Chapter 5 - Valery
It’s been a week since the wedding, and I am trying too hard to get used to living here with him. I still haven’t plucked up the courage to confront him about the fact that he tricked me into this marriage, but I am doing my best to make his life as difficult as possible.
Except, in doing so, I’m agitating myself as well.
Jaroslav is commanding. He has this unwavering intensity about him, so even when he’s not speaking and we’re just eating dinner quietly together, I’m hyperaware of his presence.
In his quiet moments, I still find myself staring at him, longing for the past, thinking about what we used to have between us.
And when he does speak, his voice is darkly delicious, and the deep rumble takes me back to a time when he would hold me in his arms, and I would lie across his chest and trace my fingertips over his tattoos.
A time when the rest of the world didn’t exist, and it was just us, living in a secret little bubble.
Our world was small and private. Intimate and passionate. It was perfect.
Living with him now is just a reminder of everything I lost when he dumped me.
Never mind confronting him about why he wanted to marry me—I still want to confront him about why he broke up with me in such a cruel way.
But what is the point of either of those conversations?
No matter what his answer is, it won’t take away the hurt that I suffered or the rejection that still stings inside me to this day.
Across the breakfast table, Jaroslav shakes the newspaper to straighten the pages and scoffs a dark chuckle at the headline. “We’re still on the front page,” he says, cock his head to the side with an amused, gorgeous smile across his lips.
“Great,” I sigh, because that means we’re still very much in the public eye and I have to be very careful about playing the perfect wifey role.
It’s exhausting. This constant turmoil of emotions is always flooding my thoughts.
My body is on high alert, and the stress is taking a toll on me.
I’m fighting myself, fighting my memories of him, fighting against the desire and the anger that churn together in a heated knot in my stomach.
“What do you have planned for today?” he asks, folding the paper and setting it aside.
He lifts his coffee mug and takes a sip. My eyes follow his movements; each small twist of his hand has another muscle rippling over his thick arms.
I swallow hard. “Um. Nothing.”
I could say I’m going shopping again, but I can’t possibly fit another item in my closet, and no matter how much I’ve been spending, he hasn’t batted an eyelid.
“You could come into town with me and have lunch?” he suggests.
“No, thank you.”
The disappointment in his eyes is obvious. What does he expect from me? That we should be best friends? That I should be ecstatic to be here with him? I don’t get it. What does he want from me?
“Well, then I will see you at dinner,” he huffs, standing up and gathering his phone and keys. “I’m going to be in the office today.”
I nod, biting at my lip. At least I’ll have the house to myself. I’ve spent most days locked away in my room, avoiding him, but it’s claustrophobic, and I’m getting cabin fever. Maybe today I can lie by the pool and read outside.
It’s still summer after all, and the heat is as bad as ever.
Jaroslav leaves, and I hurry upstairs to change into my bikini. A new one. Another black one because I still prefer the contrast of black against my pale skin. I grab my book and a bottle of water and head outside into the gorgeous, sunny late morning fresh air.
I spread my towel over the sun lounger and get comfortable beneath an umbrella, right by the side of the pool. But after fifteen minutes, I realize I’ve been staring at the same page in the book and haven’t read a damn thing.
I have the same thought looping in my head. One that started a few months after we broke up.
Over and over again, it’s been bothering me since I got here, and again today. I managed to push it to the back of my mind after I picked myself up again when my heart didn’t feel so shattered. But being around him now makes it impossible not to question everything.
Jaroslav and I met by chance at a bar. I remember the night perfectly.
Every moment of it is etched into my memory.
My brothers were always strict, but I used to sneak out and go dancing with my friends.
On one of those nights, I met him, standing at the bar, tall, dark, and devilishly handsome.
He made a flirtatious remark, and of course, I was instantly charmed and flirting right back.
We danced. We had some tequila shots. And by the end of the night, we were kissing.
I remember that first kiss the most. It was magical, as though scripted in a book, written in poetry on crisp white pages.
I’ve never felt such insatiable passion before.
From my naive, young, innocent perspective, I thought it was love at first sight.
I thought the universe was introducing me to my soulmate.
And every time I snuck out to meet him again, I felt that connection deepen.
He was charming and charismatic. He was a gentleman with a dark, controlling flair that turned me on and left me wanting more. He was sexy and fun, and I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world when his eyes caught mine at the bar that night.
I thought it was a chance.
I question that now, though.
We were together for almost six months when he suddenly dumped me.
No explanation. No apology. He broke up with me in that cold, harsh manner—and then he ghosted me.
