Chapter 23
Quinn
It’s been three weeks. Three agonizing weeks. I can’t help feeling empty and dejected since Jason returned to Sycamore Mountain. In the long run, it may not have made a difference, but I didn’t get the goodbye I’d hoped for. If I had made it to the tree lighting, would it have changed anything?
Grow up, Quinn. Some hot sex doesn’t entitle you to more. You were merely a convenient hook up while he was here.
Surfing through the options, I scroll to the Hallmark channel to see which Christmas movie is on and immediately change my mind. I can’t handle sappy romance with a happily ever after right now. I’m too hurt. It’d only remind me that my life is no fairy tale.
Knock, knock.
My head drops back against the couch, and I let out a frustrated exhale. I really don’t want to put my fake face on and pretend everything’s okay. Whether it’s Callie, Ian, or my dad, I just want to be left alone to wallow tonight.
Knock, knock.
Ugh! I push myself up and shlep over to the front door. Hope it’s one of the three of them since I’m already in my jammies. Looking down before reaching for the doorknob, I realize I’m wearing the ones decorated in Christmas lights with a tank top that reads Let’s Get Lit.
Swinging the door open, my eyes spring wide when I find Jason standing on my porch holding a bouquet of gorgeous white blooms and fragrant greenery, the familiar light scent of jasmine penetrating the space between us. While his presence here has my pulse racing, the sight of him warms the hollow ache in my chest. Until I remember to keep my guard up. Whether I miss him like crazy or not, the jerk face left without a word, and my heart hasn’t healed. I’m not prepared to allow him to cause any further damage.
“Hi.” His normally sexy commanding tone sounds timid. I guess I’m not the only one feeling guarded. God, why does this have to hurt so much?
“Hi,” I reply. The polite thing to do would be to let him in, but regardless of the flowers, if this conversation is going to cement that this one-sided relationship was all in my head, I don’t need to replay it occurring in my house.
“I know it’s late, and I’ve come unannounced. But I was hoping we could go somewhere and talk.” He seems to shift agitatedly as he stands before me.
Looking down at my attire, I peer back up at him and tilt my head as if to say, For real?
His enchanting blue eyes bore into mine. “You look beautiful, Quinn.” His voice is so soft and sincere it’s doing a number on my resolve. When I hesitate a bit too long, he adds, “It’s perfect, actually. And no pressure. I’ll bring you back home whenever you’re ready.” He holds out the flowers for me, and I can’t help but pull them in for a long inhale.
“Let me grab my coat.” What are you doing, Quinn? You should’ve just said you’d meet him at Mug Life for coffee tomorrow. But who am I kidding? I don’t have it in me to send him away. Not after yearning for him the way I have.
We climb into Jason’s truck and ride in uncomfortable silence, each of us quietly sneaking cautious glances at the other as he drives. About twenty minutes later, it’s clear we’re headed toward his dad’s home, and my nerves begin to jump.
He drives past his father’s place and turns onto the dirt road that leads to the Christmas tree farm.
My happy place.
Oh, please don’t ruin it for me , I inwardly plead.
“Thank you.”
My head springs up, utterly confused. “For what?”
He tilts his head in the direction we’d just traveled. “My dad told me how you’ve looked out for him over the years. As if I needed another reason…” Jason’s head drops between his shoulders, and I bite my lower lip, deciding to let him speak his peace without interjecting. Regardless of the direction the conversation takes. “It means a lot to me.”
Once Jason parks the truck, he adjusts himself in his seat to face me, takes a noticeable breath, and begins. I give him a reassuring smile, my heart thudding in my chest.
“I wanted to apologize for not coming to find you to say goodbye before I left.” He pauses, as if trying to find his words. “I need to be completely honest with you. When I was standing alone at the Christmas tree lighting, surrounded by couples and families, a familiar wave of rejection hit me like a ton of bricks. All of those feelings of humiliation and betrayal came rushing back, just like it was yesterday. It felt suffocating, like I was having a panic attack. I needed to get out of there.”
My hand flies to my chest. This whole time I’d been feeling sorry for myself. That he left the way he had. But he thought I’d rejected him .
“It’s no excuse. I should’ve reached out to you before I left. But I was worried in my current state, I’d only make things worse. And you deserved more than a phone call after that. So, I decided to get back home. Sit with my first love, Mother Nature. Get still and find the right thing to say.” He looks away and my chest aches for all he’s been through. How hard it’s been for him to trust someone with his heart again.
“When I came here, I was determined to stay focused on Dad. I had no plans to hook up with anyone while I was here.”
