Chapter 42 Stephanie
Stephanie
Six weeks later
I was a total mess of nervous energy. I wasn’t sleeping. I was barely eating. But it was strange. It was good. It wasn’t like when Max had disappeared and I was curled up inside myself, frightened about what could have happened. This was different. This time I was throwing my energy outwards.
‘Outwards?’ Tara said with a raised eyebrow. ‘That sounds like hippy-dippy bullshit to me.’
I punched her arm. ‘You’re meant to be supportive,’ I said. ‘Which shoes? These ones that make me feel like Kate Middleton, or the trainers?’
‘Trainers,’ Tara said without hesitation. ‘Can you even walk in the other ones?’
‘Not really.’
‘Trainers. What are you wearing?’
‘I thought that floaty dress and Max’s leather jacket if it’s chilly?’
‘Perfect.’
‘Not too scruffy? The mayor’s coming.’
‘The mayor of London?’ Tara looked impressed. ‘That’s so cool.’
‘No, not him. The local mayor.’
‘Oh.’ She shrugged. ‘Still good, though.’
‘Will you do my hair?’
‘If you like.’
‘And my makeup? I’m too nervous.’
‘Sure.’ She looked at me closely. ‘Have you heard from Finn?’
‘No.’ I buried my head in my wardrobe. ‘Now where did I put that dress?’
‘It’s hanging on the door,’ Tara said. She was sitting on my bed and now she lay back against the pillows and watched me.
‘Nothing at all?’ she said.
‘No, stop asking.’ I’d sent Finn an invitation to the unveiling of the mural. And I’d added a little note to the back of the card, saying: “Have BIG news about Elsie. Will tell you when I see you. Please come.”
But he’d not replied. Instead of fretting about it, I’d thrown myself into painting the mural – with a lot of help from the Tall Trees residents who’d picked up brushes and more than done their bit.
Everyone had got involved: Joyce, Mr Yin, Kenny, Helen – even Blessing.
Val had taken it upon herself to organise the catering for the event and was spending her time writing lists and haranguing Tara who was holding the after-party at The Vine for me.
I’d thought Tara and Val would clash horribly but actually there was a mutual admiration there that warmed my heart.
‘And the Irish visitors have all arrived, have they?’
‘They have. Micah’s been showing them round, bless him. He’s going to fetch them from their hotel later and herd them all to Tall Trees.’
‘He’s a sweetheart.’
‘He is. He’s helped me so much.’
‘I think it goes both ways.’ Tara clapped her hands. ‘Right, go and get in the shower and then we’ll sort your hair and makeup.’
Obediently, I picked up a towel from the radiator and made for the door, then I paused.
‘Do you think he’ll come, Tara?’
She smiled at me. ‘Go on, or we won’t have time to do your hair.’
That was a no, then.
*
The residents at Tall Trees were in a frenzy of excitement. The noise level was more like a primary school than a retirement home with laughter echoing through the corridors. Tara and I exchanged a glance and I felt a little flutter of pleasure.
In the lounge, Val was holding court, directing Franklin and Vir who were handing round canapés and drinks.
Joyce was wearing a lime-green suit and looked like the queen, and Kenny’s very buff grandson Kyle had arrived and was charming all the elderly ladies.
Blessing had said she would go and get my nan before the unveiling, so she could be involved too.
There was a real buzz of fun and anticipation in the room.
‘This is all for you,’ Tara said giving me a nudge. ‘You did this.’
I gave her a tight smile as Val rushed up and swept her away, asking questions about prosecco glasses and sausage rolls.
I went to walk into the room and found I couldn’t move.
I was paralysed with fear – frozen to the spot.
“This is all for you,” a voice in my head said. “Do you really deserve it?”
I stood at the door, watching the activity around me with wide eyes, fighting the urge to run away.
My breath began to quicken and I pushed my palm against my chest, trying to force myself to breathe normally.
But it was too late. My skin was prickling and I knew I was about to panic.
I glanced behind me, wondering wildly if I could make a dash for the door, but a group of men in suits – one wearing the thick gold chain of office that told me he was the mayor – was approaching and I didn’t want to barge past the dignitaries and ruin everything.
Trapped, I felt my forehead grow clammy and my head spun as shadows crowded into my vision. And then suddenly someone looped an arm through mine, holding me steady. I glanced round to see Micah looking at me in concern.
‘Okay?’ he said.
I couldn’t speak. I just shook my head, pressing my lips together.
‘Right. Follow my breath,’ he said. ‘In, out, come on. In and out.’
I tried to do as he said, as the crowded room swirled round me.