Rejected, hurt, confused, and angry, I had to pick myself up.
I couldn’t talk to my brothers about it.
I couldn’t tell anyone. Our entire relationship had all been a secret, and when it fell apart, I had to deal with the pain in secret, too.
It wasn’t until another few months had gone by that I learned, also by chance, who he actually was. A Bratva leader and an enemy of my brother’s.
And that’s why I have the same looping thought.
It wasn’t a chance that we met that night. He targeted me. I was a pawn in a game he was playing against his enemies—my brothers. He made me fall in love with him on purpose for reasons I can’t explain. And for reasons unknown, he left me just as quickly as he had found me.
The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Only a monster could be that cruel. And only a monster would drag someone back into their games like he did again, marrying me after breaking my heart years before.
I’m nothing but a toy to him, some kind of object to be used and manipulated, and I won’t let him get the better of me. I won’t let him charm me with his beautiful smile and his deep voice. Not this time.
That night, I didn’t go down to have dinner with him.
I make an excuse when the housekeeper comes to call me, and I stay in my room.
And in the morning, I don’t join him for breakfast before he leaves.
I’m done with whatever this is. I’m done with him, and while I will do as I promised for my brothers, Jaroslav and I don’t actually have to have any kind of interaction outside of the public eye.
Two days go by, and I haven’t spoken to him. It’s lonely for me, but it’s for the best. I’d rather have no one than him . And I want to make my boundaries clear.
As soon as I hear him come home, I return to my room, and the rest of the day I have the house to myself.
It’s late now. Almost eleven and I’ve been in my room since nine. I’m sure he’s home and already gone to bed, so I quietly open my door and tiptoe into the kitchen to get a bottle of water.
On my way past the living room, I see him sitting alone. At first, the silhouette of a man in the dark frightens me, and I gasp.
“It’s me,” he mutters.
My instinct is to walk away, but something in his voice has me curious.
“Why are you hiding away in your own house?”
He scoffs. “You are the one hiding away, Valery.” He sounds exhausted and miserable.
“What’s going on?” I ask, flicking on the light.
He groans at the bright intrusion and narrows his eyes. “Nothing, go back to bed.”
I walk closer, pulled by my curiosity. Standing over him, next to the sofa, I see his shirt is soaked in blood. “Jaroslav!” I exclaim in shock. “What happened?” I grab the edge of his shirt and pull it up to see a deep gash across his side.
He pulls his shirt from my hand and tugs it back down to hide the wound. “I’m fine. Go back to bed, Valery.”
My face scrunches as I glare at him. “No, I can help. I have first aid training.”
“I don’t need your help. I’m fine on my own,” he huffs.
He cocks his head to the side and pulls his mouth tight, matching my stare with as much intensity.
“Did someone attack you?” I ask, sitting down next to him, trying a gentler approach.
“It doesn’t matter. You want nothing to do with me, so you shouldn’t worry about this either.” He stands up and walks away from the couch, standing near the sliding doors with his hands folded across his chest and his back to me.
“You can talk to me,” I press, standing as well and walking to his side. I might be angry at him, I might think he is hiding his true intentions—but that doesn’t mean I’m heartless. He’s hurt, and I want to help him.
“Valery, honestly, just go. Like I said, this isn’t your concern…or your business,” he adds with a stern coldness in his voice.
His tone spikes into my heart. It’s the exact tone he used when he dumped me. Devoid of emotion. Brutal and blunt.
I take a step away from him and sigh, my body flooding with anxiety as I’m pulled back into the moment years ago. “Ok,” I mutter, turning away. “Goodnight,” I whisper as I walk out of the living room.
I could swear I hear him saying goodnight, little raven. But it was so soft, I might have been mistaken. When I glance over my shoulder at him, he still has his back to me.
My heart is tight in my chest. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to ignore the ache.
Back in my room, I slip under my blankets and roll onto my side with my cheek pressed into the pillows.
But I can’t sleep. Why would it bother me that he pushes me away now, when I’ve spent the last few days pushing him away very purposefully?
I set my boundaries, and he has accepted them. That’s what I wanted…right?
I toss and turn all night. I drift on the edge of sleep, but my head is too busy to let me rest properly.
My room slowly grows lighter as the sun begins to rise and a new day starts.
When I finally give in and sit up, tired and agitated, I know that the best option for me is to carry on setting my boundaries.
I can’t let what happened last night deter me.
He is a grown man who has been dealing with injuries all his life. It’s the way of the Bratva mafia. My brothers are the same. It’s just how it is.
He doesn’t need me.
And I don’t need him.