Chapter 20 - Jaroslav
I could say it’s the most emotionally charged dinner I’ve ever had, with the way her brothers are pounding into me with their interrogations. But the truth is, I’m hardly paying any attention to them. All I see is her. Everything else is a background blur, white noise.
Her brothers aren’t holding back; they are firing question after question at me, and I’m doing my best to answer them as politely and truthfully as possible. I’d like things with her brothers to be smooth. Peaceful. I want them to know I have good intentions for their sister.
I only have one goal. One purpose here.
Her.
I want to talk to her .
“Why would she leave then? If you didn’t do something to hurt her?” Diomid, who is being the most aggressive in this conversation, shoots another accusation-tainted question in my direction. I’ve answered this same question, delivered in different ways, about twenty times already.
“I think the best way to handle this is to let me speak with your sister alone,” I say calmly. “And then she can decide what we should be discussing, as I am sure there are many things she would like to say to me…or ask me. If I could have a chance to explain…”
I have taken my eyes off Valery since we sat down. My gaze is burning into her with need, desire, and a deep, fierce urgency to pull her into my arms and hold her body against mine. I need her. I need her more than anything.
“Not a chance, Jaroslav. Valery stays with us,” Matvei remarks, glaring at his sister, who hasn’t said a word. They can’t be angry at her? She’s done nothing wrong. What did she tell them? Or is this all so tense because she didn’t tell them anything and left them to come to their own conclusions?
Through her silence during dinner, I have noticed one thing.
She hasn’t taken her eyes off me since we sat down, either.
She is staring at me with as much focus as I have for her.
And she isn’t glaring at me with hatred or anger.
She’s just watching me. Her body tense, her emotions spinning, but she’s watching me with the same yearning desire I’m watching her with.
“Valery?” I say her name, and her back straightens. Her perfect lips form a slight pout.
“I’ve missed you, little raven,” I say carefully, ignoring her brother’s insistence that I leave her alone until she wants to speak to me. I know she wants to speak to me; her gaze says everything.
Valery’s eyes flare at my confession. They burn dark, then bright again.
“Why should I believe that?” she whispers, speaking directly to me. Around us, her brothers go quiet, riveted by our exchange.
“I care about you. More than you know. I was desperate to see you. To talk to you. I need you, Valery. You belong at my side, with me. I know you want the same thing. You can’t deny it.”
She scoffs quietly, looking miserable. “I want to believe you, but again, why should I?” she says, even though there is no malice in her voice. I can possible even hear a trace of hope as she waits for a good enough reason to come back to me. All I have to do is be careful with the words I choose.
The slightest smile curves one corner of my lip upward.
“Because I was so desperate to see you that I purposefully got kidnapped.”
She tilts her head to the side, scrunching her nose in shock.
“Bullshit,” Diomid shouts. “You didn’t purposefully get kidnapped. We kidnapped you. You didn’t stand a chance.” He’s annoyed at my arrogance, but facts are facts. I planned it perfectly. For the first time, I take my eyes off her and look at her brother.
“Diomid, why do you think I was so close to your warehouse? Did you think I just happened to be driving past? And someone happened to tip you off that I was there?”
Diomid clenches his jaw, and he mulls over my answer. I turn away from him, not really caring if he believes me or not, because she’s the only one that matters.
Her thoughts are churning, but she hasn’t responded.
I wait a few heartbeats until I can’t take it anymore.
“Valery…” I say. “Please, talk to me.”
Matvei, Diomid, and Avery are all arguing amongst themselves. Debating over whether or not it’s possible that they were tricked into bringing me here. Oleg is shaking his head, an amused smile on his face. The table is noisy, messy with conversation, but I’m only waiting to hear from her.
Valery glances briefly at her brothers and sighs loudly, shaking her head.
“Stop!” she shouts, reaching the end of her patience as she stands, pushing her chair out of the way.
She turns to me and nods. “Jaroslav and I need to talk in private. I can’t even hear myself think above the noise you four are making. ”
Diomid is about to stand too, protesting, but Matvei reaches out and touches his arm.
