16. Spencer
CHAPTER 16
SPENCER
My mother is already into Ally’s wine when we arrive. She looks exactly how I’m used to seeing her, curled up on the couch under a blanket, cradling a glass in her hand, looking forlorn and mopey.
“How long has she been here?” I ask Ally as she swings open the front door. Her eyes shift between Grady and me. Ally is apparently so distracted by our appearance that she’s rendered speechless, so I decide to clear things up for her. “Yes, Grady and I were out. Together. ” I watch as her face changes from confusion to complete and utter elation. Great.
“Took you idiots long enough,” she quips, her face beaming. “I thought I was going to have to force you into a room alone together, but you figured it out.”
Ally is still blocking our entry into the cabin, looking a little too pleased with herself. My eyes flick back towards Grady, standing behind my shoulder, and I can tell by the smug way his lip just twitched that he’s just as satisfied. He’ll be able to rub it in my face later that I was the one who broke the ‘don’t tell Ally’ rule.
Remembering why we came over in the first place, Ally opens the front door wider and steps aside, allowing us in. She gestures towards my mother on the couch.
“She’s been here for about a half hour. I haven’t been able to get anything out of her, just that she wanted to know where you were and that she needed wine. I supplied both,” Ally explains.
“Thanks,” I say, flashing her an apologetic smile. I round the large wooden coffee table and sink down onto the couch next to my mom. Ally, Mason, and Grady retreat to the kitchen to create an illusion of privacy, but in this tiny cabin, I know they can still hear every word. I trust Ally will provide enough detailed commentary to bring everyone up to speed on the chaos that is the Sinclairs.
“Hey, Mom,” I say, keeping my tone gentle and light, as if I might spook her. “What’s going on?”
“You saw that your father got married,” she says, and I suddenly feel very stupid for not anticipating that she might show up in town. All the feelings I had earlier in the day threaten to bubble up to the surface. My dinner with Grady had been a nice distraction for a few hours, but the pain is still lurking there, waiting until just the right opportunity to rear its ugly head. I know I haven’t fully dealt with it, but I shove it down, ignoring it for the moment. My mother is clearly handling this situation worse than I am, numbing herself with wine. She needs me to be her support in this moment, the way I always have been. It’s why she came here in the first place; she knows she can rely on me to console her. And I will. Just like I always have.
“I did see that, yeah.” Anger and betrayal nip at my words despite any attempt to hide it. “How are you feeling about it?” It’s no use telling my mom that she’s being unreasonable. Even though she is. She’s remarried three whole times to my father’s one. Marla will feel the way she needs to feel, and she’ll let everyone around her know it.
“Awful. Just awful. How dare he do this, and right now of all times?” She says it as if my father intentionally did this to her . What she doesn’t realize is that my father doesn’t think about us at all, not even enough to do anything vindictive. Her words spark another question within me.
“What do you mean right now ?”
She takes a long pull of her wine and tips her head back, struggling to find the words to answer me.I’m momentarily distracted by the rom-com playing on the TV, and I notice that Marla’s gaze has drifted there too, so I pick the remote up off the coffee table and click the screen off. Marla looks up at me finally, the sudden silence jarring her.
“Roy wants a divorce,” she spits out, and I’m taken aback. Whatever I thought might have brought her here, it wasn’t this.
“What? Why? Did he find someone else?” I hate to assume that’s the reason, but it’s the one that occurs the most frequently in my mother’s relationships, so statistically speaking, it’s the most likely scenario.
“No. Not even,” she says, forlorn. “I’m just not enough for him anymore.”
“Mom, that’s not even remotely the conclusion you should draw from this.”
“It’s the only conclusion to draw, Spencer. I don’t have what Roy is looking for in a wife, to spend his golden years with. He didn’t even trade me in for a younger model. He traded me in because he’d rather be alone than with me. I think it’s my boobs. Never have children, Spencer, keep your boobs as perky as they are now, and you’ll be able to hang onto a man.”
Suddenly a few pieces clink together from the last few days, like chips falling into a game of Connect Four and lining up just right.
