Chapter Six #2
because they’d been too focused on their individual unhappiness.
Not a mistake she was going to let happen again, she vowed. And she would talk to Harris about the changes the children were going to have to deal with. Whatever craziness was happening with Shawna, he was always there for the kids. She wanted to make sure that didn’t change.
Ryleigh sipped her strawberry lemonade and tried to get herself interested in applying more sunscreen. The problem was her
quest for healthy skin was mitigated by how great she looked with a bit of a tan. It was a glorious spring Saturday afternoon.
The temperature—higher than normal at nearly eighty-two—meant hanging out at the park pool was a great way to spend a couple
of hours. Noah splashed around with his friends while Alex lounged next to her, sunglasses on, his head turned to keep a firm
eye on his son. There was a light breeze, shade from the big umbrellas and the promise of summer just around the corner.
“I hope you’re wrong about Harris,” he said, never looking away from Noah. “You shouldn’t play with people’s hearts like that.”
“I agree on both. I’d love to be wrong but Jax said when she talked to him, he practically admitted he wasn’t as in love with
Shawna as the proposal might make you believe. It’s sad. Doesn’t anyone just fall in love and live a great life anymore?”
“Lots of people do.”
“Name three.”
“Kim and I had a great life. Until she got sick and, you know, died.”
“Exactly. If she hadn’t gotten sick, she would be here with you instead of me and, while I’m having a good time and know I’m
delightful company, don’t you wish it were her instead?”
“I enjoy your company.” He offered a faint smile as he spoke.
“The diplomatic answer,” she said lightly, knowing how much he still missed his late wife.
Alex gave a slight shrug, then said, “Back to Harris. I hate to think of him being that much of a dick. I always liked him.”
“I had to stop liking him after the divorce.”
“Sure. Jax is your sister. But this is a whole different thing.”
She nodded in agreement, wondering how so much had changed in such a short period of time. Only weeks ago she’d been waiting
for Dustin to propose, and Harris had been a normal guy with a slightly too young girlfriend. Now it was all a mess.
“Should I move?” she asked.
“No.”
“Just like that? I thought you were supportive of change.”
He continued to watch Noah and his friends. “I am. You should consider all your options but the problem with Dustin just happened.
You’re still trying to process all the facts. This isn’t the time to make a big life-altering decision.”
“You’re right but I feel like I need to do something.”
“Paint an accent wall.”
That made her burst out laughing. “An accent wall. Seriously?”
“Why not? Color has the power to alter our emotions.”
“Where do you come up with this stuff?”
“I’m a lawyer. I read. It’s who I am.”
“Maybe you should curate your reading list a little more carefully.”
She leaned back and closed her eyes. After a couple of minutes she asked, “Has he talked about me?”
She felt Alex’s gaze on her, but didn’t open her eyes.
“He and I work together. You know I’m not going to tell you what he said.”
“You could hint.”
“Fine. He said it was over and asked me to give you back your things, which I did.”
“Two books, a lip balm and a T-shirt. We weren’t even almost living together.
Shouldn’t we have been? Couples who are thinking about getting married often live together.
It was a sign. I packed up what he had at my place and it was only a jacket and a few toiletries.
I took them to the office and left them with your receptionist. Sometimes I wonder if we were involved at all or if we were both just pretending. Shouldn’t there have been more?”
“Probably.”
She winced. “Now you have an opinion?”
“Stating the obvious.”
“You are.” She sipped at her drink. “I still feel like I need to be doing something to help me move on and I’m sorry, but
an accent wall doesn’t meet my needs.”
“Do you want to start dating?”
“Not really.”
He looked at her. “Interesting. That’s not a definitive no, so I’ll ask again. Do you want to start dating?”
“What’s the point? There isn’t anyone to date.”
“I know this is a small town, but there has to be someone.”
“So you say, but you can’t come up with anyone.”
He returned his attention back to Noah. “Joe who owns that bar we like.”
“I can’t. He and Jax lost their virginity to each other in high school. That’s just too much baggage.”
Alex stared at her. “How can you know that about them?”
“Jax is my sister. We don’t have a lot of secrets.”
“Do you think Kim ever talked about our sex life?”
“Probably. With her friends. She never said anything to me if that makes you feel better.”
“It does.”
She tried not to smile. “So there are things you’re ashamed of? Or do you just do it weird?”
“Not going there.”
“But now I’m intrigued.”
He shook his head. “Nope. You’ll have to live with the uncertainty.” He checked on Noah, then glanced back at her. “Ryan who
owns the nursery outside of town.”
“He smells.”
“He what?”
“Smells. I’m sorry to be judgy but it’s the truth. It’s not because of the nursery. He smelled before. It’s just a biological
thing. The man has an odor I don’t find pleasant.”
Alex chuckled. “Poor guy.”
“I feel bad for him as well, but not bad enough that I want to date him. The dating pool in our town is very small.”
Alex looked over at her. “Interesting.”
“What? You have a tone. What’s interesting?”
“You’re entertaining the concept of dating. You didn’t say no immediately or protest that you weren’t ready.”
Yikes, was that true? “Are you judging me?”
