Chapter 24
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR
Mascen
Playing Xbox with Cole should be a normal pastime, and it is, except for the detail of making out with his girlfriend weighing on my conscience.
It’s been three days since the kiss. Three torturous days where I’ve weighed whether or not to tell my friend what I did. My selfishness is showing in the fact that I haven’t fessed up—selfish because I don’t want my friend to be mad at me.
Pathetic fucker .
“I’m going for a smoke.” I toss the controller down and Cole glances at me.
“We’re in the middle of a match man, you can’t leave.”
“You’ll be fine without me.”
He shakes his head with a sigh, but doesn’t argue when I heave my body from the couch and dig the pack of cigarettes from my sweatpants. Out on the back deck I light up, leaning against the railing.
I bring the end to my lips, inhaling the nicotine. I keep telling myself I’m not addicted to this shit, but if I’m honest with myself, I’m using it more and more often to steady my nerves and ease my tension. It’s just about the only time I’m relaxed anymore.
Leaning forward, I run my fingers through my hair, then down my jaw.
Pulling in another drag, I hold it in as long as I can before releasing the smoke into the night air. I watch it float away like a cloud, disappearing from existence like it was never there to begin with.
“Are you happy, Mase?” My mom asked me when she called yesterday.
“Of course , ” I answered. What else was I going to say?
“You don’t look happy, or sound it. I’m worried about you.”
I thought about the mounting pressure on my shoulders—the normal stuff, like school, preparing for the baseball season to start, life in general—and then I thought about Aurora, the way she tasted on my lips like a mix of the best thing I’d ever had and the very thing that could bring me to my knees.
I ended up telling her I had a big test coming up and it was stressing me out. I hung up with the excuse that I needed to study.
“Fuck,” I curse, when the ash from the tip of the cigarette burns my fingers since I stupidly forgot to flick it off.
I put the wasted cigarette in the ash tray I keep on the deck and light up another.
Pulling out one of the deck chairs, I sit down, stretching my legs out as I lean back. I’ve always found something comforting in being in the outdoors. Growing up, my dad had a treehouse built for us on the property. I spent more time in it than my sisters did, though they used it too, but it became my safe place. A quiet place where I could be alone and think. Too often, even as a young kid, I would sneak out at night and climb the ladder into it so I could lay down on the outer deck around it and look up at the trees, the leaves swaying in the nighttime breeze, with the stars winking in and out of existence.
I guess I’m more of a loner than people realize, even myself. I have to get away to recharge and settle my chaotic thoughts.
The sound of the sliding glass door interrupts my musing and Cole walks out.
“I’m calling it a night,” he announces, “but I just talked to Rory and wanted to run something by you.”
“Oh?” I sit up, my heart suddenly in my throat.
If she told him about the kiss before I did…
But he doesn’t look pissed so it can’t be that.
“I told her I wanted to take her somewhere this weekend but didn’t say where. I was thinking bowling and thought it’d be fun with more people, so why don’t you come?”
“I’m not third-wheeling your date,” I growl, finishing my cigarette.
He laughs, amused by my reply for some fucking reason. “I thought you’d bring a date, too, man. Don’t you have an endless roster?”
I think of all the girls’ names programmed into my phone, the alphabetical list I’ve been going through on my dates to Marcelo’s.
“I suppose.” A part of me doesn’t want to commit to the atrocity of a double date with Cole and Rory—not when I can still taste her on my tongue and remember what it feels like when she orgasms, and that’s without my cock ramming her.
He braces his hands on the back of one of the patio chairs. “Why do you sound unsure?”
Kicking my legs up on the table, I hope I appear unbothered. “Double dates aren’t exactly my thing.”
“I’ve never done one either, but come on, dude. It’ll be fun.”
I could give Cole an entire list on why this won’t be fun, but that’d be too exhausting and he’d probably still pester me to say yes.
“Fine, whatever. I’ll do it.”
“Thanks, man.” He holds his hand out for me to slap mine against. “I’m going to go tell, Rory.”
I tip my head at him. “You do that.”
He heads back inside and I know I should too. It’s cold out, in the forties, and I didn’t bother to grab a jacket. But I stay for a few minutes longer anyway.
Once I finally go in he’s turned the TV and all the lights off.
I drag my body upstairs to my room collapsing on top of my bed. It’s plush, the best mattress and covers money can buy, but the way I feel right now it could be a concrete floor and I couldn’t tell the difference.