“Ah. So, this is the reason for the boob job.”
Marla nods.
“He told me he wanted a divorce a few weeks ago. I didn’t think he was serious. I thought he was saying it in the heat of an argument. So, I told him I was getting a boob job, thinking maybe it would convince him to stay. You know, that’s all men care about. But it didn’t work, and he said it was so me to think that it would. I don’t even know what he means by that.”
“Have you ever thought, Mom, that you might have more to offer men than just your appearance?” I say tentatively, repeating the words that Grady had spoken to me. Something within them rang true, helped me see myself in a different light. The only light I had seen myself in prior to that was my mother’s.
“Don’t be naive, Spencer.” She scoffs. “Men only care about one thing. They’re all the same.” I glance over to the kitchen where Grady is bent down, his hand pressed gently against Ally’s belly, talking to his niece. A warm sensation ripples through me, and in that moment, I know that what my mother has told me my entire life is wrong.
“They aren’t. We just haven’t been choosing ones that care about more. I think that’s been intentional. It’s easier to let go when it ends. Pick a guy who is enough of an asshole and the breakup will never be your fault.”
“I just don’t have the energy to be dissecting this tonight.” She sighs. “I am exhausted from the drive, from all of it.”
“How long are you planning to stay in Heartwood?” I ask her. If she truly is here because of her divorce with Roy, this could be a long and very bumpy road.
“I don’t know yet. Long enough to feel okay going back to an empty house. Long enough for Roy to pack his shit and leave.” That’s not really an answer. That could be just the weekend, or it could be months.
“Where are you planning on staying?” I ask. She can’t stay with me, there isn’t enough room in the van, and I am sure as hell not allowing her to stay with Ally. She doesn’t have enough room here either, and with the baby coming so soon, Marla Sinclair invading her space is the last thing she needs.
“I guess I’ll just get a room at the motel. It looked decent. Have you stayed there? How many stars does it have?” she asks, and I’m not sure how to answer. The last time I planned on staying there, Grady took one look at the place and deemed it unfit even for me, and I’m used to sleeping in hostels.
“Uh … well it has five stars if you consider the fact that it’s currently the only place to stay in Heartwood,” I offer, trying to make it sound even slightly more appealing.
Grady, the eavesdropping little snoop, wanders over from the kitchen at this exact moment, and chimes in.
“She can stay in my guest suite,” he offers.
“No,” I snap a little too quickly, jumping to my feet. This is a slippery slope if I’ve ever seen one. A favour like this is … well it’s not exactly aligned with our rules. “I can’t have you put up my mom.”
“It’s no big deal, really. The suite has already been made up anyway,” he answers. Then adding, “And besides, it’s not the first time I’ve spared a beautiful Sinclair woman from the bed-bug-infested motel.” Grady winks at me, and my pulse zings.I quickly run through all the available options for my mother and come up short. She’ll complain about anything else to the point of being insufferable, so having her stay with Grady is the only way that I can hack having her here.
“Okay. Fine,” I give in. “But on one condition.”
Grady flashes me a playful grin and I think I can hear his thoughts. So many rules.
“I’ll park my van in your driveway and stay there, too. That way you don’t need to worry about hosting. I’ll take care of it all.”
“Deal,” Grady says. Out of my periphery, I can see Marla looking up at Grady and me, practically squaring off. She glances between us, realizing the decision has been made.
“Great. It’s settled.” She claps a hand on her knee and gets up from the couch to refill her wine glass.
Grady cocks an eyebrow towards me.
“I guess it’s settled,” he repeats, and I realize that this is the only condition left between us. Any of the rules we previously agreed upon have been broken. Just one night, no relationship-y things, don’t tell Ally. They’ve all been completely shattered. There is nothing left keeping me in check, and now I’ll be staying on Grady’s property, mere feet away from him.
“I think your mom is all set up in there,” Grady says, approaching me across the driveway. “She seems to have made herself right at home.”
I look up at him standing over me, slightly out of breath from trying to crank down the jacks at the back of the van.I’ve parked it a safe fifty feet away from the house.
