Chapter 11
11
I turned to face him and he hung his head in shame.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Ah, it’s nothing. Don’t worry.’
‘It clearly is something. I’m a good listener, Dennis, and sometimes a problem shared is a problem halved.’
A quick lift of his eyebrows showed me that he was dubious about that statement.
‘Up to you. No skin off my nose if you don’t want to tell me. I know we don’t always see eye to eye on stuff, but maybe you just need a friend right now. Someone who can listen to you, not judge you, and let you talk.’
His shoulders were rising and falling with the deep breaths he was taking. It clearly wasn’t easy for him to confide in someone.
‘Years of working all the hours God sends, at full pelt, took its toll on me. I made a bad decision and it cost someone a lot of money.’
I rubbed his back, not really knowing if it was the right thing to do but he looked like he needed comforting.
‘Shit happens, Dennis. It’s not the end of the world.’
‘It was the end of someone’s world.’ He turned to me with a tear in his eye.
‘Money isn’t everything.’
‘It is to some people. You can’t just go through life without making it safe and secure for yourself. You need money to do that. I know that more than anyone.’
Wondering how this random statement was related, I tipped my head to one side, and waited until he felt he could continue.
‘I gave someone some bad advice and they lost everything they had. I told them they should take a risk on something, with some of their investments.’
‘Well, surely that’s not so bad?’
‘No, but I hadn’t done my due diligence and what I didn’t know was that they were in a lot of trouble financially and they risked not just some of what they had, but everything .’
‘Ah.’
‘Ah, indeed. He lost his business. His wife walked out on him. His children won’t speak to him and he has literally nothing. He’s now had to move back in with his parents while he tries to sort his life out. He’s fifty-seven years old and, thanks to me, hasn’t got a penny to his name.’
‘That wasn’t your fault though. Surely you can’t blame yourself.’
‘But I do. If I’d known the extent of his difficulties, I would have advised against risking anything let alone everything. That’s kind of my job. I should have known.’
‘But if he didn’t tell you, how could it have been your fault?’
‘Well, they said that at work too, but it hurts, Nance.’ His voice caught and I put my hand on top of his, which was resting on his knees. It hadn’t gone unnoticed that he’d abbreviated my name to something I’d never liked as a child but when he said it, it sounded… well, it kind of sounded good.
He smiled at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes and then he looked away out to the horizon. He looked like a crestfallen little boy and my heart reached out to him. Gone was the brash, self-assured man who was normally brimming with confidence, telling me what I should do to turn my business around. And there before me was a man who was vulnerable and full of self-loathing. A very unfamiliar Dennis.
I looked to see what he was fixated on and saw a boat bobbing on the horizon.
‘I should have asked more questions. I should have shown more interest and not just seen the pound signs flashing. I stood to make a big commission from him and for the company I work for. I was about to be made a partner. That was important to me.’
‘And can that not still happen? Surely if you’re good at your job then this won’t stop you.’
‘Not sure to be honest. They gave me some time out for us both to do some thinking. About whether they want to still make me a partner after all of this. And I’m wondering whether I want them to. I don’t know what I want any more. And that’s why I’m here, Nance. Bet you wished you’d never asked now.’
He glanced across at me, looked deep into my eyes and bit his lip. I knew this was not the time or place to even think this, but when he did that, it did something very strange to my nether regions and all I could think about was how his lips would feel on mine. Or how they’d taste. I blushed at how inappropriate I was being.
We both looked out to sea and at the little dot in the distance.
Eventually he broke the silence.
‘I wonder who is on that. Whenever I see a boat, I wonder where they’ve been and where they are heading to. It’s like a metaphor for my life right now.’
It’s good to talk when you have something on your mind. I knew from working with children that keeping stuff inside didn’t help anyone. It was an honour that he’d confided in me, but I felt quite responsible that whatever I said next should be significant and meaningful, yet I couldn’t think of anything intelligent to say.
‘Everything happens for a reason, we just don’t always know what it is. Maybe it’ll all work out well in the end for him.’
This was a very different Dennis to the one I normally saw. This was a sweet, caring man who, I felt, I could really get to like. Someone I wanted to know more about. He was clearly feeling guilty for something that was not his fault, but I don’t think it would matter what anyone said to him in that moment, he had to work it all out for himself.
He sat upright, sniffed, and wiped his nose on the back of his hand before standing abruptly, reaching out for my hand. I looked up and took his, until I was standing too.
‘Is it helping to be here?’ I asked. ‘Giving you some perspective? Helping you to decide what you want?’
He looked deep into my eyes, as if he could see into my very soul. His gaze flickered to my lips and back, and he stepped closer, narrowing the gap between us. I held my breath, knowing that I wanted him to kiss me more than I had wanted anything before.
Suddenly, he took a step back.
‘You have no idea, Nance.’
He grinned that cheeky grin and it was like a switch had flicked inside him. At the same time, my tummy did that funny little skip thing again.
‘Come on. Let’s go and find some more beach to rescue. At least I can do something practical here that will help. And you never know, we might find a tree or two to hug. It won’t earn you any money, eh? But hey ho! We get to save the planet. Yay!’ He winked at me as he walked past, bent down, and grabbed a plastic water bottle from behind a rock, cockily throwing it up into the air and, to my annoyance, catching it in his rubbish bag.
Just like that, the other Dennis was back. The one that wound me up, irritated the hell out of me and the one that for some unknown reason was getting me all hot under the collar.
The sound of a text arriving on Dennis’s phone interrupted our companionable silence as we picked up bits of plastic from the beach. Blood drained from his face.
‘I’m sorry, Nancy, but I have to go.’ He hurried back over to where he had locked his stuff, retrieved it and swapped his shoes over.
‘Is everything OK, Dennis?’ His behaviour was bizarre.
‘Tickety-fucking-boo, Nancy.’ Without even saying goodbye, he practically ran away from the beach.
What an odd man he was.