Chapter 50
50
‘Today doesn’t feel the same without you,’ I said, leaning forward over the grave. ‘I have such amazing memories of you coming over every Christmas Eve and as kids it was nearly as exciting as Christmas Day because we were always allowed to open our present from you. I loved those times. We were always allowed to stop up late and had such fun playing board games together.’
Kneeling down on the gardening pad I’d brought with me, I removed all the dead flowers that were lying around. I placed them, along with a few stray leaves, in a cloth bag, replacing them with the beautiful poinsettia I’d brought with me. Dan and I had always bought one of these plants for Mum and one for Aunty Theresa at Christmas. Just another little family tradition that made things feel extra special.
‘You’d have made a wonderful mum, Aunty T. You have been a second mum to me all my life and I can’t tell you how much I miss you. I know you told us not to come to your graveside, because you wouldn’t be here, but I just wanted to come by today. It’s been quite a funny few months. I don’t know if you know everything that goes on down here, and if anyone is listening to me they probably think I’m stark raving mad for talking to you, but I’m not entirely sure how all this works.’
I adjusted my position.
‘I’ve always been able to talk to you about anything. Your advice has been invaluable to me over the years and I could really do with it now. I met someone, you see. I thought he was… you know… the one. I feel so stupid now for thinking it. I’ve made a fool of myself in front of everyone. You always did say I had a trusting nature, but this time I think it got the better of me. I trusted someone who I thought loved me as much as I loved them, but it turned out not to be quite what I thought. I know I’ll get over it given time. But right now, I’m just really, really sad.’
A stray tear rolled down my cheek and I brushed it away with the back of my hand.
‘Some days, I forget you’re not here any more. I do something at the shop and think, I must tell Aunty T about that, but then it hits me all over again that I can’t. Mum lets on that she’s OK, but I’ve heard her crying and talking to Dad about you. She tries really hard to put on a brave face and says that we have to live our lives to the full, because not everyone has that privilege. She talks about how she hated you when she first met you but how she gave your friendship a chance and what firm friends you became.’
Their friendship was something so special. I’d watched them over the years and longed for a friendship like theirs, but there wasn’t really anyone in my life like that. As a child, I always had my nose in a book and then I moved away to go uni and was soon back again. With Driftwood Bay being such a small place, I suppose those that never moved away had made their friends by then. I’d just never found that person for me. I think that’s why I fell so hard for Dennie. I’d felt like we really were becoming the best of friends. And I missed my friend.
‘I really wish with all my heart that you were able to see my gorgeous little bookshop and know how grateful I am to you for giving me the money to realise my dream. I know I had a bit of a rocky start, but the last thing I would ever have wanted would be to let you down and I hope that now I’ve had some great help, you are proud of what I’ve achieved. I would never want to disappoint you. You mean – meant – the world to me and you always will, and I feel like a little bit of you lives on in the bookshop. I hope you are always around me, watching over me, protecting me. I’ll never forget you.’
I closed my eyes, picturing Aunty T. sat in the wing-back armchair in the bay window of my shop overlooking her beloved Driftwood Bay. I did know that she’d have been the biggest supporter I could have had and would be telling all her friends about the shop. She was a huge bookworm herself and I remembered vividly the weekends when I used to go and stay with her and we used to have quiet time where we’d both sit and read. She really was the one that made me realise it was OK to be a book nerd. Book nerds were – and are – cool.
‘I could sit here talking to you all day, Aunty T., but my backside is starting to go numb. I hope you like your plant. I might not have Dennis with me for Christmas, but I have everything else in my life that I need: a fabulous family, a gorgeous bookshop and some wonderful memories. Thanks for the chat. Merry Christmas.’
I blew a kiss to the grave and read the inscription which I already knew off by heart.
Theresa Matthews
Beloved daughter, friend and aunty
Forever in our hearts
Life was cruel at times, taking our loved ones way too soon, when they still had so much life ahead of them. It makes you realise – we think we have all the time in the world when we don’t. If we’re lucky enough to have hopes and dreams, it’s up to us to go and grab them while we have the chance. Aunty T. might have been gone from our lives but the lessons she left behind would live on forever in Books In The Bay, but more than that, in my heart.