Chapter Seven
Felix
Iglanced at my co-worker Nita, as we sat on the patio at Starbucks, and cocked my head.
She grinned. “What?”
“Huh. Your brother Kade is gay.”
“Duh.”
“Your best friend Tanner is gay.”
“Double duh.”
“But they’ve never dated?”
She shivered with a wince. “No. Although I love them both, some guys just aren’t meant to hook up, even if they might be compatible.”
“Compatible?”
“Don’t make me say it.”
“Oh.” Realization dawned. “So one likes—”
“Yes.”
“And the other prefers—”
“Oh my God, yes, and since I don’t want to think about my brother and gay sex, maybe we should move along to another topic?”
I laughed. “Nita, you brought it up.”
“Because you keep talking about your future brother-in-law, and I keep wondering if you get that.”
My laughter died. “He’s my contractor. At the moment, I’m spending more time with him than Josette. But that’s about to change. We’ve set a date for the wedding.”
Nita eyed me. “You know, we’ve worked together for quite some time now.”
“With Ben. I know. We all started about the same time.”
“And I’m a plainspoken woman.”
Duh, as she would say. “I appreciate that about you.” And I did. When I was struggling in my chosen vocation, I often turned to Ben and Nita because they’d give it to me plain. And they were both around my age. We were the youngest teachers in the school. The newest. The greenest.
She took a deep breath, sipped her iced coffee, and regarded me. “I’ve met someone. And I haven’t told anyone. Not even Tanner. Which is proving interesting since we share a house together. I mean, he knows I go out on dates with guys, but he doesn’t know who.”
“Okay. Would there be some objection?” I couldn’t fathom where she was going with this.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t. I mean, my parents wouldn’t care. Neither would Kade nor Tanner. But his family…”
I wanted to ask more, but didn’t want to rock the boat. I was working on the assumption that Nita’s heritage was an issue. She was white, like me. Some families didn’t want interracial marriages. To me, that was all kinds of wrong. It also wasn’t incumbent on me to change the world. I could do my part, though, by teaching my children tolerance and love. I grasped Nita’s hand. “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
“It might not last, anyway.”
Yet I heard the catch in her voice. She cleared it. “We’re here to talk about you.”
“And the wedding? I’m hoping you’ll attend. Ben and Isaac have already said yes.”
“Felix?”
I nodded.
“Do you realize you never talk about Josette?”
I stifled my knee-jerk argument and took a moment to let her words sink in. I replayed all the times I’d spoken to her over the last few months. School, the house, my car, the state of the education system in Canada, and British Columbia in particular, universal healthcare and — “Huh.”
“Right. I mean, she’s the woman you’re going to marry. And I’m not saying that you’re not entitled to keep your life private. Like I have,” she added quickly.
“But I…” I almost said love, but I knew that would be a lie. “I care for Josie deeply. We’re meant to get married.
“Do you love her, Felix?”
I scrunched my nose. “What’s love, anyway? My mom loved my dad, and he died. We make the best with what we have.”
“Does she love you?”
“Uh…” I closed my eyes, replaying the past few encounters with Josie. Hell, the past twenty-five years. When we were kids, she used to hug me and tell me that she loved me. That’d stopped when we hit grade five or so. I couldn’t remember why, but I was certain there must’ve been an excellent reason. “Well, I assume so.”
“You know what they say about assumptions.”
“Well, sure. If you want to get all authoritative on me.”
She snickered. “Felix, you’re a great guy.”
I eyed her. “Yeah?”
“But sometimes you don’t see what’s in front of you.”
“Is it safe to assume you’re going to elaborate?”
“Only that you spend more time checking out Isaac’s ass than you do looking at my breasts.”
I choked on my lemonade. After sputtering a bit, I wiped my hand across my mouth and then swiped it across my khaki pants. A little too warm for the weather, but we were meeting fairly early. I’d change later. And, why she’d suggested meeting this early, when we didn’t have to get up for school, was something I probably should have questioned. I blinked back the tears. “I don’t look at any woman’s breasts—”
“That’s my point.”
“Because it would be rude. Good Lord, Nita, my mother taught me to respect women.”
“Do you even know the size of Josette’s breasts?”
“I cannot believe you just asked me that. I don’t know sizes—”
“Large, medium, or small?”
A strangled sound escaped my throat.
“Well, mine are medium.”
Despite my best intentions, I glanced. She wore a T-shirt that molded to her…breasts. “Uh…” I wracked my brain to picture Josette. We’d gone swimming a couple of months ago. Had I noticed her figure at all? “She’s…slender. And short. Like, way shorter than Jacob.”
“Right.” Nita sipped her drink. “Josette has high, firm, and small breasts.”
How am I supposed to respond to that?
“Isaac has a nice round ass.”
This time, I didn’t sputter. “Isaac and Ben are married. I would never look at a married man.”
“But you’d look at a single one? Because I have to say that Cadence Crawford is an attractive man.”
“My realtor?” I frowned. “He’s gay?”
Nita snickered. “Yes, he’s gay. Although I keep wondering if he’s seeing someone on the sly because I haven’t seen him out on a date for more than a year. Heck, maybe even two.”
“Maybe the guy’s discreet.”
She clearly considered. “Yeah…no. He likes guys. A lot. Dated a couple losers, saw a few nice ones, but never went for long without being with someone.”
