Chapter 16 - Angelika
At seven, the sun is still glowing bright in the summer sky when the guests start arriving at Jaroslav’s place. This is the first Abashin-Shevchenko joint party we’ve had in a while. I think Jaroslav’s wedding was maybe the last one?
I pull my dress straight, brushing my hands down the pretty blue fabric that sits tight against my body. My white sneakers look cute paired with the short dress, giving me a summery vibe with a bit of funk. I wonder if Diomid will like this dress?
Silly thought. It doesn’t matter.
My eyes drift to my brother and his beautiful wife as they get the last of the party platters set out on the outside table.
Valery and Jaro are a great pair. Whenever I watch them, I feel a twinge of jealousy.
I can’t help wondering if the love they found in each other is something I’ll ever have, or an impossibility I shouldn’t waste my time dreaming about.
Zakhar, Georgy, and Evengil are drinking beers around the pool.
Stef is somewhere inside, making cocktails for all the girls.
I stand a little apart from everyone, not feeling like I quite fit in.
It might be because of everything that’s happened.
My secrets? My heart is all confused about all of it?
The Abashins arrive in small groups, smiling, walking into our place like we were never enemies. It’s a strange notion, alliances.
It makes me wonder, seeing as my brothers look so friendly with the Abashins now, if they’d be open to me dating one of them.
Wow.
Where did that thought come from?
I shove it right out of my head and steer myself toward the bar for a glass of wine. Diomid isn’t even here. I know he was invited, but in true Diomid style, he’s late.
Or maybe he’s not coming at all. Actually, that wouldn’t surprise me, considering he’s so unpredictable.
Matvei arrives next to me at the bar. He leans his elbow against it and smiles down at me.
“How are you doing, Angelika? It’s been a bit of a whirlwind, hasn’t it?” he asks, genuine care in his eyes and a friendly smile on his lips.
“It hasn’t been so bad, actually. Diomid was a very good personal guard, and I think it helped Jaroslav relax quite a bit knowing we had your family’s help like that.”
Matvei clearly likes my answer. It was something I thought out in preparation for the discussion that I knew would come up at some point tonight.
It sounds diplomatic and professional. And it steers people away from thinking about all the time that Diomid and I spent together, and more toward how it helped the alliance.
I’m pretty proud of myself for it, actually.
“What are you drinking?” I ask as the barman sets my white wine on the counter.
“A beer, thanks,” Mat smiles, scanning the party.
“Valery is smitten, right?” he remarks, surprising me.
I turn to watch my brother across the party, standing with Valery on the lawn.
Jaroslav laughs, slipping his arm around her and tickling her.
She wiggles, trying to escape him, but he switches from tickling to nuzzling against her neck.
She takes his face in her hands and says something that softens his eyes and makes his smile too sweet for words.
“It’s disgusting,” I say, smirking. “Totally inappropriate.”
Matvei glances at me and chuckles. “Agreed, these love-struck couples should learn to control themselves, right?” he jumps right in on it.
“There should be rules against such displays of love-ness in public. Why do we have to be subjected to their happiness?”
He laughs louder.
The barman sets his beer down, and he picks it up, eyeing me. “I’m really happy you’re safe, Angelika. We all are.”
“Thanks, Mat,” I mutter, feeling shy and a little guilty.
Mat heads into the party, and I scan the place again, looking for Diomid. My heart lurches when I see him walking in, carrying a bottle of wine.
He walks straight over to Valery and Jaro, handing them the wine, and says hello, greeting them warmly.
Staying where I am, I lean against the bar, watching him, my heart doing strange things.
He’s gorgeous. Even dressed down in a relaxed pair of jeans, a black t-shirt, and his hair more wild than usual.
His thick biceps are pressing against the tight sleeves, his ass fitting perfectly into those blue denims.
I giggle to myself as my eyes follow him around the room.
Diomid is talking to everyone, laughing, joking, at ease with the Shevs, as he calls us.
It’s incredible how far we’ve come. The dynamics between our families have changed so much in the past couple of months.
I think that Diomid’s eagerness to help with my kidnapping and protection has adjusted Jaroslav’s view of things, and in turn, that bled over into my other brother’s options and even Diomid…
the bullheaded, stubborn, reckless man he is, even he’s dropping his guard around my family lately.
It can’t all be bad, then? Right?
The fact that I lied. That I snuck out that night. That Diomid and I had some weird thing between us. Ultimately, some good has come of it.
Half an hour goes by, and I realize that Diomid has literally said hello to every single person here, except me.
Only once or twice has he stolen a very brief glance in my direction, so he knows I’m here, right out in the open, but he’s made no attempt to even greet me, even from a distance. What the hell?
I’m probably reading into it. He’s just caught in conversation.
Deciding to be the better person and not make assumptions, I move closer to him, making it even easier for him to say hi. But to my absolute shock, as soon as I walk toward him, he beelines in the opposite direction, heading toward Zakhar.
Testing my theory again ten minutes later, I move closer to him, and he does the same damn thing. Each time I get closer, he moves away, actively avoiding me.
What the actual fuck?
He’s clearly doing it on purpose, and I’m not impressed.
At first, I’m angry with him, but quite quickly, I realize the anger is a cover for how much it hurts me.
Diomid and I have been through quite a lot together, and just the other night we went on a covert operation together, and an intimate dinner afterward.
Everything seemed fine between us. Why would he not want to even say hello?
