Chapter 35
35
I woke the following morning to the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the sizzling of bacon frying in a pan. I rubbed my eyes, grabbed my dressing gown, and was trying to tie the belt on it as I walked into the lounge area. I couldn’t believe that Dan was already up and dressed, looking bright eyed and bushy tailed.
I peered at the clock. It was eleven o’clock. My heart gave a little skip as I realised that it was so late, but then calmed again when I realised that I had nowhere I needed to be. Dan handed me a mug of coffee and a plate with a bacon sandwich and then flung himself on the sofa next to me, the movement spilling scalding hot coffee in my lap and all over the food.
‘Watch it, Dan. You are such a twat!’
‘Yeah, but I’m your twat!’
I screwed up my face.
‘Ew! That sounds very wrong.’
‘Yeah, it definitely sounded better in my head.’
‘Anyway, why are you looking so bloody pleased with yourself this morning?’
‘Nancy, just because you are a miserable old bitch at the moment it doesn’t mean we all have to be miserable, you know.’
‘Jeez, thanks. And you said I wasn’t moping around any more.’
‘Yeah, that was just to make you feel better, sister dear.’
I laughed.
‘It worked.’
‘Yeah, I knew it would. Well… guess who I got a text from.’
‘Mum?’
‘Sabrina.’
‘You could have at least given me three guesses, you dope. So I suppose she’s forgiven then. You’re now back together. You’ll move back in with her as always and then in six months’ time, we’ll just go through it all over again. You’re so selfish. You don’t think about how your relationship affects all of us, you know.’
I took a bite of coffee-tasting bacon sandwich and raised my eyebrows. It was actually quite nice.
‘For your information, sister dear, I told her to leave me alone and not contact me again. I said that I’ll be in touch with her when I’m ready to pick my stuff up from the house.’
I sat up straight. That definitely grabbed my attention.
‘Shit. You’re joking, right?’
‘Does this look like a face that’s joking?’
‘No, it looks like the face of a baboon’s bum. Specially that little dimple there.’
I poked him in the chin. Why on earth did we resort to this daft behaviour whenever we were together?
He pushed my arm away with his. ‘Geroff! This is serious.’
I backed down. ‘Sorry, bud.’
‘S’OK. I suppose.’
‘So what happened then?’
‘Well, look at my phone.’
I reached over. Twenty-two missed calls and a string of text messages, getting more abusive.
‘Blimey. How do you feel?’
He took a deep breath and then let out a huge sigh.
‘Actually, I feel pretty good. It’s different this time. Normally, I back down and apologise for whatever started it all off, even if it wasn’t my fault. I’ve spent my whole time with her making sure she’s happy, and I think somewhere along the way, I lost myself. I’ve realised that I have to think about my own well-being and my own mental health. It’s almost relief I feel, to be honest. Like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.’
I smiled. Thank goodness he’d realised what he’d been going through.
‘It’s all thanks to you. Dennie too.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘When you and Dennie were together, it just felt, I don’t know. Different, I suppose. Like he really saw you. Like he really liked you. I’m not sure Sabrina has ever looked at me the way that Dennie looked at you.’
‘Yeah, well, he might have looked at me like that but he still fucked up in the end.’
‘Maybe he didn’t. Maybe you do owe him the chance to explain some more. What he said in that letter was pretty awful. He must be so damaged, Nance.’
‘How do you know what he said in the letter?’
‘Err, I read it while you were in the loo.’
‘Is nothing private around you?’ I huffed.
‘Should have taken it with you then.’ He laughed, then his face got serious. ‘Perhaps he does deserve a chance.’
‘Nah.’ I swigged the remains of my coffee quickly and banged the mug down on the table, harder than I intended. ‘He had his chance and he blew it.’
‘You’re a hard woman, sis.’
‘Yeah, well they do say that if you let someone upset you when you’re first seeing them, and then take them back, it paves the way for the rest of your relationship. If they’re hurtful at a time when they should be on their best behaviour and trying to be nice, then your future is going to be bleak. Look at yours. No offence.’
‘None taken, but who says that?’
‘Me!’
He laughed.
‘Dick!’
‘Yeah, well I’m your dick.’
I overexaggerated a mock heave.
‘I hate you, Nancy.’
‘I think you’ll find that you absolutely don’t. You love me. Who wouldn’t love this?’ I waved my hands down my body – my coffee-stained dressing gown and pyjamas that hadn’t been washed for days. I brushed the breadcrumbs from around my mouth and wiped away the dried tomato ketchup from my chin, then leaned across and pinned him down to the sofa, giving him a big slobbery wet kiss.
Just as I thought he was going to push me away again, he pulled me close into the crook of his arm and held me tight.
‘We’re going to be all right, you know, sis. Both of us. We’ll laugh about this one day.’ He kissed the top of my head.
‘You think so?’ I looked up, searching his face. I could see that tears were pooling in his eyes and I could feel myself holding back a lump in my throat.
‘I know so.’
We didn’t move for the next ten minutes, both deep in our own thoughts, snuggling in close to each other until the door flung open and Mum appeared.
‘God, are you two actually being nice to each other for a change?’
We both laughed, got up and stood either side of her, wedging her in the middle in what we’d always called a Mum sandwich as kids.
She kissed us in turn, squeezing us tightly, her turn to well up with tears.
‘I couldn’t love you two more if I tried. It’s OK, my babies. It’s all going to be OK. Life is hard sometimes. But we’ve got each other and together we can do hard things.’
A long walk in the woods for the three of us, kicking up the crisp crunchy leaves and splashing in muddy puddles, definitely soothed all of our souls, as we reminisced about our childhood holidays spent on this lodge park. Dan and I had definitely become so much closer since spending all this time together over the last few days. It was funny how families were so close, but you didn’t actually spend that much time together. Not quality time. It was more snatched time, while busy lives were being lived. Obviously, I’d always loved Dan, but over the last few years he’d changed beyond recognition and it had made me feel a little bit sad.
Getting to know him all over again, while we were both nursing our tender hearts, meant that a special bond had begun to form between us and I realised what a blooming fine young man he really was. He was way too good for Sabrina, and I knew it wouldn’t be on his radar now, but I hoped that in time, he would find someone who genuinely loved him and treated him the way he should be treated. He deserved the love of a good woman. He would make a wonderful father and I knew it was something he’d always wanted. I hoped he would find the person who would let him find joy in all that he did.
As Mum was leaving, she asked me to walk with her out to the car, and before she got in, she reached into her coat pocket and handed me an envelope.
‘He was there again this morning, darling. Sitting on your step. He looked so sad. Do you feel up to speaking to him yet?’
I shook my head.
‘OK.’ She kissed my cheek. ‘See you soon. Love you.’