Chapter 34 - Aleksandr
The news that Katie was pregnant hit me like a ton of bricks. If only I could have enjoyed the pure, unadulterated happiness that welled up in my heart. It seemed like she was truly over the moon about it, even when her shock that it had happened so soon was clear.
How could I erase that content look in her eyes, or steal that moment of joy? Not after what she’d been through. I was able to get her released, assuring the overzealous doctor that I had a skilled personal physician who would take good care of her at our home. While our driver took us there, I stayed in the back with her as she slept, nestled against my shoulder.
Pulling into my long drive was both a relief and a new burden. Hadn’t I told myself I’d come clean with her? She had to know the true extent of what our life entailed in order for her to be truly safe.
I carried her upstairs even though she insisted she felt much better and could walk fine. I wanted to keep her as close as possible, as if feeling the warmth of her skin was a shield against the moment she’d turn against me. As I tucked her into our bed, the look in her eyes was full of trust and love, two things I didn’t deserve.
It would have been the right thing to do. Just get it over with, like ripping off a bandaid. At this point, my excuses were merely cowardice. Yes, I was afraid to lose her. It wasn’t a matter of going after her, bringing her home. She was more than the object of my obsession. More than someone I had to possess.
Everything was dust if she didn’t want to be with me as much as I wanted her. I only wanted her heart and freely given. I was petrified that once she knew the truth, her heart would close against me forever.
“Is everything really okay?” she asked, reaching to smooth her fingers down the side of my face.
No. Guilt was eating me alive. “Yes,” I said, leaning to kiss her before leaving so she could get more rest.
When her lips opened to me, and she wrapped her arms around my neck to lock me in place, I couldn’t pull away. My tongue swept against hers and her soft moan filled my mouth.
“Your bruises,” I said.
“I don’t feel them when you touch me,” she murmured, tangling her fingers in my hair. The edges of the bandage around her wrist brushed against my face.
“Be careful of your arm,” I admonished, but still didn’t pull away.
Hunger rose in me, fueled by relief that she was safe, egged on by the knowledge that every kiss could be the last. The last where she still believed in me.
“It doesn’t hurt at all,” she said, tugging me closer.
My hand slid down the side of her throat, stopping at her shoulder. She wriggled and arched her back so that her lush breasts rubbed against my chest.
“You should rest,” I said, eliciting a naughty giggle that had me swelling against the front of my pants.
“I spent half the day unconscious,” she reminded me.
“That’s not funny,” I told her, but we were both becoming ravenous with every brush of our lips.
My hand moved lower, and I smiled to hear the familiar purr as my fingers found her sensitive nipple beneath her top.
“Why am I still wearing these clothes?” she said, shoving me away. “Burn them. I don’t want to ever see them again.”
I moved her desperate hands from the buttons on her blouse, ignoring the dirt from the shack, trying not to frown at the bruise on her shoulder when I slid the sleeves down her arms. I gently kissed the edge of the nasty purple mark that marred her delicate skin.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, continuing to kiss down her chest, along the edges of her bra.
That was the next to go, and then she lay back with a sigh, her hands idly moving in my hair as I worked my way down her belly.
With a short gasp, I lay my cheek against her smooth flesh, just below her belly button.
“Hear anything?” she asked.
“Your stomach rumbling,” I told her, pleased to make her laugh. “We should stop this nonsense and get you something to eat.”
“If you stop, I’ll never forgive you.”
I’ll never forgive you.
The words echoed in my mind, but her teasing smile and the feel of her skin beneath my cheek kept me from stopping. Her fingers gripped tighter in my hair as I undid the button of her pants with my teeth. I licked along the edges of her panties, and she groaned.
“Hurry,” she pleaded.
“There’s plenty of time,” I told her, looking up at her lust-glazed eyes. “You’re home now.”
She yanked me up with surprising strength, so we were nose to nose. “Right where I belong,” she said, kissing me with a furious hunger. “Right where I’m going to stay,” she gasped, her head flopping to the pillows.
“Good.”
As of that moment, I would make sure that statement was true. The way she clung to me made me believe her feelings were as strong as mine. Her fingers dug into my shoulders as I began kissing my way back down her body, and I pushed away all thoughts of anything ever going wrong between us again.
I needed this. I needed her.
As I eased her pants down her legs, dragging the lacy panties with them, I felt weak for possibly the first time in my life. Not physically, but something far more serious. This woman, who I had declared mine, was the true owner of my soul.
I loved her. With every fiber of my being. I wouldn’t lose her. That was impossible.
“Aleks,” she moaned impatiently.
