Chapter 6 #3
After the water started to run cold, I figured it was time to get out. I wrapped a towel around myself and padded into my room. Noodle had taken up the entire pillow. He raised his head, tongue flicking. ‘You need a mouse.’
“That’s the plan,” I grumbled, then realized what he’d said. “Not a mouse though. Maybe a hamburger.”
‘Mouse burger.’
I scrunched up my nose at him. “That’s disgusting.”
I flopped on the bed, exhaling. The adrenaline was starting to wear off, leaving me heavy and kind of spaced out mentally. For a long second, I just lay there, eyes half-closed.
A knock sounded at the door.
I didn’t move at first. Partly because I was still soaked from the shower, towel slowly losing the fight to gravity, but mostly because I was dead tired, and the pain in my arm hadn’t faded completely. But the knock came again.
Noodle flicked his tongue. ‘The beardy one stands outside.’
I wiped a droplet of water from my chin, rolled upright, and hooked the towel in place as I padded barefoot to the door.
He was standing with hands shoved into the pockets of dark gray joggers, shoulders filling the entire goddamn doorway.
The tight white t-shirt he wore stretched across his chest deliciously.
His beard was trimmed, hair pulled back into a messy low bun.
The moment our eyes met, a weird electric thing crackled through the narrow space between us. Guilt radiated off of him. The circles under his pale blue eyes were purply, like bruises.
“Can I… come in?” His voice was a little rough.
I just stepped back and jerked my chin, too tired for anything else.
He brushed past me, not even trying to hide it when his gaze ran the length of me and landed on the angry red wound on my arm. I didn’t care. Not like I could hide much with a towel and wet hair.
Rowan headed straight for the window in the sitting room, setting his hands on his hips, the way guys did when they didn’t want to punch a wall but really, really wanted to. He stared out at the sprawl of the lawn, jaw tight, body humming with tightly leashed frustration.
“Do you want tea, coffee, or something stronger?”
He answered without turning. “If I said coffee, would I lose my British card?”
I snorted. “I may hold it over your head for a while.”
There was that ghost of a smile on his lips, the only sign he’d even heard me.
Five minutes later, I padded into the living room, two steaming mugs in hand. He’d moved away from the window, but hadn’t sat down. Just stood there, a little lost.
I motioned to the sofa with my chin. “Sit. You’re making me nervous.”
He took the mug, nodded his thanks, but didn’t drink.
I curled up in the opposite corner, one leg tucked under me, the other draped in artful towel-slippage.
There was a good thirty seconds of him staring into his mug, brain running a million miles an hour, mouth drawn tight with whatever he was chewing on. He set it down on the table, leaned forward, and dragged both hands over his face.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Jupiter.” He wouldn’t look at me. “There’s no excuse for what happened out there. I didn’t even think. I never considered that through the bond, you’d feel everything Percy felt. It was reckless, dangerous, and unforgivable.”
He squeezed his hands together, knuckles white. “There’s no acceptable reason I let myself lose control of my magic like that. Not around you.”
I didn’t say it was okay, because it wasn’t. Not even close. But I wasn’t going to pretend I couldn’t see what was happening.
I set my mug on the table. “It was a disaster,” I said, voice flat. “But let’s not pretend it was all you, Rowan. That situation was a powder keg from the jump. I’m honestly shocked it didn’t go worse.”
That made him look up, finally. “You’re not mad?”
“Oh, I’m pissed.” I managed a smile. “You guys should have known better, and I won’t pretend otherwise.
We’re all adults here, and I just don’t understand why we can’t act like it.
Myself included. This whole setup is volatile.
Every attempt is going to be bumpy. We try, we fuck up, we learn, we do it differently next time.
The only way through it is through. I’m not expecting perfection on the first try. ”
Rowan’s thumb traced his lower lip, and it was an effort not to fixate on it. “You should expect perfection from me. I owe you that much.”
“You don’t owe me anything, actually.” I shrugged, adjusting the towel because it was slipping. “I’m not some special little snowflake that needs to be coddled by you big scary men. Trust me when I say I can handle myself.”
He huffed out a laugh, the sound shaky. “Yes, I’m beginning to understand that, I think. I don’t want to hurt you again. That matters more than anything. That means we’re going to have to present the shield merge to Nightfall. Sooner rather than later.”
