Chapter Twenty-One #2
“Harris wants to break up with Shawna,” she said, when she’d finished the half sandwich. She debated between the roast beef
and the egg salad and picked the latter. “Actually what he said is that he wanted me to break up with her for him.”
Marcus swore. “He didn’t ask you to do that.”
“Oh, he did. He begged. He’s finally admitting he’s in over his head. She’s been telling him her expectations all along—I
guess he finally started listening.” She put down her sandwich and sighed. “I feel so horrible for her. She’s in love and
has rightfully assumed the man who proposed really wants to marry her. She’ll be heartbroken, which is bad enough, but for
the rest of her life she’s going to have to deal with the fact that she was played. How is she ever supposed to trust anyone
again?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know. I found her and her mother so annoying, but no one deserves this. I’m disappointed in Harris. He’s not perfect, but
I would never have guessed he was this selfish. We had problems in our marriage, but nothing like this.”
She thought for a moment, then looked at Marcus.
“And even as I talk about how awful he was with Shawna, I’m more and more convinced that I’m more than 50 percent responsible for the failure of our marriage.
When he said he wanted out, I was shocked and crushed and blamed him, but now I think it wasn’t him at all.
I didn’t want to be married to him. Not in any meaningful way.
Ours was never a partnership. I decided.
” She grimaced. “Honestly the first and only time Harris decided something on his own was when he said he was leaving. I think part of the shock was I couldn’t believe he would make such a huge decision without me. ”
“Do you regret your marriage wasn’t a partnership?”
An interesting question, she thought. “I regret Harris and I never connected the way a married couple is supposed to. But
there’s nothing he could have done to convince me to trust him, so we were always doomed.” She hesitated. “It would be hard
to give up so much control.”
“But think what you’d get in return.”
“Maybe. With the right person.” She sighed. “Harris and I had amazing chemistry. We were young, he was my first serious relationship.
I’d had boyfriends before, but I’d never felt the way I did when I was with him. We were still in the middle of all that good
sex when we got married. But he was playing baseball and I was tied to the store and Ramon, and my life kind of went on as
it always had. We never truly became a couple.”
She shook her head. “So I’ve just now shown you that I’m a horrible person. You probably don’t want to date me anymore.”
She spoke half teasing, half testing to see if she was telling the truth, then waited.
Marcus looked at her for a long time. “What do you want now as far as a relationship? Or are you happy with your life the
way it is?”
She thought about how she looked forward to seeing him throughout the day and how he’d been there for her, as if he really
cared. More importantly, she’d been able to trust him. It was a new experience for her.
She smiled. “Well, I’m seeing someone and it’s nice.”
His mouth twitched. “Yeah?”
“Very nice. He’s sweet and kind and sexy. Just as important, he was a rock when I needed him to be.” She let her smile fade. “I mean that. You were there for me and I’m so grateful.”
“Anytime.”
“Thank you. And I can be your rock if you need one, although you don’t seem the type.”
“We all have bad days,” he told her. “When they happen, I remind myself to stay present.”
“So you don’t pull back? You said that’s what you did in your marriage.”
“I want to learn from my mistakes.” His gaze was intent. “I want to do better next time.”
She felt he was trying to tell her something but she had no idea what. Still, just being with him made her feel good. They
were friends first and after the disaster that had been Harris, maybe that was a good thing.
“I have the kids this week,” she said. “Want to have dinner next week?”
“Yes.”
“Want to have breakfast afterward?”
The words came out of nowhere, surprising her and very possibly him.
He chuckled. “If you could see your face. Want to take it back?”
She did a nanosecond of soul-searching, then shook her head as her body heated in anticipation. “I stand by my question.”
“You sure?”
“I keep hearing all this hype about you,” she teased, wishing the date was sooner. “I want to see if you live up to it.”
He smiled. “Pressure. And if I don’t?”
She pretended to consider the question. “I guess I’ll have to learn to live with the disappointment, but I’m not exactly concerned.”
“Good.”
They talked for a few more minutes, then Marcus drove her back to the bookstore. She leaned over for a quick kiss before getting
out, then stayed a little longer when the kiss got good. Finally they drew back.