“Let her go,” he says. “They clearly do need to talk.” I tilt my head in silent thanks at Matvei.
“Jaroslav?” She gestures for me to follow her, and I don’t waste a second, standing up, I excuse myself from the table. Her brothers remain silent as we walk away.
I follow quietly behind her as she leads me through the house into a back room overlooking the garden.
There are chairs everywhere, but she doesn’t sit down, so I don’t either.
Valery stands near the window with her back to me and her arms folded protectively over her chest. She takes a soft breath, letting it out slowly.
Tentatively, I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her back against my chest. “I’ve missed you, Valery. Please come home with me,” I whisper against her ear, the scent of her hair washing over me and pounding desperation into my heart.
She’s breathing quietly. The rise and fall of her chest moves my arms as her silence stretches into eternity. I just want her to know how I feel. But she needs to open up to me. She needs to give me a chance to explain things.
After a while, Valery steps away from me, seemingly with reluctance. Her eyes at dinner, and her body language, tell one story, her words another.
She turns to face me, and her gaze is now set and stony, determination traced over her beautiful features. Her walls are up. She’s hiding behind them.
“I appreciate your gesture, coming here, putting in so much effort to see me. But I’m not ready to go home with you yet. I need to figure things out for myself before I make that choice.” She speaks clear and calm, keeping eye contact and standing tall.
She said yet. Does that mean she will come home with me eventually, or is she still undecided? The thought of her never returning to me cracks long fissures in my heart.
She’s pushing me away again, and I can’t let it happen. Last time I didn’t fight for her, and I lost her. I didn’t make the right choice, and I spent years regretting my stupidity.
I refuse to let it happen again.
I need more time. I need more time with her to make her see the truth about my devotion to her. She needs to understand how far I will go to keep her.
“I’m not leaving, little raven. I can’t.” I reach out to touch her face, and she leans her cheek into my hand. It quickens my pulse. Such a small gesture speaks volumes.
“You can . You aren’t a prisoner, Jaroslav. I will make sure they don’t stop you. This kidnapping rubbish was nonsense. I will hold them back. You’re free to go,” she tells me, thinking that I can’t because of them . But really, I can’t because of her. I can’t because I won’t.
“That’s not what I meant. I’m not worried about our brothers.”
“What are you worried about?” she asks, her brows knotted, her eyes bright.
“I want you to come home with me. I can’t walk away from you.”
“That isn’t going to happen. I told you I need time, and I expect you to respect that.” She bites at her lower lip as though something is deeply troubling her.
“I’m so sorry for what I said, Valery.”
She nods, but I get the impression there’s more to her troubled thoughts than my stupid argument with her.
Still, I won’t back down. I won’t walk away.
“Ok, you don’t have to come home with me.
But I’m not leaving either. We can talk in the morning over breakfast once you’ve had time to think about things.
I turned up here very suddenly, and I understand you need to process.
I assume you thought I wasn’t even bothering to call or message after you left, but the truth is that I was going crazy over my messages not going through. ”
Valery sighs in frustration and moves further away from me. She turns her back and looks out into the darkness of the garden, speckled with lights along winding pathways that lead through the manicured, lush green spaces.
The swimming pool is glowing blue as underwater lights pierce through the rippled surface, a soft breeze stirring the mirrored calm of its waters.
“Ok,” she sighs. “I’m fine with that, but I can’t speak for my brothers. They are pretty pissed off about the kidnap thing, and other things.”
“What did you tell them happened?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “I didn’t tell them anything. Which might have been worse, but the truth is that I didn’t know what to tell them. My head is…my head is such a mess.”
“I’m so sorry, little raven. Thank you for giving me the chance. I’ll leave you to think, and tomorrow morning we can talk.”
I step away from her, turning toward the door to go and speak to her brothers. They won’t be pleased about my refusal to leave. But maybe I can make them understand how much I need this time with her. How much I need this chance to make things right between us.