So, he did just think it was a hook up.
“I fully expected to return home at the end of the six weeks and pick up as if I’d never left. I’ve built a life I’m proud of in Sycamore Mountain. My job has gone better than I could’ve dreamed, working alongside some of the best men I’ve ever known. It never dawned on me I could have more... with you.” He stops, reaching behind his neck as if trying to manage the tension, to no avail. “Trying the long-distance thing seemed like too much to ask. Hell, the woman I was engaged to refused to join me. So why would this smart, beautiful, confident young creature who could have anyone she wanted go back and forth?”
I can’t help myself, and reach over, taking his hand in mine.
“Quinn, we’d only spent a few weeks together, but the ache of your absence now that I’m home feels cavernous. Once I could embrace the silence and really digest my feelings, it became abundantly clear I never felt this hurt after breaking up with Corinne. All I felt then was anger.”
Lifting my palm to his mouth, he places feather light kisses to the inside of my wrist. Jason’s eyes flick back up to meet mine; the earnestness I see causes my eyes to well with tears. “I feel hollow. My head is screaming to stay the course. My future is in that mountain town I fell in love with years ago.” He gives my hand a gentle squeeze. “But how do I move forward when my heart is in Magnolia Point?”
“ Oh.” I exhale, blinking rapidly to stave off the tears.
I’m so in love with this man.
He turns to look out the windshield, and I sit quietly, ensuring he’s able to say whatever is on his heart without interruption. “Quinn, I gave up things that were important to me in order to keep Corinne in my life. And it’s clear to me that relationship was only skin deep. If she could destroy me the way she did… then what on earth could you do to me?” His deep blue eyes seem to plead for understanding.
My heart is in my throat at his tender words. He exits the car before I can say anything to reassure him, so I take that moment to dab away my tears and try to gather my composure.
Could this really be happening?
Jason opens the car door and leads me over to the Christmas tree farm. An inflatable mattress covered in flannel sheets, blankets, pillows, snacks, mugs, and a thermos lies in front of the remaining Christmas trees. It isn’t until I’m seated, and he’s wrapping a blanket around my shoulders, that I notice he has a movie screen set up. As he points a remote in the direction of the screen, white lights spring to life, adorning the rows of trees on the lot as It’s a Wonderful Life starts to play.
He remembered. This incredible man remembered.
“I can’t believe you did all of this.”
Smiling down at me, Jason pulls me into his side. It feels like a dream. It’s as if I’m living that Taylor Swift song from my fantasies. There’s a steady stream of tears now. No sense hiding it. It’s then I decide to go all in because it can’t get any better than this.
“Jason, it may have only been a few weeks for you , but I feel as if I’ve loved you since the day Ian introduced you to our family all of those years ago.” His eyes go wide. “A silly teenage crush I never outgrew.”
I sit up to ensure he understands I’m serious. “I don’t want to scare you. But you’re giving me the chance to say all the things I couldn’t before. And I don’t want any regrets.” Taking a fortifying breath, I lift my chin in a show of confidence I don’t actually feel. “If you’d asked me to do the long-distance thing and eventually join you, I would’ve jumped at the chance. I know how much Sycamore Mountain means to you. I can do my job from anywhere. I want to be where you are, Jase. Nothing would make me happier.”
“Quinn, I?—"
And with that, I throw myself at him like a superfan, toppling us both to the ground in the process. I can’t hold back any longer. I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude for how things have turned out.
“God. I’m so in love with you, Quinn. I really wanted to do something romantic. Give you the Christmas movies and hot cocoa you craved before.” He trails his thumb over my cheek. “But all I can think about is making love to my girl.”
My girl.
Rolling on top of me, Jason kisses me with unbridled passion, leaving no doubt about how he feels. His tongue dances with mine before he angles my face to deepen the kiss. Unlike the first time we were here, his touch is frenzied. He slides down my body, placing open-mouthed kisses in his wake. His warm tongue trails down my throat and collarbone before his hands are wildly pulling my pajama top over my head.
And I’m here for it!
Without a bra to inhibit him, his tongue greedily swirls around each nipple before moving further south. As his hands tug down my pants, I’m about to protest that he’s still fully clothed until he runs his nose through the center of my panties. Good lord, this man.
Ripping the seams until the scraps of lace fall, leaving me bare, I let out a cry of utter appreciation as he buries his face between my legs. “Oh, this sweet pussy. My new favorite snack,” he groans against my sex. “Marshmallows, cupcake icing, and you.”
Holy mother of all Christmas wishes come true. I’ll never ask Santa for another thing!