Chapter Twelve
Jaxon
If I’d once thought Theo was shy and awkward, he didn’t seem to be so now.
After he finished his sandwich, we drove to his house, and sat in his drafty living room. Green eyes pinned to mine, he waited for me to speak.
“Where should I put my things?” I hefted my overnight bag.
“I’ll show you in a few. Let’s sit.”
I hadn’t been nervous in years. I relished the opening days of trials and making impassioned arguments to the jury.
I’d created a persona molded by tears and heartbreak and mistakes.
The man I’d been before I’d reinvented myself into Jaxon Polaris, District Attorney—carefree, trusting, and able to love—no longer existed.
Yet here I stood with a man I barely knew, someone soft and gentle, with a spirit that hadn’t been broken in spite of his own personal pain, who wanted to hear about me, which meant showing the ugly part of my past.
I decided to hold back and give Theo the condensed version.
“I guess I’ll start at the beginning.” I cast my eyes to the scraped, wide-planked floor.
“I grew up about a hundred miles north of here in a town that’s barely a blip on the map.
I never knew my father and would’ve been better off if it had been the same with my mother.
My grandmother raised me—if you could call it that—but I realized the only way out of the cycle of desperate poverty was education.
From that day on, I worked my ass off and never took my eye off the prize.
I got scholarships to college and law school and worked at the campus cafeteria and bookstore for work-study.
There were days all I ate were french fries or granola bars, but I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to graduate. ”
“I-I didn’t know,” Theo said in a hushed voice.
“Few people do. I’m assuming some or all of this may come out with the run for judgeship. A district attorney race in this small area didn’t draw enough interest for someone to do any digging, but a judgeship might.”
I kept quiet about Professor Lawrence Gunther.
He was still with his wife and teaching one class a semester at the law school.
There was little possibility of a connection between us, and if it did come up, both of us would deny it, as we had too much to lose.
Theo didn’t need to know all my ugly, bruised parts.
“There’s no shame in growing up poor. Maybe that’s why you’re as good a lawyer as you are. You understand. I think people will too and appreciate it.”
“I hope so. And now I think I’d better get to bed. I have an early morning trial prep.”
“I’ll show you to your room.”
I picked up my bag and followed Theo up the creaky stairs to a surprisingly spacious second floor.
“You really could make this place a standout with enough time and money.”
Theo laughed. “That’s the key. Money.” He stopped before a closed wooden door and opened it. “This is you. The bathroom’s at the end of the hall. I’ll leave towels out for you.”
“Thank you. Will I see you in the morning? I get up around six thirty.”
I hoped so.
“I’ll make sure I’m up.” He licked his lips. “Well, good night.”
He turned to leave, but I caught him by the arm.
“Theo?”
“Wh-what?”
“I didn’t want to kiss you in a parking lot or the car. But we’re in your house.”
He didn’t reply but didn’t move out of my grasp either, so I drew closer. My hand touched his face, and he trembled. I tipped his chin up, going for a soft peck, but at the touch of his lips, that plan flew out of the window.
His mouth clung to mine, soft and sweet, and the bag dropped from my hand. I pulled him to me as the kiss grew deeper and more intimate. God, he was delicious, like warm chocolate melting on my tongue, and I increased the pressure of my lips on his.
He didn’t pull away, so I cupped his cheek, and his hands clutched at my shirt. I wanted to pick him up, throw him over my shoulder, and carry him to bed, where I’d rip off his clothes and lose myself inside him.
“Theo,” I rasped, my heart pounding. Encouraged by his boldness, I moved to kiss him again, but he pushed at my chest, and I released him.
“I…I’m sorry. That never should’ve happened. I’ve got to go.”
He scrambled away from me, running to the room next to mine. The door slammed, and I stood in the hall, my body humming with desire even as I drew in a breath and exhaled.
“Better get to bed.”
I undressed and, on my way to the bathroom, passed by Theo’s shut door. No sound. I slid under the covers and closed my eyes, but sleep was a long time coming. Faceless, nameless men I’d been with in the past sailed behind my lids, and regret had never been a more bitter pill to swallow.
**
“You didn’t have to make breakfast,” I said to Theo. I’d come downstairs to find Theo tending to bacon and eggs in a frying pan. I sniffed with appreciation. “I could just pick something up on the way.”
“Another corn muffin?” he teased and brought me a full plate. “This might taste better.”
