Chapter 31
31
I didn’t know how I was going to afford it, but I was going to have to shut the shop while I cleared my head. I didn’t know how long it was going to take but I needed to get away and the only place I could think of was the cabin in the woods that Dan was staying in. It was the perfect escape. Dennis had no idea where it was and I had sworn Mum, Dad and Dan to secrecy. Under no circumstances whatsoever did I want Dennis to know where to find me.
My poor bruised and battered heart needed to heal and I couldn’t do that with the eyes of Driftwood Bay upon me. I knew I’d get over Dennis in time. Everyone did get over heartbreak, I wasn’t naive enough to know that I’d be broken forever, but he’d done a very good job of damaging it. What better place to be than with my brother. Us looking after each other like old times.
When I arrived home on the night of the launch, the indent of Dennie’s head and his scent were still on my pillow. That upset me more than I ever thought possible. Mum sat with me and stroked my head to try to get me to nod off and eventually I did, although my sleep was so very restless that night.
Dan took me over to the lodge early the next morning.
For the first two days, I finally surrendered to sleep, only getting up to go into my en suite or to accept the food Dan had left me. My appetite had gone, I didn’t fancy anything at all, and quite ungratefully, only picked at what he made me. I just felt constantly nauseous.
On day three, there was a loud knock on my bedroom door.
‘Right, sis. What would you say to me if I was lying in my pit wallowing over Sabrina?’
He plonked himself down on the bed and I could feel it go down with his weight. I buried myself under the covers but he swiped them away and I felt arms scoop me up.
He carried me into the lounge area despite my protestations.
‘Put me down, you dickhead.’
‘Nope!’
He opened the door to the decking area while still manoeuvring me around. The cold wind whipped around my ears and he put me down on the wet floor.
As he closed the door behind me, he winked and grinned.
‘You git!’
‘Language, Nancy!’
And then he closed the curtains so he couldn’t see me any more.
I’d forgotten what an idiot my brother could be. In our youth, he’d done several stupid stunts like this. He used to sometimes come into my room and tell me it was snowing. I’d jump out of bed to look and it wasn’t at all. It was just his daft sense of humour. I remembered how much fun we’d had as teenagers. He may well have teased me constantly and wound me up but we were as thick as thieves and as well as being my brother, he was also my best friend and I adored him. That’s why the way Sabrina treated him affected me so much and I hated to see her taking him for a mug. I realised also that this was the first time in the last few days that I’d thought of someone else apart from Dennis. Maybe this short sharp shock was exactly what I needed.
Banging on the door and shouting ‘I’m cold’ only resulted in the door being opened and a throw being thrust at me. The door closed again as quickly as it opened. I noticed that someone, presumably my brother, had wiped the furniture down, put the cushions out and had placed a cup of tea in a thermal mug on the table. There was a parcel wrapped up in tin foil too. My curiosity got the better of me and I sat and unwrapped it, smiling from ear to ear when I saw the bacon sandwich inside. He knew me so well.
As I draped the throw around me and devoured the sandwich – made just as I liked it; well done on crusty freshly made tiger bread with red sauce – my heart swelled with love for my brother. Maybe he knew me better than I knew myself. Maybe this was just what I needed.
Around me, I noticed that there was a coating of frost on the ground, yet the sun was shining high in the sky, giving it a slight heat, and the blue sky above was such a contrast to the lush green grass and the trees which surrounded the cabin. Squirrels scampered along the balustrade around the decking, brave and hoping that I might drop a crumb. I know people always said they were vermin and no better than rats but with their cute faces and bushy tails they were far cuter and more acceptable.
The last bite of the sandwich was amazing. I hadn’t realised how very hungry I was.
I knocked on the door.
‘Thank you,’ I said when he opened it.
‘You’re welcome.’
‘Can I come in now please, Dan?’
‘Are you going to stop moping?’
‘That’s rich coming from you. Moper of the year award. Every year!’
‘OK, so clearly you are feeling better. But for every insult you throw my way, that’s another half-hour on the decking. It’s for your own good.’
‘Dan, let me in!’
Silence.
‘ Let me in !’
‘In a bit!’
Yes, I loved my brother, but God he was annoying.
An idea sprung into my mind and I left the throw on the rattan settee and climbed over the balustrade. The grass was cold and wet on my bare feet, but I ran around the lodge to the front and tried the front door. Ha! It was open.
I ran inside, jumping from one foot to the other. Dan was sat watching the TV.
‘Hey, sis.’ His super-friendly tone did not reflect the fact that he had just shut me out of the lodge.
