Chapter Twenty-Two
Jaxon
More than fifteen years had passed since my confrontation with Lawrence in the parking lot, yet I now felt as nervous and unsure about my life as I had then.
But it wasn’t my career that worried me.
If I had to give up the run for judgeship, so fucking be it.
The opinion of people I didn’t know meant nothing to me.
But to lose Theo’s trust—the only thing that truly mattered to me—was unimaginable.
“I think I already told you, I was pretty much a hedonist in college, finally free to do what I wanted and couldn’t in my small town. Sexually, that is.”
“I figured as much,” Theo said dryly.
“All that partying led to my grades slipping. I got my shit together, stopped having random sex, and studied my ass off. I graduated near the top of the class and got a full scholarship to law school. Lawrence Gunther was my professor. Every year he picked a top student to work with him on special projects.”
A pained expression clouded Theo’s face. “And you were his top student that year.”
“Yeah.” I clasped and unclasped my hands.
“We worked after my classes were finished. He had an apartment right off campus he told me he rented so he wouldn’t have to disturb his wife when he’d come home late.
” I saw the skepticism in his eyes and sighed.
“Yeah, I know, but I was only twenty-one, from the sticks, and anxious to get ahead. I’m not making the excuse that he played on my ignorance and eagerness, but he’d praise me and tell me I was one of the brightest students he’d ever had.
” I rubbed my eyes. “One night, we started talking. He told me he and his wife lived separate lives and hadn’t been together in years.
He said he was lonely…and then he kissed me.
” Theo rolled his eyes, and I rushed to continue.
“I know, all right? I know it sounds foolish, but haven’t we all done stupid things?
He told me he was in love with me—that he was planning on divorcing Debra and wanted to be with me.
No one had ever said those words to me. I’d found someone who loved me. Who cared.”
“Even though he was married.”
The devastating, cold hard fact of what Theo said was like a punch in the stomach. I imagined his love for me fading away like moonlight before sunrise.
“Yeah. Lawrence swore he was getting divorced. He told me they weren’t living together anymore, that he was miserable and wanted out as soon as possible. He showed me he’d moved into the apartment. I thought…I thought we’d be together. I thought I loved him.”
“So what happened?” Theo asked. Flat. Cold. I didn’t ever want to hear Theo sound like that again.
“I found out through a newspaper article that they were not getting a divorce but were, in fact, deliriously happy and celebrating their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary with their grown children. Their son was only a little older than me.”
I viciously swiped the tears off my cheeks. How was it possible to still get emotional? I thought all my tears on this subject had been shed.
“That must’ve been hard.”
“Yeah.” I swallowed. “It was.”
“What did you do?”
Still shaking, I rubbed my face, wet with sweat, and cold. “It was the end of school, so I left. Deleted him from my phone and moved away. Started working. One day he showed up at my job. Basically accosted me in the parking lot and begged me to get back with him.”
“And you said…”
“I told him to fuck off. That he’d used me. And he told me everyone uses people to get ahead.”
“That’s awful.” Theo’s stony facade softened.
“He laughed at me and said I’d have to hide who I was—an out, gay man—to get ahead in our profession.
And I hated him at that moment…but also myself for having been such a fool.
” I made a fist and pounded my thigh, over and over until it grew numb.
“And I swore, as long as I lived, I’d never, ever, fall in love with anyone.
I’d never let go of that piece of me again, the one that trusted and cared, the part of me that could feel, because I couldn’t tell if someone was lying to me or making me out to be a fool.
” My hand hurt, and I stopped hitting my leg. “Then I met you.”
“Jaxon—”
“No. Let me speak. I have to say it now, because I know you’re going to leave me, and it’s all my damn fault for not telling you any of this.
” I drew in a breath that hurt so much I wasn’t sure how I survived it.
“I always thought you were cute and sweet, and of course I flirted with you, but I knew you were the kind of man who wanted hearts and flowers and forever. That made you off-limits for me. Until I got to know you…and I fell in love with you. Because how could I not?”
A muffled sound escaped Theo, and he kneeled by my side to put his head in my lap. I played with his silky auburn hair.
“You made me believe I could put the whole ugly affair behind me and have it all. But I can’t, can I?
