘You’re brilliant, but frankly, no you can’t,’ she said. She sashayed away from me and I laughed as I headed to the hut, wondering why the airmen had wanted to write more in the book.
Judith was just coming out as I approached, her arms full of sheets for the laundry crate, which was outside. She threw them in and turned to me, looking worried.
‘Oh, Elsie,’ she said. ‘We lost Eric.’
I put my hand to my heart. ‘Sweet Eric?’ He was so full of life, I couldn’t quite believe it.
She nodded her head, sadly. ‘Sweet Eric.’
‘But he seemed to be recovering well. What happened?’
‘Internal bleeding,’ she said. ‘And then his heart gave out.’
‘Lord.’
We stood for a moment in silence. I was thinking of how quickly a life could be snuffed out, and how glad I was that Eric had the chance to write a message.
‘How are they doing?’ I asked eventually, nodding my head towards the hut.
‘Sad and a couple are angry. But they’re resigned mostly. That’s what’s so awful. They just expect to go.’ She reached out and took my hand. ‘Your book has already helped so much.’
My eyes filled with tears again. I seemed to be doing nothing but crying these days. ‘I’m really glad,’ I muttered. ‘Is it here? Do you have it?’
‘It’s on the desk. I went to fetch it when Eric died. I wanted to check he’d written in it.’
‘He had written, hadn’t he?’ I screwed my face up, trying to remember if I’d seen something from him. ‘Something to his wife?’
‘Yes, he wrote to his wife.’
My legs were shaking. Knowing it was totally unprofessional I sat down on the wooden steps leading up to the hut. ‘So we can send her the message,’ I said. ‘That’s exactly what I hoped. I can copy it out from the page, and put it in the post for her.’
Judith bit her lip. ‘Eric was from the East End. And the telegram that was sent to his wife telling her he’d been injured was returned.’ She shook her head. ‘No one knows where she is.’
‘Blast.’ I leaned back, looking up into the grey sky. The sun never seemed to shine anymore. A layer of grime covered everything. ‘Is she dead?’
‘I don’t think so, because I think we’d know if that were the case. I think it’s more likely she’s been bombed out and had to move.’
‘I didn’t think of that,’ I admitted. ‘It didn’t occur to me that we’d struggle to send the messages.’
‘I might be able to help.’ Judith sat down next to me.
‘You can?’
‘The Red Cross runs the Missing, Wounded and Relatives department,’ she said, sitting up straighter as she spoke. ‘They might be able to track her down.’ She turned to me with a sudden grin. ‘I know a chap who works there. I can pull a few strings.’
‘Do you think so?’
‘He’s my husband,’ she said. ‘He’ll help.’
*
When I was back at the hospital a couple of days later for my first day shift, Judith came to find me on my ward.
‘Mickey – that’s my husband – he found Eric’s wife,’ she said.
‘And does she know?’
Judith nodded, her lips a tight line. ‘She does.’
‘It’s so sad,’ I said.
‘Mickey told her Eric had left a message for her, and she took a lot of comfort in that.’
‘Really?’ I put a hand to my chest. ‘Then I’ll make sure I send it today. Do you have her address?’
Judith pulled a slip of paper from her apron pocket and handed it to me. ‘She’s staying with a friend’s mother, or her mother’s friend, one or the other, who runs a boarding house in Clacton.’
‘If I write the message during my break, I can catch the post,’ I said more to myself than to Judith.
‘Do you have the book? With Eric’s message in it?’
I nodded. ‘It’s in the staffroom.’
Judith put her hand on my shoulder. ‘Even if none of the other messages get passed on, Eric’s wife reading his last letter makes the whole thing worthwhile.’
‘Do you think so?’
‘I do.’
I smiled. ‘I’ll send it today.’
‘When you’re finished do you think you could pop by the huts?’ she asked. ‘I know the men would like to know what you’ve done and I’m pretty sure they’d rather hear it from you than from me.’
My cheeks reddened as I thought about Harry and I nodded. ‘Of course.’
*
So, at the end of my shift I went to the hut once again. Today the mood among the airmen was more sombre and I wasn’t surprised. They’d lost Vinny and Eric in quick succession, not to mention all the men and women who’d been killed by the bomb. There had been so much loss.
‘I wanted to let you know that I’ve written out Eric’s message to his wife, and I’m going to post it on my way home.’ I looked round at their faces. Less full of fun today and more etched with worry.
‘I tell you what,’ the airman called Davey said, ‘I’m not sure about the others, but knowing I’ve left a letter that my family can read if … you know, that makes me feel better. More secure.’
‘That’s good to know.’ I felt tears prickle my eyes again and wondered briefly if I would always feel this way when I thought about Billy. ‘My brother …’ I began but my voice cracked. ‘He, erm …’
The baby-faced airman who was always reading the newspaper, had been sitting on top of his bed. Now he stood up and came over to me. ‘Got him, did they?’
