Chapter 7 - Valery
I’m shopping again. The mall is becoming a second home to me.
The busy bubble of other shoppers is almost soothing.
An escape I desperately need. Every shop I walk past is the same as it was yesterday, and while I’m not exactly thrilled to be here, I needed to get out of that house, away from him and his scent and everything that reminds me of that fucking kiss.
Music plays softly from somewhere high up, and I focus on the lyrics, singing them in my head.
But I can’t stop thinking about it.
The kiss. The kiss that almost made me lose control.
And that’s annoying me to death.
It’s crazy how close I was to letting him do whatever he wanted to me. I was standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump off, believing, stupidly, that he would catch me.
He won’t.
He’ll take what he wants, and he’ll push me away just like he did last time.
I’m such a fool for letting that happen. It can’t happen again. It’s so dangerous for my heart.
I walk past a store and see a jacket in the window that I almost bought yesterday. With a deep sigh, I take a few steps backward and enter. May as well get it. Who cares if I don’t need it? What I need is distraction.
No, what I really need is to find a way to escape Jaroslav that doesn’t involve roaming the mall every day alone. That, or grow a backbone and lay down some serious boundaries. Would he listen to them? Ugh. He’s so frustrating.
I hate that I want him to want me.
After walking the full circle of the mall on the lower and upper levels, I stop at a little coffee shop and order a butterscotch croissant and a cappuccino.
My stomach is tense with stress, so I haven’t eaten anything today.
Sipping the coffee slowly, I do my best to drag the afternoon out.
It’s four o’clock, and I can’t keep this up forever.
At some point, I’ll have to leave and face him back at home. Home? Am I really calling it that now?
But at least I cleared my head enough to put together a plan. Establishing boundaries is the right way to go. He might challenge me on it, but at least I can do my part to make it clear what I will and won’t accept.
By six o’clock, after walking the loop of stores again, I finally gave in and climbed into my car to leave. Two new jackets and a pair of jeans later.
Jaroslav is home. His car is parked out front. I park mine next to his and climb out, letting out a heavy sigh as I walk toward the front door. This isn’t going to be easy, and I’m flooded with anxiety at the thought of facing him. But after last night’s fiasco, I have no choice.
He’s sitting in the dining room, with two plates filled with food set before him.
When I walk in, he smiles. “Sit, you’re just in time.”
I sit, but not because I intend to join him for dinner. His smile widens when I don’t argue, but he’s in for a surprise.
“We need to talk,” I say.
He cocks his head to the side and picks up his fork. “I’m listening.”
I take a deep breath, letting the air push against my lungs for a moment before I let it out. “There have to be clear rules. Rules that I expect you to respect.”
“Rules? I’ve never been good at obedience, little raven.”
I bite back the remark about him using the nickname I’ve already asked him not to. There are more important things to discuss, and I’m sure he’s just doing it to antagonize me.
“Well, you’ll have to learn to embrace my requirements or life is going to continue to be frustrating for both of us.”
“Fair enough,” he says, raising his brows while his hazel eyes pierce into me. Briefly, I’m caught in the beauty of them. Deep swirling green and gold pools of mystery. I look down to pull my thoughts together.
Well? What are these rules?” he prompts me.
“I’ll share your bed, but that’s it. There will be no kissing.
No touching of any sort. You will stay on your side, and I will stay on mine.
We aren’t really married, and I refuse to be used in any capacity.
” I lock my gaze with his, making my point, staying strong in my words.
I won’t leave any room for misunderstanding.
He’s silent, watching me. Any minute now, he’s going to start arguing.
My heart races, and my skin is coated in goosebumps.
“Alright,” he says calmly.
What? No disagreement?
“Alright?” I stammer in disbelief. My hands are clammy, so I hide them under the table, wiping them over the front of my jeans.
“Yes, I accept your rules.” The smile that spreads across his face is gorgeous. The glimmer of amusement in his eyes makes me wonder if he’s being truthful.
“I mean it, Jaroslav. This is serious,” I say sternly.
“I know, I get it. And you won’t have to worry about a thing. I won’t kiss you again. I won’t touch you. I won’t need to.” His grin widens.
“What do you mean you won’t need to?” I blurt out, confused.