I put a forkful of fluffy eggs into my mouth. “Sure as hell does. Thank you. This is very nice and unexpected.”
He turned pink. “I try and have a bigger breakfast and lunch since I don’t usually eat dinner.”
“That’s not good. I’ll bring something over tonight when I pick you up.”
He poured me some coffee. “You don’t have to come every night to see me, you know. It’s not necessary. I’m sure you have better things to do.”
“Sick of me already?” I teased lightly. “Look, about last night—”
“It’s okay. It won’t happen again.”
I set my fork on the plate. “Why? It was only a kiss.”
“Yeah…but we said there’d be no intimacy. That this was all for show. We should keep it that way.”
“If that’s what you want, sure. But there’s a bar association dinner that I have to attend, and I’d like you to come with me. We’ll have to appear…close.”
Theo finished his coffee before replying, “I can do that. But I’m not going to sleep with you.”
And now I was growing annoyed.
“I never said we were. It was a kiss, Theo. Don’t make anything more out of it than it was.”
I finished my breakfast and took the plate to the sink.
“I can wash it.” Theo made to take it from me, but I held on to it.
“I’m the guest. I’ll do it.”
We were like strangers again, stiff and formal. I didn’t like it, but in the short time I’d spent with Theo, I’d learned that he had a stubborn streak.
So I ran upstairs, picked up my bag, and met him where he waited in the entrance.
“Look, Theo, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I won’t do it anymore. Will you come with me to the dinner? Please? I’ll be good, I swear.”
It took him a second, but I grinned and relaxed when he rolled his eyes at me.
“I promised I’d do this for you, and I keep my word. Do I need to wear anything special? I don’t have a tux or anything.”
“No, just a suit is fine.”
Worry lines creased his forehead. “I don’t have one either. I never go anywhere that requires me to dress formally.”
He couldn’t wear one of mine—I was a little taller and not as bulky. I checked my calendar.
“I’m free from twelve-thirty until two. I can meet you at The Elegant Male, and we’ll pick one out. They’ll be able to get it altered for you.”
“I can do it on my own.” He scowled and I couldn’t help but grin—feisty Theo was cute as hell. “I don’t need someone to come with me.”
I put my hands up. “Okay, just trying to help. The dinner is a week from Tuesday. Can you take a night off from the bar?”
“I’ll ask Tony if he can cover for me, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Okay. Great. I gotta run. See you tonight.” I leaned in to kiss his cheek but stopped myself when he jerked away.
“Bye.” He opened the door, ushering in a blast of cold air.
I turned up the collar of my coat and left. The drive to my office was quicker than from my condo on the outskirts of Appleton Falls, and I was at my desk with a cup of coffee before eight. Martin poked his head in.
“Well, good morning to you, early bird.”
“You know what they say.” I reclined in my chair. “And there are lots of worms out there.”
A gleam in his eye, he entered my office.
“And here I thought this was because you’ve got a cute boyfriend who lives in town now, and his house is closer to the office.”
My brows shot up. “Excuse me?”
“It’s not a secret you’re dating Theo Sweeny, is it?”
“No, but—”
“But what? You decided to listen to Judge McCourt. Don’t deny it, but I hope you’re not stringing that poor man along.”
I glowered. “I am not. Theo and I discussed everything.”
I squirmed under his intense regard and then, to my surprise, he changed the subject.
“I’ve got that Harmony Rock drug ring trial prep info for you.”
Relieved I didn’t have to undergo further interrogation, I checked my computer screen.
“Thanks. The first kid is due in at nine thirty.”
“Are you going to give them a deal? They’re pretty young, and I know the part of town they come from. It’s ugly and depressing as hell.”
“Yeah, I saw when I went out there. Nothing but hopelessness. I’ll hear what they have to tell me, but from what Jet and his partner said, they’re ready to turn on the suppliers.”
“Good. Let this be the last of these bastards.”
Martin’s vehemence surprised me, and I raised a brow. Martin loved to poke his nose into my private life, but in all our years together, I knew little of his, except that he was in his midfifties, never married, and very happy to stay that way.
“Something you want to get off your chest?”
“I don’t talk about it, but my sister fell in with a bad crowd…”
Martin’s voice caught, and I rose from my chair. In all our years together, I’d never seen him emotional. He possessed a sardonic sense of humor, with a quip or a quick response at the ready. Now I was watching the facade crack.
“Hey. I’m sorry.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Do you want to—”
“No.” Shiny-eyed, Martin cut me off. “Shannon’s been gone almost thirty years. I miss her every day—she was my twin. It’s like part of me is missing.”
