Chapter 11
Tuesday
The best night of my life is followed by the longest day I can remember. Alex walked me to my stateroom after the kiss of all kisses. I didn’t want to ruin how magical the whole evening had been with an uncomfortable conversation about what it meant. But apparently, it meant nothing, as what little I saw of him today was aloof and uncomfortable.
Ainsley was by his side during much of the day, so I made excuses to find things to do elsewhere. It was too painful to see them together and try to pretend last night didn’t happen.
Sure, I am somewhat to blame. I knew he wasn’t available and let my mind and body go there anyway. The way we danced was inappropriate, but after all the years of pining for him, I couldn’t stop myself. I’d honestly never been happier. It was silly to think any of it was real.
But I can’t blame his behavior on too much alcohol. I was the one who’d been drinking all evening. He was only drinking water. And he’s always been so quick to keep his distance. The only time there was any question was the morning I woke up in his arms. Yet he made it painfully clear what happened was platonic.
But that kiss. There’s no faking something like that. Is there?
Does Alex Bell kiss everyone that way?
* * *
“Cheers to a great weekend,” Dad says as we all clink our champagne glasses.
It had been a great weekend. But what did I think was going to happen? Alex is here with his girlfriend.
“It’s a shame Alex and Ainsley aren’t here,” Mom says.
“I think they wanted to have a romantic dinner together before the cruise was over,” Dad tosses out over his Beef Wellington.
I put my utensils down, feeling heartsick. I’ve lost my appetite at the thought of them together.
“She probably had an outfit hanging in her closet that hadn’t gotten any attention,” Ricky mutters before Julia elbows him in the ribs.
“Be nice,” she says under her breath.
“I don’t really get what he sees in that one,” my mother whispers, leaning into me.
I can’t make eye contact with anyone, or I worry I’ll tear up. What was I thinking, allowing my mind to dream of something happening with him? He’s a player. That’s just what he does, right? Years of longing have clouded my brain. That and that hypnotizing kiss.
I take a few more nibbles of my entrée, pushing my food about my plate wanting to escape to my room. Leaning in toward my mother, I say, “I’m not feeling well. I think all of the sun and rich food has caught up with me. I think I’ll get a jump start on packing up for tomorrow and get a good night’s sleep.”
“Oh, honey. Do you want me to come with you?”
“No. Enjoy your dinner. I’m okay. It’s been a great trip. Thank you for everything.” I stand from my chair and head to my stateroom after a chorus of goodnights. I’m giving myself this one night to cry it out. One night. Once I get off this ship, I’ll leave my memories of last night and Alex Bell behind.