“Here, let me,” Grady offers, and I let him take over, wiping the back of my hand across my damp brow.
“Thanks.” The muscles in Grady’s thick arm flex as he cranks the jack down with ease, barely breaking a sweat. He stands and wipes his hands off on his jeans, regarding me for a moment.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay staying out here?” he asks. I see no alternative with all the rules broken now, I have to hold myself together. The council meeting is looming, and so is my upcoming departure from Heartwood. Now, with my mother showing up, I’m reminded of my commitment to my relationship ban and why it was important in the first place.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’m used to sleeping in the van on my own by now. Tonight is no different.” A brisk breeze blows between us, sending a chill through me.
Grady looks up at the dark night sky, the stars obscured by clouds, exposing the stubbled underside of his jaw to me.
“Okay. If you need anything, I’ll leave the front door unlocked for you. You can come in anytime,” Grady says, angling himself away from me as he heads back towards the house.
“Thanks,” I say again. I watch as Grady leaves me in the driveway and closes the front door behind him. It’s better this way, I remind myself before climbing into the van through the driver’s-side door.
I make my way around and pull the shades down over each of the windows. This is where I prefer to be anyway, in my own bed, my safe space.
Quickly going through my bedtime routine, I wash my makeup off in the kitchen sink, brush my teeth, and throw on my flannel PJs before crawling under my thick duvet.
The soft sound of rain on the metal roof lulls me, the steady plink of the drops getting louder, almost blurring together. The wind outside is picking up speed, howling around me, shaking the van slightly.
Just as I’m drifting off to sleep a sudden crack of thunder jolts me awake. I fucking hate thunder. Something about never knowing when it’s going to happen sets me on edge. A flash of lightning illuminates the inside of the van through the clear hatch in the ceiling.
It’ll pass , I tell myself, tucking my duvet up under my chin and squeezing my eyes shut. It has to pass .
Another loud boom overhead makes me cringe. Goddammit.
I yank the duvet up so I’m fully covered by it now. Maybe if I can’t see the light flash, it won’t be as startling.
Crack!
My heart just about stops dead. Well, that clearly didn’t work.
One … two … three … I count the seconds between the lightning, and with the next boom, I can tell that it’s getting closer. The storm isn’t going to pass as quickly as I’d hoped.
I consider my options. You can’t get struck by lightning in a vehicle, right? The rubber tires act as an insulator. I think. I can’t be sure, and when the next flash of lightning comes, I decide I don’t want to take any chances.
The only other option I have is to go inside, into Grady’s house. Nope. Not gonna happen.
Crack! A little shriek escapes from my throat.
I could sleep on the couch … if I wake up before sunrise, I can sneak back out to the camper van and Grady will never know the difference.Still … not my first choice.
Crack! I flinch again. Fuck. I have to go inside.
Once I’ve made my plan, I climb out of bed, and root around for my light puffer jacket, the only jacket I packed, and my rain boots. I tuck the pant legs of my flannel bottoms into the boots and assess the look, praying to a god that I don’t believe in that Grady doesn’t discover me in this ensemble.
My light, down jacket does nothing to protect me from the rain as I hunch over and pull the hood around my face. I can already feel the dampness seeping through to my clothes underneath, sending a shiver all the way through me, chilling me to my bones.
I’m looking down at the ground, doing my best not to trip as my eyes adjust to the darkness, and swiftly make my way to the house, when I smack right into a solid wall of … someone.
Only a psychopath would be out here in this weather. I squint my eyes trying to make out the large shadowy figure in the dark. The shadowy figure then grabs my shoulders and now I’m positive I’m going to die.
Crack! I let out a scream.
Lightning flashes and lights up the person standing over me.
“Woah … calm down, Rebel. It’s just me,” Grady says, catching me by the shoulders and crouching slightly so his face meets my eye level. I push the useless hood off—it’s not doing anything—but the heavy raindrops have already started making my hair stick to my face.
“What are you doing creeping around out here?” I ask, my back stiffening as I realize that the worst has happened. I’ve been discovered sneaking into the house. Grady’s gaze roves over me, taking in my purple plaid pajama bottoms tucked into hot pink polka dot boots.And I’ve been discovered in this god-awful outfit.
