Chapter 18 - Nikita
Finding out that I'm pregnant has changed everything.
It's a beautiful sunny day, and I'm roaming around the garden with a head full of thoughts. Barefoot on the lush green grass, I feel the earth beneath my feet and walk toward the fence that leads out onto the private beach.
I don't walk past it. I stand, leaning against it, watching the waves while the security guards watch me.
I admit that in the first few days, I felt nothing but numb shock toward my discovery.
Pregnant. It seemed like a bad joke. Some cruel twist to make an already difficult situation ten times worse.
I pushed it aside and decided, in some ways, to ignore it.
But at the same time, I was already working toward the most important goal. I need to get on Bardil's good side.
It's been a few days since I found out about my baby, and my efforts to win Bardil over are going well. I still don't know how he sees me, or what he sees me as. Just a prisoner? A temporary moment in his life?
Eventually, I hope that he will see me as something more. Because when I tell him about the baby, I hope for him to be happy and even to want to be a part of our baby's life.
If not, then I can only hope that he will be gentle and let me go home without harming the baby or me.
Somehow, in my heart, I have no fear of him harming either of us.
I've seen who he really is. And sure, sometimes he can be a real asshole. Selfish and cruel. But it's in defense due to the hurt he's felt in his life. It's not who he is. I see through that shield.
Unfortunately, no matter how well I do at winning him over, the key to everything is going to be resolving the animosity between him and my family.
How else will my baby have a good life?
At least I'm confident my family will be willing to talk.
I'm certain my brothers and my sister will be open and reasonable.
It's Bardil I'm worried about. He's so full of anger.
Anger that he's held onto for longer than he should have.
He needs someone to blame, someone to take it out on.
I think he believes that it's the only way to release the anger. Revenge.
Somehow, and I have no idea how, I have to convince him that there are other ways to be free of it.
I have to figure it out for my family. And for my baby. I'm doing all of this for them.
My heart tightens at the thought. Yes, it is for them.
It's because you're falling for Bardil. At least be honest with yourself.
I scoff at my own intrusive thought. What a silly idea. I'm not falling for him.
Waves crash closer than usual. The tide is high. It must be full moon soon.
I giggle to myself and say out loud to the ocean, "The full moon always makes me a little crazy. I'm obviously losing my mind if I think I'm falling for Bardil."
I laugh again, but it's not as convincing as I would've liked.
My heart is pulling tighter.
It can't be true. No. It isn't true.
Conversation over.
It's not true, and that's all there is to it.
Pushing away from the fencing, I turn my back on the ocean and walk toward the house.
Bardil is standing on the patio, watching me with a gorgeous smile spread over his beautiful face. My heart somersaults.
"Hi, beautiful," he grins, his eyes bright and playful.
"Hi, you. Are you spying on me?" I tease.
He walks down the steps toward me. "Were you talking to the ocean?" he muses. "What secrets were you telling the waves?"
He slips his arm around my waist as we walk back to the patio. "What I discuss with the ocean is between me and the ocean, and you should know when to mind your own business," I grin, trying my best to sound serious, but failing horribly.
"Oh, well, I do apologize. Of course, I shouldn't even have asked. How rude of me," he says sternly, hiding his smile.
"The sunset is going to be gorgeous tonight. With all these fluffy clouds in the sky," I ponder, looking back to the horizon.
Bardil nods, "That's why I had the chef prepare us a special dinner that we can eat out on the patio. It's the perfect evening for it. What do you think?"
"Really? That sounds wonderful. I love eating outside. It always feels like an extra adventure. Like a picnic, but at a table," I grin.
This remark makes Bardil laugh, and his eyes drift over me in thoughtful silence.
"You really are something… " he mutters.
"Something disastrous? Something else? Something impossible to deal with," I start guessing.
"Just something." He winks at me, and instantly my heart is in my throat and beating like a million wild horses running at full speed.
Dammit, Kita. It was just a freaking wink.
"Would you like to take a seat, and I'll have the chef start bringing out our dinner?" He pulls a chair out for me, and I sit down, enjoying the special treatment.
Bardil disappears for a moment, then returns to sit with me.
He chooses the seat right next to me this time instead of opposite me.
He even shifts it so that it's close enough for our legs to be touching beneath the table.
He brushes his hand over my thighs and quietly says, "This is nice, isn't it? "
The question sinks deeper than it should.
It feels like he's saying more than just those simple words.
I sigh softly and nod. "This is nice," I agree, then tear my eyes off him to look at the ocean because if I look at him any longer, my heart is going to start going on again about how I'm falling for him.
The chef brings out an ocean platter. Lobster, fresh-caught line fish, prawns, crispy potato wedges, fresh, crisp salad, and an assortment of butter, lemon, and garlic sauces.
It looks and smells incredible, and I'm relieved it's not sushi or some kind of food I'd have to make an excuse to not eat because of the pregnancy.
As far as I know, as long as the seafood is cooked, it's safe.
You should tell him about the baby.
No. It's not the right time. This can't be rushed.
I point to the things I want, and Bardil puts them on a plate for me. He laughs when I get icked out by lobster and prawn shells and steps in to pull the meaty bits out for me, so I don't have to touch anything.
He teases me about it, but doesn't hesitate to save me from my dilemma.
Across the ocean, the sunset is neon orange and the pinkest pink I've ever seen. It's gorgeous. My heart is happy. Everything about this moment is perfect.
The problem is that each moment I share with him…
the sunset dinner, the leftover peppermint tarts afterward, even the lasagna dinner the night before…
It's all special. Too special. I'm reading into things in ways that I shouldn't be, and no matter how much I tell myself it's in my head…
I can't help thinking there is something real growing between us.
Naive, silly hope.
