Chapter 16 - Nikita
At first, I'm determined not to let him near me. I don't care if I'm dying, I don't want anything from him. I think his fake kindness is only another manipulation. Another way to get what he wants out of me.
But when he speaks with such tenderness, and he touches me so gently, I can't help but read sincerity into his actions.
I take the pills and drink the water, grateful because I desperately needed them but couldn't find the strength to get up and fetch anything.
Bardil pulls me against his chest and gently coaxes me to rest my cheek on him.
Sighing, I can't deny that I need this. I need this care. I'm feeling so utterly broken and alone, and the past few days have been the worst days of my life.
I'm scared to let my heart think he's kind, but I can't help it.
And right now, it doesn't matter. I'm too sick.
It started this morning. I woke up with my stomach churning. I hardly made it out of bed as I stumbled dizzy toward the bathroom and vomited until there was nothing left in me.
Even though there was nothing to throw up anymore, it didn't stop my body from trying over and over again for the next few hours until I was so exhausted I couldn't move.
Sweating and shivering, I lay in bed all day, wishing someone would come and save me from whatever virus I caught.
In all honesty, I forgot that I'd locked my door.
When Bardil broke it open, I thought he'd be furious. But he wasn't.
The moment he saw me, he only had gentle words and a soft touch.
I fall asleep in his arms, and when I wake up a few hours later, I'm shocked to find he's still holding me.
He's got the book from my bedside table open and he's reading quietly. When I stir and open my eyes, he immediately sets it down.
"How are you feeling?" he asks, brushing hair from my eyes and tucking it behind my ears.
"A bit better," I say, sitting up slowly.
He helps me, guiding me with his hands until I'm up against the pillows again.
"Do you want something to eat?" he asks, brows raised.
I'm about to say no, but to my surprise, my stomach tightens with hunger.
I nod. "Yes, something simple, maybe?"
"Toast? Pasta? I can order anything if you want something specific?"
"Um. Maybe a pizza with nothing on it?"
He chuckles and furrows his brows. "Do you mean a Margherita?"
"Yuck, no. I mean the one without sauce. Just a little cheese, olive oil, garlic, and salt?"
"The white pizza, ok. The starter?" he asks.
"Yes," I nod. "Oh, with mushrooms and feta maybe?"
"I'll order one right now. And something to drink?"
I shake my head. "Water is fine, thank you," I reply.
Bardil moves to the edge of my bed to stand up, but he pauses.
He turns toward me again and reaches out to cup his hand over my cheek.
Then he leans close and kisses my forehead.
It's such a tender thing to do, and it catches me completely off guard.
My heart warms, despite the warnings rushing through me.
I smile.
His face lights up, and his smile is radiant.
"I'll be back in a moment," he grins.
While he's gone, I wait with my eyes closed. I can't believe how exhausted I am. The last time I caught a virus was almost two years ago, and I think I slept three days straight. It was after I ate at a popular sushi restaurant with my family. I guess it can happen anywhere.
This virus seems to have come out of nowhere. I didn't even leave the house. Maybe it was stress. My body was probably run down from stress.
Bardil pops his head into my room, leaning around the doorframe. "Can I tap you a bath? The pizza is going to take half an hour," he says.
"Sure, I think I sweated through the blankets. But my body still feels very shaky… "
"Don't worry, I'll help you. But I think you'll feel better afterward. Fresh sheets, fresh pajamas, and some food in your tummy. Do you want bubbles or essential oils? Maybe peppermint to help settle your stomach?"
I giggle quietly. "How do you know about essential oils?"
He throws me a half smile. "A man can't give away all of his secrets," he teases.
"Oils," I smile, wishing my heart would calm down.
When the bath is ready, Bardil comes to my bed and lifts me out of it. Cradling me in his arms, he carries me to the bathroom. It smells amazing and the peppermint scent immediately soothes me. He sets me down on my feet and holds me until I'm steady.
"You can… um… go now," I say, biting my lip.
"No, I said I'll help you. Don't worry, I'll be a gentleman."
My cheeks flush pink as heat rushes to my face.
Bardil takes the edges of my t-shirt and slowly pulls them up over my head. I blush even more, cupping my arm over my breasts. It doesn't matter that he's seen everything already.
That was so different. It was in the heat of a very intense moment. Now I'm standing in the bathroom in very bright light, utterly exposed. "It's super bright in here," I grumble, embarrassed that he can see every flaw and every freckle.
