12. Maria
The morning light filters through the cabin windows, casting a soft glow over the peaceful moment. I lie awake on the couch, my thoughts drifting back to last night. Nathan is still asleep on the floor in front of the now-cold wood stove, his chest rising and falling with each breath. The quiet is almost tangible, wrapping around us like a gentle embrace.
What if we had kissed last night?
My heart flutters at the thought, but I quickly push it away. It’s easy to get lost in a fantasy of the two of us staying here in Montauk and playing house, but I know that’s far from reality. Once the men who are after him are caught, we’ll return to our lives in New York — me as his assistant, and him as the billionaire playboy.
Because that’s what Nathan is, isn’t he? Even though he has shown me another side of himself, I can’t shake the belief that deep down, he really is the playboy everyone thinks he is. His words about only going on dates for show and to impress investors echo in my mind, but I stubbornly refuse to let them sway me.
As Nathan stirs, I quickly jump off the couch and slip into the kitchen, hoping he won’t catch me watching him sleep. I start making coffee, the familiar ritual grounding me. He walks in moments later, hair disheveled and looking amazing even in his rumpled clothes.
“Morning.” His voice is warm and sleepy, sending a delicious shiver down my back.
“Good morning,” I reply, trying to keep my tone casual. Heat rushes through me as our eyes meet, though, and I hate how easily he affects me.
“Did you sleep well?” He pours himself a cup of coffee.
“Surprisingly, yes.” I take a sip of my own coffee, grateful for the warmth it provides. “How about you?”
“Best sleep I’ve had in a while.” He leans against the counter and stretches.
I nod, not knowing what to say. We’ve shared so much in such a short time, but there’s still an invisible barrier between us. I can’t help but wonder how things would change if we’d kissed last night. Would it bring us closer or push us further apart?
“Maria.” He hesitates, and I tense, sensing an incoming bomb. “About last night… I’m sorry if I…”
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” I interrupt, forcing a smile. “We both know where we stand, right? I’m your assistant, and you’re… well, you.”
He looks down, his brow furrowing slightly, but he doesn’t say anything. The unspoken words hang heavy in the air, leaving me feeling more exposed than any kiss ever could.
We finish our coffee and move on to breakfast, the silence between us thick with unspoken words. Nathan takes a seat at the small dining table while I rummage through the kitchen cabinets for something to eat.
“Quite a storm last night,” I say, trying to ease the tension as I place a box of cereal and a carton of milk in front of him.
“Sure was. I haven’t seen one that big in a long time.” He pours me a bowl before helping himself. “I’m just glad we were here, safe and sound.”
“Me too.” I sit down across from him, focusing on my cereal despite the butterflies in my stomach. “We should probably pick up some more groceries soon. You know, in case another storm comes through.”
“Good idea.” His eyes meet mine for a brief moment before he looks away. “I was thinking about going down to the beach today. It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to just relax and enjoy the ocean.”
My heart sinks. So, he needs some space from me? I’m not surprised, I guess. Not after the awkwardness of last night. But I’ll never show him how much he affects me, and so I force myself to smile. “That sounds nice. I’ll make sure to lock up the cabin when you leave.”
“Actually…” Nathan hesitates, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was hoping you would join me. We should stay together, for safety.”
“Oh. Right.” I clear my throat. “For safety.”
“Unless you don’t want?—”
“No, no. Let’s go.” I busy myself with a bite of cereal.
After breakfast, we lock up the cabin and walk down to the beach. The storm has passed, leaving behind calm waters and a scattering of debris along the shore. Nathan walks close beside me as we search for shells and driftwood among the seaweed and broken pieces of wood.
“So…” Nathan’s words are tentative, his eyes scanning the sand. “You said you came here with your sister a few months back. Do you wish you could come more often?”
“It’s hard to say.” I pick up a smooth piece of driftwood and run my thumb over it. “I own the cabin now, but… Montauk holds heavy memories for me. It’s easier to stay away.”
“Must be tough,” he says quietly, reaching down to pick up a shell and examining it closely.
“Sometimes.” My voice is barely audible over the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. “But I guess we all have our crosses to bear.”
“True,” Nathan murmurs, dropping the shell back onto the sand, his eyes lingering on it for a moment before meeting mine. “We do.”
A gust of wind sends a shiver down my spine as we continue our walk. I glance at Nathan, noticing how the sunlight catches the tips of his disheveled hair. My thoughts drift back to last night, the warmth of the fire, and our almost-kiss.
“Maria.” My name on his lips makes my breath catch, and when he turns to me I get dizzy. “I wanted to apologize for last night. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
I shake my head, surprised he’s brought it up. “Don’t worry about it.” I force a smile, trying to keep my tone casual. “I know where I stand in your life; I’m your assistant, not some hot model worthy of dating you.”
He stops walking, looking at me with an intensity that makes my heart race. “That’s not true at all.”
“Isn’t it?” I ask.
Nathan hesitates, then shakes his head. “No, it’s not. I’m not the playboy everyone thinks I am, Maria. I was telling the truth when I said I take dates to events for show. The truth is…” He pauses, running a hand through his hair. “I haven’t been on a real date in years. I haven’t even… been with a woman in a… long time.”
