Chapter 24 - Daria
I didn't need Olivia to shout at me for that crushing guilt to sink in, but it certainly sped up the process and made it all feel so much worse.
She had every right to be angry with me, but the whole confrontation and how it went down caught me so off guard, that I couldn't even begin to know what to say to remotely defend myself, or even to apologize like I should have.
Truthfully, I felt awful about lying to everyone, especially since it tarnished my connections with them, which were so wholesome before.
I liked Olivia, and no part of me wanted to deceive her despite my hand in everything that happened in Mexico. She needed a friend then, and while I took advantage of that fact, I needed one, too.
Even if I manipulated things, I really did enjoy her company while it lasted.
Seeing her pure anger and disdain for me despite that fact only made my heart ache more, and I wished I could show her the extent of the truth, but she evidently wasn't prepared to listen.
In her mind, I was nothing more than a lying manipulator with an agenda to push, and I just wanted to prove to her that wasn't true.
Alone in the backyard, I sat by the pool and wiped the frustrated tears from beneath my eyes while I watched how the water rippled under the setting sun.
Even if things had been going well between us, I couldn't help but feel like Ivan keeping me around was just making things worse...
If they didn't already hate me, then there was a high chance they would after that interaction, and with them knowing what I had done to lose their faith in me, I doubted they'd ever come back around.
It was a miracle Ivan found it in himself to let me in rather than continue his attempts to torture me, and I had my doubts the others would do the same.
Ivan was insane for ever bringing me back home with him, and especially for marrying me. Even if he didn't seem to regret it, my heart ached at the thought of him beginning to after seeing the rift it just caused.
I wouldn't be surprised if he considered taking me back to Mexico and rinsing his hands of me, but with the pregnancy, things were a lot more complicated.
I winced internally at the memory of how startled Ivan had been when Olivia dropped the news in the least graceful way possible. He seemed shocked, yet...he didn't look angry. If anything, he looked somewhat excited.
That was a good thing, but it was completely overshadowed by everything else. It just left a sour taste in my mouth.
In the quiet state of isolation I put myself in, I let go of a shaky breath and tried to pull it together.
I didn't want to get emotional over what happened, but something about the way Olivia's anger had been so raw and unfiltered shook my nerves entirely.
The buzz of my phone in my pocket claimed my attention, making me glance down before pulling it out.
A small piece of me hoped it was Ivan, but the rest just wanted to be left alone.
Just when things seemed like they couldn't get worse, I was wildly corrected...
My stomach dropped at the text lighting up my screen from that same number. Whether it really was from my brother or sent by one of his associates, it still made my hands shake anyway.
Sniffling, I scanned the message that read:
Don't choose, then I will.
Those words felt like a stake to the heart, well aware of what was being insinuated.
He wanted me to pick between him...being trapped and under his control, forced to manipulate and use more people. Or the Fokins...my husband's family, who likely hated my guts for doing the former.
I hated being stuck in that position, forced to pick one difficult situation from another.
Regardless of feeling more supported by Ivan than before, I didn't know how he felt about me then, or if his opinion of me had changed again. The whole situation seemed to be surrounded by a dark haze, and the unknowns hurt to even consider.
Still, I knew that Rurik was trying to push me into a corner so he could pull me back in again. He likely wanted me to hurt the Fokins in another way, and to flex his power over me in every sense.
But while I stared down at the screen and couldn't ignore the aching in my heart, I knew for certain that I didn't want to deceive Ivan again.
I regretted doing it enough the first time, but after gaining a bit more of his trust and seeing the gentler, more caring side of him again, I didn't want to squander it.
If I did, he would never forgive me again.
He was someone who rarely gave second chances, and the fact that he gave me another was huge. There was no way he'd be able to trust me again.
Thinking about how far we had come since getting married brought a warm sensation to my stomach, and I just wanted it to stay. To feel it forever.
But a nagging thought in the back of my mind played with the idea of leaving anyway. If I wasn't in the picture, I'd make things easier for everyone involved.
Olivia would be able to rest easy knowing I wasn't there to cause more problems, Ivan wouldn't have to deal with the complications of being married to me, and all of his siblings would reap the benefits as a result.
It hurt to think about, yet it seemed...the most fair after everything.
Wiping at my eyes, I pulled in another breath that died in my throat at the vibration against my palm.
My heart almost stopped at the sight of that number calling me.
With my skin turning as cold as ice, I trembled faintly and struggled with the mere idea.
