Chapter Sixteen
Jaxon
Two weeks passed, and I was running on fumes. A complicated trial had kept me late at the office every night, and I’d barely seen Theo. I’d stop by Sweeny’s, but Theo would plead fatigue from the crowds, sending me home. I’d offered to come over on the weekends to help, but he’d politely refused.
“Are you sure you can’t see me tonight?” I held the phone between my ear and shoulder as I closed out my last email. “I can bring you hot cocoa, and we can toast marshmallows in the fireplace.”
“Sorry, but I’m getting together with Fallon to finish all the details for the Valentine’s Day benefit, and I just don’t have the time. There’s tons of stuff to do, and it’s next week.”
“Then let me help, too.”
“That’s not necessary. Do you need me to appear at any event or something else?”
His impersonal manner cemented it. Theo was brushing me off, and if he wouldn’t talk, I’d make him listen.
“No…but I thought we…that things were going great. I enjoyed our night together. Didn’t you?”
“Yeah. I-I did. I’m just busy,” he finished lamely.
Oh, that so wasn’t going to fly with me. I knew he was lying, and I was determined to find out why.
“All right. I’ll wait until tomorrow night when I come for dinner.”
“I—I think tomorrow will probably be really busy too, so maybe you can come some other time? I can let you know.”
Theo might be adorable, and a great kisser, but he was a terrible liar.
I ended the call and made my plans before leaving the office.
A while later, I’d been sitting in my SUV for half an hour. It was a chilly four degrees, and my ass was cold, even with the heater on.
“I knew I should’ve sprung for the seat warmers,” I grumbled and sipped the hot coffee I’d picked up.
At twelve thirty, I watched Fallon drop Theo off in front of his house, and I immediately grabbed my overnight bag and ran across the street and up the stairs.
Theo whirled around.
“Who—oh. It’s you.”
I grinned. “Yeah. Me.”
“What’re you doing here?”
I took a step toward him, but he took one back.
“Theo, what the hell is going on? I thought…we were getting closer.”
“I mean, yeah, but…” He shrugged and failed to hide his grimace.
A pang hit my heart.
“Oh. You don’t want that.” A particularly brutal gust of wind blasted through the air, and my teeth chattered. “Can we please go inside and discuss this? I’m about to freeze my balls off.”
Theo opened the door, and without even waiting for him to invite me in, I rushed past him, shivering and rubbing my arms. I stood in the entrance hall and waited for Theo to lock the door. Eyes on the floor, he stayed put, waiting.
“I don’t understand why you came. I told you I was busy, and now it’s late…” He trailed off, still avoiding my eyes.
“I came because something’s off. Like I said earlier, I thought our evening was really good. And the night was even better.” I watched as a blush crept up his neck and stained his cheeks red. I moved near. “What did I do wrong? Tell me, and I’ll make it right.”
“Nothing. You did everything right. It’s…me. I’m just being foolish.”
At his self-deprecating words, I couldn’t help it. I grabbed his shoulders and gave him a gentle shake.
“Don’t say that. Don’t even think it. You’re not foolish. Why would you even think that?”
Theo rubbed his face. “It’s not important, and I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You regret that we had sex.” His green eyes flickered. “I knew it, goddamn it. You laid the ground rules, and I broke them. I’m sorry. When we shared the story of our mothers, I felt like it brought us closer, but I let my emotions take control. I took advantage of you.”
“No,” Theo burst out. “That’s not it at all.”
“It’s not?” Now I was thoroughly confused. “Then what?”
He shook me off and strode past me into the living room. I hustled after him, and we both took a seat on the couch.
“It’s not important. I—you didn’t do anything wrong. I promise. It was more than good. But it can’t happen again. Can we forget it?”
I could push it, but I sensed that would cause Theo to withdraw even further.
“Sure, if that’s what you want. Why don’t you tell me how the planning is going?”
“Great. We have tons of sponsors and auction items. They’re all being held at Devlin Summers and Brody Martin’s house. Fallon also hired a caterer and waitstaff.”
“Ooh, fancy,” I joked, and Theo laughed with me.
“Yeah, that’s what I said, but GAINS will pay for it.
Tony and Freddy are also going to work so they can make some extra money.
They’ll be serving champagne and little hors d’oeuvres.
” He stretched out his legs. “The participation’s been great—so many players and teams have contributed.
We’ve got autographed jerseys, balls, bats, sticks and pucks, tickets to games…
even dinners at restaurants owned by players. ”
“Wow.” I was impressed. “You really got everything together so quickly.”
