Chapter 14 - Addison
“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln.
“Casserole, Lasagna, Italian pasta ...”
I flipped through more pages of the e-cookbook, Danielle Rogers’ The Kitchen Bible, and my grin widened with each flip. It had to be the best cookbook ever written. My fingers hovered over a recipe for beef stew, and as I tried to copy down the steps, I was overcome with nausea that shook my body down to my toes.
I jumped out of bed at lightning speed, stormed through the door, dropped to my knees, retched, and threw up my lunch with all the strength I could muster. Exhausted, I flushed the toilet and pushed myself off the floor.
It was the third time today.
My reflection stared back at me through the clean mirror above the vanity, and I was suddenly grateful that I had insisted on moving out of the roach-infested motel and into this tiny basement apartment. Even though we were technically in hiding, we didn’t have to sleep with insects.
Cold water rushed from the faucet. I splashed some on my face, gargled my mouth and turned off the tap. When I looked up again and stared at my reflection, I saw the question rising in my eyes.
I straightened up, fear suddenly creeping into me and squeezing my lungs until I could barely breathe. My eyes widened and became as big as squash balls as I shook my head.
No.
I rushed out, grabbed my phone from the bed, and opened my Red Day calendar. Checking through the most recent markings, I noticed I was two weeks late. My phone slipped from my hand.
No.
A nervous chuckle escaped me, I ignored the blanket of dread that settled over me. I wasn’t stupid; there was only one explanation for this. With Logan, we were always careful. With Mark, it was unplanned, passionate, and we were careless. No birth control or condoms. Nothing.
No.
Yes! My inner voice screamed back. What had I expected? I had given myself to him and allowed him to do whatever he wanted with me, to worship me, oh how he worshipped me, and I was so blinded that I didn”t think to protect myself. That night, it was more important to feel and to have him.
I punched a pillow, then held it to my face and screamed into it.
Fear tugged at my nerves, and the world before me spun in twisted circles. If I were pregnant with Mark’s child, what would happen to me? What would happen next?
My life would change drastically, this pregnancy was like pouring gasoline on an already raging fire between the two men and I would most likely end up alone. So be it. I couldn’t tell Logan, not yet.
As if on cue, he came into the bedroom with a tray of cookies and freshly squeezed orange juice. The smile on his face was precious and could light up a whole room. It provoked the guilt that swam in my conscience, and I forced a smile on my face as he handed me the glass.
“Thanks.”
He dropped the tray on the bedside table and kissed me on the cheek before sitting down next to me. The admiration in his eyes as he beamed at me was clear, and just looking at him hurt me more deeply than I could have imagined. My grip on the glass tightened.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded, took a sip from the glass, and returned it to the tray. Leaning back on my arms, I shrugged. “I’m okay. Sometimes, like now, I find it hard to believe this is what our lives are like now. Like fugitives on the run.”
He groaned and rubbed his eyes. I saw the stress in his eyes and heard the strain when a sigh left his lips. His biceps flexed when he rose and dropped his shoulder. “Except we’re not fugitives. This is all that bastard’s fault. He’s the reason we can’t even leave this place. Leaving would be a challenging task. The Varkovs ... they are powerful, you know? They have eyes everywhere, especially in this city. We must keep laying low until things cool off and when it’s time, my resources will help us clear a path.”
Shuffling closer, he tipped my chin up and dragged his gaze down to my mouth. “We’ll be out of here soon, My love.”
“I know. I trust you.” I gulped, feeling a sinking feeling in my chest like an anchor going down. The contact between us made my stomach dip, and it wasn’t in anticipation.
He stroked my lips with his thumb and pressed himself closer. The warmth emanating from him should have relaxed me, but it had the exact opposite effect and made me nervous. I wanted to be anywhere other than there, on that bed, with him.
His eyes became cloudy, and I felt his heart pounding against his chest. “I’ve missed you so much,” he said. “I’ve missed your beautiful eyes, Addi. Your skin, your hair. And your lips, God.”
He kissed me and groaned softly as I closed my eyes. He tasted like oranges. But I wanted vodka and cigarettes.
I’d seen it coming. Hoped it would be different than it was the last time. But it was the same; numb and unmoving. And I knew why it couldn’t be the same. Everything in me craved and yearned for him.
I forced myself to kick him out of my mind, but he just stayed there. All six feet three of him, with stark blue eyes, watching me, whispering vulgar words in my ears, telling me how much I missed him. Taunting, teasing, biting, scratching.
My body grew hot, and my nipples tightened. For him.
“I love you so much, my beautiful angel,” Logan murmured, and my heart clenched harder. His fingers ran into my hair, he pressed his hard body against mine, and his mouth moved, begging with fervor, but I could not bring myself to part my lips.
He stopped, withdrew, and watched me. Then, after a moment, his eyes reflected confusion and anger.
“Addison—”
“Look, I’m sorry. I was distracted, thinking about the escape plan and everything that had happened ... you have to tell me more, Logan. Why is all of this happening?”
“You were distracted, Addi? Come on, now. That’s B.S, and you know it. What the hell was that? You were rigid. Like, so fucking stiff. And your mind, I could tell that you weren’t even with me. That ... That has never happened before. What’s wrong? Did I do something? Don’t you love me anymore? Or is it the poison thing? Are you still mad at me about that?”
I fidgeted with my fingers, shaking my head. “It’s not the poison thing. Don’t overreact, please. Let’s try again.”
“Try again?” He was baffled. “What is this, sports? We aren’t trying to invent something here—See, you can’t even look at me.”
That was enough to set me on my feet. He wasn’t an idiot; he could tell when something was wrong. He got up after me and gripped my arm.
My heart pounded harder and louder than his voice. I only heard a loud ringing somewhere at the back of my head. “Nothing is wrong, Logan. We’ve had a lot to deal with, can’t you understand that?”
Darkness covered his features and I blinked to avoid his blazing stare, which burned my skin so badly that it must have left a mark.
His eyes swept my arms and landed on my finger. He took a menacing step closer. “Where is it?”
I stuttered. “Where … Where is what?”
“Your ring.” He pointed at my finger. “You took it off.”
Oh, no.
Why did he notice? How was I going to tell him that Mark took it off?
“It slipped. On the night of the attack. They tried to ...” I swallowed. “When they took me, it slipped off.”
His eyes said he didn’t believe me. Heck, I wouldn’t have believed me either. I was such a terrible liar. But nothing prepared me for the next words that came out of his mouth.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” The ice in his tone sent shivers down my spine.
“Him? Him, who?”
He yanked me closer. “Tell me the fucking truth, this is instant. He did something to you, didn’t he? He fucking touched you.”
“Logan, let go.” I tugged at my arm, but his grip was too tight. He was frightening and I had never seen him like this before. Like a harmless little puppy that turns into a ferocious lion with the flick of a switch.
“Tell me the truth, Addsion.”
No way. Even if I wanted to, I could not. If his reaction was on this level of violence with his suspicions, what would happen if he knew the truth? I had to protect myself and the life growing inside me.
Tears formed in my eyes. “Let go. You’re hurting me.”
His phone rang in his pocket, and he looked straight at me. “We’ll revisit this,” he said and let me go.
He took his phone out and, the second he glanced at the screen, he freaked out. The anger in his eyes died out and was replaced by fear. The phone disappeared into his back pocket, and he hurried to the closet, pulling out a few clothes, and some documents.
I followed him around the room, clutching my chest to calm my racing heart. I was hoping, waiting for anything that would put me at ease. But nothing came. He grabbed a box and tossed the clothes inside.
“Logans, what’s—”
“We must leave. Now.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, a big explosion came from the front door.