“Yeah… I think today proved that. If they know for a fact that we’re going to become one shield, then maybe we can figure out a way to get everyone to cooperate.”
I was kidding myself and I knew it. But a girl could hope.
He watched my face, searching for… something. “How do you think they’ll take it?”
I stretched my arms over my head, working out the last of the migraine tension.
“They’ll have to deal. If there’s even a sliver of a chance of making a portal big enough, strong enough to reach the home worlds…
it takes more magic than we have as four.
They’re more level-headed than most people give them credit for.
They’ll understand. They have to, or else we’re all fucked. And not the fun kind of fucked.”
He didn’t move, just studied me with this odd intensity, like if he stared long enough, he’d see the truth behind my eyes. Truth was, I wasn’t sure how they’d react. Draco I knew for sure would be on board. It was his idea to come here in the first place.
That reminded me… I made a mental note to have a little chat with Draco. It was beyond overdue, and I could be the bigger person and admit I’d been avoiding the inevitable.
He looked away. “But is that what you really want? All of us? You’d want us even if the power wasn’t in play?”
Shit… Is that what they thought? That the only reason I was indulging this whole idea was due to the magical boost I’d get?
For a second I considered getting angry about the insinuation.
For just a moment, it was like Nightfall all over again, accusing me of manipulating them in order to bond.
But I cut off that thought spiral before it could grow.
This wasn’t the same situation, and these guys had been hurt badly by a woman who was in it for the power and prestige.
Eliza fucked them up, and Nightfall fucked me up.
“I wanted you before I knew about the Order. Before the thought of merging shields even occurred to me.” I shrugged. “Actually, I felt a little guilty about it at first. I already have shield mates, so I had no business wanting any of you. But I can’t help it.”
He closed his eyes, shoulders finally slumping as he let out a long, relieved breath. “I’m bloody glad to hear you say that. You have no idea.”
He turned to face me fully, and my towel suddenly felt about as substantial as tissue paper. He reached up and caught a long strand of my wet hair between his fingers, then let his gaze travel up the entire length of my body as if he was committing every inch to memory.
It did things to my stomach. Hot, inconvenient things.
“So uh, have you always known you’d be in a secret society some day?” My voice came out much breathier than I’d intended, and from the sparkle in Rowan’s blue eyes, I knew he could tell I was nervous.
But why? Why was I nervous? This man had already seen every inch of my naked body back at Dominion, so what was there to freak out about?
Rowan smiled, almost to himself, and tucked the strand behind my ear.
“I grew up knowing I’d be in the Order. My grandfather was an elder.
He passed away when I was still in training, but he was…
I don’t know, legend’s the wrong word. He was the kind of man who made you want to be something.
He was a leader. A Scorpio, actually. Married my Capricorn grandmother. ”
I watched him, suddenly desperate to know more. I realized I didn’t know much about Rowan’s family, or his life before we met.
“After he died, it was just me and my dad, and he’s not exactly shield material.
Never has been. But he’s a scientist, obsessed with cosmic phenomena, always off in Alaska or sometimes even on research trips to the Arctic, tracking bane activity and auroras and magnetic fields.
He sends the Order his findings, hoping maybe there was something, anything, that could help us get home, even though without an Ophis it was never really possible. ”
“I’m guessing he’s a Scorpio too?” He nodded with a small smile and I chuckled. “My parents are the scholarly type too. Seems to be a trait.”
“He’s always happiest out there. Away from the Assembly, away from the bullshit.
When I manifested as a Capricorn like my grandmother and mum, and my powers were obviously potent, he told me I had a choice.
Join the Order and train at Imperium, or choose to suppress it and live a quieter life.
I already knew what I wanted though. Always had.
I joined the Order to keep my grandfather’s legacy alive. ”
He sat back against the sofa and took a sip of the coffee that was probably cool now.
“Well I’m certainly glad you decided to join.” I nudged him with my elbow. “What about your dad? Are you two still close?”
“I talk to him as much as I can, though not as much as I should. He thinks the world is about to end, so he spends a lot of time prepping for natural disasters and sending me weird news clippings about black hole collisions and phantom animal behavior. He means well though. It’s always nice to get a satellite call from him. ”
I smiled. “He sounds fascinating.”