Chapter 19 - Valery
Arriving back at my brother’s mansion is a mix of emotions.
It doesn’t feel like home anymore, and I’m nervous to go inside.
The Uber driver stops in front of the house, and I thank him, climbing out with my small overnight bag in my hands.
I didn’t warn anyone that I was coming. Honestly, I’m hoping they’re all out and I can just sneak up to my old room and hide away for a bit to gather my thoughts.
I’m utterly miserable over what Jaroslav said to me.
Why would he call me a liar and a manipulator? Why would he say such horrible things about my family?
I trudge up toward the front door, and as I’m about to push it open, it’s pulled open from the inside.
“Valery?” Matvei mutters in confusion. His eyes dart down to my overnight bag, and inwardly, I cringe. I didn’t think this through. I should have gotten a hotel room for the night instead of coming here.
“What’s going on?” he demands, pulling me into the house. “Where is your husband? Did he do something?”
“No, I’m just going to stay here for a few nights if that’s ok?” I stammer, trying to smile.
“Why?” he snaps, his voice becoming deeply agitated. “If he hurt you, I’ll peel the skin from his body.”
“He didn’t hurt me. I just…I want to sleep in my old bed, in my old room.”
“What’s going on?” I hear Timofey, and my heart sinks. He’s here too? This is the worst possible scenario.
But I’m wrong, because all the commotion soon draws Diomid and Oleg out too.
They all stand around me, demanding answers that I don’t have.
“Valery, tell us right now!” Oleg snarls.
“Where is he? What did he do?” Diomid’s fists are clenched, and his eyes are wild with anger.
This is escalating so quickly, I’m starting to panic.
“Did he…” Timofey is asking again, but I cut him off.
“Stop!” I scream, taking a massive step away from all of them. “Just stop, please, you’re driving me crazy. I came here because I need to think, not to be drowned by your questions.”
I push past all of them and run upstairs to my bedroom, slamming the door. I lean against it and fight for air as my throat closes and my heart races.
Slowly, I slide to the floor, pulling my legs up against my chest, letting the tears stream down my face unrestrained.
I am such a fool for falling in love with him again.
But today, after he showed his true colors, I had to get away. I had to leave as soon as I could because I refuse to be with a man who doesn’t feel anything toward me, no matter how much my heart wants to be near him.
No matter how much I want to believe there was a future between us…
I can’t let myself fall down that dark, deep hole.
A knock at my door makes me jump.
“Valery, it’s Matvei. Please talk to us,” he no longer sounds enraged at my sudden arrival, and I breathe a sigh of relief. They were never angry with me, I get that, but I don’t want them to be angry with Jaroslav either.
“Please, go away,” I call out, without moving from the floor. “I need time to think.”
“Val, you need to tell us what’s going on,” he insists.
“Not now.”
I hear his frustrated sigh, and guilt steals into my heart.
I don’t want to worry them, but I don’t want to talk to them either.
They’re biased against Jaroslav as it is, and anything I say, even the slightest thing against him, will put the alliance at risk.
This situation must be handled so carefully…
and it’s the exact reason why I shouldn’t have come here tonight.
But it’s too late to worry about that now. What’s done is done.
“Come down later and talk to us. We care about you, Val. We just want to know if you’re ok,” Matvei pleads.
“Tomorrow,” I counter. “We can talk tomorrow.” But my voice breaks with a fresh stream of tears, and I’m certain he can hear it.
Another heavy sigh, then I hear his footsteps walking away, down the hall toward the stairs, and this time it’s me breathing a heavy sigh.
I brush the back of my hand over my cheeks, smearing away the salty streams.
“Stop crying over him, Valery. He doesn’t love you. He isn’t worth your tears,” I lecture myself.
Not long after my brother’s knock at the door, another knock sounds.
I grit my teeth, growing impatient. “Please just go away!” I shout angrily, standing up and tugging the door open to give a piece of my mind to whichever of my brothers is still persisting.
But it’s not my brothers. It’s Talia, my sister-in-law. Timofey’s beautiful wife.
She is standing there with a gentle smile on her face.
“Hi,” she says. “They told me you were home.”
My mouth drops open, and my cheeks flush pink. “I’m so sorry,” I stammer. “I didn’t mean to shout at you.” But even as I speak, the tears are streaming again, so she steps into my room and pulls me into a hug, closing the door behind us.
