Chapter 34 Lindsay
THIRTY-FOUR
LINDSAY
Warmth holds me before awareness does.
Silky, cool, strangely alive warmth that shifts when I breathe. A soft pull keeps me from rolling over, almost protective. It takes several blinks before my vision clears enough to register the walls. Dark stone. Neat shelves. A single, narrow study table.
I’m in Kael’s quarters.
The realization lands softly and settles under my ribs.
A blanket of shadows drapes over me from shoulders to feet, smoothing themselves whenever I shift. They feel weightless yet firm enough to keep me warm.
I push up onto my elbows. The shadows adjust immediately, supporting me without stopping my movements.
My gaze drifts to the corner.
Kael is asleep in his chair.
His posture is too rigid for actual rest. One hand hangs off the armrest, curled loosely, as if he fell asleep reaching for something. His coat is on the back of the chair. His boots are still laced. His head rests against the stone wall behind him, hair falling over one eye.
Exhaustion clings to him more heavily than the shadows.
A soft ripple stirs across the floor—his shadows reacting to my movement. Some of them return to him in a low wave, brushing his boots and the edge of the chair as if they are trying to get his attention.
He startles awake with a sharp inhale.
His eyes snap open, ice blue catching dim lantern light, scanning until they find me. The instant he recognizes I’m conscious, the hard lines of his expression loosen. Relief crosses his face with raw honesty before he reins it back.
“You’re awake,” he says quietly.
“So it seems.”
He sits forward, elbows on his knees, studying me in a way that feels deeper than a simple check for injuries. His gaze moves from my face to the shadows around me, then back again.
“You fainted.”
“I figured something happened that had me ending up in your room again,” I say. “The shadow blanket is a nice touch.”
His jaw tightens. “They wouldn’t leave you.”
I look down at the shadows curled around my waist and legs. They tighten minutely, acknowledging him, then me.
“They stayed like this the whole time?”
Kael nods once, something unreadable flickering behind his eyes.
“You could’ve taken me to the infirmary.”
“That wasn’t an option.” The words come out with quiet certainty, no edge, or apology. “You needed silence more than healers.”
A flutter rises in my chest.
I shift under the shadow blanket, and it molds to my movement with gentle insistence. “You didn’t sleep well,” I say, taking in the tension around his shoulders, the faint crease between his brows.
“I tried.” His voice is low. “The shadows woke me every time you moved. They don’t… settle unless they’re sure you’re safe.”
The warmth in my throat becomes something tight and aching.
“I thought you controlled them,” I say.
He huffs a humorless snort. “I control them in most instances. But apparently, when it comes to you, I have no control at all.”
That feels like it means more than he’s saying, and my brain jumps straight to questions I definitely should not be asking this early in the morning—or while wrapped in his shadows.
Why do you keep pulling back? Why are you holding yourself together like you’re afraid you’ll crack if you get too close to me?
Instead, all I manage is a quiet, brilliant, “Oh.”
I shift again, and the shadows move with me, adjusting so I can sit up. When I swing my legs over the side of his bed, Kael’s gaze flicks to one of his shelves. I follow it and spot an old hand clock I somehow missed before.
“It’s mid-morning,” he says. “I’m surprised Raiden, Nolan, and Tamsin haven’t pounded down my door for you yet.”
My heart flips. Right. I told Raiden I’d meet him after the rounds last night. He’s probably spiraling.
“I have to go,” I say, pushing up from the mattress. The moment I find my feet, the world tilts. I sway, vision blurring—Kael is there in less than a heartbeat, one arm around me, steadier than the floor itself.
“Easy,” he murmurs, catching me before I can fall back. “You used a lot of magic last night. You need rest.”
His shadows coil around my ankles like they agree.
His arm stays around my waist a moment longer than necessary, steadying me until the floor stops behaving like a boat on waves. When he finally eases back, the loss of his touch feels immediate.
“I’m fine,” I whisper.
His eyes say he absolutely does not believe me.
Before I can insist again, his hand lifts—slowly, like he’s giving me time to pull away if I want to. I don’t. I couldn’t if I tried. His fingertips brush my cheek, the barest graze of skin, but it sends something warm and electric racing straight to my chest.
“Kael…” My voice breaks on his name.
His shadows still—waiting for his next move as much as I am. And Kael leans in, just enough that I feel his breath warm against my lips. My heart climbs into my throat, pounding out one impossible truth:
He’s going to kiss me.
His gaze drops to my mouth. He inhales, slow and quiet. The space between us narrows to a single breath. A heartbeat.
A silent, yes.
My eyes drop shut, and I lean forward. Then—a sharp knock rattles his door. Shock filters through as my eyes pop back open, swinging to the door behind him. Kael’s jaw tightens. The shadows around us flare in irritation.
“Lindsay?” Raiden’s voice filters through the wood, tense and worried. “Are you in there? Are you okay? Kael, open up!”
I close my eyes, mortified and frustrated and something else entirely.
Kael doesn’t move away immediately. His hand lingers at my cheek, thumb brushing once more in a motion so gentle it feels like an apology for the kiss that almost happened.
Then, reluctantly, he steps back.
“Your guard dog is worried,” he says quietly.
And I’m not sure whether my heart is pounding harder from the knock—or from the almost-kiss I’m still drowning in.
Kael crosses the room in two long strides, shadows slipping off him like reluctant smoke. He pulls the door open.
Raiden pushes past him immediately—not aggressive toward Kael, just frantic, like he’s been holding his breath for hours. His eyes find me in an instant.
“Linds,” he exhales, voice cracking with relief. “You didn’t show after your rounds. I—I waited, and then when you didn’t come, I started looking everywhere. Are you okay?”
He looks wrecked. Sleepless. Haunted.
“I’m alright,” I promise softly.
Raiden drags a shaking hand through his hair. “I should’ve gone with you. I should’ve insisted. If something happened—”
Kael steps forward.
“She wasn’t alone,” he says.
Raiden’s gaze snaps to him. “Yeah, I figured that out once I traced her scent here.”
A taut silence stretches.
Raiden crosses his arms, grounding himself. “I should’ve found her sooner. I should’ve come here first.”
Kael doesn’t blink. “Why would you? You had no reason to think she’d be with me.”
Raiden’s jaw tightens. “Clearly I should have.”
Kael lifts one shoulder in a slow, deliberate shrug, shadows curling faintly at his boots. “Are you jealous?”
Raiden lets out a short, scoffing breath. “Jealous? Of you?” He shakes his head. “No. I know you’re connected to her as much as I am.”
Kael’s expression doesn’t change, but something in the air tightens.
Raiden steps closer. “But you need to communicate better with the rest of us. When you have her, maybe send a message instead of vanishing with her.”
Kael’s eyes flick briefly to me, then back to Raiden.
“I wasn’t hiding her,” he says quietly. “I was taking care of her.”
Raiden swallows hard, the last of his adrenaline ebbing. “I know that.” His shoulders drop a fraction. “But I need to know she’s safe too.”
Kael’s stare softens by a degree—barely visible unless you’re looking for it.
“I hear you,” Kael says.