“Never. But it’s information. It’s only been a couple of weeks since you and Dustin split up and you seem more upset about
not knowing what to do with your future than losing the man.” He gentled his tone. “Maybe you weren’t as in love with him
as you thought.”
Her first instinct was to protest. Of course she’d been in love with Dustin. She’d wanted to marry him. Only she’d said no
and although it was like a kick to the gut, Alex was making a good point. She was more upset over her life than losing the
guy. Weirdly, she barely thought about him and didn’t miss him much at all. Which meant what? That she’d been fooling herself
the whole time? That she’d only been playing at being in love?
“So I was lying to myself?” she asked with a groan. “Or I don’t know myself very well?”
“You want what you want. For a while you thought Dustin could be the one, but he wasn’t. You found out and now you’re going to change direction. Think of it as a time of personal growth.”
“If all that is true, I wasted fifteen months of my life in a relationship I didn’t really want. I’m not sure personal growth
is the right definition.” She leaned back against the chaise and sighed. “I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not. You were settling and when you’re settling, you don’t expect things to be great.”
She looked at him. “Is this you trying to make me feel better?”
“This is me being your friend.”
He was right, she thought sadly. She had been settling. Admitting that made her think of all the times Jax had talked about
sparks, or the lack of sparks. Had her sister been right?
“What did you think of me and Dustin?” she asked.
“I thought you were fine together.”
“Happy? Did you see sparks?”
He frowned. “Sparks?”
“You know, that glow couples have when they’re together. Jax talked about how she and Harris were one giant spark when they
met and that she never saw that with me and Dustin.”
“You’re talking chemistry.”
“I guess. You were immediately attracted to Kim, weren’t you?”
His mouth curved into a sweet yet sad smile. “I was.”
“And she was into you.”
“Weren’t you attracted to Dustin?” he asked.
“Sure.” She paused. “In a, you know, quiet way.”
“Ryleigh, for real?”
She picked up her drink and busied herself stirring with the straw. “It was a slow build.” She glanced at him. “What did Dustin
say about me when we were together?”
“Not much. He knows we’re friends, so I’m not someone he would go to for advice or to pour out his heart. As for any general
comments, I won’t discuss them with you.”
“You can be annoying.”
“Yes, it’s one of my best features.”
She was less sure about that. Alex was a good-looking man who loved his son. He was caring, thoughtful and funny. Kim had
chosen well, she thought idly. She’d found the one and she’d said yes. Ryleigh wanted a little of that good fortune for herself.
“Okay, we’ve dissected my sad little life long enough. How are you doing these days? Where are you in your healing process?”
She expected him to brush off the question as he usually did, but he surprised her by admitting, “Things are better.”
“Really? I’m glad you’re in less pain. Do you feel like you’ve found whatever your new normal is?”
He shrugged. “No, but I’m getting closer. Kim is still a big part of our lives, but Noah and I have a good routine. He’ll
never be the kid he was. He can’t lose his mom and then just be fine, but he’s strong and he’s happy. That’s what matters.”
“You matter, too.”
“I know but it’s different. I am thinking about . . .” He paused, then looked away.
“Dating?” she asked eagerly. “Do you want me to set you up?”
“Absolutely not. I don’t want to date.” He glanced around, as if judging how close the other parents were, then lowered his
voice. “I wouldn’t mind having sex.”
She tried to process that. “You don’t want to date but you want to have sex?”
“Yes.”
She didn’t understand. “Like with a hooker?”
He flinched. “No. Stop. Don’t say that. No.”
She tried not to smile. “So that’s no?”
“You’re impossible.”
“I’m actually not. So you’re looking to hook up without getting emotionally involved. Good luck with that.”
“Thanks.” He muttered something that sounded a lot like “A hooker. Absolutely not,” but she wasn’t sure.
“Oh, Alex, we’re both in a pickle for sure,” she said.
“You have San Diego.”
“Do I? It’s really just memories and a theory. I haven’t been back in over a decade. Do I really want to move to somewhere
I don’t know anyone and be alone?”
“Jax has been getting to you.”
“She’s very anti-move. She played the ‘but you’ll miss seeing Gentry and Xander grow up’ card. I’m bitter about it but she’s
not wrong. If I did move, I’d miss out on a lot. Plus I love my job.”
“What would you gain?” he asked. “You’ve talked about needing to shake up your life.”
“Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“Never. I don’t want you to go, either, but I also want you to be happy.”
“That’s sweet. Thank you.”
“Why don’t you go check it out?”
She turned to him. “What do you mean? Drive down there and look around?” As she spoke the words, she realized they actually
made sense. Maybe going there for a couple of days was a good idea. She could see the place and figure out whether or not
she was interested in moving or if all this was just a lot of cheap talk.
“You could go over Memorial Day weekend. You have both the Friday and the Monday off. That would give you plenty of time to
explore. If you want company, Noah and I could go with you.”
“You’d do that? Are you sure?”
“Getting away would be good for him. We could stay near Balboa Park, go to the zoo. I’m sure there’s more for us to do. We
could keep busy while you look around.”
“It’s coming up quick. Do you think we could pull the trip together that fast?”
“Sure we can. When I get home, I’ll look into a rental or a couple of hotel rooms.”
She felt a flicker of excitement. “If you’re sure, I’m in.”
“I’m in, too.”