Chapter 13 - Valery
I can’t believe he’s starting his bullshit, fake, charming rubbish so early in the morning.
A more likely story is that he got home late and just fell asleep here by accident.
Why does he always have to taunt me, trying to make me believe he really wants me?
Even if he is attracted to me, he doesn’t need to make it seem like it’s something uncontrollable, something deeper.
I huff loudly as I turn my back on him. I desperately need a coffee.
After he left last night, I lay awake for ages replaying the night over and over in my mind.
I was happy, which was stupid of me. I was excited about how well things were going between us.
I believed it was real . The whole night, all of the playful interaction and the beautiful things he said to me.
I had hope that maybe this time things would be different, that it wouldn’t end in heartbreak.
But then as I lay there alone in the dark, my heart glowing, my emotions overflowing…
I remembered who he really was and what he’d done in the past, and it all came crashing down on me.
I ended up crying myself to sleep because I was doing the exact thing I promised myself I wouldn’t do. I was falling for him all over again.
It terrified me last night, and it terrifies me now—how easily I slipped up and let my guard down.
But no, with what he is trying to make me believe this morning, I can see why it’s so easy for me to fall for his lies.
I don’t even want to talk to him anymore. I just want to get away.
As I take a step away from him, he reaches out and grabs my arm.
“Not so fast, little raven,” he demands, tugging me back and spinning me around to face him. We’re standing too close. My body is already betraying my mind. It’s already making my head spin.
“Let me go, Jaroslav. It’s too early for this,” I huff, trying to pull away.
“No, first tell me what’s really bothering you. Why does what I told you now upset you so much?”
I burst out laughing. A bitter, angry sound that makes his face knot with concern, his brows filled with deep furrows. “What’s so funny?” he asks, not releasing my arm.
Ever since I came to live with him, I’ve been fighting the same battle.
The same one I’m fighting now, and I’m exhausted.
I’m exhausted with pretending I don’t care, with pretending that he doesn’t still have the capacity to break my heart all over again, and I’m tired of pretending that I’m ok.
I’m tired of pretending that what happened in the past doesn’t matter.
Fighting tears, I tug my arm from his grip and glare at him with defiance in my eyes. “I don’t believe you,” I say boldly. “That’s what’s wrong.”
He cocks his head to the side.
“Why not?”
“I think a fairer question is, why would I believe you after you dumped me years ago? You were playing me then, and you’re playing me now.
It’s cruel and heartless, and I refuse to fall for it.
” Embarrassment aches through me as a tear rolls down my cheek.
He brushes it away with the pad of his thumb, and I growl in disapproval.
“I’m not playing you, Valery. I never played you in the past either. What do you mean by that?” He sounds hurt, offended, and defensive.
Fine. If he wants to go all in on this topic, we can go all in.
“You knew who I was when you met me in that bar, and you only got close to me to use me in some plot against my brothers.” My words sound stupid as I say them out loud.
I’m almost sure he will gaslight me and tell me I’m crazy.
But it’s out now. I’ve finally confronted him with the thing that’s been haunting me for years.
Jaroslav is silent. I can see a million thoughts swimming past his eyes, but all he’s doing is staring at me in shock.
Boldly, I carry on, letting go of everything I’ve been carrying for years, everything I wanted to tell him when he hurt me so badly.
“You broke my heart, Jaroslav. You used me and then tossed me aside as though I meant nothing. Because I did mean nothing to you. I will never forgive you for playing me that way. You didn’t have to make me fall in love with you.
You didn’t have to make it so real. I thought…
I really thought you meant the things you said to me back then.
I was young and stupid. I thought we had a future together, but then one day you just pushed me away and ghosted me and never even bothered to check in on me. Not once.”
The more I speak, the angrier I get, and more tears flood from my eyes.
Angry tears. Hurt tears.
I’m still lecturing him when he takes me completely by surprise and pulls me into a hug.
It makes me stop immediately. My words are caught in my throat as his arms wrap around me and he holds me close.
“You have no idea how wrong you are, little raven,” he whispers against my ear. “That isn’t what happened at all. And I wanted to explain it to you so many times, but I couldn’t.”
His voice is tight with emotion.
I push away from him and stare into his eyes. “What does that mean?” I demand.
“I met you by chance in that bar. It wasn’t planned.
It was nothing more than the universe giving me something I never knew I needed.
After that night, I couldn’t wait to see you again.
I was excited, like a boy after his first kiss.
And I fell in love with you. Love . Nothing less than that.
I didn’t know who you were at first, but after we’d already spent time together, when you told me your full name…
I tried to ignore the warnings in my heart, but how could I?
I wanted to keep seeing you, but every time I did, I knew I was putting you in danger.
Our families were at the peak of war against each other.
It was brutal. Violent. Dangerous. You didn’t know who I was, so you didn’t know the risk—but I knew.
Valery, being with you was impossible. It was risking your life.
How could I ask that of you? I had no choice but to end it.
I did it in the best way I could think of, a way that would make you angry with me, perhaps even hate me, but it would ensure you wouldn’t come looking for me again. ”
He sighs, his voice breaking with regret.
My mind is silenced in disbelief. Yet his words are so genuine. Is this true? Is this really what happened? It makes sense in ways I never considered. All that hurt, all the time I spent hating him—it suddenly seems wasted.