‘Watch me,’ Micah said. ‘Look right at me. In, out, in, out.’
Slowly my breathing became more regular and steady and my vision cleared.
‘Thank you,’ I said to Micah.
‘Better?’ he asked.
I nodded. ‘Did anyone see?’
‘Nah, they’re all too busy looking at that man’s guns.’ He nodded towards Kyle who was surrounded by eager Tall Trees residents and he gave me a wide grin. ‘I brought a mate.’
For the first time I noticed another teenaged boy standing slightly self-consciously to the side. ‘This is Oz. We do art club together. He’s like a major history geek.’
‘Nice to meet you,’ I said, pleased that Micah was making friends now. Maybe we really had helped each other.
Not wanting to embarrass him in front of his new mate by giving him a hug, I instead gave Micah’s arm a grateful squeeze. ‘What would I do without you?’ I said.
‘You wouldn’t run out of cereal so fast.’
‘There is that.’ I laughed. ‘Go and get yourselves a drink and some food.’
The boys didn’t need to be asked twice. They vanished off in the direction of the buffet and ever so casually I surveyed the room, looking for Finn’s floppy hair. But there was no sign of him.
‘Stephanie?’ Helen was there looking proud as punch with her three identical-looking brothers. She introduced me to them all and I was touched when they all bundled me into an enormous hug.
‘We’re so grateful to you for telling Mammy’s story,’ one of them said when he let me go.
‘It’s a wonderful tale to tell,’ I said. I swapped a little glance with Helen, who gave me a nod. We’d cut the incriminating pages out of the book and then Helen and I had stuck them in the shredder in the office. No one would ever know about what Elsie had done, and that was fine.
‘Your mother was a clever woman,’ I said now, truthfully. ‘She lost so much and then gained a whole new family when she went to Ireland.’
‘Do you know she arrived in Dublin a week or so before the Belfast Blitz?’ one of the brothers said. ‘They weren’t prepared for bombings, and they didn’t have enough ambulances or fire engines.’
‘Or hospital beds,’ said another brother. They’d obviously heard this story many times before.
‘So, when the bombs fell, a load of ambulances and fire engines went up from Dublin to help,’ the man carried on.
‘They put aside all political differences and just helped out. Mammy volunteered at the hospital, because they were short of staff obviously as so many people had gone up to the north. And that’s how she got given her job there after Helen was born. ’
‘That’s amazing,’ I said, thinking with a pang how much Finn would love to hear that tale. ‘I’ll have to do another mural to tell that story.’
The men all laughed heartily, then one of them pulled out his phone, which had buzzed with a message.
‘Just arriving,’ he said to me in an undertone. I nodded.
‘Helen?’ I said. ‘I think there’s someone here to see you.’
I guided her towards the door, just as a woman with silver-streaked short hair, dark-rimmed glasses, and a gorgeous necklace walked in.
‘Julia,’ Helen gasped. ‘How did you …’
Julia laughed. ‘Someone called Stevie phoned me,’ she said. ‘Begged me to come over and “make amends before it was too late”.’
‘I did say that,’ I admitted.
Helen fixed me with a steely glare. ‘Before it’s too late?’ she said pretending – at least I hoped she was pretending – to be insulted. ‘I’ve got years left in me.’
‘Then make the most of them,’ I said. I watched as she and Julia embraced and, feeling a little teary and emotional, I went in search of some prosecco.
With a glass in my hand, I stood at the edge of the room.
Micah and Oz were talking to Kenny, who was animatedly demonstrating some sort of football move.
I hoped he wouldn’t hurt himself – he wasn’t as steady on his feet as he thought he was.
Joyce and Mr Yin were standing beside the windows, elegant as anything, sipping their drinks.
Blessing and Vanessa were dressed in their best, looking gorgeous and laughing like drains, which was making everyone around them smile.
Val was rushing around, rosy-cheeked, and looked happier than I’d seen her in months.
It was perfect. I felt like everything was coming together.
But not quite.
Suddenly I wanted to see the mural and check it was all okay before I had to share it with the world. Well, maybe not the world but the mayor and the residents. I put my prosecco on a table and slipped out of the door and round the corner to the end gable.
The mural had been covered with a thick curtain, sort of like a changing room in a clothes shop, ready for the grand unveiling, but I wanted to see it before then. So I ducked underneath the fabric to look at it.
It was quiet in there with the material muffling the sounds of the cars swishing past on the road, and the laugher and chatter from the lounge. The light was dim but I could see enough. I stood there, breathing deeply and looked up at the mural.