“And you figure he’s seeing someone.”
“Yep.”
“Okay, then why did you bring him up?”
“Oh, have you met Septimus Knight? He’s an architect.”
“And?” I was struggling.
“He’s gay.”
I blinked. “I’m still not understanding.”
“Heck, your future brother-in-law is bi.”
This, at least, I knew. “I’m marrying Josette.”
“But you’re…”
I waited.
“Oh, Felix, I love you. You know that, right?”
“Sure.”
“But I think you’re a little gay. Or a lot gay. And I’m not outing you or anything like that. We never have to talk about it again. But I’m worried that you’re marrying Josette out of some kind of obligation and that you’re not really thinking about this clearly. You both deserve happiness. You also need to be honest with her. I mean, have you folks even…you know…”
“No.” I shushed her. “Don’t say stuff like that.”
“I didn’t say anything.” She sat a little straighter. “I implied it. And if you can’t say fuck—”
“Oh my God, you did not just say that.”
“Say what?”
Nita and I both turned to find a newcomer approaching. I recognized him instantly. As I should. Since he was my dentist. And as much as I would’ve called him Dr. Johns, he was adamant he was just Cam when I wasn’t in the torture chair.
Sorry, dental chair.
While I smiled, Nita grinned. “Just in time.”
Cam arched an eyebrow. “For what?”
“I was telling—”
“Nita.”
She kept right on going. “—Felix here that sex is an important part of marriage, and—”
This time, Cam cleared his throat. With his dark skin, I couldn’t tell if he was blushing. But he was clearly uncomfortable. “Are you certain…” He glanced around. “Okay, at least there aren’t any kids.”
Nita snickered. “Teacher’s instincts. I always know when there are children around.”
Since I had the same instinct, I didn’t call bullshit.
“I’m saying Felix should reconsider his plan to marry Josette.”
Cam gazed at me as Nita’s words settled. “I didn’t realize you and Josette were engaged. I mean, I’m not exactly plugged into the gossip network—”
Nita snorted.
Both of us gazed at her.
“Oh, please. Your receptionist is Kyla, and we all know she’s the biggest gossip in town.”
“Dental office manager.”
Nita snorted again.
Cameron glared. “What?”
“She’s a glorified receptionist. Now, I’d never say anything to put someone down—”
This time, I snickered.
And she glared at me. “But Kyla went to school with us, and I’m amazed she figured out how to type.”
“That’s cruel.” I whispered the words.
She rolled her eyes. “She’d say the same damn thing. Those thumbs get quite a workout.”
Cam cleared his throat. “Yes, she does spend an inordinate amount of time on her phone. But the billing’s done correctly and patients like her.”
Nita said, “I wonder why,” so only I could hear.
I was going to assume that had something to do with Kyla’s looks. Not that I’d ever really noticed. Which was maybe the point Nita was making…
Cam eyed me. “What’s Nita nagging you about?” He asked his question in the nicest tone possible. He wasn’t ragging on Nita for nagging me. Which was sweet of him.
“I’m suggesting that he might not be ready for marriage to Josette.” Nita gazed at me with an intense stare. “That he might not ever be ready for marriage to a woman.” Then she looked at Cam. “You know what I mean.”
His eyes went wide. “Uh, I have no idea what you mean.”
Quick on that denial.
“Like with Kade.” She nudged his arm. “I love my brother, but I’m not sure he’s the marrying kind.”
“He might meet the right man,” Cam argued.
“As long as it’s not Tanner.” Nita winced. “Like I said, I love my brother. He’s not a forever kind of guy. Tanner is.” She eyed me. “You are too—with the right person. I’m sorry, but that person’s not Josette.”
Cam excused himself so he could go grab a coffee before heading into the office. As he expressed his regrets at not being able to stay—which I questioned the sincerity of—I took advantage and slipped away.
Only as I was driving out of the parking lot, did I realize I didn’t have the coffee I’d meant to grab to take back to Jacob. I got into the line for Tim Horton’s drive-thru and ordered an extra-large coffee for him—double, double, of course. I ordered a large for myself since I’d dumped my half-drunk cup of lemonade in the garbage in my haste to get away from Nita. Then I ordered a mix of a dozen donuts so I could take it to the construction crew. Within just a few minutes, I was off again, this time heading back into the hills.
As I drove north, I parsed Nita’s words. Clearly, she thought I was gay.
Well, I wasn’t.
Because I hadn’t had gay sex. Hadn’t even kissed a man.
I winced. Yeah. But if one of the kids in sixth grade told me they were gay, even though they’d never acted on it physically, would I tell them they weren’t gay? That they had to wait to have sex with someone of the same gender to know for sure?
Of course not. One could be gay without having gay sex. And, frankly, gay sex didn’t weird me out like it did for some guys.
Also, I hadn’t kissed a woman either. Not Josette or any other female-identifying person.
And why is that?
Because I’m marrying Josette.
So maybe shouldn’t you, I dunno, kiss Josette?
Oh, shut up.
Yet as my car ate up the miles, I kept circling in my mind. What if Nita was right? I wasn’t afraid of being gay. I just had thought of myself as more asexual. I didn’t really think of anyone that way. I guess I assumed, when the time came, that I’d find a way to make it work with Josette. Clearly this entire situation was a bigger problem than I’d imagined.
And I had no idea how to solve it.