"Hang on," he mutters, walking out. The lights dim to a soft orange glow. I wiggle out of my shorts and am stepping into the bath when he comes back in.
"Kita, I told you to wait," he huffs, rushing to my side. His hands steady me just as I'm about to lose my balance.
"Gosh," I gasp, shocked at how weak I am.
He holds me around my waist and lowers me into the tub. Warm water embraces me, and I sink down into it and close my eyes.
Bardil sits behind the bath and rubs his hands over my shoulders and around the back of my neck, kneading his fingers into my muscles. I groan with pleasure, and my cheeks flush pinker than before.
"Is this too hot?" he asks, his breath warm against my cheek.
"No, it's perfect," I murmur.
He manages the tension away, and I'm almost falling asleep again when he says, "Lower yourself into the water. I'll wash your hair for you."
I've never had someone wash my hair for me. I mean, apart from a professional hairdresser. I never realized how intimate it was. How erotic.
His fingers send shivers of delight through my body as he lathers the shampoo into my long hair. He massages my scalp and has goose bumps spreading over my arms.
"Can you sit forward?" he asks, running his hand down my back. I let him push me forward and rest my chin on my bent knees while he uses the bath shower to rinse my hair.
Then he conditions it, again working slowly and gently, as though I were a fragile bird, and he was my caretaker.
When he's done, he rinses my hair again, and I'm no longer feeling shy or exposed. I'm too relaxed, too turned on by his touch.
"Relax for a minute. I'll be right back," he whispers.
I don't know if I doze off or not, but it feels like he's only gone for a second before his voice pulls me from my thoughts again.
He helps me stand and wraps a fluffy white towel around my body, then lifts me from the bath.
Bardil turns me away from him and wraps a towel around my hair as well, then takes my hand and leads me back to bed.
On the bed is a fresh set of comfy clothes.
The bed has been made with clean sheets and different blankets.
My pillows are plumped, and the windows are wide open to let out all the stuffy air.
I don't even know when he had time to do this.
I sit on the edge of the bed, and he feeds my feet into the sweatpants, then stands me to pull them up over my hips.
His phone chimes, and he pauses to read the message. "The pizza is here. Get straight into bed, ok? I'll be back now."
I nod, pulling the t-shirt over my head and finally not feeling so completely naked.
I crawl onto the bed and pull the blankets aside, and Bardil disappears.
Dammit, this is really difficult.
I don't want to need him or be attracted to him.
But his quiet, gentle nature is everything to me right now.
I sigh, closing my eyes for a moment with my head leaning against the headboard.
"Oops," I sit up, realizing how wet my hair is and how it's soaking through the pillow.
I grab the towel and start squeezing my hair. It shows how distracted I am.
But also how tired I am.
Bardil comes back carrying two boxes of pizza and more water.
He eyes the hairdryer on my dresser. Setting the pizza down, he goes to fetch it.
"Sit with your back to me while you eat," he says, coaxing me around. "I don't want you to sleep with wet hair.
If I thought washing my hair was an intimate experience, then drying it is a whole different level. I can't even try and eat with his fingers playing through my hair as he fluffs it out and patiently blow-dries it.
When he's finished, he brushes carefully, then turns me to rest against the headboard again.
"Do you feel better?" he asks, setting the pizza box on my lap again.
"So much better," I murmur sleepily.
"You're still very pale, but at least your cheeks have a little rose to them," he smiles, sitting down next to me.
I open the pizza box and lift out a slice. My stomach grumbles as I take a bite.
My body is still unsure about eating, but I chew slowly with my eyes closed.
Bardil chats while he eats.
"My sister went through a phase where she only wanted to use one hundred percent natural products.
It made it impossible to buy her anything, and she became so fussy that we stopped shopping for her.
I don't know if it was because of a great cause, or just some idea she had in her head, but she got so obsessed with it that she started making her own shampoo and soaps and things. "
I listen to him, hearing the smile in his voice even though my eyes are closed.
"The whole house would smell of lavender or peppermint. Sometimes lemon and Ylang Ylang. I never liked the smell of Ylang Ylang."
"So, that's your secret," I giggle.
"Peppermint, on the other hand, was a scent I really enjoyed. I liked it so much she bought me one of those oil burner things. Do you know what I'm talking about?"
"I do," I say.
He pauses, peering into my pizza box. "Try and eat one more slice, little rabbit, you're doing so well."