My cheeks flush at his confession, and I look away, focusing on a seagull perched on a nearby rock. For the first time, I see how lonely Nathan must be. But isn’t that what we have in common? After my parents’ divorce, I put a wall around my heart as well.
“Really?” I ask, struggling to find the right words. “I guess… I guess we’re both more alike than I thought.”
“Maybe,” he agrees, offering a small smile that makes my heart ache.
“Doesn’t it get lonely?” I ask, half-worried that I’m opening a can of worms.
“Sometimes.” His gaze fixes on the horizon. “But I’ve always been focused on my work, so I didn’t let it bother me too much.”
I nod, understanding that we’re both hiding behind the walls we’ve built around our hearts. The realization is both comforting and heartbreaking at the same time.
“Let’s keep walking.” There’s a tightness to his voice, like he’s either over this conversation or doesn’t know where to take it from here.
I nod, falling into step beside him as we continue down the beach, lost in our thoughts.
After a few minutes, Nathan breaks the silence. “Putting my business first has always been my priority. That’s how my dad did it, and it’s all I ever knew. After seeing how it affected my parents’ marriage… well, I thought it best just to stay single.”
I can’t help but relate to his confession. It’s ironic, really, that we’re opening up while discussing our aversion to vulnerability.
“It’s funny,” I say, tucking a strand of wind-tousled hair behind my ear. “I never thought we had so much in common.”
“Neither did I.” He offers a small smile, and his eyes, warm and understanding, meet mine.
Just like that, something shifts within me. There’s something about him that makes me less afraid of being vulnerable around him.
He studies me. “How old were you when your parents got divorced?”
I kick at a small mound of sand. “I was sixteen. It came out of nowhere, and it hurt like hell.”
Just admitting how much pain the event caused is big for me, and I’m kind of surprised I’ve told him so much. It’s like he’s just pulling the truth out of me, though, and I’m helpless to stop it.
“I see,” he says, stuffing his hands into his pockets as we continue to walk. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“Thanks.” I swallow the lump in my throat. Talking about this isn’t easy, but there’s comfort in knowing that he understands. “It’s just… it’s made me a bit jaded, I guess.”
“Understandable,” he nods. “But you shouldn’t let that hold you back from finding happiness, Maria.”
“Easy for you to say,” I chuckle, despite the pang in my chest. “You’re the billionaire playboy, remember?”
“Ha, you’ve got me there.” He laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “But seriously, we both deserve happiness, don’t you think?”
“Maybe,” I concede, watching a seagull dive into the water for its breakfast. “So, what does happiness look like to you, Nathan?”
He’s quiet for a moment, and I can tell he’s giving my question some real thought. Finally, he looks at me with a soft smile.
“Right now? Honestly, it looks a lot like this.” He gestures to the peaceful beach surrounding us. “Just… spending time with someone who gets me, without any pretenses.”
“Me too.” My heart swells as our eyes meet again.
The sun casts a warm glow on the sand as we continue down the beach, picking up shells and driftwood along the way. The salty breeze tugs at my hair, bringing with it the scent of the ocean. I watch as Nathan crouches down to examine something he’s found in the sand.
“Hey, look at this.” He holds up a piece of sea glass. It’s a stunning shade of blue, smoothed by the waves and gleaming in the sunlight. “Here, you should have it.”
“Me?” I ask. “But it’s so beautiful. And you’re the one who found it. It should be yours.”
“Please,” he insists, pressing the glass into my palm. “I want you to have it.”
I hesitantly close my fingers around the smooth glass, feeling its cool weight against my skin. “Thank you,” I murmur, touched by his thoughtfulness.
I’m not sure what the gesture means, but I’m desperate to hold on to it nonetheless. Whatever Nathan and I are, at the end of the day, I want to be important to him. Meaningful.
We resume our walk, but my mind is still on the sea glass and the intentions behind it.
Suddenly, Nathan’s hand wraps around my arm, and he yanks me backwards. “Watch out!”
“What?” I shriek, my heart leaping into my throat as I stumble against his chest.
“The mauve jellyfish.” He nods at the little gelatinous thing I almost stepped on. “They’re poisonous.”
“Thank you,” I say, looking up at him. Our faces are mere inches apart, and I can see the concern in his eyes. Heat rushes through me, and for a moment, the world outside our embrace fades away.
“Maybe we should head back to the cabin,” I mumble, stepping out of his arms. The charged moment is overwhelming, and I fear that if we stay any longer, my heart will betray me. I’ll do something I’ll regret. Like kiss a man who will just push me away. Or worse — pull me in, only to break my heart later.
“All right,” Nathan agrees, though he seems reluctant to leave the beach. As we walk away from the shore, I can’t help but think about how much my life has changed since coming back to Montauk.
My head has gotten too high into the clouds, and as much as I wish things could stay like this forever, I know that they can’t. Our time in the little cabin will come to an end, and then what? Will Nathan go back to being the billionaire playboy everyone thinks he is, and I just his assistant?
I sigh, feeling a familiar ache in my chest. But for now, I’ll enjoy these stolen moments with him, even if they’re only temporary. And who knows? Maybe we’ll both find the happiness we’ve been searching for along the way.
Just not together.