Chapter 46
CHAPTER
FORTY-SIX
Mascen
It’s been a few days since I spoke to my mom and she told me in so many words to, “Stop being such a little bitch and talk to Cole.”
Working up the courage has been difficult since I’m not very good at apologizing or explaining myself. It feels weak to admit fault in anything, but my mom reminded me the strongest people aren’t afraid to be vulnerable.
Knocking on Cole’s door I push it open before he can tell me to go away. Not that I’d blame him but I need to get this over with before I lose the courage.
“What do you want?” He sits up in bed, eyes narrowed. He looks skeptical at my interruption and sadly, the way I’ve been in the past, I can’t blame him. But I have an away game this weekend and I’m worried if I don’t make things right then I might come home to no roommate and a friendship now beyond repair.
“I need to talk to you.”
He slides out of the bed stalking towards me, his body tense like he’s poised for a fight. I wish he’d hit me. It’d make me feel better, but that’s not Cole’s style.
At the end of the day he’s right, he’s the nice guy and I’m not.
“Shouldn’t you have done your talking a while ago? Seems a little late to me now.” He raises his hands to his sides and lowers them back. “You’ve been moping around here like I’m the one who betrayed you.”
I clench my teeth and nod. “I know. Fuck, I’m not good at this.” I pinch the bridge of my nose.
“Clearly.” He crosses his arms over his chest, a look of impatience crossing his face. I know if I don’t hurry up and start explaining he’s likely to walk away.
“I hate explaining myself or trying to justify my actions. I’ve always believed in doing things with no regret and owning it, but I’ll admit I hated seeing Rory behind your back.” I look down at my hands for a moment, flexing my fingers so I don’t have to look into his eyes. I fucking hate seeing the betrayed look in them.
“That so?” He arches a brow, his nostrils flaring. He’s pissed and has every right to be. “How long was this going on? The whole time I was with her?” His jaw clenches, his hands fisted at his sides like he wants to hit me but I know even now he won’t.
I shake my head. “Fuck, man, no. How could you think that?” He gives me a look like he can’t believe I just asked that. “Right…” I rub the back of my head awkwardly, blowing out a breath. “Look, there’s a lot you don’t know that I need to try to explain for you to understand. Do we have to do that standing here?”
He sweeps his arm to the side with a dramatic flourish, like I’m really putting him out for wanting to have this conversation. I know I should’ve explained things to him immediately. I know he would’ve still been pissed, but it would’ve been better than letting this riff grow and fester even more. “Kitchen?”
I nod in agreement and he follows me downstairs. He ends up taking one of the barstools and I stand across from him bracing my hands on the counter.
I know I can’t wait long to launch into this or he’ll get up and leave, so I get right to it, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
“I’ve known Rory since we were kids.”
His head shoots up in surprise, his face crinkling with confusion and surprise. “What? Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t she tell me? I even commented on how you guys grew up in the same fucking place!”
I shrug, not knowing what else to do. The anger in his voice is justified. I should’ve told him, but it didn’t seem important. Not then anyway.
“I haven’t seen her in ten years but growing up she was my best friend. I treated her like shit when I found out she was going here. It doesn’t help that my first encounter with her in a decade was catching her sneaking out of your room.” Cole tenses, but doesn’t interrupt. “It’s dumb but seeing her again reminded me of how hurt I was by her leaving. Her family moved away when she was eight after her dad killed himself.”
His mouth drops open in shock. Scrubbing a hand over his scalp, he shakes his head in dismay. “She never told me that.”
“She doesn’t like to talk about it. Anyway, we didn’t get off to the best start and then you were interested in her which only made me angrier. Looking back, I think I was jealous because the crush I had on her as a boy was still there and I didn’t want it to be. Especially when I knew, out of the two of us, you’re the better choice.”
Surprise colors his face, but it’s true. I’m not the best choice for her, or anyone, but it doesn’t change my feelings.
“Things changed when I insisted she come home with me. It was practically her second home when we were little and when I heard she was staying on campus for Thanksgiving I…” I look down at my hands, the knuckles turning white where I clench my fists. “I couldn’t let her be alone. It didn’t make any sense to me at the time, or at least I didn’t want it to make sense, but things changed with her there. For both of us. And I’m fucking sorry you were caught in the middle of that.”
Swallowing thickly I force myself to meet his eyes, hoping he can see the pain in mine for fucking everything up.
“You care about her,” he states, his eyes surprised—but there’s something else there too, almost like he’s pleased. Maybe he’s just happy to know the great Mascen Wade isn’t completely stone cold. Rory is the one who likes to claim a vampire, and maybe I was, but that was before her. Now, the organ in my chest is very much alive.
“I love her.”
The surprise on his face turns to downright shock. “Are you fucking serious?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” I feel it, the truth settling inside me.
I hate Aurora ‘Rory’ ‘Princess’ Abbott so much that I fucking love her.
“Why the hell are you telling me and not her?” He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Uh…” I blink at him, not sure what to do with this turn of events and kind of wishing he’d just deck me so I’d feel better about the whole thing.
“I’m still fucking pissed at you—but if you would’ve told me this from the start I would’ve … well, I’d still have been pissed, but after I got over it I would’ve understood. That’s what friends do, Mascen. Stop self-sabotaging yourself. Why do you do this?” He slams a palm on the counter. “It’s fucking dumb. Not to mention aggravating.”
“I don’t fucking know.”