I nodded. ‘Dunkirk,’ I whispered.
‘What was his name?’
‘Billy.’
‘Well, I reckon we should have three cheers for Billy. What do you reckon, lads?’
‘Nice one, Malcolm,’ said Davey. ‘Hip hip …’
I laced my fingers together as these kind, funny, brave men all cheered for my brother. The nurses joined in too. I was so moved that when they were done, I couldn’t speak. I simply held out my hands, trying to say thank you without speaking.
‘Nurse Watson?’ I turned to see Harry, in his bed, looking at me with concern. ‘Are you all right?’
I gave him a little smile. ‘That was just so lovely, it made me all emotional.’
He sniffed. ‘You’re not the only one,’ he said. ‘But don’t tell the others – they’ll tease me rotten.’
‘Ah, they were all wiping their eyes,’ I told him.
‘Life is short,’ Harry said. ‘And you’d think we’d be used to it by now, but somehow it’s always a shock.’
‘I think when it stops being a shock, that’s when you stop being human.’
‘True.’ He smiled at me and again I felt that connection between us, like I knew him.
‘Nelly, my friend, she says that we should live our lives to the fullest, because we never know when they will end.’
‘Nelly’s right.’
I knew I should go, because it was getting dark, but I didn’t want to leave. Instead I sat down next to his bed.
‘How are you feeling? How’s your leg?’
Harry hadn’t broken his leg but he’d wrenched it so badly he’d damaged some of his ligaments.
‘The leg is not great,’ he said with a rueful grin. ‘But I’m getting the casts off my arms soon.’
‘How wonderful. Isn’t that a lovely Christmas present?’
Harry looked surprised. ‘I’d forgotten that it’s almost Christmas.’
‘It’s only a week away,’ I said. ‘Nelly and I have decorated our flat with holly.’ I lowered my voice. ‘She stole it from the park.’
He laughed and I was pleased. ‘She is living life to the fullest.’
‘She really is.’
His expression darkened a bit and for a second he looked like a little boy who’d lost his favourite toy. ‘It’s going to be rotten being here on Christmas Day.’
‘Oh, blimey. It’s Christmas,’ said Davey, overhearing. ‘What’s it like here at Christmas? Will you be working?’
‘I will be.’
‘Will you bring us presents?’ asked baby-faced Malcolm.
I laughed. ‘Aren’t you a bit old for Father Christmas.’
‘Never,’ Harry declared.
‘I quite like working on Christmas Day,’ I told them.
‘Well, I always have before now. I can’t imagine the Luftwaffe will let up, even if it is December 25, so it’ll just be like a normal day.
’ I remembered the Christmases we’d had at the hospital before the war.
‘We usually have carol singers,’ I said.
‘And the children on the ward get presents. Just something small. And my very first year of nursing, it snowed on Christmas Day, which was really magical.’
‘What’s your favourite bit of Christmas?’ Malcolm asked.
I thought for a moment. ‘Carols,’ I said. ‘They’re so beautiful. What’s your favourite?’
Malcolm rolled his eyes at the silliness of my question. ‘Presents,’ he said and I laughed.
Harry cleared his throat. ‘Come on, then,’ he said to the room.
‘God rest ye merry gentlemen,’ he began to sing. He had a nice voice, clear and tuneful. One by one, the rest of the airmen joined in. It wasn’t always in tune, and some of them didn’t know all the words, but it was the nicest carol I thought I’d ever heard.
As they finished singing, I clapped madly and the other nurses all joined in. ‘You’re all full of Christmas spirit already,’ I said. ‘Thank you all.’
‘Will you come and see us on Christmas Day?’ asked Malcolm.
I answered him but it was Harry I was really talking to. ‘Just try and stop me,’ I said.
I found Nelly waiting for me just inside the main hospital entrance.
‘They sang carols for me,’ I said as I approached. ‘The lovely airmen sang.’ She turned to face me and I saw she was looking cross and harried, which was most unlike her. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I just saw that Jackson,’ she said.
I threw my head back in frustration. ‘Here? At the hospital?’
‘Think he’s come to meet you?’
‘He knows my shifts,’ I said, looking out at the dark sky and shaking my head. ‘He is always there. Everywhere I go. And I know he’s looking out for me, but it’s so annoying. I’m fine. I don’t need him.’
Nelly made a face. ‘He annoys me and I’m not the one he’s following around like a lovesick pup.’
‘Urgh, not lovesick,’ I said with real force. ‘Oh gosh, do you think he’s lovesick?’
‘He’s something all right.’
‘Oh, Nell, what should I do?’
‘He’s not here now, is he?’
I looked around. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Then let’s walk home as fast as we can, and try to stay out of his way for now.’
We wrapped our coats round us a little tighter as we went out into the dark, cold evening.
‘I’m so pleased I’ve got you, Nelly,’ I said. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’
‘Same here.’ She nudged me with her shoulder. ‘Now tell me about these carols.’