“Okay, then,” she said with a laugh. “Now my concentration is shot.”
“You’ll get it back.”
They walked into the bookstore together. Cheryl practically ran toward them.
“I found him! The boy. I know who he is. His name is Bodie and his mom is Vivian. I’ve staked out their house and she leaves
every night at nine.”
Cheryl sounded frantic and was practically wringing her hands together.
“She’s a very loving mother and I’m sure she’s not happy leaving her son alone. We have to help. Please. Can she have my job?
I love working here, but this is a desperate situation.”
“Stop,” Jax said gently. “Breathe. No, she can’t have your job. I need you. Plus you don’t work full-time and I’m sure she
needs a full-time job to support herself and her son.”
“But we have to do something.”
“Maybe we start with talking to her,” Marcus said, his voice calm. “If she wants a better job then let’s help her find one.
I know a lot of people in the business community. Do you know what she does?”
“I don’t. I didn’t want to follow her to work,” Cheryl said. “That seemed intrusive.”
Jax and Marcus exchanged a look. Really? Following her to work was intrusive, but staking out her house and reading other
people’s diaries was fine?
“You’re right.” Cheryl nodded vigorously. “Talking to her makes sense. We’ll have to make it clear we’re not reporting her or getting the police involved. We just want to help.” She turned to Marcus. “Will you come with me?”
“Me? Why?”
“You have a calming presence. You’ll make her feel better.”
He looked doubtful but agreed. As they worked out what time they would head to her place, Jax thought that Marcus was one
of the good ones. If she was going to take a chance on someone, he seemed like the perfect guy.
“So order is restored to the universe,” Ryleigh said, her voice teasing. “Your favorite guy is home where he belongs and you
get to be right about him wanting a cat.”
“I’m not interested in being right,” Jax said. “I want to make sure he never runs away again.”
“He wasn’t running away. He was going on a quest.”
“Parrots aren’t meant to be quest-driven animals. I need to make sure he understands that.”
That made Ryleigh laugh. She and her sister were sitting in the backyard, sharing the last of the wine they’d had with dinner.
Gentry and Xander were upstairs watching a movie, enjoying the fact that they didn’t have to worry about school night bedtime.
They had some time off before their summer camps started and getting up early became a thing again. Noah had been just as
excited to have his free time, although he would be spending it at his after-school camp.
“I couldn’t go through losing him again,” Jax added.
“He loves you. He wants to be with you.”
“He still ran away. I get scared thinking about what could have happened.”
“Quest,” Ryleigh repeated. “And he’s fine. There’s no need to torture yourself with things that didn’t happen. Although I
do have to wonder how he made friends with a cat. I mean what was the sequence? Did he fly around, looking for a stray cat,
then walk up and introduce himself?”
“I don’t know, but they get along really well.”
“Any luck on the name front?”
Jax sighed. “He’s being stubborn, which is so like him. Anyway, enough about all of this. How are you and how’s your cat?”
Ryleigh waited, but Jax didn’t say anything about Lucy’s attempt to attack Ramon.
“School’s out,” she said. “I have my usual mixed emotions. Otherwise, it’s all good. Lucy’s adjusting really well to being
with me and when we spend the night at Alex’s. Noah adores her and is so gentle with her. Seeing them play together warms
my heart.”
“He’s a good kid. Alex’s had a tough road, what with losing Kim, but you wouldn’t know it from looking at Noah.” She glanced
over and smiled, then raised her glass of wine as if toasting. “You’re a big part of that. He’d be lost without you.”
“We’re good friends,” Ryleigh said, ignoring the sudden clutching in her heart. She’d been having strange reactions to the
oddest things lately and had no idea what was going on. She was getting plenty of sleep, her diet was mostly healthy and she
was starting her summer break. Where was the bad?
“You’re a little bit more than friends,” Jax teased. “I assume the adult sleepovers continue.”
“They do.”
“And the sex is better than marginal?”
Ryleigh laughed. “Yes, by any definition.” She opened her mouth to say more, then unexpectedly burst into tears.