He shakes his head in disbelief at my idiocy. “You really care about her, huh?” He grinds his teeth together like the words pain him. I know even with this conversation he’s still hurt and angry, but hopefully, maybe he’ll forgive me one day. Not that I deserve it.
I exhale a weighted sigh; one I think I’ve been holding in since the last time I spoke to Rory a month ago. “I do, but she hates me for real now.” I rub my jaw in frustration.
“Has she said that?”
I lower my head, her text emblazoned in my mind. “Yeah.”
“In the heat of the moment or…?” His voice is tight and I know it’s killing him to try to be on my side in this moment. But that’s who Cole is, the guy who puts aside his own feelings for others. No one’s perfect, but I’ll never be as good as him.
“It was a text after I ignored her.”
“Fuck.” Cole rolls his eyes, slamming his palm down on the counter. “You are the biggest fucking idiot I know. Just tell her how you feel, your real, honest and true feelings. It’s not that hard.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “I didn’t know anyone could be as stupid as you, but here we are.”
I roll my tongue around my mouth. “It’s easier said than done.”
“Dude, what’s the worst that can happen? You tell her you love her and she says she hates you for real? Whatever. Move on. But if she feels the same and you let her slip away it’ll be the biggest mistake of your life.”
“How did this conversation turn from you hating my guts over Rory to you now telling me to get the girl?”
“I still hate your guts … sort of. But you never apologize for anything and you did this time. My momma always taught me to forgive those who mean it and I know you do. I’m not ready to fully forgive and forget but give me time. You pissed me off and hurt me. Right now I don’t trust you like I used to.”
“Are you seriously okay with this? With me trying to get Rory back?”
“Not completely,” he answers honestly. “But I’ll get over it. If Rory and I were meant to be we’d be together. But she’s your girl, man. Go and get her.”
“I don’t know how.” I run my fingers through my hair. “Fuck, I’ve never had to do anything like this before.”
“Don’t over think it.” Cole stands, swiping a water from the fridge like everything is back to normal between us. I know it’s not, but it’s a start. “Get her some flowers, say you’re sorry. It’s really not that difficult.” He rolls his eyes in exasperation.
I eye him skeptically. After all the shit I’ve done, I really don’t think it’s going to be as simple as he says.
Friday comes and I haven’t thought of the best way to apologize to Rory. Just saying I’m sorry feels like a bullshit lazy way to go about it. But duty calls, so I board the bus for our first game of the season in Kentucky.
Coach stands outside the bus making sure we all end up on it like we’re a bunch of unruly kindergartners he has to wrangle. Unfortunately, that’s kind of true.
“Got your head straight, Wade?” He smacks the top of my head like he’s cracking an egg.
“I think so, Coach.”
“Think so or know so?”
“Know so.”
“That’s what I want to hear.” He pats the back of my shoulder, urging me onto the bus.
I walk to an empty seat, settling against the window. All our bags are being loaded into the bus’s storage space so at least that gives me a little more leg room.
“God, I’m fucking pumped for this.” I look over to see Teddy plopping into the seat beside me hard enough to make our seats and the ones in front shake. “Nothing beats the high of a game.”
Normally I would agree right away but my mind is still on Rory.
“You’re always quiet but lately you’re quieter than normal,” he points out, taking his cap off to fluff his blond hair. “Where’s your hat?” he asks, noticing I’m missing my usual one.
“Lost it,” I mumble, knowing good and well exactly where it is. My thoughts threaten to drift back to Rory and those last moments I saw her, how fucking hot she looked stealing my hat. She’s probably thrown it in the trash by now.
“Lost it?” he repeats in shock, pulling out his Air Pods. “It’s not like you to lose something.”
I look out the window as the doors to the bus finally close. Up front Coach yells at one of the guys and the bus jerks as it pulls away from the school.
“I’ve been losing a lot lately,” I finally reply to Teddy.
His brow wrinkles as he pops one of his Air Pods in his ear. “Like you’ve got Alzheimer’s or some shit?” I look at him like he’s lost his fucking mind. “I’m just kidding man.” He knocks his elbow against mine.
He puts in the other ear bud, silencing all further conversation. Normally I’d be grateful not to hear Teddy ramble the entire way but right now I could sure use the distraction. Instead, I lean my head back, letting my gaze drift out the window as I try to figure out how to make things right.
“Look at us being room buddies.” Teddy grins behind me as I swipe the room key.
I look at him over my shoulder as the door beeps. “We always room together.”
“Yeah, but isn’t it exciting?”
I shake my head, opening the door to the room. “Exciting isn’t the word I’d use.”
With Teddy around you never know what’s going to happen. He’s an unpredictable loose cannon. While that used to be fun, it’s grown tiresome to me lately.
“Are we going out or ordering room service?”
I set my bag on the bed. “I was going to order in. Go out with the guys if you want.”
Teddy claps me on the shoulder. “I can’t leave my buddy all alone. What kind of friend would that make me?”
I roll my eyes at him. “Get out of here,” I grumble, pushing him away.
He cackles, heading toward the shower. “Order me a steak. I’m being fancy tonight.”
“What’s the celebration?” I raise a brow, waiting for his answer.
He yanks his shirt off and rolls it into a ball. He throws it at my face but I dodge it easily. “The fact you’re buying.”
I chuckle and reach for the room service menu. “Of course.”
He’s still laughing when he closes the bathroom door.
After placing an order for dinner, I sit down at the little desk in the room toying with the paper pad. I have so many thoughts and no way to make sense of them when it comes to Rory or how to explain my feelings. Reaching for the pen I start writing them all down instead.