Chapter Seventeen
Ryleigh tried not to think about Alex’s outrageous suggestion so, of course, over the next two days she thought of nothing
else. Sex with Alex? It had never crossed her mind—not even once. They were friends. Good friends. Family. He wasn’t someone
she wanted to do that with. Of course they couldn’t put their amazingly wonderful relationship at risk for something as meaningless
as sex. Why would they do that?
Only right after she absolutely decided she was going to tell him no, she remembered the kiss and the tingles and how good
it had felt to be held by him. Her monkey mind produced images of them doing a whole lot more than kissing, which made her
want things she’d never wanted with him before. It was as if by asking, he’d already shifted their relationship to something
it had never been. An exciting and uncomfortable something.
But there were concerns. She’d never been a casual sex kind of person.
She had to care about the person first. But she did care about Alex.
She loved him—in a “we became friends when your wife got sick and then she died and we formed a family but just as friends” way.
What if sex changed that? What if it ruined what they had?
What if they broke something precious to both of them and it could never be mended?
And what if they didn’t? What if it turned out they could be as tight as always but at the same time Alex did all those delicious
things to her that had never seemed quite that delicious with Dustin?
“I’m confused,” she said, petting Lucy, who was curled up next to her on the sofa. Her cat offered a soft mur but not much else.
Ryleigh reached for her phone. She needed to talk to someone—to bounce the problem around and look for solutions. Because
while she knew the safest, most sensible response was a polite but firm no, somehow she couldn’t get there. Which meant she
wanted to have sex with Alex, and what was up with that?
As always the first person who came to mind was her sister. Only she wasn’t sure she wanted Jax to know just yet. It was the
same with all her girlfriends. There was no one she felt she could share her dilemma with. Which left one person. The one
who’d caused the trouble to begin with.
I can’t stop thinking about what you said. I’m confused and wary and possibly interested. I need to talk about this and you’re
the only one I can talk to. Only this is about you, so I need you to stay neutral and be my friend and not try to convince
me of anything.
She sent the text, then glanced at the time. It was four in the afternoon. If Alex was with a client, she wouldn’t hear from
him for a while. If he wasn’t—
Her phone chimed with a new text.
I’ll be at your place in fifteen minutes.
“We’re going to have company,” she told Lucy, who didn’t seem impressed by the statement.
Ryleigh got up, prepared to get ready for Alex’s visit, only to realize there wasn’t anything she needed to be doing. But sitting quietly and waiting seemed impossible, so she paced through her condo until she heard his knock on the door.
Instantly her stomach lurched and nerves flooded her. She felt faintly sick to her stomach and shy at the same time.
“This is insane,” she muttered as she flung open the door and glared at him. “You’re messing with my head.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s not good enough. You said a thing and now it can’t be unsaid. I’m actually nervous about talking to you. I don’t want
that. I want us to be friends.”
He stepped into her place and shut the door, then drew her close and held her.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I messed up.”
“You did. Us having sex. That’s crazy talk. We’re family. We can’t do that kind of thing.”
“You’re right.”
She stepped back and looked at him. “You’re completely lying. You absolutely want to have sex, if not with me then with someone.”
“I would, to quote Ramon, like to get laid, yes.”
The outrageous statement spoken in his lawyer voice made her smile. “You’re impossible.”
“That’s true.”
They walked into the living room. Lucy ran toward Alex, then circled him, rubbing against his legs. He picked her up and held
her.
“Hey, pretty girl. How are you doing?”
He carried her over to the sofa and sat down. Ryleigh settled on the chair opposite. Lucy made herself comfy on his lap and
headbutted him for more pets.
“How long has this been on your mind?” she asked.
“A few months. And by that I mean sex in general. Not sex with you. I know I’m not ready for anything serious, but a guy has needs.”
She waved that away. “There are apps and stuff.”
He grimaced. “I’m not interested in doing it with someone I don’t know. Then you broke up with Dustin and it occurred to me
you were the perfect candidate.”
“How?”
He smiled. “I already like you, you’re funny, sweet, caring and sexy.”
“You think I’m sexy?”
The smile widened. “I do.”
She wasn’t sure why that mattered, but it seemed to be important to her. Alex thought she was sexy. Huh.