‘You forgot to lock the front door. Loser!’
‘Or maybe I never intended to keep you out there all day. You could have walked around at any time and let yourself in. I never locked you out. I just put you out. Very different.’
‘So kind!’
‘Anyway, I’ve run you a bubble bath. Get your arse in it. You stink!’
‘I do not.’ Despite my counterclaim, I sniffed my own armpit and admitted to myself that maybe I did smell a bit.
‘You do, Nance! You haven’t been near a shower for days. And you might want to wash your hair too. Just a suggestion.’
I walked over to my brother and gave him a hug, then breathed hard right into his face.
‘Jaysus, Nancy. Shrek breath or what?’
‘I think you mean Princess Fiona.’
He raised his eyebrows.
‘I think when you look in the mirror, you’ll realise that you look more like Shrek than her.’
I grinned as I headed off to the bathroom. I’d never been able to stay in a mood with Dan for long. He was kind and considerate and he was loving and wonderful. Sabrina didn’t deserve him and it broke my heart to think he knew no better or thought that behaviour like that was acceptable. Although now I’d had a taste of what love could be, maybe I understood him a bit more: perhaps he just lived for the good times and easily forgot the bad. Was that the secret of life? Or did we all deserve more?
Pondering this major philosophical question, I looked in the mirror, realising that it probably was best I washed my hair and got myself sorted out. A good soak in the bath was always good for my soul.
I had a little cry as the memories flooded my mind: of how it felt to fall asleep in Dennie’s arms and wake up to what I thought was the start of something special. But then I took a deep breath and washed that man right out of my hair.
As I walked back into the lodge lounge, which was cosy and warm, I knew that I not only looked better but felt better too.
‘Much improved! Well done.’
‘Kack off.’
The insult that we’d used to give each other when we were children made us both laugh. I flung myself on the settee next to Dan and gave him a proper big sloppy kiss on the cheek.
‘Thank you!’
He screwed up his face in a fake throwing-up way and wiped the kiss away with the back of his hand – again, like he used to when we were kids. It was amazing how quickly we’d stepped back into our childhood lives. We both laughed as we locked eyes.
‘I love you, sis.’
‘I love you too.’
‘Good, because we’re going for a walk in the fresh air. It’s good for the soul.’
He was so very right. Walking amongst the trees, the sun casting its magic spell as it weaved its way through the trunks, making sure we knew that it was always there, was pure bliss – Mother Nature doing her thing – and it filled my heart with joy. I didn’t do this enough. Living by the sea had kind of made me forget that I loved to be in the woods too. Nature was amazing. The sound of silence and only the clearest shrill of birdsong was balm to the soul and my spirits were lifting with every minute.
‘It’s OK to have a pity party, you know, Nance, but you’ve had it now and you need to get some normality back in your life.’
‘That’s rich coming from you.’
‘Yeah, I’ve realised that. But since I’ve been here, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’m ready to make some changes. Yeah, so I do love Sabrina, but she’s not good for me and I’ve realised now that I do want more. I do want to be treated properly – all the time. I don’t want cling on to those nice moments while I’m being treated like shit. I know you’ve been influenced negatively by our relationship, but I’ve been influenced positively by you and Dennis and what you had. I could see in his eyes every time he looked at you, the love shining through. The way he helped you. The way that you were, well, you know, a team. Working at the shop together was like you’d always been that way and that you were meant to be. That’s why I was so surprised when we found out what we did. It just doesn’t fit with what we know of him.’
‘Me too. I can’t believe it to be honest. I’ve done nothing but think about it over the last few days.’
‘Yeah, I got that.’
I smacked him on the arm and he slung his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close while we continued to walk, the leaves crunching underneath our boots.
‘Do you not want to hear what he’s got to say?’ Dan asked eventually.
‘No, I can’t right now.’
‘Maybe it would help.’
‘Nah, I don’t think so. It’s done now. I could never trust him again.’
‘But you haven’t heard his side.’
‘Why are you sticking up for him all of a sudden?’
He handed me an envelope.
‘Vi gave Mum a letter to give to you.’
Coming to a halt, I stared at the envelope in my hand. I could tell it had been written with shaky hands.
‘You don’t have to read it now but maybe when you’re feeling a little stronger, you should. Vi apparently said that she wanted to explain a few things to you.’
‘Oh!’ It was the only word that I could find. After a few seconds, I put the envelope into the back pocket of my jeans and linked my arm with Dan. The letter felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket but I was determined that I wasn’t going to read it until I went to bed that night. Today, I just needed some time to be me.