“Talk to me, Val,” she insists, pulling me toward the bed and making me sit down on it. I clench my hands in my lap, my fingers knotting together in front of me as I mull over everything that’s happened. What, exactly, is the thing that’s bothering me the most?
“I promise you that whatever you tell me stays between us. I have brothers, too, and remember how overbearing they are. I get why you are reluctant to speak to them.” Talia sits next to me, crossing her legs and getting comfortable.
My eyes trace over her face. Genuine. Caring.
“The thing is… I’m not exactly sure what part of everything is upsetting me so much.”
She shakes her head. “I think you know, and maybe you’re just scared to say it out loud and make it real.”
Musing over her comment, I let out a bitter laugh. “I think you’re right,” I reply. “I’m not supposed to be in love with him.” My statement is so blunt, so real, and so raw that it catches me by surprise.
She reaches out to touch my arm. “Val, just remember that I had brothers who disapproved of the man I fell in love with. They didn’t see him the same way I saw him. And I couldn’t speak to them about issues between us either.”
For a moment, I close my eyes and try to pull my thoughts together.
“How did you know …that you loved him?”
“I just knew. It was scary. Terrifying, actually, but that was mostly because I was scared of what my family would think of me. Instead of worrying about what I wanted for my heart and my life, I worried about what they wanted for me. Sometimes, it’s ok to be selfish, Val.
What do you want for your life? Regardless of what your brothers expect you to want. ”
“I want… I don’t know. Because there is a whole extra layer to this complicated mess.”
“Well, I love long stories, so I’m not going anywhere,” she grins, lying down on her side and getting even more comfortable.
I lie down next to her, resting my head on the pillow, lying on my side facing her.
“I met Jaroslav a number of years ago…”
I tell her everything, about how I fell in love without knowing who he was. And how he broke me. And how he arranged to marry me and claims it was to get me back because he never wanted to break up with me in the first place. I talk and talk and talk until I’m absolutely exhausted.
By the end of it, I feel a million times better, even if I am still confused. Just having someone there to support me and listen without judging me was the thing I really needed.
“I bumped into your brother,” I say cautiously, watching Talia’s reaction.
“Which one?” she asks, her hand resting between her cheek and the pillow.
“Bardil. He was pretty…aggressive. I was scared.”
She bites at her lip, and sadness clouds her eyes.
“I’m really sorry to hear that. The truth is that Bardil has sort of pulled away from me.
We hardly speak, and while I begged them to understand the love I have for your brother, he is the one who is most against it.
I don’t know what he’s doing, but I think he’s been plotting against the whole alliance. ”
“Do you think he’s been attacked by the Shevchenkos?” I stammer, shocked at her honestly.
She shrugs one shoulder and presses her lips together. “I wouldn’t put it past him, but you can’t just take my word for it. It’s based on nothing but a bad feeling. Please don’t tell anyone I said that. I don’t want to be responsible for starting rumors about my own brother.”
“Don’t worry. It goes both ways. I won’t tell anyone what we speak about in here either.”
Talia talks to me for a while longer, but my eyes are drooping and I’m ready to sleep. She notices and says goodbye, hugging me one last time before she leaves. I adore that girl. My brother is so lucky to have found someone with such a beautiful heart.
I fall asleep soon after she leaves, and the whole night I’m plagued by nightmares, being chased by Bardil Popov, and Jaroslav towering over me, telling me he hates me, and I will never be worthy of his love.
The wild rollercoaster of emotions has me waking up as exhausted as I was when I fell asleep.
The first thing I do when I wake up is check my phone, but there are no calls or messages from Jaroslav. Why wouldn’t he even try to call me? Maybe he’s relieved that I left. My heart becomes heavier than ever as I begin to accept that I have to let him go.
A wave of nausea hits me, and I leapt out of bed, throwing the blankets aside, bolting into the bathroom, only just making it in time to avoid puking all over the tiled floor.
The stress is really getting to me. This is horrible.
For half an hour, I am back and forth between my bed and bathroom, vomiting until there is nothing left inside me to throw up.
Then, angry, miserable, and annoyed, I drive myself to the pharmacy because I can’t bear asking any of my brothers for a lift because I’ll have to deal with a million questions while I’m already feeling like absolute shit.
“What are your symptoms?” the pharmacist asks, holding a pen over a fresh white page on a notepad.
“Nausea, vomiting. Although it feels ok now. This morning it was hellish.”
I press my hand over my stomach, wondering if I overreacted. Perhaps it wasn’t as bad as I thought.