I should’ve known better than to wish for the impossible.
That mistake is going to follow me forever like a fucking brand burned into my skin.
You don’t want a boyfriend who’d do something so…
so wrong as to sleep with a married man.
” I laid my cheek on his head and kissed it.
“I’m sorry I ruined your vacation. If you still want to go to the amusement park tomorrow, I can change the reservation to one. ”
Theo lifted his head and wiped his streaming eyes. “I’m glad you finally told me the truth. It must’ve weighed heavily on you all these years. I’m disappointed that it happened, of course, but you’re taking all this blame on your shoulders, when it belongs more on your professor’s.”
“Maybe.” I shrugged.
Theo rose to his feet, taking me with him. Still pensive, he brushed the hair off my brow. I couldn’t begin to guess what he was thinking.
“What else?” he asked.
“What do you mean? I’ve told you everything.”
“No. I mean, are there any other secrets you’re keeping that I should know about?”
“No. I’ve told you everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly.”
Theo touched my face. “You could never be ugly to me.” He paused and licked his lips. “Promise me?”
“Anything,” I said eagerly, hope rising with each passing second Theo’s gaze held mine.
“Never keep anything from me again. Even if you think I might not like it.”
“So…you’re not leaving?”
He shook his head. “I’m not here to punish you for something you’ve been torturing yourself with for so long. I’m your boyfriend, not the judge and jury you have to convince. And I’m sorry that what he did prevented you from falling in love.”
Laughing now, I caught him around the waist and hugged him tight. “I’m not. You know why?”
He held on to me, face buried in that sweet spot between my neck and shoulder where he fit so perfectly.
“Why?” His voice came out muffled.
“Because I never would’ve met you. I’ve been with lots of men, you know that. But you’re the one I couldn’t forget. The only man I’ve ever truly loved.” I kissed him. “I’m the one who’s sorry, baby.”
“I think it’s been good for you to get that pain out. Now you can be free.”
My phone buzzed, and I looked at the screen and winced. “Uh, that’s Sandy. He said he wants to see me ASAP.”
Theo bit his lip, a worry line bisecting his forehead. “What do you think he wants?”
I attempted to be nonchalant, even as my heart raced. “I don’t know, but would it be okay if I went to talk with him now?”
I was already breaking my promise not to lie to Theo because I had a pretty good idea what the conversation would entail—Sandy telling me to drop out of the race.
“Of course. Take as long as you need.”
I kissed him on the mouth for the first time since the debacle downstairs, taking it for the fucking gift it was. I’d been given a second chance with this beautiful, loving man, and I wasn’t about to screw it up.
We held each other for a second.
“I am so damn lucky.”
One final kiss to his lips, and I buttoned up my shirt, tucked it into my pants, and left.
The elevator came quickly, but I passed the judge’s room, practicing what I’d say to him.
I reached the end of the hallway and doubled back, dragging my feet, finally stopping at his door.
I waited a moment, then knocked. I already had my speech prepared—how grateful I was to have been considered for judgeship and that I’d work with the person the party chose to replace me.
Sandy answered the door, his face a neutral mask, giving away nothing.
“Come in and sit down, please.” I took the chair he pointed to, and Sandy took the seat opposite me at the small dining table. “So. It seems as though there’s something in your past you didn’t disclose to me or the committee. Even though we asked if there was anything you felt we should know.”
“Obviously, I kept this private because I didn’t think it was my place to disclose personal information concerning Professor Gunther. But I’ll make it easy for the party and tender my withdrawal from the ballot. And I offer my sincerest apologies for any bad press or embarrassment.”
Sandy’s gray brows knitted. “Is that what you want?”
“No, of course not. I want to remain in the race, but not if it’s going to hurt the party.”
“That’s being very altruistic.” Still maintaining a somber face, Sandy folded his hands on the table. “You should know, Lawrence revealed to me what happened between the two of you. To say I was shocked with what he said is an understatement.”
My cheeks burned. “I-I’m sorry.”
“It was reprehensible behavior.”
I hung my head. “I know.”
“Lawrence acknowledged his abuse of power and authority and assured me that he was the one who initiated first contact and led you on. He stated that you immediately cut off all ties once you discovered the truth and admitted he followed you to your place of employment in an attempt to convince you to reignite the affair.”
