Chapter 37 - Clem
I remained still and silent, only the ragged sound of my breathing filling the motel room.
The weight of defeat was heavier than Jordie’s foot pressing down on my back.
After a few muttered words I couldn’t make out since my panicked heartbeat was deafening me, he raised his foot, and I rolled over, scrambling away from him like a crab.
My back hit the hard edge of the bed, the musty smell of the ancient bedspread filling my nose.
Anger and hatred welled up in me as I watched him pace, still muttering to himself, wild-eyed and pale.
The moment his back was turned, I launched myself up and past him.
My hand hit the doorknob, jamming my wrist painfully, and I scrabbled at the chain.
Searing pain ripped through my head as Jordie jerked me back by my hair. The baseball cap was long gone, maybe fallen off in the tussle outside by the vending machines. He whirled me around, his hand raised. I flinched, closing my eyes and bracing myself.
Nothing happened, and he dropped his grip on my hair. When I opened my eyes, his hand was at his side, his fingers clenching and unclenching.
“Damn it, Clem,” he wailed, sounding like a petulant child. “You know I hate it when you make me do this.”
I said nothing and tried to hide my disgust. It was like no time had passed, and I hadn’t experienced those months of freedom. He huffed when I didn’t rush to apologize like in the old days. Something had changed. Some part of me was stronger now.
“How did you find me?” I asked, shocked to hear how calm I sounded. “I would have seen if you followed me.”
His hand whipped up, and I blinked, dipping my head, but he only reached behind me and dug down under my new sweatshirt, yanking something from the collar of my blouse.
“Air tracker,” he said proudly, holding out a tiny plastic clip. “I didn’t need to follow you. I just waited for you to stop running.”
My mind raced backward to the pharmacy. When did he put it on me? I thought I had been hyper vigilant, but he’d still managed to get that thing on me somehow. Here I thought it wasn’t safe to spend the night. It hadn’t been safe to stop at all.
I looked at the door, not in another attempt at escape, but because, in my exhaustion, I was wishing that Rurik would kick it down, wielding one of those guns from the picture. I almost laughed, but couldn’t muster even a hint of a smile.
“Do you think that’s normal?” I asked.
What wasn’t normal was trying to reason with Jordie when he had that manic glint in his eyes, or when his hands were still forming into fists at his side, ready at any moment to lash out at me.
“I’d do anything for you, and you know it,” he said, resuming his pacing. Three steps in one direction, three steps back, his eyes never leaving me. “I’m here to help you, don’t you get it?”
He puffed up his chest, telling me how he tracked me down.
I shouldn’t have used Aunt Gigi’s last name; I should have picked one at random.
“I had to sell everything I owned to get out of here,” he grumbled, then changed his tune when I shrugged.
“It was worth it, though, and I’ve got a new way to make money now.
We’re going to be fine. We’re going to get away from that guy. ”
“I don’t need your help,” I spat. “There’s no we.” I couldn’t stop myself. “And I bought everything you had, anyway.”
He didn’t like me reminding him of that, although his overblown pride or the way his gamer buddies teased him about being a kept man never got him off his butt to get a job.
His eyes narrowed to red-rimmed slits, and his restraint snapped.
His hand flew up, and the smack sent my head rocketing back.
I covered my face, staggering back, knowing there’d be more. Who in the hell was this guy to hunt me down, put a tracker on me like I was a toddler, and then hit me whenever I said something he didn’t want to hear? Did he think I was still the broken, cowering girl he’d made me into?
No, the fuck I wasn’t. Thanks to my brief taste of freedom, the success I had earned, all the praise and encouragement I’d received from Rurik, I had put myself back together again.
At least enough to throw myself at Jordie and rake my fingernails down his face.
No more cowering and waiting for the blows to end.
Now I was going to unleash some of my own.
I kneed him in the balls, but he was ready for it, and had my wrists before I could pull my hand back to punch him. Tossing my head forward like I’d seen in drunken brawls in action movies, I cracked him in the chin hard enough to see stars.
All I had to do was get out of this room. Make it ten feet and get that chain off, get out in the hall, and run. All while screaming my head off. I started the screaming early as I wrenched one arm out of his grip and grabbed a handful of his greasy hair.
“Knock it off,” he hissed, shoving me backward.
I bounced on my heels and lunged for him again, the door behind him in my sights. The only thing I could see. Probably would have been a good idea to keep an eye on his fists, too, because one came out of nowhere, hitting me between the eyes with the force of a brick.
The only thing I felt after that was hitting the floor, and everything went dull and gray and quiet.
It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes, but when I was able to open my eyes again, my hands were bound behind my back with what felt like a pillowcase. Another one was stuffed into my mouth, and I tried to spit it out, but Jordie loomed over me where he’d dumped me on the bed, and I froze.
“Just calm down and listen,” he whined. “How many times do I have to tell you I’m here to save you. I love you, Clem. You know it.”
I tried to tell him he had a funny way of showing it, but it came out as nothing more than muffled gibberish. I could hardly breathe through all the fabric in my mouth, but the man who purported to love me sure didn’t seem to notice my struggle.
Still, he seemed to understand what I was driving at and rolled his eyes, sitting down beside me.
“You’ve always known exactly how to make me crazy.
If you would just…” he trailed off and touched the painful spot on my forehead where he’d sucker punched me.
“Damn it, I hate having to do stuff like that. You know that, Clem. Don’t you? ”
Only because he had the look in his eyes, I knew too well, did I nod. My head throbbed. I didn’t want another punch. He touched the long scratches down his cheeks, not nearly deep enough for my satisfaction, and his brows shot together.
“This was stupid,” he told me.
I shrugged. Couldn’t exactly apologize with a mouthful of pillow case, could I? Once again, I looked past him at the door, praying my fantasy would come true. That Rurik would crash through it and beat the everloving crap out of Jordie. But untie me first so I can help.
It didn’t happen, and Jordie’s droning whine continued, but thankfully, he got up to pace again, no longer in my face.
“You’re lucky I’m here,” he said. “And met the right people. That’s how I know all about your husband.” He scowled at me. “Once this is over, we’ll get that taken care of. Don’t worry. I forgive you.”
Angry tears burned my eyes, but I blinked them away. No way he’d think I was crying because I was scared, or worse, out of gratitude. He kept on and on, telling me what a killer Rurik was, how his entire family was nothing but killers.
“They pretty much run all of California,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re lucky I found you before you knew too much, or maybe nobody would ever find you again.”
I kept staring at the door, trying to block out the sound of his voice, knowing he wouldn’t shut up anytime soon, and as annoying and hateful as it was hearing him tell me how lucky I was every ten seconds, at least he wasn’t hitting me anymore.
Was Rurik really a killer? Was his whole family steeped in organized crime? I had no idea what was true and what was Jordie’s imagination, but one thing was certain. Rurik had never laid a finger on me in anger. I never once saw madness in his eyes.
Rurik had never actually said he loved me, but he told me I was his and showed me that he meant it in only the kindest, sweetest, most extravagant ways. Even when he was being a tyrant, pretending to complain about his coffee, there was humor there.
Jordie said he loved me all the time, swore every foul thing he did was out of love for me, but his actions only ever brought me fear and pain.
Rurik was the complete opposite, but he wasn’t there to help me because I’d run in the wrong direction instead of going home. No amount of wishing could make things change or make Rurik burst in to save me.
I stared at the door as Jordie droned on, losing hope that I could get out of this on my own.