“I didn’t know…” Any words I could manage to scrape up sounded inadequate and feeble.
“It’s all right. I’m just feeling a little morbid today. This time of year often does it. Anyway.” He forced his lips upward. “I’ve sent you the files, and the conference room is all set. Lila is waiting for you to go over everything.”
“Great. Thanks.”
He gave me that false smile that didn’t reach his eyes as he answered, “Not a problem.”
He closed the door, and I raked a hand through my hair. How could I have worked with someone for so long and know nothing about them? That didn’t speak well for me as a person. Then again, no one knew the real me.
I grabbed my notebook and tablet and met Lila in the conference room. Normally, I’d jump right in on the work, but I was still caught up in Martin’s story and the emotional turmoil it had whipped up inside me.
“How’re you doing? How’s Chris?”
“Me? I’m fine.” Lila blinked as if she couldn’t understand why I was asking. “Chris is great. Taking online classes to get his college degree in criminal justice.”
“Is he thinking of going to law school as well?”
She laughed and played with her wedding and engagement rings. “No. He loves being a deputy sheriff, but having a degree can’t hurt. And he might want to take the sergeant’s exam in a few years, so that’ll help.”
“That’s good.”
“Is everything okay?” Her brow furrowed with concern. “You look a little pale.”
“Yeah, of course.” I brushed her off. “Just burning the candle at both ends.”
“You and Theo Sweeny, huh? C’mon, Jaxon, don’t give me that look. Everyone knows you two are seeing each other. You’ve been spotted at the diner twice.”
“Twice, wow. According to the Appleton gossip, that’s tantamount to being engaged. Guess we should plan to pick out rings.” I smirked and folded my arms.
Lila didn’t back down and wasn’t afraid to tell me her opinion. Her glare would work well in the courtroom.
“He’s a very nice guy.” She bit her lip. “And if you don’t mind me saying…I think you’re good together.”
“Oh? How so?”
As annoying as it was having every move analyzed, I could confess to being curious and wanting her opinion.
“Well, to begin with, Theo’s not a lawyer. It’s good to keep your personal and professional life separate.”
“You and Chris are both in law enforcement,” I pointed out. “And you seem to be doing just fine.”
“Yeah, but it’s not the same job. And we don’t talk about business when we’re together. We make an effort to do things for each other and always take the time to go out once a week for a special dinner. We know once we have kids, it won’t be easy, and we want to enjoy the two of us together.”
“That’s sweet. But Theo and I are different.” As much as I trusted Lila, I wasn’t about to tell her my dating Theo was a sham to appease people for a job I desperately wanted.
“Because you’re gay?” She made a face. “I don’t believe that. Relationships, whether heterosexual or same-sex, take hard work, but if you love each other, you want to do it.”
“Whoa, who said anything about love? We’ve just started dating. Let me get my feet wet.”
She gave me a look from under her lashes that I didn’t understand, then nodded. “All right. Should we get ready? I have the statement from the first kid.”
Relieved that we were back on track with our work, I opened the file that Martin sent me, and we began our prep.
Three hours later, the last of the minor leaguers, as I called them, left the office, and I stretched, groaning all the way.
“Oh God, that was brutal.” I braced my hands on the conference table. “But I think it went well. What do you think?”
“Yeah. I think giving them time served, three years’ probation, and random drug testing is fair. That one kid who talked the most, Finn O’Leary? Chris mentioned he was the one Emerson Kane sort of took under his wing when he was arrested. I heard he’s studying for his GED now.”
“Good. It’s the only way to break the cycle.”
“Yeah, I agree.” Lila gave me another one of those unreadable gazes. “I’d better enter everything in the file, and I’ll have it ready for you by the end of the day.”
“Sounds good. Get some lunch first.”
She flashed me a smile. “I am. Chris is off shift today, so he’s meeting me.”
After she left, I sat for a minute, drumming my fingers on the table. I wasn’t happy with the way I’d left it with Theo—I didn’t like him thinking I was trying to take advantage of him. I checked my computer screen.
Maybe I should swing by Appleton Falls’ town center and see if he’s shopping for a suit.
I put on my coat and slipped my wallet and phone into my pocket as I breezed past Martin’s desk.
“See you in a little while.”
“Got a hot lunch date?”
I didn’t answer, but Martin’s cackling followed me as I stepped into the elevator.