“He did?” My brows raised.
“You sound surprised.” Sandy fixed me with a penetrating gaze. “Isn’t that what happened?”
“Y-yes,” I stammered. “I guess I’m surprised he told you.”
Sandy’s smile was grim. “He had no choice. It was that or being reported to the disciplinary committee. He’s been abusing his position as a professor for years. Did you think you were the only student he’d done that to?”
“No,” I whispered, humiliated as I sat in front of a man I admired, who now knew all my dirty secrets. “I knew he worked with students every year. I guess I was foolish to assume he was telling me the truth when he claimed to have chosen me because I was the best.”
“If it makes any difference, Lawrence did tell me you were one of the brightest students he’d ever worked with.
None of which excuses his behavior. He’s been instructed to resign from the university immediately and not to renew his license to practice.
As one of his victims, are you satisfied with that? ”
My jaw dropped. Not renewing his license meant he would be unable to practice law. “I-I guess so…I’m sorry, I’m a bit overwhelmed.”
“Jaxon, look at me, please.”
Sandy’s voice was kind and I winced, meeting his sympathetic eyes. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.”
“I don’t. I’m angry for you and all the other young men he preyed upon.”
“I feel bad for his wife.”
Sandy grimaced. “Debra is going to get help. Alison is taking care of that. Now, about the race.”
“You still want me to run? Even after this? Won’t it be a scandal? I’m sure Winston can’t wait to use it against me,” I said bitterly.
“We can’t stop him if he does.” He fixed me with the penetrating stare he was famous for. “But you’re running on your record, and we’ll stress your work in the community. Don’t let one mistake from years earlier define you. Rise above it and own it.”
He got to his feet, my signal that our meeting was finished, and I was glad for it. The events of the night hit me hard, and my adrenaline was crashing. I was overly emotional and exhausted and wanted nothing more than my bed with Theo in it.
“Thank you. I am so grateful to have the party behind me, but more importantly, to have you in my corner.”
Sandy laid a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“We’ll meet when we’re home. Have a good trip.
” He opened the door. “By the way, you couldn’t have made a better choice in a partner than Theo.
He’s steady and without any drama from what I’ve seen.
” He chuckled. “Alison has terrific instincts, and she’s crazy about him—thinks of him as another son. ”
“I agree. Again, I appreciate your support.”
“Good night.”
I hastened to the elevator and entered the room to see Theo pacing. I hated that I was the cause of the fear and exhaustion mirrored on his face. He ran to me.
“What happened? What did he say? Are you still in the race?”
I took him in my arms. “I’m still in it. Come. I’ll tell you everything Sandy said, but I want to shower. With you.”
He blushed. “Okay.”
We stripped out of our clothes, and I went to the bathroom and turned on the taps. I held Theo under the water as steam rose, creating a fog, and I could feel his rising desire.
“He and the party are behind me. He said they’d get in front of it and make the race about my present record.” I touched and kissed him, loving his sighs of pleasure. One wet finger slid inside him while my other hand gripped our cocks. “They’re forcing Lawrence Gunther to resign.”
As I talked, I stroked our cocks faster, pumping my finger harder. Theo moaned, his hips snapping, thrusting his dick into my palm. I increased the pressure on our shafts, closing my eyes to concentrate on the only thing that mattered.
Giving Theo pleasure.
His eyes closed, Theo dug his hands into my shoulders and flung his head back, exposing his white neck. I bit and kissed it, loving the reddened marks I left. I licked the spots, and his nails scratched my skin, but I ignored the sting.
“Oh God,” Theo cried out. “Can’t take it.”
“Yes, you can.” I squeezed our dicks and added a second finger in his ass, working him in a spiral movement.
“Fuck, Jaxon,” he groaned. “Oh…God…fuck.” He spurted come over my hand and belly, his cock throbbing.
Heat shot through me, and I came a moment later. I withdrew from his body and wrapped my arms around him to keep my footing.
Eyes hazy with desire, Theo looked at me. “Are you okay?”
“As long as you’re with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere. It’s going to be okay.”
“One day at a time, I guess.” But I knew it wouldn’t be that simple, and once we returned home, it might get very ugly, very fast.