Chapter Two #3
She leaned close. “What if we need straws?”
He giggled. “There’s no dinner that needs a straw.”
“What about soup?”
“We’d use a spoon.”
“What about very thin soup?” She made a slurping sound. “That could be fun.”
“We’re not going to need straws.”
But in the end, he put them out, along with bowls and plates, knives, forks and spoons.
Ryleigh set out the glasses they would use but waited to pour their drinks.
She saw the Granny Smith apples on the counter and guessed there was a pork tenderloin in the refrigerator.
Ingredients for Kim’s special pork and apple bake.
Her heart tightened a little as she wondered if Alex had been planning to make it that night but had decided, at the last minute, he couldn’t face putting together his late wife’s favorite recipe.
She didn’t say anything to Noah and kept him laughing until they heard the garage door open a little after five. He took off
running to meet his dad.
The next few minutes were loud and happy as Alex greeted his son, then gave her a quick side-arm hug before heading upstairs
to change his clothes. She opened the white bags and was happy to find chicken from that place they all liked. There were
plenty of their favorite sides, along with a decadent-looking Bundt cake. She got everything on the table and had Noah in
his seat as Alex entered the kitchen. Although he looked debonair in his lawyer uniform of a suit and tie, she preferred this
more casual version with jeans, a World’s Greatest Dad T-shirt and his hair a little mussed.
“We’re starving,” his son told him. “We could smell all the food, and my stomach started growling.”
“Then we need to take care of that,” his dad told him, taking his seat and holding out his hands to Noah and Ryleigh so they
could say grace before eating.
Over the next half hour or so, she found herself listening more than talking. Alex and Noah had grown closer after losing
Kim. They’d both been in pain but had turned to each other. Ryleigh knew it wasn’t like that with every family that faced
tragedy. Sometimes the pain ripped them apart.
She’d wanted . . . had hoped for that kind of closeness with Dustin. A love that got stronger when life got painful and difficult.
She thought they’d had a better-than-even chance at being one of those couples that could make it for fifty or sixty years.
Now she was wondering if she’d been wrong about everything.
“You okay?” Alex asked quietly as they started to clear the plates.
“Sure. I’m good. Why?”
His dark gaze never left her face. “You were quiet all during dinner, like there’s something on your mind.”
She offered him a falsely bright smile. “I’m good. But now that you mention it, I should probably get going. I have so many
things to do at my place before—”
He stepped in front of her, blocking her way to the sink.
“Ryleigh,” he began.
She waved the plates she held. “Oh, look. Dishes. These need to go in the dishwasher. Why don’t you get Noah set up for his
computer time? I’ll take care of these.”
He shook his head. “If I do that, you’ll duck out. There’s something. I want to talk about it. Tell me you’ll stay.”
Stay shmay, she thought with a sigh. “I’m fine.”
“Then there’s no reason not to sit with me for a bit.”
“I liked you better when you were the clueless husband rather than the perceptive friend.”
He flashed her a grin. “Evolution is inevitable. I have mad skills.”
“Apparently.”
She continued to clear the table and put dishes into the dishwasher while Alex logged in to the laptop Noah was allowed to
use for a precious ninety minutes every other night. When he walked back into the kitchen, she was just putting the last of
the chicken into the refrigerator.
“You could use the leftovers for chicken salad,” she told him. “You could both take it in sandwiches for the next couple of
days.”
“Or Noah could keep buying his lunch like always.”
“Homemade is better.”
He pointed to the sofa. “I don’t have it in me.”
“We’re talking about some cut-up celery, a few spices, mayo. It’s not hard.”
They sat across from each other on the sofas. Alex shook his head.
“I’m at my limit with the cooking,” he admitted. “The chicken salad will push me over the edge.”
“I could do it,” she began, only to have him cover his face with his hands. She smiled. “Or Noah could buy his lunch, like
he’s been doing.”
“Thank you.” He looked at her. “What’s going on? Trouble at school?”
“No, things are good there. I love my kids and my work. It’s not anything.” Too late she realized she should have thought
of a really great lie because she’d never been very good at coming up with one under pressure.