“I’ll just wait for you to do it first. And when you do, your rules will be broken and will no longer need to be honored by me.” He speaks with such arrogant confidence that I have to clench my jaw shut to stop myself from shouting at him.
“You are so full of shit,” I snap. “I’ve never met someone more arrogant.”
“Yes, you’ve told me before,” he muses.
Who the hell does he think he is? Like, I won’t be able to resist him . Is that what he thinks? That I’m so desperate I’ll go seeking him out. Not a chance. Not a fucking chance.
Jaroslav eats his dinner, and the aroma of roast lamb and sweet caramelized carrots makes my stomach growl. Maybe I am hungry after all. I pick up my fork and poke the food around my plate. Taking a small bite, the flavors soak into my tongue, and I can’t deny the hunger anymore.
We eat in silence. Now and then, I glance in his direction and catch him watching me with a sly smile on his face.
My stomach knots with anxiety.
Will I be able to resist him? He flipped the rules, and now I’m the one in control. But it feels like punishment in some way. A test I don’t want to fail. I will be so embarrassed if I mess this up. He will never let me live it down.
Worried, I avoid going to bed until it ’ s late and my eyes are drooping from exhaustion. Jaroslav hovers around me. Reading in the living room with me. Having a cup of coffee while I sip my tea. Then finally, when I declare I’m going to shower and then to bed, he follows me upstairs.
I shower first, standing under the cool water, repeating the same thing over and over again. “You are in control. You are in control.”
Out of the shower, I layer my body in clothes so that no part of my skin is open to him. Long sweatpants and a long-sleeve t-shirt over my spaghetti strap top, and of course, socks. I’m not taking any chances.
While he’s in the shower, I build a pillow wall down the middle of the bed and then find a second blanket so that I don’t have to share his. Boundaries. Literal and figurative. When I’m done, I stand back to admire my construction with a satisfied smile. This is going to work.
Jaroslav comes out of the shower in nothing but a towel, wrapped low on his hips so that the curve of his Adonis muscle taunts me.
Water glistens over his tanned, perfect skin.
Muscles ripple over his chest and arms, and my heart races at the sight of him.
He eyes me up and down where I’m standing next to the bed. “You look…cozy,” he remarks.
“I’m very cozy,” I snap.
He pushes his hand through his wet hair, and his arm muscles ripple.
Inwardly, I groan, because it’s difficult not to stare.
No matter how hard I try to ignore him, my body responds to his sex appeal. Why does he have to be such an asshole?
Jaroslav opens his closet and drops the towel with his back to me. My eyes follow the tattoo down his back and over his left ass cheek. I groan again, this time, to my horror, out loud .
Clasping my hand over my mouth, I hope like hell that he didn’t hear it.
The slight shake in his shoulders suggests he’s laughing, though, and my cheeks burn bright red with embarrassment.
Lifting the corner of the blanket, I slip beneath it and pull it high up around my neck, wanting to melt into the mattress and disappear. This is already going badly.
My eyes are still on him, though. It’s impossible not to watch.
He finds a pair of cotton shorts and slips them on. Cool and fresh in the summer night, while I’m layered up like it’s the middle of winter.
He slides beneath the blanket on his side and glances in my direction.
“Are you comfortable over there behind the Great Wall of China?” he asks, smiling.
“Perfectly comfortable,” I snap, my annoyance growing worse.
“Sleep well, little raven,” he muses, lying on his side, facing me.
“Good night, Jaroslav,” I reply curtly.
He closes his eyes and drifts easily into sleep. His breathing evens, and his muscles relax as his cheek presses into the pillow. I’m still staring, watching him rest, his dark lashes and masculine jaw drawing my attention. A shadow of stubble across his face makes him even more handsome.
He fell asleep so quickly.
I, on the other hand, lie uncomfortably hot, sweating in the multiple layers of clothing and blankets. Quietly dying of heat stroke, surrounded by too many pillows and too much fabric. What was I thinking? This is a nightmare.
But I refuse to back down.
Tossing and turning, sleep seems impossible. I’m knotted and claustrophobic. I’m hot and sweating. I’m suffocating in this impossible heat.
When I do drift off to sleep, I’m plagued by nightmares of monsters with arms made of blankets that twist and turn and tie me down. I fight against them, wrestling their layers of uncomfortable heat.