Chapter Four #2
night. I saw it this morning and I know how cranky you get when your classroom’s too cold, so I . . .” His voice trailed off
as his face took on an expression of concern. “Ryleigh, are you okay?”
A very nice question that shouldn’t have been a problem. Only the second she heard the words, she burst into tears.
“I’m fine,” she mumbled as she turned away, covering her face with her hands.
She heard the door close and then warm arms shifted her until she was facing him. He pulled her close.
“What’s going on?”
“I said no.”
“To what?” He gently pulled at her hands so he could see her face. “To what?” he repeated.
She flung herself at him and let the cries become sobs. Alex held on, rubbing her back, making soothing noises he no doubt
made when his kid came to him in tears. Only after a couple of minutes she thought maybe she should stop dripping on his shirt,
so she drew back and waved toward the sofa.
“Take a seat.”
She ducked into the guest bath and grabbed several tissues. After blowing her nose, she wiped her face, then went back to
confess all.
Alex sat on the sofa, leaning toward her. “You said no?”
“To Dustin.” She sat on the chair opposite.
“He came by my classroom and apologized for not proposing. He said he had the ring and everything when we went away, but he got nervous and chickened out. He said he loved me.” Tears threatened again but she ignored them.
“He asked me to marry him and I said no.”
“Holy shit.”
“That’s one way of looking at it.”
“You said no? But you’re in love with him and you want to marry him. You’ve been waiting for this for months.”
“Six months. And yes to all of it.”
He stared at her. “This is huge.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“No, you’re someone who might not be as in love with her boyfriend as she thought.”
She rubbed her temples. “My head hurts too much for a third-person conversation. I love Dustin. I want to be with him.” But
even as she spoke, she wondered if she was telling the truth. Because when the big moment came, she’d taken a hard pass.
“I don’t get it,” she said, coming to her feet and pacing the length of the living room. “I want all the things. I want to
be married and have a family. That is my life goal. I have a great job and friends and my family, but it’s not enough and
I thought Dustin was the one to give me the rest.”
Alex shook his head. “Except you don’t want to marry him.”
“I guess. I can’t believe I said no.”
“How’d he take it?”
“He went white then walked away.”
“You didn’t talk about it?”
She sighed. “I don’t have a lot of experience from the male point of view, but I’m guessing when the woman who claims to love
you turns down your marriage proposal, it’s kind of a walk-away moment.”
“Good point. Poor guy.”
She spun to stare at him. “You’re taking his side?”
Alex held up both hands. “Never. Team Ryleigh. I’m getting T-shirts made tomorrow. It’s just gotta suck to be him right now.”
“And me.” She returned to the chair and sank down. “I’m never getting married. I’m never going to have a family. I don’t understand what happened.” She pressed a hand to her very upset stomach and wondered if she was going to throw up.
“I was engaged before,” she said, not looking at him.
“What? You never told me that.”
“I don’t like to talk about it.”
“When and who?”
“My college boyfriend. I went to San Diego State and we met there. He was local. We fell in love and he proposed. That time
I said yes.” She sighed at the memories. “We were making plans. I had really liked living in San Diego, so I was happy to
look for jobs there. In fact I was thinking of settling there even before he proposed.”
She looked at him. “Jax totally pitched a fit because she wanted me to move back home, so to make her stop sending me real
estate listings here in town, I also applied to Port Palmas Elementary.”
His dark gaze was steady. “What happened?”
“One of those cliché moments. I caught him in bed with one of my friends. It wasn’t the great drama of finding him with my
best friend, but it was pretty bad. So I took the job here, packed my stuff and left San Diego. You know the rest.”
“Serial dating, looking for the one, and then you met Dustin and the rest is, well, you know.”
“Thanks for the recap and you’re right. Yes. A bunch of guys who weren’t that special.”
“Was Dustin special?”
An excellent question. “I thought he was but apparently he wasn’t.”
The tears returned and this time she couldn’t will them away. “What’s wrong with me?” she asked as she cried into her hands.
“Nothing. You’re perfect.”
That made her glare at him. “I’m not perfect. No one is perfect. A perfect person would have said yes to Dustin.”
“But you’re not in love with him.”
“I am. Don’t say that. This is me in love.”
“This is you saying no to the dress.”