“Not me. Fallon. He’s incredible.”
“Well, I think you’re pretty incredible too.”
“Don’t, please.” Theo grew stiff again and averted his eyes.
“Don’t what?”
“Say things like that.”
The poor guy looked so miserable, and I hated that I’d been the one to hurt him somehow.
“Look—”
“No, please. I’m fine.” He placed a bright smile on his face. “Do you want coffee or anything? I don’t have much else. After my father died and I went through the house to clean up, I got rid of all the hard liquor that had been sitting around.”
“He drank?”
It made sense, from the tidbits I’d picked up here and there about the elder Sweeny.
A bad-tempered man who got into fights with little to no provocation.
It had also molded Theo into the man he was today—shy and afraid to assert himself.
I’d seen it in victims of abuse. Anger boiled in my gut, imagining Theo as a boy forced to listen to his father’s ugly words and perhaps bearing the brunt of his drunken rants.
“Yeah. And it could get nasty. So, as a kid, I learned the signs and kept out of his way.”
“Did he ever hurt you?” I had to ask.
Theo’s attention remained riveted on the threadbare rug covering the wide plank floors.
“No, but not for lack of trying. I found ways to stay out of the house. I learned to play in the yard in freezing temps since that was preferable to being inside with him. Once I was a little older, I’d hang out at the library.
Even after he put me to work in the bar, I managed to keep my distance.
The people who worked there knew and helped me.
At the end, as sick as he was, he’d try and throw things at me, but by then he was too feeble and couldn’t hurt me.
It was all rage at his impotence—he always despised weakness.
” He paused. “That’s what he’d call me. Weak. ”
People who didn’t take time to get to know Theo ignored him, missing out on his sweet nature, intelligence, and fierce loyalty. I was guilty of that myself, initially treating him as someone to casually flirt with, like I had with every other man.
But Theo wasn’t like anyone I’d ever met.
“Hey, Theo. Look at me.”
He dragged his gaze from the floor to meet mine. “What?”
“You know that’s not true. You’re not weak. At all.”
“Maybe.”
As a prosecutor, I’d studied enough psychology to recognize the body language of avoidance.
I moved next to Theo and rested my hands on his shoulders.
This wasn’t a courtroom trial where I played the jury to make my point in an attempt to win a case.
I wasn’t trying to win Theo. I wanted him to recognize his worth.
“Let’s list everything you’ve accomplished.
Taking care of a sick father on your own, along with the upkeep of this house.
Not only keeping the bar open and running but also making changes that dramatically increased business.
Handling your father’s death with grace when, to be honest, most people wouldn’t have bothered. ”
He remained unconvinced. “Maybe you’re right. But nothing’s changed for me. New clothes can only change the surface, not who I am under the skin.”
“Who said you should change?”
“Me,” he whispered.
“Well, don’t. I like you exactly the way you are.”
His face expressed pure skepticism, but I held him in place, my gaze probing his. I wanted to conquer the world of hurt in his eyes and replace it with trust. Did I have that right with this silly proposal I’d suggested?
“Thanks.” His sweet smile warmed me, but I learned that didn’t mean he wanted more from me. “That’s nice to hear.”
“Are we good?”
His lashes lowered. “Yeah, sure. We’re good.”
The heaviness in my chest subsided. “Great. So I’ll see you tomorrow night? I can be there by seven.”
“Okay. It’ll be busy,” he warned. “Basketball and hockey.”
“Not to worry.”
I got to my feet, and Theo walked me to the door. I hesitated a moment, then kissed him on the cheek. His breath hitched, and it took all my inner strength not to slide my mouth an inch to the left to settle on his.
I pulled away, not missing the unmistakable hazy desire in Theo’s eyes.
So why was he pushing me away and saying it couldn’t happen again?
“Night.”
In my car, I turned the heater on blast and put on the radio, hoping to drive away the thoughts spinning in my brain.
Yeah, Theo and I had a crazy physical connection, but that only made it easier for us to play this game I’d set in motion.
In the end, I not only hoped I’d get the judgeship nomination, but also that Theo would gain confidence for future relationships.
Someone else would be kissing those soft lips. Another man would watch his body flush with pleasure as he climaxed.
A horn blared behind me, and I glanced up to see the green light. My hands gripped the wheel. Tight.
I took off, unsure why I was so angry.
**
The following two weeks didn’t give me time to think about much else other than work—a double homicide and an arsonist had taken up all my time, and in between were meetings with the Judiciary Committee on my run for the bench.