Sleep doesn’t come easily, not that it surprises me, and I’ve probably only had four hours tops by the time my alarm goes off for my morning run.
I heave my body up and change into my workout clothes, heading out into the still dark morning.
Pounding my feet against the pavement helps me clear my head a bit and I start feeling less guilty for kissing Aurora. She kissed me back . We were two willing parties and therefore are both guilty. I shouldn’t have to shoulder this burden entirely on my own. She could’ve stopped me, but she didn’t. In fact, if I hadn’t been the one to end it I’m pretty sure she would’ve let me fuck her right then and there in the practice room.
Making it back home, I enter through the garage, taking the stairs up to the main living space.
“Good run?” Cole shakes a bottle with his protein drink in it.
I nod, still catching my breath. Despite the lack of heat in the air these days, my shirt is wet with sweat. Pointing upstairs to indicate I’m going to shower he nods in reply.
Chucking my clothes in the hamper and giving myself a moment to grumble over the nearly overflowing pile and the fact I’ll be forced to do laundry tonight, I get in the shower, washing away the sweat.
Turning the faucet off, I step out and grab a towel off the rail, quickly drying my hair and body before I tie it around my waist. At the sink, I brush my teeth, shave, and go about my entire morning grooming process.
The whole time I can’t stop thinking about a double date with Rory and Cole. It sounds like the worst kind of torture imaginable but of course my dumb ass agreed so now I’m stuck. I don’t know why I do this stuff to myself. It’s like I purposely like to make my life miserable.
Once I’m dressed I go down to the kitchen, grabbing a protein bar and apple. It’s not much, especially after my long run, but I barely have an appetite.
Cole’s thunderous steps echo on the stairs and he rounds the corner tugging on a sweatshirt. “Can I ride with you today?”
“Why?” I ask suspiciously, biting into the apple.
He grabs the counter, standing across from me. “Because my car is making a weird noise and I need to have it looked at. I can get a ride home from someone else after practice.”
“Sure, that’s fine.” What am I going to do? Say no ? That’d be hard to explain—that I’m irritated with him because I like his girlfriend.
Fuck, I like her. I haven’t wanted to admit it to myself, but I do, and it makes me hate her all the more.
“Thanks, man.” He turns to the fridge, swiping a blue Gatorade. “Are you almost ready?”
I look at the half-eaten apple. “Yeah.”
I chuck the rest in the trash.
Halfway through my classes for the day I’m walking across campus to stop for a cup of tea when I spot Mallory heading the same way.
I’d been planning to go through my roster, as Cole refers to it, for this horrendous double date idea, but as soon as I see her I figure I’d rather ask her. She’s nice, and sweet, plus at least so far I haven’t gotten any vibes that she wants anything from me. Not a relationship, not bragging rights.
“Mallory!” I call, jogging over to the brunette. She pauses, looking around, a soft smile curling her lips when she sees me.
“Mascen.” She clutches her textbook to her chest as I stop in front of her. “What’s up?”
I shake my hair out of my eyes, giving her a dazzling smile. I should probably dial the charm back a bit but the fact is I need her to say yes. If I have to take some random chick chances are I’ll pluck my own eyeballs out before bowling night is over.
“I have a favor to ask.”
She arches a brow, angling her chin. “Oh?”
“My best friend, he’s dating this girl and wants to … go on a double date, but I don’t have a girlfriend and I don’t want one,” I’m quick to add, because I don’t want her getting a false idea, “but I feel like we’re kind of sort of friends, right?” I widen my eyes, hoping she’ll take mercy on me. “I was hoping you’d go with me?”
“As a fake date?” I can tell she’s amused, not mad, so I take that as a good sign.
“Um, yeah.” I smile sheepishly, running my fingers through my hair. It’s getting a bit too long but I’ve been too lazy to get it trimmed.
“Is this like a fancy restaurant kind of double date?”
“No,” I blurt quickly. “It’s bowling.”
She grins suddenly. “Then I’m so in. Prepare to go down, Wade.”
“You’ll do it?” I sound way too surprised.
“That’s what I said. When is it?”
“This weekend. I’m guessing Saturday but I’ll have to double check with Cole.”
“That should be fine. Let me give you my number so you can send me the details.”
I pull out my phone and put her number in, promising to let her know more later.
I feel a bit better about agreeing to go now that Mallory is in, but when I turn and see Rory watching me from across the quad I wonder why I’m torturing myself.
She can never be mine, not when she belongs to him.