Despite everything, she had to smile. “Your secret obsession with reality TV is very troubling.”
“To both of us. I’ve tried to quit, but I have to know what happens next.”
“I won’t tell. I swear.”
“Thank you.” He nodded at her. “You’ve stopped crying.”
“For now. There’ll be more tears later. And ice cream. And possibly therapy.” She sighed. “I screwed up my life.”
“You made a brave choice.”
“I don’t feel brave. I feel stupid and empty. I feel like I’m moving further away from what I want.” She wiped her face. “Maybe
this is a sign from the universe. Maybe I’m supposed to learn from this lesson. I’ve been doing the same thing over and over.
Meeting someone, dating them, having the relationship fall apart. Maybe I should make a bold move and completely turn my life
around.”
“I’m all for the bold move,” he told her. “But if you don’t date someone, how are you going to fall in love and get married?”
“Oh, right.” There was that. “But I could still make the bold move. Change careers. Move to New Zealand.”
He winced. “I’d miss you a lot if you moved to New Zealand, and you love teaching. I’m not sure any other career would make
you as happy.”
“So I could move somewhere closer than New Zealand.”
“Like?”
“San Diego.”
He studied her for a second. “You didn’t even have to think about that.”
She shrugged. “I liked it when I was in college. There’s a lot to do and, hey, a whole new dating pool I can fail in.”
“You didn’t fail. You listened to your heart.”
“What if my heart was just having a bad day? What if my heart is sorry and wants a do-over?”
“Does it?” he asked gently.
She mentally probed the organ in question, then slowly shook her head. “No. It doesn’t.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Jax admitted, struggling to take it all in. “You were pissed when he didn’t propose and then when
he did, you said no?”
At her words, tears filled her sister’s eyes. Jax immediately felt like parrot poop and moved close to hug her sister.
“I’m sorry. I said it wrong. Don’t cry.”
“I can’t help it, although at some point I should run out of tears. I cried earlier, when Alex stopped by and asked the very
insensitive question of ‘What’s wrong?’” She wiped her face. “That was me being funny. He was a good friend.”
“I’m sure. He always is.”
They were downstairs in the formal living room that no one ever used. The kids were already in bed. About thirty minutes before,
Ryleigh had texted that she had to come over and talk. Jax hadn’t been sure what to expect but hearing that she’d said no
to Dustin’s proposal sure hadn’t been it.
“But you want to be married,” she murmured. “You saw yourself having a future with Dustin.”
Ryleigh nodded, her lower lip trembling. “And a dog,” she whispered as more tears fell. “He asked, I said no and now I’m nowhere.”
“Technically you’re here, but I get it. I love you.”
“Thanks and while nice, it’s not especially helpful.”
Jax had a bad feeling she didn’t have much more than support to offer.
“How did he take it?”
“Not well. I tried to take it back but I physically couldn’t say yes and then he left.”
Jax winced. “Did he yell at you?”
“He didn’t say anything.” Ryleigh sniffed. “I know I hurt him. We’re supposed to be in love. He knew I wanted to get married
and then I said no. Just like that.”
Jax couldn’t even imagine how that had gone. Poor Dustin. She would guess he was equally stunned and humiliated. At some point
Ryleigh was going to move past shock and start feeling really guilty.
“You were brave.”
Her sister wrinkled her nose. “That’s what Alex said.”
“Then it must be true. I mean, come on. We’re both pretty smart.”
That earned her a faint smile, then Ryleigh threw herself down on the sofa, resting her head in her sister’s lap.
“Make me feel better.”
Jax lightly stroked her long, dark hair, just like she had when they’d been kids and Ryleigh had come to her, hurting from
some problem in her life. Only this wasn’t a bully at school or a difficult math equation. There was no easy big-sister fix.
“I love you very much and my love is the reason you’re alive.”
“I think Mom would have gotten pregnant with me even if you’d said no.”
A familiar argument, Jax thought humorously.
When she’d been four, her mother had come to her and asked what she thought about having a sibling. Annette had explained
she would use the same sperm donor so the baby would be a full sibling. Jax had thought about it for a few days and then had
decided she would very much like a sister. Her mom had promised to do her best and nine months later, Ryleigh had been born.
“She would have gotten pregnant,” Jax said. “But she would have waited awhile to try to talk me into it. That means she would have had a different egg with a different set of genes and you would be someone else.”