“What’s wrong?” Jax turned on the seat so she was facing her sister. “You’re crying. Sweetie, what is it? It’s something.”
Ryleigh waved away the comment as she tried to get control. “This is ridiculous. I’m fine.”
“It’s something for sure because you’re not a crier. I’m not, either, although lately I’ve cried about eighteen years’ worth.
Tell me. I’m right here and whatever it is, I’ll fix it.”
Ryleigh gave a strangled laugh-sob. “You can’t fix it. No one can.”
Jax glared at her. “I’m your big sister. I can do anything. Now spill it.”
“I’m not holding out on purpose,” Ryleigh insisted. “I genuinely don’t know—” She sucked in a breath as the truth crashed
in on her like a meteor. “I’m in love with Alex.”
Her sister’s eyes widened as they stared at each other.
“You are?” Jax asked. “Since when?”
Ryleigh told herself to take it back. She couldn’t be in love with Alex. They were friends—good friends. Okay, yes, now they
were sleeping together, but only as friends. It was practically medicinal sex. She could have amazing sex with him and sleep
in his arms and not fall in love with him.
Except maybe, possibly, she had.
“This is bad,” she said, coming to her feet. “So bad. I can’t love him. It’s a disaster. Loving him ruins everything.”
“I disagree. Loving him is the exact answer to what you’ve been looking for. Marry Alex and have babies with him. Problem
solved.”
“It’s not solved.” Ryleigh stared at her. “He’s still in love with Kim. He’s not over her death and there’s no way he sees
me as anything but a friend.”
“How do you know?”
Because he was always encouraging her to move away. Not exactly the actions of a man desperately in love with her. But saying
that to Jax would make them start fighting and she didn’t want that.
“He talks about how great we are as friends and how he still misses Kim. He’s never hinted that he has any feelings for me.”
“But you’re having sex.”
“Yes, but it’s not the romantic kind.”
Jax frowned. “How is the romantic sex different?”
“It’s about bonding. This isn’t that. But somehow my heart wasn’t listening and now I love him.” She sank onto the chair and
covered her face with her hands.
“That’s what’s been wrong with me,” she said more to herself than her sister.
“That’s why I keep thinking about him and why I agreed to sleep with him, because if you think about it, us becoming lovers had disaster written all over.
It’s the reason he was the first person I wanted to call after my interview and—”
Too late she realized what she’d said. She heard Jax’s sharp intake of air and tried to brace herself for the coming storm.
“Your interview? Your interview?” Jax’s voice was shrill.
Ryleigh lowered her hands and saw her sister glaring at her.
“Let me guess. You had an interview for a job in San Diego. You’ve been going down there without telling me. No, you’ve been
applying for jobs. Did you look at apartments, too?”
Ryleigh felt herself flush. “Jax, I have a right to—”
“You lied to me,” Jax interrupted. “You’ve been actively lying to me. We’re family. We love each other. How can you do this?”
“Hey, I get to have a life. I get to be happy.”
“You are happy right here. Everything is great.”
“It’s not. I’m not like you. I don’t want to be alone. I want a husband and a partner and a family.”
“I don’t want to be alone,” Jax protested. “I’m all about being with people.”
“Sure, but you don’t want to be in love. Until Marcus you hadn’t been on a date since you met Harris. You’re not healing,
you’re hiding.”
“Hey, I’m not and this isn’t about me. It’s about you and the lies. So now what happens?” Jax asked. “You pack up and move?
Just like that? Has it occurred to you that you’re going to be walking away from everyone you know and love simply because
you enjoyed your college experience?”
Ryleigh stood up. “You always do that. You always put me down and make me the idiot whenever I don’t instantly agree with
you. This is my life, Jax. Mine. Only I get to say what makes me happy. Only I get to say what I want to do next. Not you,
not anyone else.”
She raised her arm, then let it fall back to her side. “I can’t talk to you right now. I have to go.”
She thought her sister might stop her, but Jax was silent as she walked inside, got her bag, then went to her car and drove
away without once looking back.