19. Chloe
19
CHLOE
T he idea that Sean thought nothing about me was trivial gave me a warm feeling that stayed with me all day.
I couldn’t stop smiling as I went over his words in my mind.
“You, your name, your words, and your body—nothing about you is trivial. A man would be a fool if he thought that.”
Wow.
No one had ever paid me such a compliment.
Compliments had been rare when I was with Bruce.
I wasn’t even with Sean.
The idea was ridiculous, but he had made me feel amazing for today and given me the fuel I needed to keep going for the next few days.
Most days, I quietly bore the weight of guilt surrounding Henry’s accident.
Henry didn’t know about it either.
It was like a pinprick in my conscience, one I had tried my hardest to get rid of.
I usually could ignore those twinges of guilt if I was busy.
Running errands, obsessing over Henry’s calendar, trying to schedule his physical therapy.
Some days, I had fewer things to obsess over, and when time opened up freely, so did my guilt.
A stranger’s kind word did occasionally make my day better, and to get one from a man as grumpy as Sean, well, its effect quadrupled for me.
In the few days I’d been working for him, I’d noticed that when Sean walked past people at work, they would hold their breath.
Once he was out of sight, I’d see people relax, sigh in relief, and crowds disperse.
There was a magnetic charm and fear attached to him that fascinated people.
His other request stayed in the back of my mind when I was running between floors to try to get the heads of marketing and sales to agree to a meeting.
It stayed with me while I took the subway home and while I cooked dinner for Henry and me.
I spoke to Tess, my childhood friend who lived in Virginia, while I sat on the couch after a comforting meal of spaghetti with meatballs.
Henry had gone to his room, and I was yearning to talk to someone.
Tess, a pretty brunette with a never-give-up attitude, had recently gotten engaged.
I was itching to find out when she was planning the wedding.
Of course, the side effect of her happiness was that she was constantly trying to get me in the dating game too.
When I brought up my previous mistake—ditching Bruce for Henry—she became serious.
“I don’t want that for you ever again, Chloe,” she said, her voice tender.
“You, Chloe, deserve something more than just living only for Henry.”
I felt hurt.
“Tess, I don’t just live for Henry. I have my own dreams too,” I said, hoping that she wouldn’t ask me what they were.
“Forget your dreams. Tell me what you want in a man. I’m sure I could set you up with someone I know.”
I laughed.
“Tess, my demands are impossible to meet.”
“Try me.”
I began to protest, but Tess wasn’t having it.
“All right,” I said, thinking quickly to all the things Bruce hadn’t done for me.
“Well, I want a man in my life who will take care of me. A man who won’t run away when he realizes that Henry is a part of my life. A man who won’t think twice about skipping important work meetings to be with me when I need him.”
Bruce had once refused to join me to celebrate a pay raise because he wanted to work late.
Tess thought for a bit before she hummed her assent.
“That makes sense. I’m surprised you have such a clear vision, Chloe. It’s the first step to manifesting.”
Tess would not stop talking about The Secret , and I’d long stopped arguing with her over it.
“This kind of man doesn’t exist,” I said wearily.
She gave me a commiserating sigh before she spoke.
“You, Chloe, have single-handedly taken care of Henry for ten years now, and in all those years, you’ve only had one boyfriend. And a jerk at that. I know how amazing you are. I’ve seen you be strong, compassionate, and resilient. I wish you’d realize that there are better men out there. I know it’s only been a few months since your relationship with Bruce ended, but whenever you’re ready to date again, I hope you’ll remember that there are good men out there. Good men who are worthy of you. Good men who will cherish you and spoil you.”
It was one of the last thoughts in my mind before I drifted off to sleep later that night.
Going by the way Sean had looked at me earlier that day, with heat and intensity, I wouldn’t classify him as a good man.
But I couldn’t forget his firm grip on my hand while he’d thanked me for agreeing to help him.
He couldn’t be too bad of a man if he cared so much for his son.
If only my dad had cared about me and Henry half as much as Sean did his son.
When I’d seen Sean that night with Lucas, I’d noticed a flash of pain in his eyes when Lucas stormed past him into his office.
It wasn’t the first time Lucas’s words had hurt him, I bet, and it wouldn’t be the last. I’d become invested in wanting to help him even before he asked.
When I woke up to a wonderful New York morning—a bright, sunny autumn day—I instantly thought of Central Park and how beautiful it ought to be right now.
That gave me my first idea for Sean and his son.
It wasn’t a Thursday today, so I couldn’t join them, but this was something I was sure Sean could tackle on his own while I kept Henry company at home.
Thursdays were my only truly free evenings—days when Henry had a social club that ran late in the evening and I could be out on my own.
Thursdays were the days Bruce and I used to go out on dates.
The same free days I could offer Sean.
When I got to work, I walked into his office, pausing only for one moment to take him in while he finished his phone call.
God, he looked good today.
He looked like he had just finished his morning training session at the gym, and his gray suit stretched across his shoulders as he reached for a pen.
He hung up the phone and turned to me, a roguish, handsome look on his face when he met my eyes.
As though he’d seen my eyes raking over him, taking him in, and enjoyed my scrutiny.
Swallowing, I closed my eyes only briefly before I caught him up about his day.
Sean and I would never happen, but in my dreams, I could let loose, couldn’t I?
Sean kept his wild, humorous grin on me while I talked, and he only nodded his acknowledgment at the end to thank me for the update.
That was when I brought up the suggestion that he could end his day—or rather evening—by biking through Central Park with his son as a bonding activity.
Sean looked surprised for a minute before he nodded.
“You’re right; he’s been playing indoors at home for too long,” he mused, running his thumb over his jaw as his eyes took on a distant look.
He looked up, and his eyes cleared up when they met mine.
“Thank you, Chloe,” he said finally, his voice deep.
“That’s a great idea.”
I nodded and was about to leave when something else struck me.
“Do either of you have bikes?” I asked.
The long stare he gave me said it all.
“I’ll order them for you,” I said with a nod.
“Any preferences?” I asked.
His tone was wry. “No tassels on mine, please,” he said, and I laughed.
“I can’t make any promises,” I said, grinning at this moment of humor from him.
I hesitated, hand on the door before leaving.
“So, you’ll let me know how it goes tomorrow?”
He answered my question with a frown.
“What do you mean? Aren’t you joining us?”
Join them?
Damn, I should have thought it through.
I’d already promised Henry I would be at home in the evenings.
How could I explain today’s absence to him?
“That would take away the father-son bonding that you really need,” I said, pushing away the impulsive voice in my brain that said I desperately wanted to join them.
But my anxiety ramped up every time I was home late.
He shook his head. “I can’t calm him down if he’s having a meltdown. You’re the only one who can. I’ll need you there.”
Lucas had a nanny, which I was about to point out, when Sean added, “What if Lucas hates biking with me? What if I end up making the wrong conversation? You’re the bonding coach. I need you there.”
I swallowed.
The idea of a man like him needing a woman like me sent my mind spinning.
But I’d do it. At least for the impulsive woman in me who was desperate for a chance to be carefree for one evening.
I’d find a way to make it up to Henry later.
“What time should I be there?” I asked at last.