Chapter Nineteen #2
I blinked. “Oh, yeah. Sure.” I shifted to give him room, but Jaxon moved with me. We lay together in silence. I heard his even breathing as he spooned me, and warmth soaked through me. I relaxed into his arms and grew drowsy.
Maybe he didn’t realize what I’d done. I was glad he hadn’t come in a minute earlier.
I closed my eyes.
**
“Are you enjoying yourself?” Jaxon asked after dinner. It was my first time having lobster, and Jaxon had to show me how to crack the shells. If I looked silly, I pushed it out of my mind. For the first time, I felt alive and part of the world, and I was enjoying every second.
“Of course. It’s beautiful here.”
He grinned. “As much as this afternoon when I came in from the panel?”
I knew it. Embarrassed, I ducked my head, but he tipped my chin up. His gaze was steady.
“Don’t be ashamed. I do it all the time. Even more lately. You want to know why?”
His eyes bore into mine, and I nodded just before his thumb played with the seam of my mouth.
“I promised myself not to do this.”
“Do what?”
His fingers caressed my cheek and traced my lips. My entire body throbbed with desire. Could he sense it? Smell it off me like the feral animal I’d become tonight? Mild-mannered Theo had exited the building. I wanted to rip off our clothes and have him fuck me until I screamed.
“This. Dammit, I know we said no physical contact, but…”
He moved closer, and I sucked in a breath. I was drowning in the scent of his aftershave and the heat pouring off him.
“But I know you don’t want it, so I’ll respect your wishes.” With that, he released me, and I almost whimpered from frustration.
My wishes? Right now, all I wished was for Jaxon to kiss me. A light breeze ruffled the dark hair off his brow. He wore a white, short-sleeved linen shirt, thin cotton pants, and sandals, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. And, I noticed, neither could quite a few of the women and some men.
“I-it’s okay.”
Why couldn’t I tell him how I felt?
Because it’s more than sexual. You’ve fallen in love with him. And you want him to love you too.
A man stopped and gave me his back to talk to Jaxon. I bristled at his rudeness.
“Jaxon, hey. Great discussion today. Mark Lawson from the Bridgeport DA’s office.”
“Thank you.”
“I was hoping we could find some time to discuss your ideas more in depth. Maybe have a drink later?”
“I’m sorry, but I’m here with my boyfriend. Have you met Theo?” Jaxon stepped past Mark to my side and put his arm around me.
Mark’s pleasant smile wavered. “Oh, no. Sorry. I didn’t see you standing there.”
“Really?” Jaxon’s brows flew up. “Theo, you need to stop dieting. You’re getting so thin, people can’t even see you anymore.”
I smothered a laugh as Mark turned red and mumbled something before walking away.
It was like that all evening. Several people stopped by to talk to Jaxon, which I could tell was a pretense for flirting with him.
I’d never thought of myself as the jealous type, but when the same attorney came by twice to see if Jaxon wanted a drink from the bar, I finally snapped.
“He’s not thirsty. I think he told you that already.”
“Sorry,” the man—tall, blond, and tanned—apologized without meaning it at all. “I guess I’ll see you in the morning for the panel on sentencing guidelines.”
“I guess you will,” Jaxon answered mildly while eyeing me. After the man was out of earshot, he took my hand. “Let’s take a walk by the shore. We can kick off our sandals here and roll up our pants.”
As happy as I was to be with Jaxon, this time together, with people he had everything in common with, starkly highlighted our differences.
I understood his world at the most basic level—he put bad guys in jail.
But what would we have to talk about at the dinner table?
My monthly orders for snack mix? The rising price of beer?
And yet I couldn’t deny the pleasure of strolling on the beach with him. Like we were a real couple. The sand was warm beneath my feet, and I dug my toes beneath the surface.
Many other couples were doing the same, and I spotted Alison and her husband talking to a group of older attorneys who Jaxon said were judges from other jurisdictions.
Jaxon had managed to steer clear of George Winston and his wife.
Debra and her husband had missed dinner, and I assumed they weren’t coming.
Moonlight glimmered on the water like silver silk, and the lights of the bobbing boats twinkled from far out.
The lavender sky deepened to midnight blue.
Foamy waves hushed in and hissed out. There was a quiet strength about the sea at night.
The water lapped at our ankles, then receded.
Its vastness made me feel insignificant, but not weak, merely part of a greater existence.
Jaxon laced his fingers with mine, but no words were spoken—they weren’t needed. I could stay here for hours. Forever.
“I hope you’re glad you came.” Jaxon broke the silence.
“I am. Thank you for giving me this. It’s…infinite and magical.”
“It is, isn’t it? The water—it’s so mysterious and inspiring. Its power amazes me.”
“Me too. You can see it in the movies and on television, but to experience it…” I shook my head. “I know it’s silly, but I can’t explain it.”
“You don’t have to. It’s your heart speaking to mine. It knows.”
Jaxon’s profile was in darkness, but I didn’t need to see his face to know his lips curved in a smile, while his eyes crinkled in the corners.
I knew he took his coffee searing hot and black, his burgers medium rare, and corn muffins were his favorite.
He took his responsibilities to heart and cared passionately about people. He was everything I wanted in a man.
I love you. And I wish you could love me back.
He turned to me, cupping my cheek in his hand, and I met his eyes.
“It wouldn’t be the same here without you.”
I swallowed. “Thank you for inviting me.”
“I know you pushed me away after we spent that night together, and I don’t really know what I did wrong. Please tell me so I don’t make the same mistake again.”
I rarely liked to delve into my emotions, but this was too important to ignore.
“I see now it wasn’t what I thought, but…
afterward…when you insisted on taking me home so people could see we spent the night together, it made me feel used.
I know we’d agreed to the whole fake boyfriend scenario, but I guess being so intimate…
I was disappointed it wasn’t as important to you as it was to me. ”
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. I would never hurt you deliberately.
” Even in the moonlight, I could see the stricken expression on his face.
“That night was so important to me too. It was the catalyst that allowed me to realize that maybe I didn’t have to be alone.
And that the person I wanted by my side was you.
There’s nothing fake about it.” He held my gaze, and there was no doubt in my mind he spoke the truth.
“I might’ve been with a lot of men, but no one’s ever touched my heart. Until you.”
Was there anything more romantic than standing on the beach in the moonlight with a gorgeous man?
My breath caught as our lips met. I melted into him, clutching his shoulders.
He gathered me closer, and my whole world narrowed to the meeting of our bodies.
His warm mouth on mine and his heated skin under my fingertips.
“Theo, baby. I think about you all the time. I’m crazy about you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. Please believe me.”
I wanted to. Badly. I ached for him, and I could feel the throb of his erection. I wanted this—him—as much as he wanted me.
And tonight was made for love and romance, not questions.
“Me neither.”
He took my mouth again, and I met him full-on, sucking his tongue. I was on a high and rubbed against him, loving the low moan of pleasure that echoed in the dark. My fingers dug into his biceps, and he tugged my bottom lip between his teeth.
“I want to be with you. Not because of this election nonsense, but because of you. I don’t care about any of it anymore—about my stupid boyfriend proposal. I care about you. I want you. Do you believe me? Do you want that too? Please say yes. Please.”
My heart opened like a flower in slow motion, warmed by the sun.
“It’s all I ever wanted.”
Then he kissed me again.