His steady gaze never wavered.
“It’s . . . it’s Dustin.”
Alex’s relaxed body language didn’t change. “You were away for the weekend. Didn’t things go well?”
She sucked in a breath and confessed all. “I thought he was going to propose but he didn’t.” She told him about the great
dinner, the walk on the beach. “It was the perfect moment. A ‘made for TV’ moment. There we were—just the two of us—talking
about our love and how great things are and he didn’t do it.”
She flung herself to the side, collapsing on the sofa. “It’s not going to happen. The man doesn’t want to marry me. There,
I’ve said it. Dustin just isn’t that into me.”
“I happen to know he’s in love with you.”
She sat up. “Is he really, because it doesn’t feel like it.” She held up a hand. “I know, I know. Sure he can love me without
wanting to marry me. Not everyone needs marriage in their lives. I get that. But I do. I want a regular, traditional life.
I want a husband and babies. I don’t want to be my mom and have kids on my own.”
She sighed. “You know the worst of it?”
“What?”
“I’m not even pissed. I think if I could be angry, I would feel better, but I’m just sad. I want to be heading in a certain
direction and now that feels even further away than ever.”
“I’m sorry.”
She stared at him. “Do you have anything slightly more insightful to add?”
“Dustin talks about you like you’re important to him and he’s in love with you.”
“But?”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I know him through work. We share a coffee room at the law practice, but except for when we
do stuff with you, I don’t hang out with him much. I don’t have any secrets to spill.”
“But if you did, you’d tell me everything?”
His gaze was steady. “Every word of it. I’d betray his confidence in a heartbeat.”
She managed a smile. “You’re sweet to say that, even though I know you’re lying.”
“I don’t lie. I’m an officer of the court.” His smile faded. “You’re not wrong to hold out for what you want,” he told her.
“Real love, the good kind, is worth finding. When you meet the right person, you know it. There’s a feeling of being complete,
whole, for the first time. I didn’t know there was a part of myself missing until I met Kim.”
His words filled her with longing. “I saw the apples on the counter. You were going to make her favorite pork dish.”
He shrugged. “I was and then I couldn’t do it. Sometimes I don’t have a problem with the recipe, but today, I didn’t think
I could get through it.”
“You still love her.”
“Every day.”
“I want that,” she said fiercely. “I want what you had.”
“And you should have it.” He leaned toward her.
“You have so much to offer, Ryleigh. Don’t settle for anything less than being swept away.
If Dustin does that for you, maybe it’s time to be straight with him and just tell him how you feel.
If he doesn’t respond how you want, then maybe you need to be with someone else. ”
It was too much advice all at once, she thought, feeling faintly panicky. “You’re saying I flat out tell him I want to be
married and get started on the rest of my life.” She shook her head. “That is not happening. I couldn’t say that. I refuse
to be the needy woman who only talks about getting married.”
“But it’s what you want.”
“Yes, and that’s my rock to carry.”
“Dustin can’t read your mind.”
“He could if he tried harder.”
Alex smiled at her. “You know you don’t mean that. I want you to be happy. Sometimes the price of that is taking a chance.”
“I don’t want Dustin proposing because he thinks he has to. I want him to want me desperately and believe that we should spend
our lives together.”
“And the way he says that is by proposing?”
“It’s a good first step, although at this point, I’d be fine with him simply telling me that and proposing later. I thought
I knew where we were and now I don’t.” She sighed. “It’s not just the marriage thing, although that’s a lot of it. I’m thirty-three.
People my age are usually settled in their forever lives. I’m tired of being in limbo.”
She thought about how one day Kim had been fine and the next she’d been diagnosed with cancer. Months after that, she’d been
gone. Life was precious and sometimes she felt she was wasting hers.
“I want kids. I want to know what my future looks like. Part of me says to be self-actualized and make it happen but that’s
tough to do when there’s someone else involved.”
“Want me to ask him what’s going on?”
She glared at him. “That’s not even close to funny. And no, I don’t want you to talk to him about anything but work and sports.”
“That’s kind of limiting.”
“Live with the pain.”