Chapter 21 #2
“Why does loving me scare you?”
“Because loving you means trusting you with everything I am and everything I want to become.” I press my palms against his chest, feeling his heartbeat under my hands. “It means trusting you with my life and my heart when I’ve never trusted anyone that completely before, not even my father.”
He rests his forehead against mine, and his breath wafts against my lips when he speaks. “I love you too, so much that the thought of losing you makes me want to leave this world behind and take you somewhere safe.”
“Will you leave it behind?” The question slips out before I can stop it, even though we both know what the answer has to be.
“No.” His honesty cuts through me like a blade, but I’m grateful for it because at least he’s not trying to lie to make this easier.
“I can’t walk away from the Bratva or the responsibilities that came with my name and my inheritance, but I can change what it means to be a Belsky.
I can make it into something our children could inherit with pride instead of shame. ”
“Our children?” The phrase makes my heart skip a beat.
“Eventually, when this war with the Federoffs is over and we’ve built something stable enough to raise a family, I want children with you.
” He slides his hands down to my shoulders, steadying me when I sway slightly.
“If that’s what you want. Do you want a future with me that’s about more than just honoring a contract our fathers signed? ”
I surge forward and capture his mouth with mine in a kiss that tastes like tears, desperation, and hope all tangled up in a need that makes rational thought impossible.
He responds immediately, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against his chest while he presses his mouth against mine with increasing urgency.
This kiss is different from any before it. It’s honest, hungry, and full of everything we’ve been too afraid to say out loud since the night we consummated our marriage in that hotel room.
When we break apart, we’re both breathing hard. Tigran’s hands are tangled in my hair, and I can feel his heart hammering against his ribs where I’m pressed against him.
“I don’t know how to do this.” I press my face against his throat, breathing in the scent of him that’s become as necessary as air. “I don’t know how to love you without losing myself completely in the process.”
“You won’t lose yourself with me.” He tightens his arms around me, and his voice carries absolute conviction. “You’re too strong for that, along with being too stubborn and brilliant to ever disappear into someone else’s life.”
“Am I?” I pull back to look at him, searching his face for any hint of doubt. “Right now, I’m coming apart at the seams, like everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong.”
“You’re not coming apart. You’re letting yourself be vulnerable with someone who’ll protect that vulnerability instead of exploiting it.
” Tigran’s thumb traces the curve of my cheek, and his touch is so gentle it makes my throat tight.
“That’s not weakness, Zita. That’s courage most people never find. ”
“I’m terrified of what happens next.” The admission slips out before I can stop it.
“What terrifies you most?”
“This. Us. What happens when we leave this cabin to go back to Chicago and have to navigate the real world instead of hiding away from it.” I gesture toward the windows, where I can see the shadows of armed guards moving through the trees.
“Whether what we have here can survive when there are enemies trying to kill us and family obligations pulling us in different directions.”
“It will survive because what we have isn’t based on convenience or what other people want from us.
” His voice carries certainty that makes me want to believe him.
“It’s based on choice, and I choose you, Zita.
Every day, in every situation, against every threat and obstacle and enemy, I choose you. ”
The words unlock something inside me that I’ve been holding closed since my father died, or maybe even since my mother walked away and left me with the understanding that people leave when things get difficult.
“I choose you too.” The words come out fiercely sure, surprising even me with their strength. “It terrifies me, and I don’t know what comes next or how we’ll survive it, I choose you.”
This time when he kisses me, I let myself fall into it completely, trusting he’ll catch me even as I give him the power to destroy me.
He slides his hands under my shirt, and I arch into his touch as electricity shoots through my entire system.
“I need you.” The words slip out against his lips, raw with desperation.
“I need to feel alive again and to remember what it’s like to be something other than afraid and angry and broken. ”
I reach for the buttons of his shirt, and my fingers are surprisingly steady despite the trembling in my hands. “I need you because I love you, and I want to choose joy and pleasure instead of grief and fear, even if the world outside this cabin is still dangerous.”
He captures my hands, stilling my movements with gentle pressure. “Not just tonight. I want this to mean something more than comfort or distraction.”
“Forever.” The word comes out without hesitation, surprising me with how right it feels. “I want forever with you, for as long as forever lasts in a world like ours.”
Something shifts in his expression, and suddenly, we’re moving with desperate urgency.
His shirt hits the floor, followed by mine, and his hands explore every inch of exposed skin with touches that make me shiver and arch against him.
The scars from our recent battles mark both our bodies—the healing bullet wound on his shoulder, the cuts on my arms from the glass at the restaurant—but instead of making us feel fragile, they remind us that we survived, we’re here, and choosing each other.
“You’re so beautiful.” He traces the line of my collarbone with his lips, his breath warm against my skin. “So fierce and intelligent and perfect for me.”
“I’m not perfect.” I tip back my head, giving him better access to my throat while my hands explore the planes of his chest. “I’m angry and stubborn and probably damaged in more ways than I can count.”