She looked at him and tried to figure out how she felt about him. She could repeat back all the things he’d said about her.
Plus, he was a great dad. She liked being with him. But did she find him sexy?
She thought about the kiss and how she’d been imagining them doing so much more. Which meant it was possible she did.
“I’ll admit it was a hot kiss, but what about what we have? I don’t want to lose that. What if everything changes?”
“It’s going to change when you move,” he said, his voice gentle. “Actually it was when you started talking about moving that
I thought it might be safe to ask the question. It gives us an endpoint to what we’d be doing.”
“You think I’m moving? How can you? I don’t know what I’m going to do and currently I’m not sure I trust myself to make any
important decisions. I’m still processing the fact that I was waiting for Dustin to propose when it turns out I didn’t even
want to marry him.”
Leaving? How could she leave Alex and Noah? Her sister and the kids? Her friends, her job.
“I can’t go,” she said and covered her face with her hands. “I’m stuck here, not having what I want. I can’t walk away. There’s too much I’d be leaving behind.”
“Hey, stop. You’re not walking away. You’re being brave and finding what makes you happy. You deserve that, Ryleigh. You deserve
all of it.”
She looked at him. “Wouldn’t you miss me?”
“Sure. I don’t like the idea of you not being a phone call away, but this isn’t about me. I know what it’s like to love with
my whole heart. I want you to find that, too. I also know how determined you can be. You’re not going to stay stuck.”
He really thought she was leaving. He believed in her when she was having trouble believing in herself.
Without thinking, she stood and walked toward him. He stood, too, then pulled her against him. They hung on to each other
with an intensity that made her feel both safe and a little sad. Because if he was right about her, she would be walking away
from this man and not looking back.
Oh, sure, there would be phone calls and visits, but it wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t be like it was now.
A fierce longing filled her, making her want to stay exactly where she was and not consider moving. But even as the thought
formed, a voice in her head whispered that she would regret making the easy choice. That being Alex’s friend was wonderful
but what happened when he was done mourning and ready to fall in love? Then he would find someone and where would she be?
She needed to get on with her life—to think about her future. And if that meant moving, then her time in Port Palmas was limited.
She looked up at him. “Let’s try it one time and see how it goes,” she said. “Then we can decide how we want to move forward.”
His eyes brightened with amusement. “You’re suggesting a test-drive. I’m feeling a little pressure.”
She laughed. “I won’t judge.”
“Oh, you’ll judge, but you won’t tell me if it’s bad.”
She thought about the kiss they’d shared. “I don’t think it’s going to be bad.”
“Then let’s set a date right now. I’ll arrange for Noah to be with a friend and I’ll bring the condoms.”
Jax had to admit she was feeling pretty good. The construction was moving along and in a matter of a couple of weeks or so,
the diaries would be returned to their spots. Her kids were happy and healthy, her business was thriving. Yes, there was the
whole Harris-Shawna debacle, but that was not her rock. Plus she’d been on a very excellent first date with a man she really
liked and the kissing had been spectacular. All in all, she was living her best life.
Her good mood lasted right up until Cheryl pulled her into her office, her expression concerned.
“We have to talk.”
Jax wanted to protest that they really didn’t, but knew that wasn’t the right thing to do. She held in a sigh, then closed
the door and faced her employee.
“I’m listening.”
She braced herself to hear that someone was shoplifting or one of her staff had been in an accident. What she didn’t expect
was for Cheryl to suck in a breath, then blurt, “I’ve been reading the diaries.”
Jax stared at her. “What? No! Those are private. People trusted us. You can’t read them. Wait! You said you could be trusted.
You’re a former first grade teacher who said she had a strong moral compass.”
“Oh, please. I said I was old and a former teacher so people would trust me. I never said I was actually trustworthy.”
“This isn’t the time to be clarifying that.”
Jax sank into her chair, trying to grasp what she’d been told. Given her job, Cheryl would have access to the storeroom. It would be easy for her to go in and read the diaries, but Jax had never thought she would.
“You have to stop reading them. It’s not right.”
“Thank you for stating the obvious.” Cheryl sat across from her. “I didn’t tell you to ease my guilty conscience. It’s something
I read in one of the diaries that’s bothering me.”
Jax held up both hands. “It’s not my business. I don’t want to know.”