“I could ask you the same question,” he retorts.“Cute look, by the way.”
“I asked you first.”I cross my arms over and straighten my posture, letting the rain run down my face until my hair is plastered on my forehead.
“I was coming to make sure you were okay,” he answers, his voice laced with genuine concern. My defensiveness gives way a tiny bit. “Now you.”
I blink twice, raindrops collecting on my eyelashes. I consider how to tell Grady that I was planning on sneaking inside, leaving before he ever knew I was there. Looking into his face now, the way his dark eyebrows are knitted together with concern, I don’t have the heart. I also realize with disturbing clarity that I don’t want to keep avoiding him. Avoiding this.
“I wanted to come inside. I was originally planning on just sleeping on the couch to not wake you.” The excuse is weak. I hear the bristle of his hand against his stubbled beard as he scrubs his palm over his jaw.
“That’s not why you were going to sleep on the couch. You were going to pretend like you didn’t want to crawl into bed next to me, even though that’s not the truth, is it,” Grady says, as if knowing that the moment I stepped foot in the house I wouldn’t have had the willpower to stay in the living room anyway. Not with him sleeping mere feet away down the hall. “I think the truth is … you wanted to get caught. I think you wanted me to find you and drag you to my bedroom so that you wouldn’t have to be the one to admit that you were thinking about it all along.” I swallow hard, my mouth suddenly very dry. I don’t have a rebuttal. On some level, I know he’s right. He dips his face close to mine, his breath forming a cloud of warm air between us. “Well good news. You’re coming inside, but you’re going to sleep with me. I won’t have it any other way.”His voice rumbles through me, and I know that the shiver snaking down my spine is no longer because of the cold rain seeping through my coat.
Grady takes my face in his hands and wipes the hair off my forehead. His lips meet mine in a wet kiss, warming me against the chill.
The last boundary within me snaps, like an elastic stretched too tight. The feeling is a relief. I don’t have to keep pretending that I don’t want Grady anymore. When he pulls away from our kiss he reaches down and tugs my hand, and I follow him inside. Into the warm comfort of his home.
I follow him up the split stairs, away from my mother sleeping soundly in the ground-floor guest suite, my feet quietly padding on the hardwood. I follow him into his bedroom, and without a word between us, Grady turns to me and unzips my soaking wet jacket, peels off the damp shirt I have underneath. I step out of my flannel bottoms, now completely soaked as well. Grady doesn’t make a move on me the way he has in the past when I’ve been standing in front of him, naked except for my underwear. I thought him seeing me in my PJs and rain boots was embarrassing, but I’m suddenly very self-conscious of the dainty floral print granny panties I chose to wear to bed. Grady doesn’t seem to care. He plucks a folded T-shirt off the end of the bed as if it was set out for me. As if he knew he would be bringing me back inside with him. As if he knew me well enough to be sure that I would come.
He slips the T-shirt on over my head, the soft fabric on my skin warming me from the outside in. It smells like him, the spicy vanilla and tobacco cologne he wears warming me from the inside out.
Grady walks over to the side of the bed, and pulls back the covers for me to climb in. He crawls in next to me, pulling me close, his body matching the curve of my spine from behind. He puts one arm behind my head, one arm draped over my waist, and buries his face in my still-damp hair.
Thunder cracks again outside, and though my shoulders still tense slightly, I don’t jump the same way I did before.
“Distract me,” I whisper into the dark.
He reaches his hand down, finding the edge of my panties and pushing them down. His fingers find my slit, while his breath warms the spot on my neck just below my ear. I moan softly as his fingers make contact with my clit, forming soft slow circles around it. He finds my opening and uses my wetness as he returns to the sensitive bundle of nerves. The circles become tighter, faster, and I find my release quickly.
My body slackens and sinks deeper in beside Grady, his arms wrapping me tighter into him. I close my eyes, savouring this feeling of comfort and safety, and it isn’t long before I drift off to sleep.