I can’t find my voice. My throat is closed and tight. Tears are streaming down my cheeks again, but this time the emotions are different. But I’m still too scared to let myself believe. I want to, but the risk is so high.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I whisper. His eyes are so beautiful.
“If I had told you the truth back then…would you have stayed away?” he asks, brushing his hand slowly over my arm. His touch sends an intense current of electricity through me. I bite my lip, fighting for control against the chaos growing inside me.
“No,” I eventually answer him, realizing he was right.
I would have fought for us. And my brothers would have found out.
They would have reacted in ways I don’t want to think about.
It would have fueled the war and ended in bloodshed.
Back then, I don’t think I understood enough about the Bratva life.
Still young, still believing love could have conquered anything.
But can’t it?
“So, you understand why I had to do it?” he asks, his eyes flaring, pleading with me to say yes.
“I… I don’t know… it left me with such deep scars…
,” I mumble, my thoughts churning. If I say yes, it means I accept his explanation, and in some ways, it also means I forgive him.
I’m not ready for that. I’ve only just heard his side of the story, and there is so much for me to process before I can truly understand this.
He presses his finger beneath my chin and stares into my soul. “Please, believe me.” His voice rumbles through me, soothing, aching in my heart. Even if I’m struggling to sort through the confusion, I know one thing for certain—I want him. I desperately need him.
No longer wanting to think, no longer willing to let my thoughts rule my heart, I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him.
The touch of his lips against mine brings silence to my braided thoughts, untangling them, washing them away for the moment.
I kissed him first, and now he is free to take control.
He doesn’t hesitate.
He grabs me and holds me tight, a yearning spilling from him that surprises me.
He groans against my lips, pushing his tongue into my mouth.
His hands roam over me, touching, exploring, grabbing, and pulling.
My body is screaming for more as he lifts me in his arms with his hands cupped beneath my ass.
The t-shirt I’m wearing provides no cover, and he quickly realizes I’m not even wearing underwear.
I wrap my legs around his waist, spreading myself, feeling the cool morning air brush between my legs.
I went to bed expecting to be with him. I wore his t-shirt on purpose.
As his fingers find themselves against my naked skin, a wickedly dark sound vibrates through him and sets goosebumps over my arms and a shiver down my spine.
“Nothing?” he mumbles, letting his fingers slip closer to the center of me. “You are wearing nothing under here.”
I grin, feeling naughty, as he carries me toward the long sofa beneath the window, splashed with sunlight, shrouded in a soft morning glow. It’s nice to catch him by surprise, and it looks like I’ve achieved that by forgoing underwear.
His fingers knot in my hair as he sits with me straddling his lap.
He pulls me over his cock, my legs spread around him, his hardness pressing into me and causing heat to build between my legs.
Nothing is protecting me from him as his monstrous cock bulges against his sweatpants, the thin fabric the only thing between us.
I gasp when he knots his fingers in my hair and kisses me, harder than before, a declaration of his control over me.
He tugs my head backward and traces slow kisses along my throat, over the curve of my shoulder, and across my collarbone.
His lips are like shards of lightning piercing into me, sending a shiver of delight through my body each time he brushes them over my skin.
I moan and thread my fingers through his hair, rocking my hips back and forth against him, desperate for more.
I’ve dreamt of this for so long, pretending I could have it, that he would find me and claim me as his own and tell me he was sorry for what happened. Is that what he did? When he tricked me into marrying him? Did he find me after all those years and jump at the chance to have me back?
I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to worry and fight against myself. I don’t even want to feel emotions right now. I want the rawness of him. His body against mine, his hands all over me.
While I can push the thoughts away, my emotions are going nowhere, and my heart is hammering with excitement and happiness as he moves beneath me, and his hungry eyes look at me with desire.
I grab the edge of his t-shirt and pull it up, over his head, then throw it to the side.
My hands press flat against his sculpted chest, and I let my eyes roam his magnificence without restraint.
The beautiful tattoos, the dark inked images that complement each curve of his muscled physique.
Biting my lip, I feel my body purring at the sight of him, and I rock my hips again.
I’m soaked. I’m so turned on, I’m going crazy with need.
He releases a heavy breath and wraps his hands around my waist, pressing me harder against him as he thrusts upward. The look in his eyes is devilish, dangerous. Untethered and unquestionably erotic.
It’s the final part of my undoing. It’s the final piece of this complicated puzzle that pushes me to let go and take what I want.
To let go and let myself enjoy this fully.
I raise myself onto my knees and slip my hands between us, rubbing my fingers over his cock. I’m shocked at his size. I remember him being massive, almost too big to handle, but feeling him now, I have a moment of nervous tension.
He notices the shadow that touches my eyes and smiles. “Don’t worry, little raven, you perfect little pussy was made for my cock.”
I gasp at his words, my heart racing faster.
While I’m kneeling over him, he grabs the edges of his sweatpants and pushes them down, kicking them off so that he is completely naked beneath me.
Beautifully, perfectly naked.
A vision I want to keep forever. In all the years without, I couldn’t even force myself to be attracted to someone else. It was impossible when this was what they were being compared to.
He takes his cock in his hand and rubs the tip of his beast over my soaked pussy. If I thought I wanted him before, it’s a thousand times worse now. My nails dig into his shoulders as I wait for him. He likes to be in control. And I like to be controlled.
I grind myself against him, pleading, using my body to beg for me. He groans as his free hand grabs my hip, and he watches me dance on the tip of his cock.