“That would have been very sad,” Ryleigh said. “Because you couldn’t do better than me.”
“No, I couldn’t. You’re my baby sister.” Jax had always been protective of Ryleigh, even after her “baby sister” had grown
three inches taller than her own five-five.
“Did I make a mistake?”
The plaintive question made Jax’s heart hurt. “No. Sweetie, if you were desperately in love with Dustin, you would have said
yes before he was done asking the question. You would have been sure. You weren’t, so you did the right thing.”
“Maybe.”
“Do you miss him? Right this second, do you wish you were with him?”
Ryleigh sat up and sighed. “No.”
“What if he showed up and proposed a second time?”
Her sister shifted uneasily. “I’d say no.”
“I kind of think that’s your answer. Marriage is a big deal. In a perfect world, it’s forever. You have to be sure, and you’re
not.”
Ryleigh eyed her suspiciously. “You’re thinking about the spark thing, aren’t you?”
“I’m not,” Jax protested, pleased she was telling the truth.
“Not everyone needs sparks. Maybe they’re not a good thing. Maybe they blind you to the truth. You and Harris had sparks and
you still didn’t make it.”
Jax winced. “Harsh, but yes.” What she didn’t say was that Dustin and Ryleigh never seemed like a couple. They never had that
unspoken connection that told the world they were meant to be together. Not that her sister needed to hear her say that.
“I don’t mean to be harsh,” Ryleigh said. “It’s just everything is suddenly confusing.”
“I get that. You need to give yourself time to deal with what just happened and to think about what you want for your future. At some point you’ll start dating again and—”
“Please don’t talk to me about dating. I can’t. That’s not where I want to go right now. I want . . .” Her sister looked away,
as if hiding something.
“What do you want?” Jax asked. “Tell me.”
“You won’t like it.”
Jax felt her stomach instantly clench. “I might surprise you. What do you want?”
Ryleigh looked at her. “I’ve been thinking it might be time for me to make some big changes. If I hadn’t had to break off
my engagement, I would have stayed in San Diego.”
Jax absolutely didn’t like the sound of that. “But you didn’t. You moved home, where you belong and you’ve done great here.
Again I say ‘home’ because all your friends are here, your job, which you love, is here. I’m here. You belong in Port Palmas.”
“Thanks for listening with an open mind,” Ryleigh said, her tone sarcastic.
Jax waved the comment away. “You know what I mean. You’re an aunt. Don’t you want to see Gentry and Xander grow up? Wouldn’t
it be better to find someone great and fall madly in love right here?”
Her sister looked away, which unleashed a wave of fear. Ryleigh moving? She couldn’t. Jax needed her. They were a team. Sisters
who looked out for each other.
“You can’t move,” she said flatly.
“I’m not moving.”
“You can’t.”
Ryleigh glared at her. “You know, it’s not your decision to make.
I deserve to have a life of my own and I get to make my own choices.
Not you. I’ve been there for you through everything you’ve gone through, including the divorce.
I’ve never once told you that you were wrong.
Now it’s time for you to do the same for me. ”
“I am,” Jax told her. “I’m here for you.” Just don’t move. Only this time she was smart enough to keep that last bit to herself.
“I can hear what you’re thinking,” her sister said, coming to her feet. “Telling me not to move isn’t being supportive. It’s
also kind of a jerky thing to do and I’m really disappointed in you.”
With that, she grabbed her bag and started for the door. Jax hurried after her.
“Wait. Don’t go. I’m sorry. I swear, I’ll listen.”
Ryleigh shook her head. “It’s late and I’m tired. I’m going home.”
“I’m sorry,” Jax repeated quietly. “You’re right about all of it. I’m pressuring you because I don’t want you to leave. I
need you in my life.”
“What about what I need? You don’t get to say what I have to do. And for the record, you’re not always right in your advice.
If I decide I have to move back to San Diego, then you need to be okay with that.”
She wasn’t. She would never be. But what she said was, “I can do that.”
“I think we both know you’re lying.”
“I’m not. You’re right. You deserve what you think will make you happy. I want that. I’ll support whatever decision you make.”
Ryleigh looked skeptical as she asked, “Are you willing to promise?”
“Absolutely,” Jax said, then hoped she was telling the truth.