But hope nonetheless. It's there even if I don't want to admit it.
The only time the hope dwindles is when I try to bring up my family or his. He gets avoidant and elusive. Either shutting down and growing quiet or blatantly changing the subject.
How am I going to ever tell him about the baby if I can't get him to look past this anger?
At night we lie in bed together, watching series or talking until one of us falls asleep. In the mornings, I wake up snuggled next to him, wrapped in his arms or with my legs tangled through his. How can something feel so genuine, yet terrifying?
"I have to go out this morning, little rabbit," he groans, his voice deep and husky from sleep. "But I was thinking… Tomorrow I have the whole day free, and we should go somewhere?"
"Really? I'd love to. Another adventure?" I ask, lifting my head to look up at him.
"Another adventure. I've already got something in mind," he grins.
"Why do I have a feeling you're not going to tell me what it is?" I narrow my eyes at him.
"I'll tell you. But only because I know you're going to be really excited about it and it'll give you something to look forward to," he chuckles.
My brows shoot up, and my smile grows wider. "How do you know me so well?" I laugh.
"There is a very popular market that happens once a year in Miami.
It's so big that the event takes up the whole city garden.
There are hundreds of stalls. Homemade art, foods, pastries, skin care products, clothes, books…
You name it… It's there. Even vintage and thrift things.
My sister loves it. She's dragged me there a few times. I thought maybe you'd enjoy it too?"
My eyes are already virtually popping out of my skull with excitement.
"Are you serious? I would never in my entire life be able to convince my brothers to take me to a place like that. They'd hate it. Are you really taking me there?" I ask, bubbling over with excitement.
"Yes," he laughs. "I actually really enjoy that type of thing," he explains.
"You're right. I'm going to be excited all day and all night and looking forward to it," I grin.
"Good. I'm glad I told you then. I was thinking we might find some pretty dresses for you there. Something unique and special that suits you." He throws the blankets off. "But for now, I have to get going."
I snuggle deeper into the bed. "I think I'll stay here a little while longer," I say, my voice muffled against the pillow.
"Sure, rub it in, you lazy little rabbit," he laughs.
***
I only climb out of bed an hour later. My stomach wasn't too happy with me earlier, but I managed to sleep a bit more and skip over today's morning sickness. Thank goodness it hasn't been anywhere near as those first two days. I don't know how I would've been able to hide that from him.
Walking lazily through the house, I wander out onto the patio with a cup of tea to sit and watch the ocean.
On the patio table, I catch sight of a walkie-talkie and a cell phone.
It must belong to one of the guards.
My heart skips two full beats as I reach out and touch the phone.
There is a tag attached to the walkie-talkie. "Brenton," I mutter.
He went off shift about twenty minutes ago when they rotated teams. He must have left this behind.
My heart leaps. A phone.
And he won't be looking for it until tomorrow.
I grab the items and run back into the house, forgetting about my tea.
In my room, I sit on my bed and hold the phone with shaking hands. It's not even locked. The guards use it on their shifts, and it's essentially a throwaway phone with nothing on it but the ability to send and receive calls.
And I know exactly who I want to call.
But what if each call is logged on a system somewhere? What if Bardil is notified the moment I press dial?
It's a risk I'm going to have to take. I won't have this phone for long, and I have to grab this opportunity.
My heart races as I dial her number.
Each digit lights up on the screen until they are all neatly lined up and waiting for me to press send.
I press it.
It starts ringing, and I sit in disbelief. I almost thought it wouldn't work.
"Hello?"
Her voice comes through the line, and I almost drop the phone. My beautiful sister. It feels like forever since I spoke to her.
"Valery?" I say, my throat tight.
"Who is this?"
I swallow hard and try again.
"Val, it's Kit. It's me," I say.
A loud gasp comes through the line and a squeal of excitement.
"Where are you? Are you ok? Are you hurt?" she blurts out.
"I'm fine. I'm… really, honestly fine. But listen, I don't have a lot of time."
"Talk to me, Kit. What can I do?" she says.
I take a deep breath, then start explaining my situation.
The more I talk, the more I surprise myself.
I tell her about how I think I'm falling for him and how I'm terrified of getting hurt.
I even tell her about the baby and beg her, pleading with all my heart, that she doesn't breathe a word of it to anyone.
Valery listens patiently, and the silence on the other end of the line starts to worry me.
"Val?" I ask, after a while.
"Sweetie, I actually know exactly how you feel. I'm so sorry you've been going through all of this alone."
"Really?" I stammer.
"Really. I'm so tired of all this fighting. It's unnecessary and pointless. It needs to end. I won't tell anyone, but we need to fix this. We need to find a way to get our brothers to talk to Bardil so this can be resolved."
"I know… but how?"
She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "I might need to tell one person," she says.
"Who?"
"Talia. With his sister on board, we have a better chance," she explains.
After a moment of consideration, I agree.
"Actually, he's taking me out tomorrow. To a market. He said that Talia loves to go, and it might be the perfect place for us to bump into her… "
We plan for twenty minutes, deciding how this all might be possible. Talia coming back into Bardil's life can be the first step to showing him that his family isn't against him—and neither is mine. It's a gentle attempt to get him to open himself to new possibilities.
After that, phase two will kick in, and as scary as it is, I'm eager to get it over with so we leave all of this drama behind us.
When my call with Valery ends, I switch off the phone and hide it under my mattress with the walkie-talkie. Hopefully, he'll just think he lost it and grab a new set. I might need it again.
For the rest of the day, I'm anxiously excited. This might actually work. This might be the beginning of the end of all the negative things happening.
I might even dare to have real hope that Bardil and I could be something more than just secretly growing closer. My whole life will change if this plan works!