I realized I had fallen into a trance, my chin resting against her ankle, my eyes trained on her beauty as my heart warred with the idea that she might not always be mine. With a chuckle, I tossed the rest of her clothes across the room, determined to burn them as she wished. There was no need for her to have to relive what she went through, and as long as I was alive, she’d never deal with something like that again.
Kissing my way slowly up her legs until she was a writhing mess, I made my way to the crux of her thighs and gripped her hips. She slowed her movements and reached for me, stroking my cheek.
“Please,” she whispered. “You don’t know how much I need you.”
“Oh, I think I do.”
I spread her legs wide, letting her shove my face between them. It was where I wanted to be, after all. Her taste on my tongue sent every last thought out of my head. I suckled on her swollen clit, grinning against her wet heat with every moan from her lips. Her back arched, sending her head deeper in the mound of pillows. Her vibrant hair was in wild disarray, bright against the gray sheets.
I lowered my head again, plunging my tongue deep into her pussy, lapping at the slick folds until she had me locked between her knees in an iron grip. Pushing her legs wider apart, I kept licking her, wanting to bring her to the highest heights. Needing to hear her scream out my name.
“Yes, yes, yes,” she repeated, in a trance.
I was rock hard, shocked I hadn’t already burst out of my pants. My cock strained to be inside her tight little hole, but not until she gave me what I needed even more.
“Scream for me,” I urged, swiping her clit with my tongue.
Her fingernails tore into my shoulders, and I growled as I felt my skin ripping under her fevered grasp. I circled her plump nub lazily, as if I wasn’t as crazed as she was.
“Aleks,” she cried, her voice rising as she pushed her hips closer to me. “Please, please, let me…”
The scream tore out of her as I gave her what she was begging for. And still, I rolled my tongue over her slippery clit as she yanked at chunks of my hair. In a few moments, she went limp, gasping. I shoved down my pants, and as soon as I rose over her body, she came back to life. Mischief shone in her eyes, her skin blushing from her rosy nipples to her hairline. I wanted to kiss every inch.
With one hand, she wrapped her fingers around my stiff shaft, grinning at the sound that flew out of my mouth. Pain and pleasure coursed through me as she stroked, pulling my face close to hers with her other hand to kiss me hard. She licked away her own juices from my lips, rolling her thumb through the moisture at the tip of my cock before sliding her palm up and down my length.
I growled against her throat, nipping at her collarbone as she wrapped her legs around my hips. I breathed her in, the slight hint of her shampoo still clinging to her hair, the antiseptic smell of the hospital sheets, and the hot, sandy air of the desert. The unmistakable scent of desire drove me to hold her tighter.
“Katie,” I said roughly. “My gorgeous wife—”
“Say it again,” she interrupted, making me growl some more as she eased her hand up and down.
“My strong and beautiful wife,” I said, nuzzling her neck. “Soon to be the mother of my child.”
“Yes?” she gasped, her motions feverish now, once again pushing her hips up against me.
“I really need to fuck you now.”
Her joyous laughter filled my soul but soon turned into a gasp as I moved her hand away to push my cock deep inside her. The tight feel of her wet pussy made me go still, roughly breathing into her hair. She whispered something I couldn’t make out, but the way her hips moved beneath me robbed me of the ability to think at all. I pushed deeper and harder, needing to give her all of me as much as I needed all of her.
“Oh yes, that’s perfect,” she sighed.
Her hands ran down my sides to playfully smack my ass. I gripped her hair and stared right into her pretty green eyes. “Did you just give me an idea?”
“No,” she yelped, giggling as I flipped her onto her stomach. I kneaded each curvy cheek, then teased her opening with the tip of my cock.
“I’ve never seen anything so hot,” I told her, smoothing my hand down the curve of her spine, and giving her the lightest of taps. “You’re so damn beautiful, Katie. Perfection.”
She rose up on her knees, reaching behind her to pull at my hips. “Then why are you teasing me like this?”
“You’re right,” I agreed, plunging deep again.
She buried her face in the pillows, but I still heard her greedy moans as she met me with every stroke. With my hands on her hips, I pounded into her, barely holding on to my sanity.
“Come for me again,” I urged, desperate to feel her pulse around my cock.
She yanked away and twisted around to kneel in front of me. “Yes, but I want to see your face.”
I leaned back as she straddled me. With my hand clamped behind her to hold her steady, she rode me with abandon as she clung to my shoulders. Her head tipped back, all her glorious hair falling in a cascade over my fingers. I gripped a handful and pulled her close.
“Katie,” I said urgently. “Open your eyes.”