“Perfect for me.” His teeth graze my pulse point, and the sensation sends heat shooting straight down to my pussy. “Every angry, stubborn, damaged piece of you is exactly what I want and love.”
We make our way to the bedroom without breaking contact, hands exploring and mouths tasting as we shed the rest of our clothing piece by piece.
When we fall onto the bed together, skin against skin with nothing between us, I feel like I’m coming home for the first time in my life.
“I love you.” I whisper the words against his chest, tasting salt, warmth, and the steady beat of his heart beneath my lips.
“I love you too.” He tangles his hands in my hair as I work my way down his body, following the trail of dark hair that leads from his chest to his abdomen. “More than I ever thought I was capable of loving anyone.”
When I take his cock into my mouth, he groans deeply in his throat and his hips buck involuntarily off the mattress.
I love the way he responds to my touch, the way his careful control dissolves when I use my tongue and lips to drive him to the edge of his restraint.
He’s thick and hard against my tongue, and the taste is salty, masculine, and completely addictive.
“Zita.” My name comes out strangled and desperate as I hollow my cheeks and take him deeper. “I need to be inside you. I need to feel you around me.”
I release his cock with a soft pop and move back up his body, settling myself astride his hips so that his cock rests against my wet slit. The position puts me in control, and I see the trust in his eyes as he lets me set the pace.
When I sink down onto him slowly, we both cry out at the sensation. He fills me completely, stretching me in ways that border on overwhelming as my body adjusts to accommodate his girth once again. For a moment, we’re both perfectly still, lost in the intensity of the connection.
“Move.” He grips my hips, but he doesn’t try to control my rhythm. “Please.”
I begin to rock against him, slowly at first as I find the angle that feels best, then with increasing urgency as the friction builds heat between us.
He watches my face with an intensity that makes me feel exposed and cherished at the same time, roaming his hands over my breasts, stomach, and hips like he’s trying to memorize every inch of me.
“You feel incredible.” His voice is rough with need as I change the angle slightly, taking him even deeper.
“So do you.” The words come out breathlessly as I find the perfect spot that makes stars burst behind my eyelids. “I was made for you, you were made for me, and everything that happened before this was just waiting.”
He sits up suddenly, changing our position so that we’re chest to chest, still intimately connected but able to kiss and touch more freely. The new angle allows his cock to plunge deeper, letting me feel him everywhere as we move together.
“I want to watch you fall apart in my arms.” He brushes his lips against my ear as he speaks, and his breath is hot against my skin. “I want to see you lose control because you trust me enough to let go completely.”
“I trust you with everything.” I wrap my arms around his shoulders, using the leverage to increase the pace of our movements while his cock slides in and out of my slick channel. “With my body and my heart and my life.”
The tension builds between us like a storm gathering strength, every thrust and kiss and whispered endearment bringing us closer to the edge of something that feels bigger than physical pleasure.
When he reaches between our bodies to find my clit, the added stimulation makes me gasp and arch against him.
“Come with me.” He works the sensitive bundle of nerves with perfect pressure while his cock continues to fill me again and again. “Let go with me and let me feel you come apart around me.”
The combination of his touch and the rhythm of our bodies joining pushes me over the edge with devastating force. I come apart in his arms with his name on my lips, my entire body shuddering as my pussy clenches around his cock and pleasure tears through me like lightning.
He follows seconds later, his own climax triggering as my muscles clamp down around him. He buries his face in my throat, muffling his groan against my skin as he empties his cock inside me with deep, pulsing thrusts that make me gasp.
Afterward, we lie tangled together in the darkness, hearts still racing and skin slick with sweat. Neither of us speaks for a long time, content to exist in this moment of perfect connection, where nothing else matters except the feeling of being completely known and accepted.
I lift my head to look at him. “Promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“Promise me that no matter what, you’ll never give up on us.” I trace the line of his jaw with my fingertip. “Promise me that when things get difficult or dangerous and complicated, you’ll choose to fight for what we have instead of protecting yourself from it.”
“I promise.” He brings my hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to my palm. “I promise I’ll fight for us until my last breath, and I’ll choose you over everything else that doesn’t matter.”
“Good.” I settle back against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. “I’m going to hold you to that promise.”
“I’m counting on it.” Tigran’s fingers resume their soothing strokes through my hair. “I’m counting on you to keep me honest, to challenge me when I’m wrong, and to remind me what I’m fighting for when the world gets dark and dangerous.”
“I can do that.” I press a kiss to his chest, right over his heart. “I can be your partner instead of your possession.”
“You already are.” His voice is soft with sleep and satisfaction. “You’ve been exactly what I needed since the moment you walked into my life and refused to be anyone other than who you are.”
As I drift off in his arms, I realize all over again, like it’s new information, that I love this man who was supposed to be my enemy.
I love him enough to trust him with my heart and my life, and somehow, impossibly, he loves me back the same way.
In a world where love is often the most dangerous weakness you can have, we’re going to make it a strength instead.