Chapter 16
CHAPTER
SIXTEEN
Mascen
Cole talked about Aurora the whole fucking game. I think Cupid shot him with a fucking arrow or something. Cole has never talked about another chick like this before. It’s fucking irritating, and why does it have to be her of all people? If it was any other girl he was talking about I’d probably be laughing my ass off seeing him all torn up over her but this was Rory .
I might not want her, but I saw her first.
Fuck, I sound like a petulant child whining over a toy.
“What’s up, man?” Teddy pounds his hand down on my shoulder, shaking me from my thoughts. His fingers are wrapped around a red Solo cup, and his smile is that of a guy who knows he’s getting laid tonight. I look around the party raging in my house. At one point I actually liked these things. It was an excuse to get shit-faced and pound some pussy. Tonight, it’s more an annoyance than anything.
“Enjoying the view.” I sweep my fingers over the middle of the living room where a group of girls dance, gyrating on each other and trying to get attention from those watching.
Teddy’s lips tip up on the corner. “Me too.” He takes a sip from the cup. “I don’t see where you’re actually enjoying it, though.”
I twist my lips together, trying to think of a response but frankly I’ve got nothing since he isn’t wrong.
“Maybe parties are starting to get a bit old.”
“Or maybe you’re getting boring.” Teddy laughs, smacking the back of his hand against my chest. “I’m going to enjoy myself.”
I watch as he lifts his cup in the air, bleeding into the space between the girls. Several swarm around him like those dumb bugs that dive straight for a bright light. I roll my eyes, silently wishing one would get zapped, because at least that would provide some sort of entertainment for me.
Emptying my cup I toss it in one of the trash bags Cole and I set out through the townhouse to encourage people not to drop their shit where they feel like it.
Turning, I head onto the back deck, digging out the pack of cigarettes from my pocket as I go. Leaning against the railing, I light up the cigarette, pulling in a long drag to fill my lungs. Shoving my fingers through my hair, I look out at the townhouses behind mine. Row after row, life after life, all perfectly lined up. But nothing is ever truly neat and tidy. I suppose I have to admire the human tenacity to try anyway.
The way I see it, life fucks you over again and again.
No one else is out on the deck, thank fuck for that. I’m not in the mood for the chaos and necessary socialization. But when am I ever? I’ve learned to play a part, but it’s not me. Honestly, who the fuck am I?
My mom would tell me I’m Mascen Zane Wade. That I’m a great son and brother. A fantastic baseball player. That I care a lot—I would say too much, and that’s another reason I’m so fucked up.
Tugging on my hair, a growl rips out of my throat. My insides are in constant turmoil as I do my best to hold onto the last of my sanity. I’m struggling in so many ways, with a million different things I can’t speak of.
Standing outside for a few more minutes I smoke another cigarette before heading back in. Immediately the music and chatter is too much to handle. I could go up to bed—we always keep the upstairs off limits—but I would still hear everyone existing in a world I’m no longer a part of.
Slipping through the bodies, I make my way to the bottom level, digging the keys to my truck out of the bowl by the garage door.
I normally drive my Land Rover everywhere, but the cherry red Chevrolet Silverado is what I want to go out in tonight.
None of my friends notice me leave since I don’t immediately receive a text asking where I’m going. I’m thankful most of them are occupied for the most part, especially Cole since he notices shit the most. He was playing beer pong with a couple of guys from the football team the last I saw of him.
Putting the garage door up, I back out, disappearing into the night and passed all the cars parked on the street.
Driving out of town a short way, I turn onto an unmarked gravel road. I found it by chance on a night I was stressed and couldn’t sleep. I got out and drove and drove, trying to clear my head. I ended up here and it’s been one of my favorite places ever since.
Parking the truck in the field, I hop out and grab some blankets from the back seat. Pulling the cab down I hop in and toss the blankets down to form a cushion against the hard bed. Laying down, I look up at the sky.
It’s clear, full of stars—a country sky unpolluted by the human population.
This land is probably on someone’s farm, but I’ve never been caught yet, so I keep coming. It’s a place that feels entirely mine. Free of judgment and the fear I seem to live with constantly anymore.
What do you have to be afraid of Mascen?
Everything.
But the stars above me? They don’t judge me for my sins, my mistakes, and my misdeeds, not like the entire world does.