Saying hello isn’t going to give away our secret.
It’s not going to alert everyone to the fact that we visited that auction site.
Or… anything else that’s happened between us.
Surely, ignoring me is more of an alarm considering how he was my personal bodyguard for so long.
A greeting would be the polite thing to do.
I huff, folding my arms across my chest and glaring at him from across the room.
Diomid must feel the heat of my stare because he glances at me, his brows furrowed.
With my eyes locked into his, I tilt my head to the side and shrug my shoulders. He shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other.
That’s it.
I’m not going to put up with this.
Marching over to him, I take his arm, a tight smile on my face, and in front of his brother, Oleg, I ask, “Can I talk to you for a second?” as politely as I can muster.
“Oh, sure,” he mutters, nodding to his brother to excuse himself.
“What are you doing, Angelika?” he asks, a whispered breath as I drag him away from everyone else and out of sight.
“What are you doing, Diomid?” I snap, hissing to keep my voice low.
He closes his eyes and pushes his hands through his hair. His cologne washes over me, and my body hums with need.
“I don’t know what you mean,” he replies, clearly fully understanding what I’m saying.
I tilt my head to the side and glare at him with my lips pursed. “Don’t treat me like an idiot. You’ve literally run away from me every time I got close to you today. You don’t even say hi,” I complain.
“You didn’t say hi either,” he says sheepishly.
“Really, because when I got close to you, you kind of made it clear that wasn’t an option.”
Diomid clenches his jaw and folds his arms across his chest. I get the feeling he’s trying to shield himself from me. Sighing, I shake my head. “What’s going on? You can’t ignore me. It’s weird.”
“I’m sorry, ok, Princess. But you don’t understand,” he sighs.
“Help me understand, because honestly, I’m really offended.”
He smiles, but it’s tight, restrained.
There’s a heavy pause that hangs between us. Silence, the kind you can feel in the air.
Then he scoffs, giving in. “I’m scared I can’t control myself around you. You have no idea how badly I want to touch you, and I feel like it’s a risk to be around you in front of everyone.”
His words hang between us, replacing the silence, and my mouth drops open in shock. Of all the reasons he could have given me, this is a complete surprise.
“You … want me?” I stammer.
“Yes, Angelika. I want you,” he huffs. But then a grin creeps onto his face, curling his lips up at the corners, and pressing his smile into his stubble-shaded cheeks.
My heart flips, skipping a beat at the sight of that smile. Absolutely gorgeous. Too sexy for words. I think I get it now.
I take a step back from him, my cheeks flushing, my body heating. The fact that he wants me seems to make my attraction toward him ten times worse.
“Oh, you get it now?” he teases.
“I might,” I smile, shaking my head.
“And that dress, do you think it helps my situation at all?” he asks in a husky voice, stepping toward me and slipping his arm around my waist. I glance nervously at the corner, knowing anyone could walk around it at any time and catch us here.
But it doesn’t stop me from leaning into him.
I bite my lower lip as I stare up at him.
“I’ve been thinking about you, late at night, lying in bed,” I whisper.
“Oh, fuck, Princess, don’t say stuff like that,” he murmurs, hovering his lips over mine as I feel his cock growing harder against me.
“I think about you and…”
“Don’t tell me. I can’t hear that now,” he growls, pushing me up against the wall.
“Do you want to get caught?” he asks, his breath hot on my mouth.
“I can even picture it, your body moving beneath the blankets in the dark, your skin, hot, smooth, and perfect,” he groans as he rocks his hips forward and a bolt of electricity shoots through me, spiking my blood, racing my heart.
Logic dissipates as I run my hands up his sides, standing on my tiptoes to close the gap between our mouths.
From somewhere nearby, I hear laughter and footsteps. Diomid growls and steps away from me. My heart races a little faster with the risk of getting caught becoming a very real issue.
I clench my jaw and squeeze my eyes shut. I’m being stupid.
Taking risks like this for some pleasure.
Some physical fun that will actually end up hurting me, because for me, it isn’t just physical.
It hardly ever was. That first night, the connection I felt…
It’s only grown stronger, and the pull I feel toward Diomid is going to end up breaking my heart when he gets bored with our spontaneous hookups and moves on to the next girl.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper, unable to look at him.
“I know, not here,” he sighs.
“No, I mean, not ever, Diomid. It’s… “ I want to tell him I’m feeling things I shouldn’t. But that would make me more of a fool. It would be embarrassing for both of us. And awkward. I shake my head again. “…Complicated.” I smile.
“I get that. But remember what you said. Let’s not make a big deal out of it.” He smiles back at me.
His words bite at my heart, hurting me.
Let’s not make a big deal out of it. I did say that. But even at the time, I didn’t mean it.
“I should get back before people start wondering where I’ve gone.”
Diomid nods, “Sure, go ahead. I’ll follow in a few minutes.”
Walking away from him is difficult because, for some reason, I know it’s truly over now. I understand what I’m feeling. And I understand that he can’t reciprocate feelings he doesn’t have. Anything beyond that is… pointless.
I can’t be with him anymore now that I know the truth. I’ve fallen for him.
Glancing over my shoulder, I see Diomid, still watching me, his smile too beautiful, his hands shoved into his pocket.
I turn away and head back into the party, doing my best not to think about him.
He’s so close, yet it’s like he’s a world away from me.
Far out of my reach. Something I can never truly have.