Her lashes flew from her cheekbones, and our gazes locked. I smoothed my hand down over her belly and between us to find her clit. She bit her lip, her nails digging into my shoulders, but never looked away.
Not even when her mouth fell open and my name came out in a loud cry. Not when I pumped my seed inside her, roaring out my own pleasure. I was the one to look away first, completely consumed by the way she made me feel. It was like no other, not in all my years.
Her arms fell to her sides as the pulses slowed. Her breath still came in sharp, rapid pants as she dropped her head to my shoulder.
“I love you so much, Aleks,” she said, sounding almost tearful.
Her words snapped me back to my senses. She’d never actually told me that before. I tugged her hair back to kiss her lightly on the lips before wrapping my arms around her and easing us both to lie down.
She snuggled up to me, nestled in the crook of my arm with her cheek against my chest. “I love you,” she repeated more softly.
I would have given anything to say it back and call it a day. Keep pushing the truth away. But every moment that passed with my lie between us negated everything else. If I told her how much I loved her now, she’d think that was also a lie. The feel of her soft breath against my chest with her whispered words should have made me relax into her embrace, but I wasn’t worthy.
Not of her love. Certainly not of her trust.
I pulled away to look at her clear, hopeful eyes. It killed me how she was such an open book, clearly wanting me to repeat her words. They were in there but couldn’t come out. Not yet.
Not until…
“Do you know what the Bratva means?” I asked.
“Isn’t it something to do with your brothers?” she asked. “In Russian?”
“Yes, but there’s more to it than that.” I took her hand, and she held on tight.
“What’s bothering you?” she asked, full of concern. For me. I truly didn’t deserve her. “Don’t tell me not to worry when I can see something’s wrong as plain as day. I’m really fine, so just tell me.”
And so I did. Everything from the very beginning. How our father had come from Moscow as a teenager and worked his way to a position of strength and power. The way he raised my brothers and me, and even our little sister Mila, to take over when he decided to retire back to Russia. I even told him how our old man still ruled with an iron fist over there, not content with living a simple life in his golden years.
I laid out each and every one of my businesses, trying to make her see that not all of the money that had been buying her lavish gifts over the last few months was made by less than honest means. I tried to explain the history we had with the many small bars, restaurants, and corner shops that we still offered protection to. I was at the helm of the Fokin name, which was known across the entire state of California.
But the more I explained, the looser her grip on my hand became, until she gently tugged it away altogether to cradle her injured wrist. It was slowly dawning on her that the reason she was kidnapped wasn’t simple corporate espionage.
It was personal.
The light faded from her eyes as she searched my face, desperate to hear me say it was all a joke. That this was the lie, and not what I’d been telling her all along.
“It’s a long tradition with my family,” I said. “There’s a lot of history with the Bratva.”
She shook her head. “You’re a criminal.”
I winced at the harsh truth. It had never bothered me before because it was all I knew. I frowned.
“I suppose, yes. But—”
“Stop. Please.” She raised her hand and rolled away from me. “Please don’t keep saying things about noble traditions, family pride, lineages, or anything like that. You regularly break the law. You’re a criminal. And a liar. It was your fault I was nearly killed.”
She rose up on her elbow, her eyes welling with tears. With a small gasp, her hand went to her stomach, and my heart lurched at the look of horror on her face. Did she even regret the baby now, when she’d seemed so happy before?
“Katie,” I said, reaching for her. My words offered no comfort, but perhaps I could make her see the depth of my remorse and my true feelings through my touch.
She rolled all the way off the bed, stumbling to the bathroom. I waited for the door to slam, but she only pulled it shut behind her. She was beyond anger, maybe beyond reach.
“Katie, please come out and talk to me,” I called. “You must have questions. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”
There was nothing but silence from her on the other side of the door. It felt like miles separated us. She came out a few moments later, wrapped in her robe with her toothbrush and toothpaste in her hands, and a few more toiletries in a mesh laundry bag. With her head down, she disappeared into her closet and returned with some clothes haphazardly tossed over her arm.
“I want to sleep in one of the guest rooms tonight,” she said, her voice devoid of any emotion.
I jumped up and opened the balcony door that separated her special suite from the one we shared. She shook her head.
“Just one of the other rooms is fine,” she said, listlessly moving toward the door.
I nodded, ready to respect her wishes even though I yearned to pull her close and refuse to let her go.
With her head down and her slowly shuffling feet, she reminded me of a zombie. I’d done that to her. Not the ruthless kidnappers. Only me. I kept my gaze trained on her, praying she’d turn and meet my eyes at least once more. She only quietly slid out the door and disappeared into the hallway.
All I could do was pray she wouldn’t try to completely disappear from my life as well.