He was calling me. Or at least, whoever had been messaging me.
Compelled by nothing more than sheer curiosity and that helpless feeling, I slowly pressed the accept button with my thumb and raised it to my ear.
"...Who is this?"
"You know exactly who."
My eyes widened at the confirmation I was afraid of hearing, and my breath turned shallow.
A moment passed before he sighed, and his voice sounded irritated like usual. "And you've been ignoring me. For a second, I thought I had the wrong number, but now I know."
Willing myself to keep my frayed nerves intact, I looked out across the backyard and mustered as much courage as possible. "What do you want?"
"What do I want? I want my sister to know I'm okay," he said, tone sounding suspiciously nice. "I'm holding down the fort and ready for our plans to continue...but I need to know everything you know about the Fokins."
My brows furrowed at his words, bristling at that single word...sister.
We were indeed blood-related, but Rurik never held that fact in high regard. He certainly never let that influence his treatment of me.
And he wanted me to sell the Fokins out...just as I expected.
"I thought you were locked up?"
"I was...but now I'm not."
The thought alone sent a painful jolt through my body, even if I had my suspicions. I swallowed hard. "How?"
"That's not important. Right now, I just need you to brainstorm...you're in an opportune position, Daria. You have direct access to the Fokins. I need you to get more dirt on them and report it to me."
The way he spoke flared that pain and fury in me all over again...how he made it seem like I owed it to him. Like I would appease him by doing so.
But I knew that never worked. He was never satisfied.
"No..."
He paused, then muttered, "What?"
"I said no," I forced out, shaking more but with anger instead of fear. "I won't do it."
That second beat of silence said more than his words ever could, and his next words weren't as controlled as before, "There's no room for negotiation here...I told you what needs to be done, and you're going to do it. I reached out to you to bring you back into the fold...to save you from that sham marriage, and this is how you respond? Maybe I should've just forgotten all about you...I should've just let you rot—"
Pulling the phone from my ear and pressing the end button, his voice cut off before he could finish.
In the sudden silence, my heart pounded, but the absence of his usual tirade was immediately calming.
Taking a breath, I let go of that tension in my body and sat in that moment. It was a slight victory, at least.
I didn't know how much time had passed since I went outside, but the sun moved closer to the horizon as bright, warm colors splayed across the sky above.
Taking in how beautiful the sunset was, wishing I could capture that sight for myself, I tried to forget about everything...Olivia, my brother, the pregnancy...
But the door closing behind me broke that quiet reverie. He approached with a few measured steps until he stood beside me.
I half expected Ivan to sit, but he stayed standing with his hands in his pockets. He forced out a breath but kept his eyes on the palm trees ahead of us.
"When I first met you in Mexico, I knew I had to have you..." Ivan began, voice quiet and gentler than usual. "I thought you were the most beautiful creature I had ever seen...and the more I was around you, I learned you were intelligent, too. Sharp enough to keep up with me. Even if I came on a bit strong, I didn't care. I just wanted to see you...to have you as my own."
Unable to look up at him yet, I kept my gaze cast down on the pool while he continued.
"Then everything came out and I felt betrayed knowing the person you pretended to be was all a lie. Knowing I had been played and strung along just like Olivia, I was hurt more than I cared to admit. So much so that I wanted revenge. I wanted you to hurt psychologically so that you knew just how badly you scarred me."
I shrunk in my place slightly, feeling like he poured salt in the wound. Every reminder of what I did burned.
After a brief pocket of quiet, Ivan sighed. "But then I found myself feeling even more miserable from tormenting you. I realized it wasn't good for me to hang on to that grudge, and somehow, you got through my defenses. You reminded me of that woman back in Mexico, and while I wanted nothing more than to get back to that time, I knew we could only move forward. And now, I don't see you as Zoey. I don't even want Zoey anymore..."
Surprised by his words, I glanced up at him to find the sincerity written in his features.
With conviction in his eyes, Ivan looked down at me. "You're Daria—someone new that I've come to adore even more."
I could've broken down right then and there...
My expression softened at the sentiment, and I wanted to express the same in return, but the guilt of everything still sat so heavily on my chest.
Instead, I took a deep breath and collected myself before murmuring, "There's something I need to tell you..."
His rapt attention solidified that I was about to confess about my brother contacting me, but I didn't let the fear sway me.
He needed to know.
Because I wouldn't return to Rurik with my tail between my legs.